Why Is Inter Caste Marriage An Issue Even Today?

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Parents who say that they are living in 21st century and are also the people of 21st century [i.e. – open minded] are actually not of 21st century if they actually sit and think about it.

When the matter comes to marriage about their daughter, and when the daughter says that “I have someone in my life and I want to marry that person and he is not of same cast as we are”, they will start with their 17th centuries crap dialogues like,
“We have a good reputation in the SAMAJ”
“We will not accept any other samaj’s guy in our SAMAJ”
“We will cut off relation with you if you marry that guy”
“We have done so much for you and you are showing us this day”
“Our SAMAJ will not accept this and not even us”
“we care about our SAMAJS happiness and our reputation that we have earned since so many years”, and so many other giant statements that are totally stodgy.

Here is a story of a girl Sweety & Rohit her Love ,who is facing this problem these days.

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The girl Sweety is from a gujarati family, after 23 years when her parents started finding a perfect Guy for her marriage, she had to tell her parents that “I am in love with someone and I want to marry that guy and will not be happy with anyone else, and I want your blessings for this”.
knowing that her parents are orthodox and will not accept this, her first problem was how to keep this statement in front of her parents so that it does not create a bad impression of her guy in front of them, first thing she did was she called her few close friends & Rohit at her place for lunch on a Sunday so that her parents see Rohit at least as a friend, so that when she talks to her parents about him, they have idea who is this guy she is talking about.
After showing him, now she had to talk to her parents, she decided a Sunday will be better when both of her parents are at home together so that she can talk to both of them, this is how she kept her point in front of them –
She went in her parents room, said “I WANT TO TALK TO YOU SOMETHING IMPORTANT “, they said “YES” she first asked them … YOU KNOW MY FRIEND Rohit .. They said YES..Then she asked them YOU HAVE MET HIM, ALSO HAD SOME CONVERSATION..SO AFTER THAT WHAT DO U THINK, HOW IS HE, I MEAN WHAT KIND OF A GUY IS HE, WHAT DO U THINK HIS FAMILY IS LIKE ? .. THEY replied WE DONT KNOW … she said STILL.. They said NO IDEA…
Then she said OK, THE THING I WANTED TO TELL YOU IS, SOME TIME BACK ROHIT HAD PROPOSED ME FOR MARRIAGE, BUT I HAVE NOT YET SAID YES TO HIM, AND ALSO I HAVE NOT SAID NO.. BECAUSE EVEN I LIKE HIM , AND BEFORE SAYING YES TO HIM I WANTED YOU TO KNOW ABOUT THIS AND I WANTED EVEN YOU TO ACCEPT HIM ,AND I KNOW AND HAVE FULL CONFIDENCE THAT HE WILL KEEP ME HAPPY ALWAYS.
Then her father said IN THIS CASE I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO ACCEPT HIM, ITS NOT POSSIBLE, I WILL NEVER SAY YES FOR THIS, WE WONT SHOUT AT YOU NOT EVEN FORCE YOU, ITS YOUR LIFE, ITS YOUR DECITION, YOU HAVE TO THINK WHAT YOU WANT, IF YOU ONLY WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY THN YOU DO EVERYTHING ON YOUR OWN, I WILL NEVER SUPPORT YOU.. I WILL ALSO NOT DO LIKE WHAT OTHERS DO, I WILL NOT SUPPORT YOU,I WILL NOT KEEP RELATION LIKE OTHER KEPT WITH THRS DAUGHERS FAMILY ..I WILL DO WHAT I THINK IS GOOD.. MY DECISION WILL BE THE SAME…
