Parents who say that they are living in 21st century and are also the people of 21st century [i.e. – open minded] are actually not of 21st century if they actually sit and think about it.
When the matter comes to marriage about their daughter, and when the daughter says that “I have someone in my life and I want to marry that person and he is not of same cast as we are”, they will start with their 17th centuries crap dialogues like,
“We have a good reputation in the SAMAJ”
“We will not accept any other samaj’s guy in our SAMAJ”
“We will cut off relation with you if you marry that guy”
“We have done so much for you and you are showing us this day”
“Our SAMAJ will not accept this and not even us”
“we care about our SAMAJS happiness and our reputation that we have earned since so many years”, and so many other giant statements that are totally stodgy.
Here is a story of a girl Sweety & Rohit her Love ,who is facing this problem these days.
The girl Sweety is from a gujarati family, after 23 years when her parents started finding a perfect Guy for her marriage, she had to tell her parents that “I am in love with someone and I want to marry that guy and will not be happy with anyone else, and I want your blessings for this”.
knowing that her parents are orthodox and will not accept this, her first problem was how to keep this statement in front of her parents so that it does not create a bad impression of her guy in front of them, first thing she did was she called her few close friends & Rohit at her place for lunch on a Sunday so that her parents see Rohit at least as a friend, so that when she talks to her parents about him, they have idea who is this guy she is talking about.
After showing him, now she had to talk to her parents, she decided a Sunday will be better when both of her parents are at home together so that she can talk to both of them, this is how she kept her point in front of them –
She went in her parents room, said “I WANT TO TALK TO YOU SOMETHING IMPORTANT “, they said “YES” she first asked them … YOU KNOW MY FRIEND Rohit .. They said YES..Then she asked them YOU HAVE MET HIM, ALSO HAD SOME CONVERSATION..SO AFTER THAT WHAT DO U THINK, HOW IS HE, I MEAN WHAT KIND OF A GUY IS HE, WHAT DO U THINK HIS FAMILY IS LIKE ? .. THEY replied WE DONT KNOW … she said STILL.. They said NO IDEA…
Then she said OK, THE THING I WANTED TO TELL YOU IS, SOME TIME BACK ROHIT HAD PROPOSED ME FOR MARRIAGE, BUT I HAVE NOT YET SAID YES TO HIM, AND ALSO I HAVE NOT SAID NO.. BECAUSE EVEN I LIKE HIM , AND BEFORE SAYING YES TO HIM I WANTED YOU TO KNOW ABOUT THIS AND I WANTED EVEN YOU TO ACCEPT HIM ,AND I KNOW AND HAVE FULL CONFIDENCE THAT HE WILL KEEP ME HAPPY ALWAYS.
Then her father said IN THIS CASE I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO ACCEPT HIM, ITS NOT POSSIBLE, I WILL NEVER SAY YES FOR THIS, WE WONT SHOUT AT YOU NOT EVEN FORCE YOU, ITS YOUR LIFE, ITS YOUR DECITION, YOU HAVE TO THINK WHAT YOU WANT, IF YOU ONLY WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY THN YOU DO EVERYTHING ON YOUR OWN, I WILL NEVER SUPPORT YOU.. I WILL ALSO NOT DO LIKE WHAT OTHERS DO, I WILL NOT SUPPORT YOU,I WILL NOT KEEP RELATION LIKE OTHER KEPT WITH THRS DAUGHERS FAMILY ..I WILL DO WHAT I THINK IS GOOD.. MY DECISION WILL BE THE SAME…
