Why Is Inter Cast Marriage An Issue Even Today?
Parents who say that they are living in 21st century and are also the people of 21st century [i.e. - open minded] are actually not of 21st century if they actually sit and think about it.
When the matter comes to marriage about their daughter, and when the daughter says that “I have someone in my life and I want to marry that person and he is not of same cast as we are”, they will start with their 17th centuries crap dialogues like,
“We have a good reputation in the SAMAJ”
“We will not accept any other samaj’s guy in our SAMAJ”
“We will cut off relation with you if you marry that guy”
“We have done so much for you and you are showing us this day”
“Our SAMAJ will not accept this and not even us”
“we care about our SAMAJS happiness and our reputation that we have earned since so many years”, and so many other giant statements that are totally stodgy.
Here is a story of a girl Sweety & Rohit her Love ,who is facing this problem these days.
The girl Sweety is from a gujarati family, after 23 years when her parents started finding a perfect Guy for her marriage, she had to tell her parents that “I am in love with someone and I want to marry that guy and will not be happy with anyone else, and I want your blessings for this”.
knowing that her parents are orthodox and will not accept this, her first problem was how to keep this statement in front of her parents so that it does not create a bad impression of her guy in front of them, first thing she did was she called her few close friends & Rohit at her place for lunch on a Sunday so that her parents see Rohit at least as a friend, so that when she talks to her parents about him, they have idea who is this guy she is talking about.
After showing him, now she had to talk to her parents, she decided a Sunday will be better when both of her parents are at home together so that she can talk to both of them, this is how she kept her point in front of them -
She went in her parents room, said “I WANT TO TALK TO YOU SOMETHING IMPORTANT “, they said “YES” she first asked them … YOU KNOW MY FRIEND Rohit .. They said YES..Then she asked them YOU HAVE MET HIM, ALSO HAD SOME CONVERSATION..SO AFTER THAT WHAT DO U THINK, HOW IS HE, I MEAN WHAT KIND OF A GUY IS HE, WHAT DO U THINK HIS FAMILY IS LIKE ? .. THEY replied WE DONT KNOW … she said STILL.. They said NO IDEA…
Then she said OK, THE THING I WANTED TO TELL YOU IS, SOME TIME BACK ROHIT HAD PROPOSED ME FOR MARRIAGE, BUT I HAVE NOT YET SAID YES TO HIM, AND ALSO I HAVE NOT SAID NO.. BECAUSE EVEN I LIKE HIM , AND BEFORE SAYING YES TO HIM I WANTED YOU TO KNOW ABOUT THIS AND I WANTED EVEN YOU TO ACCEPT HIM ,AND I KNOW AND HAVE FULL CONFIDENCE THAT HE WILL KEEP ME HAPPY ALWAYS.
Then her father said IN THIS CASE I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO ACCEPT HIM, ITS NOT POSSIBLE, I WILL NEVER SAY YES FOR THIS, WE WONT SHOUT AT YOU NOT EVEN FORCE YOU, ITS YOUR LIFE, ITS YOUR DECITION, YOU HAVE TO THINK WHAT YOU WANT, IF YOU ONLY WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY THN YOU DO EVERYTHING ON YOUR OWN, I WILL NEVER SUPPORT YOU.. I WILL ALSO NOT DO LIKE WHAT OTHERS DO, I WILL NOT SUPPORT YOU,I WILL NOT KEEP RELATION LIKE OTHER KEPT WITH THRS DAUGHERS FAMILY ..I WILL DO WHAT I THINK IS GOOD.. MY DECISION WILL BE THE SAME…