Then she asked him IF HE WAS OF OUR CAST THN U COULD HAVE SAID YES NA ?.. he said YES, then he said BUT I WILL NOT ACCEPT THIS BECAUSE HE IS NOT IN OUR CAST, then he said WHEN WE HAD GOT A PROPOSAL FOR MY YOUNGER BROTHERS MARRIAGE, THEY WERE GIVING LOT OF GOLD AND MONEY , I SAID NO BECAUSE THEY WERE NOT IN OUR COMMUNITY,PEOPLE BLAMED ME THEY SAID THAT BECAUSE MY YONGER BROTHER IS GETTING SOMUCH GOLD AND ALL THTS WHY I AM SAYING NO, BUT STILL I SAID NO MEANS NO, AND REJECTED THAT PROPOSAL, IF I CAN NOT ACCEPT THT , THN THIS IS WAY BEYOND..THIS GUY IS NOT EVEN IN OUR CAST, COMMUNITY IS A DIFFERENT QUESTION…. SO I WILL NOT ACCEPT IT, I WONT BE ABLE TO ACCEPT IT… STILL I AM TELLING YOU IF YOU THINK YOUR HAPPINESS IS MORE IMPORTANT THN OTHERS THN YOU CAN DO IT ON YOUR OWN, then she said U THINK IF I WILL MARRY A GUY WHICH U SHOW ME ?WHAT WILL YOU D OWHEN I AM NOT HAPPY WITH THE GUY YOU SHOW ME ? WILL YOU BE HAPPY? … he said THTS WHT I AM TELLING YOU.. YOU WILL MARRY THIS GUY AND ONLY U WILL BE HAPPY NOT OTHERS…I WILL NOT ACCEPT THIS EVER, AND IF YOUR MOM SAYS YES THN I WILL GIVE EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE TO YOU AND YOUR MOM AND WILL LEAVE THIS PLACE AND THEN YOU DO WHAT EVER YOU WANT, I WILL MAKE MY OWN NEW WORLD IN SOME OTHER CITY OR COUNTRY,DONT EVER EVEN TRY TO FIND ME THEN, YOU TALK TO YOUR MOM, AND SEE WHAT SHE SAYS.. IT’S NO FROM ME… NOW IT ALL DEPENDS ON YOUR MOM…
And her mother didn’t want to say any thing as she was also against this…
After 2 days she again went to them and started talking
She ASKED I HAD TOLD YOU BOTH ABOUT ROHIT, AND I AM SURE YOU BOTH MUST HAVE DISCUSSED ABOUT IT.
Her father said, YES.
She said” SO WHAT YOU HAVE DECIDED?”mehandi.jpg
Then her father started
I HAVE ALREADY TOLD U THT ITS NOT POSSIBLE, I M AGAINST IT, AND IA M NEVER GONNA SAY YES FOR THIS, I HAVE DONE SO MUCH MEHNAT NOT JUST TO SEE THIS DAY, I HAVE TAKEN LOTS OF PAIN NOT FOR THIS DAY, I AM NOT GOING TO SAY YES .. YOU FORGET IT, AND IF YOU WANT TO DO THIS, THN I ALREADY HAD TOLD YOU, YOU ARE FREE TO DO. I WILL NOT SUPPORT YOU AT ALL.I WILL NOT LET MY STATUS RUIN LIKE THIS.. I WILL NEVER LET MY SAMAJ SAY A WORD FOR ME…
She told him, FATHER, NOT LOOKING AT YOUR AND YOUR DAUGHTERS HAPPINESS YOU HAVE MORE IMPORTANCE FOR JUST A WORD? THAT IS YOUR SURNAME?.
He said, YES… I DONT CARE ABOUT ANY THING ELSE, I CARE ABOUT MY AND MY SAMAJ’S HAPPINESS.. I WILL NEVER LET ANY ONE ELSE TO ENTER IN MY SAMAJ AND ALSO WONT SEND MY DAUGHTER TO ANY OTHER SAMAJ.
She told him WHT IF I MARRY YOUR SAMAJ’S GUY AND I FACE ANY PROBLEM IN FUTURE, YOU THINK YOUR SAMAJ IS GOING TO HELP ME?
He said, THIS IS ALL YOUR BRAINS THING, NOTHING AS SUCH IS GOING TO HAPPEN, THOUSANS OF PEOPLE GET MARRIED NOTHING HAPPEND TO THEM AND YOU THINK YOU WILL GET A PROBLEM.
She said, WHAT IF IT HAPPENS TO ME?
He said ITS ALL IN YOUR BRAIN AND YOU ARE MAKING YOUR STORIES TO CONVINCE US.. YOU JUST FORGET IT…
ITS ALL UP TO YOU, YOU DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT, FOR ME MY AND MY SAMAJ’S HAPPINESS IS EVERYONE’S HAPPINESS, THT’S IT. I HAVE DONE LOTS OF MEHANT AND EARNED GOOD NAME AND REPUTATION.
She said, WHT WILLÂ YOU DO OF YOUR NAME WHN I WILL NOT BE HAPPY WITH A GUY THAT YOU WILL SHOW ME ?.. YOU WILL TELL ME THT YOU STAY WITH THAT GUY BECAUSE OF MY GOOD REPUTATION? .. BECAUSE OF MY GOOD NAME IN SAMAJ?
He said, WE WILL SEE AT THAT TIME AND YES I WILL TELL YOU TO STAY THR..
Then they blamed her friends, they also said WE SPENT SO MUCH MONEY ON YOUR ELDER SISTERS MARRIAGE, FOR WHAT THAT WAS ? .. IT WAS ALL FOR HER HAPPINESS, AND SHE IS HAPPY THR NOW,YOU THINK WE WILL FIND A BAD GUY FOR YOU ?..