Then she asked him IF HE WAS OF OUR CAST THN U COULD HAVE SAID YES NA ?.. he said YES, then he said BUT I WILL NOT ACCEPT THIS BECAUSE HE IS NOT IN OUR CAST, then he said WHEN WE HAD GOT A PROPOSAL FOR MY YOUNGER BROTHERS MARRIAGE, THEY WERE GIVING LOT OF GOLD AND MONEY , I SAID NO BECAUSE THEY WERE NOT IN OUR COMMUNITY,PEOPLE BLAMED ME THEY SAID THAT BECAUSE MY YONGER BROTHER IS GETTING SOMUCH GOLD AND ALL THTS WHY I AM SAYING NO, BUT STILL I SAID NO MEANS NO, AND REJECTED THAT PROPOSAL, IF I CAN NOT ACCEPT THT , THN THIS IS WAY BEYOND..THIS GUY IS NOT EVEN IN OUR CAST, COMMUNITY IS A DIFFERENT QUESTION…. SO I WILL NOT ACCEPT IT, I WONT BE ABLE TO ACCEPT IT… STILL I AM TELLING YOU IF YOU THINK YOUR HAPPINESS IS MORE IMPORTANT THN OTHERS THN YOU CAN DO IT ON YOUR OWN, thenÂ she said U THINK IF I WILL MARRY A GUY WHICH U SHOW ME ?WHAT WILL YOU D OWHEN I AM NOT HAPPY WITH THE GUY YOU SHOW ME ? WILL YOU BE HAPPY? … he saidÂ THTS WHT I AM TELLING YOU.. YOU WILL MARRY THIS GUY AND ONLY U WILL BE HAPPY NOT OTHERS…I WILL NOT ACCEPT THIS EVER, AND IF YOUR MOM SAYS YES THN I WILL GIVE EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE TO YOU AND YOUR MOM ANDÂ WILL LEAVE THIS PLACE AND THEN YOU DO WHAT EVER YOU WANT, I WILL MAKE MY OWN NEW WORLD IN SOME OTHER CITY OR COUNTRY,DONT EVER EVEN TRY TO FIND ME THEN, YOU TALK TO YOUR MOM, AND SEE WHAT SHE SAYS.. IT’S NO FROM ME… NOW IT ALL DEPENDS ON YOUR MOM…
And her mother didn’t want to say any thing as she was also against this…
After 2 days she again went to them and started talking
She ASKED I HAD TOLD YOU BOTH ABOUT ROHIT, AND I AM SURE YOU BOTH MUST HAVE DISCUSSED ABOUT IT.
Her father said, YES.
She said” SO WHAT YOU HAVE DECIDED?”
Then her father started
I HAVE ALREADY TOLD U THT ITS NOT POSSIBLE, I M AGAINST IT, AND IA M NEVER GONNA SAY YES FOR THIS, I HAVE DONE SO MUCH MEHNAT NOT JUST TO SEE THIS DAY, I HAVE TAKEN LOTS OF PAIN NOT FOR THIS DAY, I AM NOT GOING TO SAY YES .. YOU FORGET IT, AND IF YOU WANT TO DO THIS, THN I ALREADY HAD TOLD YOU, YOU ARE FREE TO DO. I WILL NOT SUPPORT YOU AT ALL.I WILL NOT LET MY STATUS RUIN LIKE THIS.. I WILL NEVER LET MY SAMAJ SAY A WORD FOR ME…
She told him, FATHER, NOT LOOKING AT YOUR AND YOUR DAUGHTERS HAPPINESS YOU HAVE MORE IMPORTANCE FOR JUST A WORD? THAT IS YOUR SURNAME?.
He said, YES… I DONT CARE ABOUT ANY THING ELSE, I CARE ABOUT MY AND MY SAMAJ’S HAPPINESS.. I WILL NEVER LET ANY ONE ELSE TO ENTER IN MY SAMAJ AND ALSO WONT SEND MY DAUGHTER TO ANY OTHER SAMAJ.
She told him WHT IF I MARRY YOUR SAMAJ’S GUY AND I FACE ANY PROBLEM IN FUTURE, YOU THINK YOUR SAMAJ IS GOING TO HELP ME?
He said, THIS IS ALL YOUR BRAINS THING, NOTHING AS SUCH IS GOING TO HAPPEN, THOUSANS OF PEOPLE GET MARRIED NOTHING HAPPEND TO THEM AND YOU THINK YOU WILL GET A PROBLEM.
She said, WHAT IF IT HAPPENS TO ME?
He said ITS ALL IN YOUR BRAIN AND YOU ARE MAKING YOUR STORIES TO CONVINCE US.. YOU JUST FORGET IT…
ITS ALL UP TO YOU, YOU DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT, FOR ME MY AND MY SAMAJ’S HAPPINESS IS EVERYONE’S HAPPINESS, THT’S IT. I HAVE DONE LOTS OF MEHANT AND EARNED GOOD NAME AND REPUTATION.