Then she asked him IF HE WAS OF OUR CAST THN U COULD HAVE SAID YES NA ?.. he said YES, then he said BUT I WILL NOT ACCEPT THIS BECAUSE HE IS NOT IN OUR CAST, then he said WHEN WE HAD GOT A PROPOSAL FOR MY YOUNGER BROTHERS MARRIAGE, THEY WERE GIVING LOT OF GOLD AND MONEY , I SAID NO BECAUSE THEY WERE NOT IN OUR COMMUNITY,PEOPLE BLAMED ME THEY SAID THAT BECAUSE MY YONGER BROTHER IS GETTING SOMUCH GOLD AND ALL THTS WHY I AM SAYING NO, BUT STILL I SAID NO MEANS NO, AND REJECTED THAT PROPOSAL, IF I CAN NOT ACCEPT THT , THN THIS IS WAY BEYOND..THIS GUY IS NOT EVEN IN OUR CAST, COMMUNITY IS A DIFFERENT QUESTION…. SO I WILL NOT ACCEPT IT, I WONT BE ABLE TO ACCEPT IT… STILL I AM TELLING YOU IF YOU THINK YOUR HAPPINESS IS MORE IMPORTANT THN OTHERS THN YOU CAN DO IT ON YOUR OWN, then she said U THINK IF I WILL MARRY A GUY WHICH U SHOW ME ?WHAT WILL YOU D OWHEN I AM NOT HAPPY WITH THE GUY YOU SHOW ME ? WILL YOU BE HAPPY? … he said THTS WHT I AM TELLING YOU.. YOU WILL MARRY THIS GUY AND ONLY U WILL BE HAPPY NOT OTHERS…I WILL NOT ACCEPT THIS EVER, AND IF YOUR MOM SAYS YES THN I WILL GIVE EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE TO YOU AND YOUR MOM AND WILL LEAVE THIS PLACE AND THEN YOU DO WHAT EVER YOU WANT, I WILL MAKE MY OWN NEW WORLD IN SOME OTHER CITY OR COUNTRY,DONT EVER EVEN TRY TO FIND ME THEN, YOU TALK TO YOUR MOM, AND SEE WHAT SHE SAYS.. IT’S NO FROM ME… NOW IT ALL DEPENDS ON YOUR MOM…
And her mother didn’t want to say any thing as she was also against this…
After 2 days she again went to them and started talking
She ASKED I HAD TOLD YOU BOTH ABOUT ROHIT, AND I AM SURE YOU BOTH MUST HAVE DISCUSSED ABOUT IT.
Her father said, YES.
She said” SO WHAT YOU HAVE DECIDED?”
Then her father started
I HAVE ALREADY TOLD U THT ITS NOT POSSIBLE, I M AGAINST IT, AND IA M NEVER GONNA SAY YES FOR THIS, I HAVE DONE SO MUCH MEHNAT NOT JUST TO SEE THIS DAY, I HAVE TAKEN LOTS OF PAIN NOT FOR THIS DAY, I AM NOT GOING TO SAY YES .. YOU FORGET IT, AND IF YOU WANT TO DO THIS, THN I ALREADY HAD TOLD YOU, YOU ARE FREE TO DO. I WILL NOT SUPPORT YOU AT ALL.I WILL NOT LET MY STATUS RUIN LIKE THIS.. I WILL NEVER LET MY SAMAJ SAY A WORD FOR ME…
She told him, FATHER, NOT LOOKING AT YOUR AND YOUR DAUGHTERS HAPPINESS YOU HAVE MORE IMPORTANCE FOR JUST A WORD? THAT IS YOUR SURNAME?.
He said, YES… I DONT CARE ABOUT ANY THING ELSE, I CARE ABOUT MY AND MY SAMAJ’S HAPPINESS.. I WILL NEVER LET ANY ONE ELSE TO ENTER IN MY SAMAJ AND ALSO WONT SEND MY DAUGHTER TO ANY OTHER SAMAJ.
She told him WHT IF I MARRY YOUR SAMAJ’S GUY AND I FACE ANY PROBLEM IN FUTURE, YOU THINK YOUR SAMAJ IS GOING TO HELP ME?
He said, THIS IS ALL YOUR BRAINS THING, NOTHING AS SUCH IS GOING TO HAPPEN, THOUSANS OF PEOPLE GET MARRIED NOTHING HAPPEND TO THEM AND YOU THINK YOU WILL GET A PROBLEM.
She said, WHAT IF IT HAPPENS TO ME?
He said ITS ALL IN YOUR BRAIN AND YOU ARE MAKING YOUR STORIES TO CONVINCE US.. YOU JUST FORGET IT…
ITS ALL UP TO YOU, YOU DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT, FOR ME MY AND MY SAMAJ’S HAPPINESS IS EVERYONE’S HAPPINESS, THT’S IT. I HAVE DONE LOTS OF MEHANT AND EARNED GOOD NAME AND REPUTATION.
She said, WHT WILLÂ YOU DO OF YOUR NAME WHN I WILL NOT BE HAPPY WITH A GUY THAT YOU WILL SHOW ME ?.. YOU WILL TELL ME THT YOU STAY WITH THAT GUY BECAUSE OF MY GOOD REPUTATION? .. BECAUSE OF MY GOOD NAME IN SAMAJ?
He said, WE WILL SEE AT THAT TIME AND YES I WILL TELL YOU TO STAY THR..
Then they blamed her friends, they also said WE SPENT SO MUCH MONEY ON YOUR ELDER SISTERS MARRIAGE, FOR WHAT THAT WAS ? .. IT WAS ALL FOR HER HAPPINESS, AND SHE IS HAPPY THR NOW,YOU THINK WE WILL FIND A BAD GUY FOR YOU ?..