Then they also said YOU TAKE YOUR STEP WHAT EVER YOU WANT , BUT REMEMBER THAT IF YOU GO WITH THAT GUY, OUR ELDER DAUGHTER IS GONNA SUFFER JUST BECAUSE OF YOU, PEOPLE ARE GONNA SAYÂ THAT BECAUSE BOTH THE GIRLS WERE THIS TYPE [RAKHDU] THAT IS WHY THR FATHER SPENT SO MUCH OF MONEY ON ELDER DAUGHTERS MARRIAGE AND GOT HER MARRIED IN OTHER COUNTRY, HER MOTHER AND FATHER IN LAW WILL ALSO THINK SAME FOR YOUR SISTER, EVEN HER HUSBAND WILL THINK LIKE THIS FOR HER..
AND WE NOT ONLY HAVE YOU , WE HAVE MY BROTHERS KIDS TOO TO GET MARRIED AFTER YOU, WE WONT GET GOOD RISHTA’S FOR THEM , I WONT BE ABLE TO GO TO PEOPLE TO ASK FOR GOOD RISHTA FOR TOSE KIDS.
He said, YOUR MOM HAD GONE TO DO ABORTION WHEN YOU WERE GOING TO BE BORN, BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE SAYING ALL WRONG THINGS TO HER , I GOT HER BACK FROM THE HOSPITAL, SHE WAS ALMOST ABOUT TO ENTER IN THE OPERATION THEATER , I GOT HER BACK AT HOME… I SAID SO WHAT IF I AM GOING TO GET A DAUGHTER I WILL TAKE CARE OF HER AND TREAT BOTH OF MY DAUGHTERS AS MY SON’S… AND YOU HAVE SHOWN YOUR COLOUR THIS WAY.. I LOVED YOU SOMUCH I CARED FOR YOU SOMUCH AND THIS IS WHT YOU ARE GIVING IN RETURN TO ME..I KNEW YOUR SISTER IS STRONG, SHE IS SHARP, SHE CAN TAKE CARE OF HER , AND YOU ARE VERY BHOLI ,WHN EVER YOU USE TO GO OUT I USETO GET SCARED OF LOSING YOU ….I THOUGHT YOU WERE VERY BHOLI BUT I DID NOT KNOW YOU ARE LIKE THIS …her mother also said that AFTER YOU WERE BORN, MY MOTHER HAD HOLDED YOU IN HER HANDS AND SAID,LET ME HOLD HER , SHE WANTED TO HOLD YOU BADLY SO THAT YOU FALL DOWN AND DIE, AS SOON AS I CAME TO KNOWW MY MOTHER IS DOING THIS I INSTANTLY TOOK YOU IN MY ARMS AND DIDNT TALK TO MY MOTHER TILL SHE DIED. .. [Sweety’s father was almost about to cry and mom actually cried]
Then her father said I M A VERY ZIDDI PERSON I WILL DIE BUT NEVER SAY YES FOR THIS THING…
YOU DO WHT EVER YOU WANT, I AM NOT GOING TO SHOUT AT YOU , ITS ALL YOUR DECISION, YOU DO WHT EVER YOU WANT … WE WILL THINK THT WE NEVER HAD 2 DAUGHTERS , WE WILL THINK WE HAVE ONLY ONE DAUGHTER, AND YOU ALSO FORGET THT I WAS YOUR FATHER..
he said , IF YOU DECIDE TO GET MARRIED TO A GUY WE SHOW YOU , THN FIRST YOU MAKE YOUR MIND ,GET OUT OF THAT GUYS THOUGHTS, BE FIRM THT YOU WILL BE HAPPY WITH OTHER GUY AND NOT SPOIL HISÂ Â LIFE, PLEASE DONT SPOILE ANY ONE ELSES LIFE,WE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO BE HAPPY IF THT PERSON CURSES US LATER ON …INSTED OF THTYO U BETTER GO AN LIVE HAPPY THE WAY YOU WANT.
NO KIDS CAN BE HAPPY IF THEY HURT THR PARENTS AND DO ANY THING AGAINST THEM, THR CURSE NEVER LET THM BE HAPPY, I M NOT SAYING I AM CURSING YOU, I AM ALSO NOT BLESSING YOU, I WISH YOU GO AND BE HAPPY I WISH YOU GET A CROREPATI HUSBAND AND LIVE HAPPYLY, BUT ONCE YOU GET MARRIED TO THT GUY FORGET OUR WORLD… AND WE WILL FORGET YOU,
DONT EVEN GO AND TAKE ANY ONE ELSES HELP I AM NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO ANY ONE, I AM A VERY ZIDDI PERSON,I HAD SPOILED ONE GUYS LIFE BECAUSE OF MY STUBBONNES, I WILL NOT LISTEN TO ANY ONE, I HAVE ONLY ONE ANSWER , THT IS NO.
YOU GO DECIDE AND DO WHAT EVER YOU WANT.