She said, WHT WILLÂ YOU DO OF YOUR NAME WHN I WILL NOT BE HAPPY WITH A GUY THAT YOU WILL SHOW ME ?.. YOU WILL TELL ME THT YOU STAY WITH THAT GUY BECAUSE OF MY GOOD REPUTATION? .. BECAUSE OF MY GOOD NAME IN SAMAJ?
He said, WE WILL SEE AT THAT TIME AND YES I WILL TELL YOU TO STAY THR..
Then they blamed her friends, they also said WE SPENT SO MUCH MONEY ON YOUR ELDER SISTERS MARRIAGE, FOR WHAT THAT WAS ? .. IT WAS ALL FOR HER HAPPINESS, AND SHE IS HAPPY THR NOW,YOU THINK WE WILL FIND A BAD GUY FOR YOU ?..
Then they also said YOU TAKE YOUR STEP WHAT EVER YOU WANT , BUT REMEMBER THAT IF YOU GO WITH THAT GUY, OUR ELDER DAUGHTER IS GONNA SUFFER JUST BECAUSE OF YOU, PEOPLE ARE GONNA SAYÂ THAT BECAUSE BOTH THE GIRLS WERE THIS TYPE [RAKHDU] THAT IS WHY THR FATHER SPENT SO MUCH OF MONEY ON ELDER DAUGHTERS MARRIAGE AND GOT HER MARRIED IN OTHER COUNTRY, HER MOTHER AND FATHER IN LAW WILL ALSO THINK SAME FOR YOUR SISTER, EVEN HER HUSBAND WILL THINK LIKE THIS FOR HER..
AND WE NOT ONLY HAVE YOU , WE HAVE MY BROTHERS KIDS TOO TO GET MARRIED AFTER YOU, WE WONT GET GOOD RISHTA’S FOR THEM , I WONT BE ABLE TO GO TO PEOPLE TO ASK FOR GOOD RISHTA FOR TOSE KIDS.
He said, YOUR MOM HAD GONE TO DO ABORTION WHEN YOU WERE GOING TO BE BORN, BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE SAYING ALL WRONG THINGS TO HER , I GOT HER BACK FROM THE HOSPITAL, SHE WAS ALMOST ABOUT TO ENTER IN THE OPERATION THEATER , I GOT HER BACK AT HOME… I SAID SO WHAT IF I AM GOING TO GET A DAUGHTER I WILL TAKE CARE OF HER AND TREAT BOTH OF MY DAUGHTERS AS MY SON’S… AND YOU HAVE SHOWN YOUR COLOUR THIS WAY.. I LOVED YOU SOMUCH I CARED FOR YOU SOMUCH AND THIS IS WHT YOU ARE GIVING IN RETURN TO ME..I KNEW YOUR SISTER IS STRONG, SHE IS SHARP, SHE CAN TAKE CARE OF HER , AND YOU ARE VERY BHOLI ,WHN EVER YOU USE TO GO OUT I USETO GET SCARED OF LOSING YOU ….I THOUGHT YOU WERE VERY BHOLI BUT I DID NOT KNOW YOU ARE LIKE THIS …her motherÂ also said that AFTER YOU WERE BORN, MY MOTHER HAD HOLDED YOU IN HER HANDS AND SAID,LET ME HOLD HER , SHE WANTED TO HOLD YOU BADLY SO THAT YOU FALL DOWN AND DIE, AS SOON AS I CAME TO KNOWW MY MOTHER IS DOING THIS I INSTANTLY TOOK YOU IN MY ARMS AND DIDNT TALK TO MY MOTHER TILL SHE DIED. .. [Sweety’s father was almost about to cry and mom actually cried]
Then her father said I M A VERY ZIDDI PERSON I WILL DIE BUT NEVER SAY YES FOR THIS THING…
YOU DO WHT EVER YOU WANT, I AM NOT GOING TO SHOUT AT YOU , ITS ALL YOUR DECISION, YOU DO WHT EVER YOU WANT … WE WILL THINK THT WE NEVER HAD 2 DAUGHTERS , WE WILL THINK WE HAVE ONLY ONE DAUGHTER, AND YOU ALSO FORGET THT I WAS YOUR FATHER..
he said , IF YOU DECIDE TO GET MARRIED TO A GUY WE SHOW YOU , THN FIRST YOU MAKE YOUR MIND ,GET OUT OF THAT GUYS THOUGHTS, BE FIRM THT YOU WILL BE HAPPY WITH OTHER GUY AND NOT SPOIL HISÂ Â LIFE, PLEASE DONT SPOILE ANY ONE ELSES LIFE,WE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO BE HAPPY IF THT PERSON CURSES US LATER ON …INSTED OF THTYO U BETTER GO AN LIVE HAPPY THE WAY YOU WANT.