Then they also said YOU TAKE YOUR STEP WHAT EVER YOU WANT , BUT REMEMBER THAT IF YOU GO WITH THAT GUY, OUR ELDER DAUGHTER IS GONNA SUFFER JUST BECAUSE OF YOU, PEOPLE ARE GONNA SAYÂ THAT BECAUSE BOTH THE GIRLS WERE THIS TYPE [RAKHDU] THAT IS WHY THR FATHER SPENT SO MUCH OF MONEY ON ELDER DAUGHTERS MARRIAGE AND GOT HER MARRIED IN OTHER COUNTRY, HER MOTHER AND FATHER IN LAW WILL ALSO THINK SAME FOR YOUR SISTER, EVEN HER HUSBAND WILL THINK LIKE THIS FOR HER..
AND WE NOT ONLY HAVE YOU , WE HAVE MY BROTHERS KIDS TOO TO GET MARRIED AFTER YOU, WE WONT GET GOOD RISHTA’S FOR THEM , I WONT BE ABLE TO GO TO PEOPLE TO ASK FOR GOOD RISHTA FOR TOSE KIDS.
He said, YOUR MOM HAD GONE TO DO ABORTION WHEN YOU WERE GOING TO BE BORN, BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE SAYING ALL WRONG THINGS TO HER , I GOT HER BACK FROM THE HOSPITAL, SHE WAS ALMOST ABOUT TO ENTER IN THE OPERATION THEATER , I GOT HER BACK AT HOME… I SAID SO WHAT IF I AM GOING TO GET A DAUGHTER I WILL TAKE CARE OF HER AND TREAT BOTH OF MY DAUGHTERS AS MY SON’S… AND YOU HAVE SHOWN YOUR COLOUR THIS WAY.. I LOVED YOU SOMUCH I CARED FOR YOU SOMUCH AND THIS IS WHT YOU ARE GIVING IN RETURN TO ME..I KNEW YOUR SISTER IS STRONG, SHE IS SHARP, SHE CAN TAKE CARE OF HER , AND YOU ARE VERY BHOLI ,WHN EVER YOU USE TO GO OUT I USETO GET SCARED OF LOSING YOU ….I THOUGHT YOU WERE VERY BHOLI BUT I DID NOT KNOW YOU ARE LIKE THIS …her mother also said that AFTER YOU WERE BORN, MY MOTHER HAD HOLDED YOU IN HER HANDS AND SAID,LET ME HOLD HER , SHE WANTED TO HOLD YOU BADLY SO THAT YOU FALL DOWN AND DIE, AS SOON AS I CAME TO KNOWW MY MOTHER IS DOING THIS I INSTANTLY TOOK YOU IN MY ARMS AND DIDNT TALK TO MY MOTHER TILL SHE DIED. .. [Sweety's father was almost about to cry and mom actually cried]
Then her father said I M A VERY ZIDDI PERSON I WILL DIE BUT NEVER SAY YES FOR THIS THING…
YOU DO WHT EVER YOU WANT, I AM NOT GOING TO SHOUT AT YOU , ITS ALL YOUR DECISION, YOU DO WHT EVER YOU WANT … WE WILL THINK THT WE NEVER HAD 2 DAUGHTERS , WE WILL THINK WE HAVE ONLY ONE DAUGHTER, AND YOU ALSO FORGET THT I WAS YOUR FATHER..
he said , IF YOU DECIDE TO GET MARRIED TO A GUY WE SHOW YOU , THN FIRST YOU MAKE YOUR MIND ,GET OUT OF THAT GUYS THOUGHTS, BE FIRM THT YOU WILL BE HAPPY WITH OTHER GUY AND NOT SPOIL HISÂ Â LIFE, PLEASE DONT SPOILE ANY ONE ELSES LIFE,WE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO BE HAPPY IF THT PERSON CURSES US LATER ON …INSTED OF THTYO U BETTER GO AN LIVE HAPPY THE WAY YOU WANT.
NO KIDS CAN BE HAPPY IF THEY HURT THR PARENTS AND DO ANY THING AGAINST THEM, THR CURSE NEVER LET THM BE HAPPY, I M NOT SAYING I AM CURSING YOU, I AM ALSO NOT BLESSING YOU, I WISH YOU GO AND BE HAPPY I WISH YOU GET A CROREPATI HUSBAND AND LIVE HAPPYLY, BUT ONCE YOU GET MARRIED TO THT GUY FORGET OUR WORLD… AND WE WILL FORGET YOU,
DONT EVEN GO AND TAKE ANY ONE ELSES HELP I AM NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO ANY ONE, I AM A VERY ZIDDI PERSON,I HAD SPOILED ONE GUYS LIFE BECAUSE OF MY STUBBONNES, I WILL NOT LISTEN TO ANY ONE, I HAVE ONLY ONE ANSWER , THT IS NO.