dulhan.jpgIts been 3 months, and Sweety is still waiting for her parents to say Yes for her and Rohits relation, she know that her parents had been living with this attitude since somay years, and its not easy to change a mind that has all this since 40 to 45 years in it, she is still fighting this battle of her life with positive attitude,

She is not allowed to meet her friends, because her parents thinks that she has done this because her friends also has boyfriends and girlfriends, and she is spoiled because of them only.
Her parents don’t talk to her much, only if its necessary then only she gets to talk to them, otherwise its all silent whole day, she sits in her room and do nothing, except surfing the net.

Me being a Patel [Leuva Patel], I know that Patel’s has very stupid rules, like. A Patel guy marries a Patel girl only. Also, they have different Patel’s, like –
Leuva Patel
Kadva Patel, etc..
Again in Leuva Patel they have categories, like
Leuva Patel of higher 27 Villages
Leuva Patel of smaller 27 Villages
Leuva Patel of 5 Villages, etc..
Again in these categories, they have differences between each other, the Patel’s of 27 Villages will not marry the Patel’s of 5 Villages, because 27 Villages Patel’s are known as higher community Patel, and 5 Villages Patel’s are known as lower community’s, I am sure Kadva and other Patel’s also must be having these categories.

This is all rubbish, I mean for God sake what difference does it make if you are from 27 Villages or 5 Villages, what difference does it makes if you are Leuva or some other Patel, isn’t it enough for you that you all are PATEL.. ? , isn’t it enough that you all are human being?
Why are you making differences in YOUR OWN cast only?
If this will be the attitude of these people then they are never gonna come up, at least they will never ever be able to walk with 21st century.