NO KIDS CAN BE HAPPY IF THEY HURT THR PARENTS AND DO ANY THING AGAINST THEM, THR CURSE NEVER LET THM BE HAPPY, I M NOT SAYING I AM CURSING YOU, I AM ALSO NOT BLESSING YOU, I WISH YOU GO AND BE HAPPY I WISH YOU GET A CROREPATI HUSBAND AND LIVE HAPPYLY, BUT ONCE YOU GET MARRIED TO THT GUY FORGET OUR WORLD… AND WE WILL FORGET YOU,
DONT EVEN GO AND TAKE ANY ONE ELSES HELP I AM NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO ANY ONE, I AM A VERY ZIDDI PERSON,I HAD SPOILED ONE GUYS LIFE BECAUSE OF MY STUBBONNES, I WILL NOT LISTEN TO ANY ONE, I HAVE ONLY ONE ANSWER , THT IS NO.
YOU GO DECIDE AND DO WHAT EVER YOU WANT.
Its been 3 months, and Sweety is still waiting for her parents to say Yes for her and Rohits relation, she know that her parents had been living with this attitude since somay years, and its not easy to change a mind that has all this since 40 to 45 years in it, she is still fighting this battle of her life with positive attitude,
She is not allowed to meet her friends, because her parents thinks that she has done this because her friends also has boyfriends and girlfriends, and she is spoiled because of them only.
Her parents don’t talk to her much, only if its necessary then only she gets to talk to them, otherwise its all silent whole day, she sits in her room and do nothing, except surfing the net.
Me being a Patel [Leuva Patel], I know that Patel’s has very stupid rules, like. A Patel guy marries a Patel girl only. Also, they have different Patel’s, like –
Kadva Patel, etc..
Again in Leuva Patel they have categories, like
Leuva Patel of higher 27 Villages
Leuva Patel of smaller 27 Villages
Leuva Patel of 5 Villages, etc..
Again in these categories, they have differences between each other, the Patel’s of 27 Villages will not marry the Patel’s of 5 Villages, because 27 Villages Patel’s are known as higher community Patel, and 5 Villages Patel’s are known as lower community’s, I am sure Kadva and other Patel’s also must be having these categories.
This is all rubbish, I mean for God sake what difference does it make if you are from 27 Villages or 5 Villages, what difference does it makes if you are Leuva or some other Patel, isn’t it enough for you that you all are PATEL.. ? , isn’t it enough that you all are human being?
Why are you making differences in YOUR OWN cast only?
If this will be the attitude of these people then they are never gonna come up, at least they will never ever be able to walk with 21st century.
After all this and the story of Sweety and Rohit, what I feel is-
- Why the girl should care about the so called “samaj” who was not ready to accept her even before she was born?
- Why should she think of making that samaj happy who was not happy when she was born?
- Her parents did a great job by not killing her after listening to thr samaj’s crap, but does this mean that this girl will have to pay for that?
- What is her fault if her parent’s samaj didn’t wanted her and they still gave her birth?
- Why her parents are not thinking that this samaj has a crap bag in the name of brain and a tongue without born, that will keep saying any thing for anyone
- Why can’t her parents think that if for their and samajs happiness she will pretend to be happy but still she will never be happy with any one else except Rohit?
- Why they want her to kill her happiness for this dumb samaj?
- if they never listened and cared about thr samaj 23 years ago and got thr daughter in this world then why cant she not care about this samaj and do what she want?
- Why is she not free to like or love someone and live happily with her partner?
- Why they are not happy with another cast’s guy just because he doesn’t share the same surname as they do?
- What difference does it make if the guy has a different surname, he is a human being,Â don’t you think so?
- Why cant parents think that he is the only person who is going to keep thr daughter happy always, because not just thr daughter but even he loves her.
All these years’ parents do everything to keep thr daughter happy and when she asks for the real happiness from thm, it’s a big NO with thm to give her.
If these parents are actually 21st century’s parents, then why are they behaving like 17th century parents?