YOU GO DECIDE AND DO WHAT EVER YOU WANT.
Its been 3 months, and Sweety is still waiting for her parents to say Yes for her and Rohits relation, she know that her parents had been living with this attitude since somay years, and its not easy to change a mind that has all this since 40 to 45 years in it, she is still fighting this battle of her life with positive attitude,
She is not allowed to meet her friends, because her parents thinks that she has done this because her friends also has boyfriends and girlfriends, and she is spoiled because of them only.
Her parents don’t talk to her much, only if its necessary then only she gets to talk to them, otherwise its all silent whole day, she sits in her room and do nothing, except surfing the net.
Me being a Patel [Leuva Patel], I know that Patel’s has very stupid rules, like. A Patel guy marries a Patel girl only. Also, they have different Patel’s, like -
Leuva Patel
Kadva Patel, etc..
Again in Leuva Patel they have categories, like
Leuva Patel of higher 27 Villages
Leuva Patel of smaller 27 Villages
Leuva Patel of 5 Villages, etc..
Again in these categories, they have differences between each other, the Patel’s of 27 Villages will not marry the Patel’s of 5 Villages, because 27 Villages Patel’s are known as higher community Patel, and 5 Villages Patel’s are known as lower community’s, I am sure Kadva and other Patel’s also must be having these categories.
This is all rubbish, I mean for God sake what difference does it make if you are from 27 Villages or 5 Villages, what difference does it makes if you are Leuva or some other Patel, isn’t it enough for you that you all are PATEL.. ? , isn’t it enough that you all are human being?
Why are you making differences in YOUR OWN cast only?
If this will be the attitude of these people then they are never gonna come up, at least they will never ever be able to walk with 21st century.
After all this and the story of Sweety and Rohit, what I feel is-
- Why the girl should care about the so called “samaj” who was not ready to accept her even before she was born?
- Why should she think of making that samaj happy who was not happy when she was born?
- Her parents did a great job by not killing her after listening to thr samaj’s crap, but does this mean that this girl will have to pay for that?
- What is her fault if her parent’s samaj didn’t wanted her and they still gave her birth?
- Why her parents are not thinking that this samaj has a crap bag in the name of brain and a tongue without born, that will keep saying any thing for anyone
- Why can’t her parents think that if for their and samajs happiness she will pretend to be happy but still she will never be happy with any one else except Rohit?
- Why they want her to kill her happiness for this dumb samaj?
- if they never listened and cared about thr samaj 23 years ago and got thr daughter in this world then why cant she not care about this samaj and do what she want?
- Why is she not free to like or love someone and live happily with her partner?
- Why they are not happy with another cast’s guy just because he doesn’t share the same surname as they do?
- What difference does it make if the guy has a different surname, he is a human being, don’t you think so?
- Why cant parents think that he is the only person who is going to keep thr daughter happy always, because not just thr daughter but even he loves her.
All these years’ parents do everything to keep thr daughter happy and when she asks for the real happiness from thm, it’s a big NO with thm to give her.
If these parents are actually 21st century’s parents, then why are they behaving like 17th century parents?
Megha Patel.
rahul says:
megha , ketali laambi post lakhi chhe , but, u narrated it like way that 1 can feel that around himself.
aah , Patels having other things like “Charotar” & “Kanam” for cast devide .
Megha says:
Yeh, i know , i m charotat patidar samaj’s patel.
..
and whn my father and all talk about kanam’s patels .. they say these ppl r kanam’s patel, they r like tht only..
and i hate it…
i know the post is long, but i didnt wanted to leave n e thing from this .. well i still have not mentioned some more stuff.. in the conversation of Sweety and her Parents.. if i had mentioned tht , thn aur lamba hojata tha.. i had to cut out some stuff
n e ways i m happy with this
and good to here a comment from you.. i was thinking if n e one will reply to this one or not.. and if they will.. thn wht will be thr attitude to all this wht i have written.. i mean +ve or -ve……
Megha Patel.
Janu Patel says:
Hey Mega,
First of all, after searching for a blog like this for a long time, its a blessing. I feel somewhat connected to the story for I am around a similar one…I don’t really have time to write much at the moment but hopefully I will get some time soon. Nice post. Thank you.
-JP
Megha says:
Thanks
as u said i will write later some time .. i will wait for your comment again
Thanks again .
Megha Patel.
bluediamond says:
I guess these thoughts are always present in every young girl’s minds. I too have heard lot opinions favouring arranged marriages and people not supporting love marriages from the beginning itself. People say, lots of pain involved in love, I agree, there maybe, but kuch paane ke liye kuch khona tho padega hi.. And parents, they are happy if the daughters/sons are happy.