After all this and the story of Sweety and Rohit, what I feel is-

  • Why the girl should care about the so called “samaj” who was not ready to accept her even before she was born?
  • Why should she think of making that samaj happy who was not happy when she was born?
  • Her parents did a great job by not killing her after listening to thr samaj’s crap, but does this mean that this girl will have to pay for that?
  • What is her fault if her parent’s samaj didn’t wanted her and they still gave her birth?
  • Why her parents are not thinking that this samaj has a crap bag in the name of brain and a tongue without born, that will keep saying any thing for anyone
  • Why can’t her parents think that if for their and samajs happiness she will pretend to be happy but still she will never be happy with any one else except Rohit?
  • Why they want her to kill her happiness for this dumb samaj?
  • if they never listened and cared about thr samaj 23 years ago and got thr daughter in this world then why cant she not care about this samaj and do what she want?
  • Why is she not free to like or love someone and live happily with her partner?
  • Why they are not happy with another cast’s guy just because he doesn’t share the same surname as they do?
  • What difference does it make if the guy has a different surname, he is a human being, don’t you think so?
  • Why cant parents think that he is the only person who is going to keep thr daughter happy always, because not just thr daughter but even he loves her.

All these years’ parents do everything to keep thr daughter happy and when she asks for the real happiness from thm, it’s a big NO with thm to give her.
If these parents are actually 21st century’s parents, then why are they behaving like 17th century parents?

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Megha Patel.

775 comments

  1. Megha   •     Author

    Hello everyone,

    Its been long, long and very long time I have replied or said anything here,

    A big sorry to everyone who has been waiting for my suggestions, but hey, I have said the same thing every now and then, and I will say it again, time is the best solution,

    Give time to your parents, give time to the thought process to change, you are the best person to think and convince your parents, you have known them since the day you were born, you know what words will work on your parents mind,

    Think before you speak, if you have read the story properly, you must remember that Sweety first introduced Rohit as a casual friend, so that her parents are not blank about whom is she talking about ? and then she kept her point to her parents.

    Your parents have been living with this since ages, it is not easy to change someones mind in days or months, you need to be patient, you need to speak in a fashion that they listens to you and understand that you are not a child anymore, you are his/her matured boy/girl who knows that marriage is a serious decision of life.

    Hope this helps you all,

    To cheer you up, here is what happened next in Sweety and Rohit’s life – http://bit.ly/296Y1HL

  2. megha   •  

    Hi megha. Myself also megha.am belong to Hindu lingayat caste my bf belong to SC lambani caste ..my mom will don’t agree this marriage plz help me my love about 4 years.plz help me megha wht can I do

  3. vicky   •  

    im in love wid punjabi girl n im maharashtrian , want make understand girl partents the issue is caste , how to make them understand plzz help me we love both each other … plzz help us

  4. Jaspreet   •  

    Im frm jatt sikh family n my bf is brahmin , we want to get married but my parents refused my proposl to marry hin due to caste prob they haven’t left any option for me n ask to forget him, we r in relationship frm past 10 years so its vry hard for me , pls help mee

  5. Just another Indian girl   •  

    Hi Megha,

    I would like to share my story too. I am a Gujarati Patel and I am in love with this Brahmin boy from UP. We live outside India. I am facing a similar situation at my place, where my father is completely against my relation and says you are dead for me and don’t show me your face again. And that after marriage he would not want to see me in his house. My mother is also kind of against it, but just because she is worried about how I would adjust in future, however, she is supporting me in my decision. My brother is also supporting me completely and they have been fighting with my dad to convince him.

    I don’t know how to make my dad understand, as he doesn’t even want to see my face and feels like I have betrayed him and his trust. He has been saying very mean things to me and my mother and brother. On the other hand, the boy and his parents are very supportive and they love and care and worry for me and have been by my side all throughout. His family is much more educated and well-to-do than mine, and are very progressive and open minded people. The boy has a business of his own. Its been about 2 weeks since my family knows about this, his family has met my family and spoken with my family a couple of times on phone. His father is trying every possible way to get things peacefully. But my father is reluctant and fears more about what society and his ungrateful and money minded brothers say. Who don’t even call him in his bad health.

    The last two weeks have been nerve wrecking. I have always been a good daughter, topper at school and college and I am having a well paid job, never let them down, taken care of their health and done everything I could at home. But still my father thinks, I have betrayed him and he would rather prefer that I die. His father wants to meet my father in the coming few days. I just hope all things go well.

  6. pooja   •  

    Hi megha di…… i m in exactly same condition like sweety nd rohit… infact in very bad situation as some persons tells my father that the guy whom i love is not good and have bad habits bt its not true… as he is from rajput family, it is normal to drink and nonveg etc. Etc… boy has bad impression in front of my parents….. i cant live with other guy at all… nd to convence my parents is like deewar me sar phodna or bhains k aage been bajana… we both are preparing for govt. Job nd most of people said that first concentrate on your carrier tjan think about it…. i m 25 year old nd pressure of my marriage is also a big problem… i m very very very dipressed now days.. what to do what not to do… 2 saal hogaye is prblm ko… still not decision is made by my parents nd me… most people say that 4 din k ladke k liye maa baap ko chodh degi kya… we are together since last 6 year… we are very dipress….

  7. Darshan   •  

    marriage is only between girl and boy but it is also a bonding between two families.If our family keep happy in this relation boy and girl automatically get happiness(99%).Benifit of cast marriage is that all our relatives know both of groom and bride and also a gene factor so cast marriage is best marriage.
    why should we wondering for fake love ?
    because ‘lav shav ek majak se jyada kuch nahi hai.khushi usi me hai jisme sab khush ho ‘
    i dont like concept of intercast marriage
    because cast marriage is better than lust marriage

  8. Nikita   •  

    hi ,

    My name is nikita, My problem is that i am in love with a boy from a kayasth background. I being a punjabi brahim girl. How will i convince my parents

  9. krishna   •  

    Yr main toh pgl hi ho chuka hoon
    main jis ldki se pyaar krta hoon woh gharwali h aur main hindu khatri.
    main usse bohot pyaar krta hoon prusse door hoon kyunki kissi ne meri gf ke dad ko mere baare mein bta diya tha…I knw yahan pr intercaste marriage ki baat chl rhi h pr friends I need ur help …
    tum mujhe bta do ki kya krna chahiye
    my story is
    sb acha chl rha tha…humne socha hua tha ki hum pd lete h aur tym aane ke baad parents se baat kr lete h…pr kisso ne uske dad ko mere baare mein bta diya
    meri aur uska dad ki fone pr bohot zyaada bahs ho gyi…mtlb gaali gloch
    Ab main kya kroon naa woh mere bin reh skti h naa main jee paa rha hoon
    Mere dad bhi intercaste se nafrat krte h aur uske dad bhi jaise baaki log samjh ko dekte h woh bhi bs yehi dekhte h…. aur toh aur meri bahs ho gyi woh alag
    friends plz tell me the right way ….

  10. anjani   •  

    hii

    all of us facing same prob. in dis condition what we should do???
    we should breakup wd dat guy or parents???/
    ya khud ko hi khatm kr lo eveythng will fnsh.
    ish samaj m logo ko sur namw ki chinta h sur name ki value
    h but insaniyat ki ni log ye nai jante ham sab human being h kisi
    caste se bandhe ni h

    family ……samaj…..

  11. sumit   •  

    its not about girls , for boys also same SAMAJ story is there , I’m Marathi boy and my girlfriend is Gujarati,
    we both are facing same issue at our home 🙁
    it is always important to be clearer at someone’s home atleast boy or girls , so that it will be easy to convince parents else, it is like a hell, because they know that you are not going to against them and not forcefully marry that girl :(.

    I’m alone child of my parents and still my parants are not allowing me to marry that girl, even after I said you first meet her meet her parents if you found anything wrong we will discuss , still its big NO.
    I’m also confused about how to convince them 🙁

    All these are mostly happen in middle class families , i’m the one who is shikar of it
    we all are educated at home still they dont want this , they understand all still they don’t want it , how the hell convince them then

  12. sumit   •  

    its not about girls , for boys also same SAMAJ story is there , I’m Marathi boy and my girlfriend is Gujarati,
    we both are facing same issue at our home 🙁
    it is always important to be clearer at someone’s home atleast boy or girls , so that it will be easy to convince parents else, it is like a hell, because they know that you are not going to against them and not forcefully marry that girl :(.