True that the “samaj” needs to accept that there can be peace and love in love marriage also. But then they will have arguments regarding culture n “sanskriti” etc crap, but aren’t they created by ourselves. Can’t we just change them for our happiness!! Again, there wont be satisfactory answer for sure!
Nice post there, Megha!
Megha says:
thnks .. i know thr r many questions unanswered and many arguements left to be done, and people just dont rais these topics becue they are scred of not winning the aruement.. thts thr attitude and ego problem… tht it …
chetas patel says:
hello, 5 gam and 6 gam patels are actually higher then 28!!!!
Megha says:
well Chetas Patel – its 21st century and we have better things to do in life then looking at the old caste system, no gaam makes you higher or lower, so grow up and thnk logic …
and yeh thrs no 28 gaam .. its moti 27 and nani 27…
Anyways if you have not understood the post.. please read it again and understand what i am trying to convey…
Shalini says:
Hey Megha,
I’m so glad that I came across your blog as I am going through the same thing. I am a 5 gham Patel and I told my parents about two weeks ago that I am in love with a Tailor (dharjee) and want to marry him. They totally disapprove. At this point, they are in denial of the entire situation and are pushing this 5th gham Patel who is a doctor on me (I just graduated med school recently). I’m glad that there is someone else out there you can relate to my situation and see the silliness of it all. Really, does it matter what the boy’s last name is as long as he’s a good guy and can provide a happy and good life for your daughter?
Megha says:
yeh.. right …
but hey if you feel they r gonna agree to the guy you like… thn wait for few months …they will get you married to the one you want
Neha Patel says:
Hi Megha,
I randomly came across your article and its really gr8. I am a patel too but luckily my family does not believe in all this “gam” stuff but i can relate to it coz a few of my friends had to go thru it with their parents.
Anyways really nice article.. =)
Megha says:
Thank you
sas says:
even i am facing the same problem like rohit…..do hell with this “samaaj” i will write in some day ….
Prathi says:
hi,
u have said this as a story… but im going thru the same thng in my life… rgt now… i like a guy… he is better than the guys my parents are seeing for me… he is my best frnd for 2yrs…
but my parents r saying a blunt no.. jus coz he is from another caste… its not even the problem of lower or upper caste… its jus the same society caste bullshit…
infact my father has threatened to kill my frnd if i continue to think abt him…. i dnt knw wht to do…
i now hate my family… they said bluntly… they dnt care abt my happiness os whther i evn die the very day of marriage… but they jus want me to marry the asshole they have seen for me… such is the heights of stupidity and arrogance…
Megha says:
Chill they wont kill the guy even if u continue to c him .. its just tht they are angry thinking how can our daughter marry other cast…. just wait for few months or a year or so … they will understand …
if they have said they dont care about your happiness tht does not mean tht they mean wht they say .. its thr anger nothing else .. dont hate your family .. you dont know but they will only be the one who will get u married to the one whom u want .. and u will love this family more thn u hate thm now ..
just relax .. give thm good time to cool down….always remember “TIME IS THE BEST SOLUTION”
navjot singh says:
i m suffering same problem i m a rajput boy n she is a thapa girl but we share very good understanding and we feel we r made for each other and nobody in rest of the world could understand our feelings as we do……………. please advise me to keep my moral up and boosted so that i can keep my words i promised her……….
Anamika says:
Navjot don’t you worry always believe in deciding things yourself, the best way to take a decision is sit calm and see your life from all angles never let emotion rule you always see to it that you take over them. BTW while you decide make it life time and take the challenge as it comes without stooping down. Life is lived once man just take it easy and happy.
Baby says:
I am 22 years old, and I will graduate next year and do my parents proud. However, I fell in love with my boyfriend deeply and told my parents. My brother will disown me if I marry my boyfriend, my other brother wants it to happen for me and he supports me, but my parents are saying know because I am a Balmiki (Chura) and he is a Tarkhan. His family have no objections, they are just waiting for my fam to approach them. My parents have made it very clear that it will not happen no matter what…I know otherwise! I AM going to marry him, even if it means loosing everyone, but I just don’t know how to go about this. Can anyone help me and give me advise?
Megha says:
as i have mentioned earlier…give thm good time to they will support you.. u have not even complted your graduation… this is not the time to think all this .. just finish your studies first … let your BF also get good job ..thn think about marriage and all…..
Baby says:
Well, my boyfriend is a few years older than me and is currently the manager of a company, and I myself run a business from home, and will complete Uni shortly. Thank you for your…erm…advise
Vijay M says:
Hello megha
Just today i came across your site through google and wanna tell you that this post is awesome and of very rare type.