    I’m alone child of my parents and still my parants are not allowing me to marry that girl, even after I said you first meet her meet her parents if you found anything wrong we will discuss , still its big NO.
    I’m also confused about how to convince them 🙁

  13. Archis   •  

    Hii Megha…
    Tumhara soch bht acha h… aur yeh jo story h woh pura same to same mera jaisa halat h.. mere ghar wale bhi intercaste marriage allow nhi kar rhe h…but mere mom usse pasand karti h lekin dusra caste hone ke karan woh hamare rishte ke liye haa nhi bol paa rhi h… mai usse bht pyaar karti hu… mujhse bhi jyada woh mujhse pyaar karta h…mai apne ghr wale ko samjate samjate thak gye abt him… god knws kya hoga aage… but plzzz pray god tht hum dono ko alag na hona pare..

  14. Shelly   •  

    Hi,

    Now a days, I m facing a same problem, I belong to baniya family and loves a guy who belong to sc. we know each other from past 6 years but in a relationship from last 1 year. we like each other from 3 years but i never said anything to him due to the fear that my parents will never agree, but he officially proposed me last year at that time i didn’t say anything to him and told him that my parents will never agree.. but he tried and now with courage i talk to my parents. firstly i talked to my mother she denied the relationship and told me you will never be happy with that guy, sc has different customs they doesn’t have any status like us.then i reduce the conversations with them, and say no to my bf we are not talking to each other but,, we do care for each other.. yesterday i directly talk to my father. he said. we are not forcing you, we will do your marriage with that guy but after that we will not able to face the society and will change the house and go to another place.. they given me 2 options that we will do your marraige acc. to your choice but after that we will not live here or leave the city .. now what will i do.. i don’t want hurt my parents and not even my bf..how will i convince them

  15. akanksha   •  

    Hiii
    I am also in the same problem . please help me what should i do i m jain and my bf is sc but its 7 year relation and i cant live without him even don’t think so . His father is ready for the marriage but my father is like hitler i know he never agree with my relationship and will force me to marry with some other guy because he always says i ll marry my daughter only in same caste , please anyone tell me what should i do because my father is searching boy for my marriage but he never accept my relation.

  16. Shreekar Kumar   •  

    I am also facing the same problems plzzzzzz send the suggestions to my mail

  17. Pinky   •  

    M too facing the same situation. Its been 2 years n m trying to convince my parents. Dad said he wont interfere n m free to do court marriage. I m fed of caste ,color,creed community. Feels like being a brahmin gal is a crime. Its high time to get married n m still hanging. N my bf too is suffering.

  18. shubham   •  

    today i lost my love because of cast . no one can understand what can i feel . . .

  19. Sanjay   •  

    hi….my fmly also have d same issues wid me n my soulmate(sonia)..m frm a rajput fmly of haryana..n lives in a village..m doin job in merchant navy.settled in ma career…i m in a rltn wid her 4 lst 2 yrs…i love her more dan anythng else….she is a punjabi grl(kapoor). she is rdy 2 cm wid me @ any cost…she cares me lyk anything else..

    i talked 2 my parents abt her..bt dey r nt rdy 2 accept aby gl out of our cast…dey ve a gal in mind 4 me…bt i dnt want evn think abt anyone other dan her….in d same way my mom is vry emotional abt me….frm den only i lost my smile..n her too..we both used 2 pray abt our rltnship evryday…she evn started fst 4 al gd…bt nw m so depress cnt tell …n she too…i m vry much in lost cndtn..used to cry..n negatives things cms in mind…ma mother also strt crying after seeing me….i dnt knw how everything wil b gd..

    my hrt says not 2 lose her in any cndtn….bt dis cast label ruining our happiness….

    pls suggest us how can v make our fmilies happy along wid us….

    need help of god n everyone….:(

  20. Suraj Chhetri   •  

    Hi Megha,

    I m also facing same issue for intercaste marriage, I m Nepali & my gf belong to sc caste. My mother not allow for intercaste marriage, I tried many time to convence my mother but my mother only says for samaj.
    What can I do & how to canvence my mother for married. Girl family are ready to married with me.

    I love so much my gf.

    please help me.

  21. supriya gupta   •  

    Hey guys, samething is happening wid me pata ni parents ko kyu samaj ni aata vo log bas samaj ka sochte h apne bache ki khushi ka kya samaj thodi na humko khilata h ya hamare mushkil time me hamara sath deta h ya help krta h den why we should think of samaj.I think we should do watever we feel is right cause in d end we r responsible fr d consequence s of our decision we r nt going to blame anyone cause it is our decision n we should choose wat make us happy.Life ek bar hi milti h bar bar ni aur is ek bar hi milne vali life me dusro k usulo pe kyu jina h .Now even I’ll wait fr more 3 years n den again I’ll tell my parents as i hav already told 4 times but dey r nt ready to accept n if after 3 yrs dey dnt accept den i hav to take a stand coz i cant leave my guy if i do so he’ll suffer n even i.It doesn’t make sense if i sacrifice my happiness for parens n their so called samaj .If i sacrifice my love n marry a guy of my parents choice n still i be unhappy den I’ll definitely blame my parents so instead of dat its better i take my decision n later b anything happens to me den I’ll blame myself n nt others.If i nw where is my happiness den why should i go in d opposite direction of my happiness dat doesn’t make sense.7 years happened for my relation aur 3 sal bas thats more than enough to show dat we cn live happily wid eachother.Mere ghar pe bhi ye sare emotional batein bolte h n feel guilty k mai unko dukh de rahi u they did so much i nw mai unko ye din dikha rahi hu but kuch chize hamare control me nahi hoti jaise getting attracted to some n its nt in our hand but no one can understand our feeling no one understands dat we don’t wanna hurt our parents n at the same time we cant live happily by doing things which can’t make us happy.kash parents maan jate to life itni complicated na banti.. ?

  22. Supriya gupta   •  

    Am i doing right ????? please reply Megha

  23. Supriya gupta   •  

    Hey guys, samething is happening wid me pata ni parents ko kyu samaj ni aata vo log bas samaj ka sochte h apne bache ki khushi ka kya samaj thodi na humko khilata h ya hamare mushkil time me hamara sath deta h ya help krta h den why we should think of samaj.I think we should do watever we feel is right cause in d end we r responsible fr d consequence s of our decision we r nt going to blame anyone cause it is our decision n we should choose wat make us happy.Life ek bar hi milti h bar bar ni aur is ek bar hi milne vali life me dusro k usulo pe kyu jina h .Now even I’ll wait fr more 3 years n den again I’ll tell my parents as i hav already told 4 times but dey r nt ready to accept n if after 3 yrs dey dnt accept den i hav to take a stand coz i cant leave my guy if i do so he’ll suffer n even i.It doesn’t make sense if i sacrifice my happiness for parens n their so called samaj n bullshit.If i sacrifice my love n marry a guy of my parents choice n still i be unhappy den I’ll definitely blame my parents so instead of dat its better i take my decision n later b anything happens to me den I’ll blame myself n nt others.If i nw where is my happiness den why should i go in d opposite direction of my happiness dat doesn’t make sense.7 years happened for my relation aur 3 sal bas thats more than enough to show dat we cn live happily wid eachother.Mere ghar pe bhi ye sare emotional batein bolte h n feel guilty k mai unko dukh de rahi u they did so much i nw mai unko ye din dikha rahi hu but kuch chize hamare control me nahi hoti jaise getting attracted to some one its nt in our hand but no one can understand our feeling no one understands dat we don’t wanna hurt our parents n at the same time we cant live happily by doing things which can’t make us happy.kash parents maan jate to life itni complicated na banti.. ?

  24. sraj   •  

    yaar same story hai…!!!@
    I love a Braman girl and mY gf saysssss kuch v ho jaye m nt hurttng my mom feeeeelng …!!!@
    so gays what to do kya gf Ky happiness k liye ussy life end kr du…
    kyu jb tk mai rhuga WO tensn. m hoge and mai always happy dhekna chhata hu..
    .!!!@
    love you puchki…!!!@
    my Sonu my love…!!!@0ne day you will miss me swthrt…!!!@

  25. rahul   •  

    Hi megha,
    I am an sc,from jammu and my gf is marwadi jain.we were classmates and stilll in a relationship for three years,when it comes to marriage she only looks at the problems she is going to face,moreover,i am a non veg and she is not,and she finds it a very big issue tell me what to do,its really important please

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