Actually i am also looking for inter cast marriage.
She is from punjab and i am from uttaranchal born in ludhiana (punjab).We are in love since two years and i think that she would be the best life partner for me.I think if our relation would not survive after two years of relation then how can i make sure that i can survive with the girl whom i would marry just after one meeting.
What do you think about it?
Waiting for your reply plz?
Dhanesh K V says:
Megh
Are u interested in inter cast marriage?
i am ready for that
i feel nothing wrong in that
i am serious u know
Contact me if u is
Visit my website to know more about me
Thank You
Megha says:
Dhanesh K V – i think you have not checked my other posts .. i would love you to go through these ….
1- http://www.meghasays.com/2008/01/19/i-am-getting-married-2/
2 – http://www.meghasays.com/2007/03/11/i-am-getting-married/
LOL….
Megha says:
Vijay M – Well i think i didnt get your question.. still hope this reply satisfy you..
if you are in relation with this girl since 2 years and you both have decided to spend life together …thn why r u thinking about the one whom you are not gonna marry ? ..
if its something about my personal decision thn i would prefer love marriage because i would know wht kind of a person i am going to spend my life with .. i would never ever spend my life with someone i dont even know … i am not against arrange marriage .. but its my personal thinking tht i can not stay with someone i dont know …
Nice topic. says:
I’m suffring same kinda situation here….just found one answer yet…prove yourself….be bigger then their f***ing excuses.dat’s it.
Dinesh kumar says:
hey megha
thanks a lot.this story really touched my heart.No wonders a lot of boys and girls face the same situation but they are suppressed by their parents.they are threatned to kill ,to be thrown out of their own family and emotionally blackmailed.its a very common practice,but what amazes me is I see very less people reporting this, I think every such victim should come forward and they should express their feelings and tell their story, So that others can get confidence through this.Even the one who succeded in getting their love should tell us their journey,it can really help others.After a lot of search I found only one or two such sites. A very good attempt by u.
Siddharth says:
Hi!
Such detail in your story. Wonderful! I really support your views and analysis of the so called caste system. I wonder why we have such a system everywhere. In the eyes of God everyone is same as we all come from the same source, so why are humans creating difference between themselves. Do different castes and religions have different colored blood, cells, bones, or brains? This is a question I would like to put forward to the society at large. The society actually knows the answer, but it will keep mum because it does have the courage to stand out. Our very own Bhagavad Gita says that “One is not Brahmin by birth, but is by Virtue”. Our parents, elders, and the so called learned have read the Gita and yet, tragically, have not understood the essence of it. Or they know, but just dont have the spine to digest it. What matters is the character of the person, NOT the caste or religion. A good person with positive traits is what counts and such persons are the ones who can and will make the world a place worth living in. Best wishes to you.
Siddharth says:
This sentence, as mentioned in my previous message, needs a bit of correction. The correction is the addition of a word, which is in capitals:
“The society actually knows the answer, but it will keep mum because it does NOT have the courage to stand out.”
spike0027 says:
hey baby,
No school or universities have taught you to talk with ur same caste or creed. u have your own will to talk with anyone and marry the one whome u love most. This is called rights of speech, rights of thought in India. bring revolutionary in India. y, u people always have to same thing again in again. life must have changes. think broad.expand your feelings and thoughts. create your own path (community), then c, everyone will behind you. even haryana govt. is encouraging inter caste. to attract them they provide rs.50,000/- in a month. its understanding between two hearts. dont ever bother or tainted with society’s comments and blamings..
spike0027 says:
there was once when christianity entered india. they started changing people from hinduism to chirstianity for a loaf of bread a day. this should be stopped. instead of that, y cant u hold their hands and show them how this world is in ur community circle. lift them up by marrying other castes rather than doing something foolish what ur parents say. u r grown up girlszzz/dudes…become a man than to be a child forever to ur parents. when will u be a real man and father to ur wife whome u love with no intentions and returns.?
revathy says:
hi megha, this is what going on in my life toooo! its really hell with this people na, never cared about the real happiness of their daughter……. always carried away ny caste religion and status…nuts!
Megha says:
Nov 1 2008
spike0027 – I didnt get wht u r trying to say..
Nov 4 2008
spike0027 – i read your comment again today, i guess i was in some kind of confusion whn i didnt understand your comment..
now though i have read it properly, i would like to comment on it …
the thing you have said is not to be a child to your parents and grow up and do a love marriage and stuff… i think you have misunderstood the stuff written in this post …
i feel even if you are married to the one you love [love marriage] you are still a kid to your parents… even when you are 50 to 60 or more thn tht age … you are still a kid to your parents..
thr are people who has done arrange marriage and are happy… this post is just about the orthodox thinking of the people .. this is not at all against love or arrange marriage …
its not that if you are doing an arrange marriage you are not a grown up .. its just that you have not found or you dont feel a need to find one for your self ..
you grown up anyways as soon as you decide to get married… it does not at all matter if yours is an arranged or love marriage …
Baby says:
Hi Megha, Your intelligence is just as bad as the advise you fondly feed to the sad people that actual think you are talking sense. Why are you failing to comprehend the message that spike0027 is portraying? You shouldn’t even have this blog, Do people a favour and close this site down. You’re not even smart enough to realise when ‘text lingo’ is appropriate. If you’re going to communicate in English, do it correctly and stop making a mockery of our English language. Such inadequacies should be eliminated straight away as should the cause…
Megha says:
Hey Baby…
If you had so much problem then you should have simply closed the window rather than dropping your stupid comments.. haha
If you feel something is not proper then simply say it in polite manner.. and if you can’t.. then don’t bother commenting LOL… (Yea, you got it right.. you won’t see your another stupid comment here)
If you feel my English is not proper and I should shut my site.. haha then… you can simply stop visiting the site, so, that will serve your purpose..
and baby…grow up and act like a matured person.. only kids behave like the way you just did… haha
Mosh says:
Good discussion
@spike — Could you enlighten us further ?
As a rule #1 – Learn the ettiquette, when you follow blogs.
@Baby — Like name , like behavior. Lemme share a revealation with ya — “Grow up”
The social fabric that we stay in is hypocritic to the core, the very foundations are pretention. I have been writing a lot on hypocrisy “as i see it”.
This [the original post] is another testimony to it. As far as our scriptures are in question — Those who “use” the holy books as a base for such a nonsensical behavior, pretty well know that the very “base” of their hypothesis is hollow, so they need something as heavy as the holy books, scriptures to “prove” themselves. Humans have been manipulators since their inception
“Society ” [or SAMAJ as it is used here] is a mechanism to enforce such whims and fansies. Inter-caste marriages have been a problem worldwide, reasons — ” a one hundred percent absymality”.
Quoting from the Gita, Krishna says that the acts of Brahmins, Kshatriyas etc spring from the the three gunas (rajas, tamas and sattva) that come from nature and karma.The three gunas are present in everybody and each individual is different and performs tasks according to what guna is emphasised in their nature. He does not say one is a Brahmin because of birth. Else how could Viswamitra “become” a Brahmin? He was not born one, but it was in his nature to be one. You can either see the Gita as teaching you to be true to your nature (which is not the same thing as being true to the social background you were born in) or being true to some pre-determined notion of what is appropriate for you, in which case if you were born to a cobbler, you must be a cobbler, despite having no talent for it-and marry a cobbler’s daughter.
Its an issue even today because by no one wants to take the pain to go off the beaten track.[Newtons first law you see , he was so right
] Those who suffer , think, and probably resolve not to repeat the same shit again.
I predict it will still be prevalent in the coming 10 centuries
Because no matter however sophisticated the society turns out to be, the fabric remains the same.
Godspeed!!!
Megha says:
loved the Geeta knowledge… thanks for sharing Mosh
Mosh says:
………So the dice rolls, sit tight, ENJOY LIFE!!
\m/ B-)
praveen says:
hi Megha ,
same thing happen with my two friends. some time I keep myself in my friends condition then I think abt my family and my life partmer also. bcoz we want both parties. when this condithin will change ? first we have to educate and stand on our keg then no need to take help from family. if we are happy our own family aslo will be happy. they can accept us but it s takes time . if we are not going to change this situation then who will try to change this no one will come! see this rules and custum has created by our society. society will form new rules. then we aslo part of this society. this endogamy system has been coming long ago. nobody can chane it within month or year.
sawan kumar gupt says:
hiiiii after getting marriage with rohit first inform me so that i can wish u and also wish your love.
Megha says:
yeh they are happily married now …
and no issue from thr parents end too …
Jeet kumar says:
Hey Megha
Awesome article reflecting hypocrisy of indian samaj even in 21 century.what makes me sad is there is still certain section of young generation beleive in caste issues.
Myself also facing similar situation like rohit and sweety.I want marry this girl in India who belong to Brahmin caste and i am jatav said to be to opposite end by india samaj caste wise when it comes to marriage.Her parents were happy to let her daughter marry me and found me good match until caste thing came up.Which showz its mental blockade and hypocrite samaj.Otherwise this samaj claims there is no caste system existing in India anymore which is false.
I am in states and this girl is in india feels scared to talk to her parents that they will reject and would get hurt .I dunno what to do because this caste thing reallly sucks .
On one hand people cry about anti reservations to abolish it saying casteism doesnt exist but when comes to intercaste marriages they find it hard to accept.( i am not saying this to prove reservation is right or wrong but this reflects casteism exist and can be removed with intercaste marriages).
People try to distort the right essence given by scriptures , vedas and gitas to their advantage by bringing in disparities ,caste and creed.
Megha says:
yeh… people and thr big mouth with bone less tongue ….for nothing ….
they just give big lectures .. they dont even know half of the things out of it….
shraddha says:
i had tears in my eyes when i read ur blog it was good to read a
happy ending even mine is the same story but its the other way round
he is a kadwa patel ..i need ur wishes for our story to have a happy endin
Megha says:
yeh it will be a happy ending .. all you need to do is … have patience .. give time to your parents …
shraddha says:
he needs to give time to his parents i wil b de happiest person on
the earth n lyk u i wil surely write m gettin married wid al de smiley face
nywaz wishin u happiness n success tc n thanks for de advice
Megha says:
Sure
will be waiting to see those smiles .. haha 
brokenheart says:
Hi Megha !
brilliant article ! nice discussion too … same shit goes on in my home too.. my parents try to brainwash me about this community and caste thing…my sister was a victim of their nonsense… i hope it doesnt happen to me… lets see
Nitesh says:
I’m very much pleased to see this Blog.I’ve been searching for this sort of blog.
I’m an engineering student and iam committed but the girl doesn’t belong to our cast.I want her to be mine but how to get Rid of this problem?????ohk suppose i’ll marry her but can i be happy in life since i’ve to depend on my parents even after my job placement and maintain good relations with her parents but is this possible????It’s impossible na….In my house there is no objection to marry her and same in her house but this can be a problem in the future life that i should spend with her…I’m in a confusion from last two months that whether my relation with her is temporary or permanent:(So meghna Mam give some suggestion whether to leave her or not…..Waiting for your precious reply:)
Megha says:
First …. I am “Megha” not Meghana
second…. thanks for the compliment
now your problem ..
1- you must not think about marriage at this point because you are a student yet …
2- if thrs no issue from both of your parents end… thn thrs no problem about your marriage…
3- if you are not sure about your relation , thn give it some more time, infect since you are a student …you have good time in your hand to decide if you both want to get married and stay together or not … you both must sit and talk about it if thrs any confusion …
4- Dont worry about handling relations after marriage.. you dont have handle it .. it gets handled on its own.. i dont know your age but since u r are a student … you are too young to think this thing now ..
4- and why do you think you will have be dependent on your parents even when you have a job ? ….. its a stupid thing … please explain …
devyani says:
hey megha,
i love your blog. And the wonderfull work you are doing. i m 23 a journalist and about to complete my mba. m commited to a guy we both are going to be well settle in a month or two (proffesionally). we both share good understanding,and are best of friends. i m jain and he is brahmin. caste is more or less equal and simmilar and same is our society. both of our mothers grand mothers and even brothers are ready for our marriag but both of our fathers are not giving any response
Neither yes nor no
how to come out with this.
the story you share is very touching and persuade me to write to you
Megha says:
thts good tht other ppl in your family have no problem… n e ways dont worry and just give thm time… rest of the things will be taken care of by your mother and grand parents…
and Thanks
Annie says:
Hi
I am going thru the exact same situation as sweetu in your post going thru.I have elder sis who got married the way my parents wanted but she cudnt find an equal match but she is happy with him. i am christian protestant in love with a Hindu, my parents have the exact same comments like the parents u mentioned. i stay away from my parents for work and often go over weekends but i have expressed my feeling i am not going as i m scared they will not let me come. Mom has been not keepin well so also am scared. i am waiting for their consent to get married. His parents are supportive. He wud b travelling for his MBA to Canada very soon. Please advice, U think i sud wait for them say
YES one day or sud we get officially engaged and wait for him to come as by then they say YES …. please advice what should i do so that i can make my parents as well as me happy .
Thanks
Annie
rupesh says:
Can a gujrati vaishnav girl marry a carpenter bihari guy? girl owns car but guy owns bike….you can understand the slight difference. guy is 27 yrs and girl is 20. girls family is very understanding but not sure about this decision. guy’s family doesn’t have any issue. both the guy and girl loves each other and are in love for last 2 yrs. they both have to wait for another 2 yrs then girl will complete her education and will ask to her parents about marrying this guy. Guy is ready to wait for two years her parents don’t know about this yet.
Megha says:
Annie – dont stop going back at your place on weekends…. they will feel you dont care about thm … you must be with your Parents as much as possible .. also your Mother is not keeping well … so they need you at this point of time .. if u be with thm .. you will get to talk to thm more and more .. also you can discuss about your guy to thm and tell thm that he is not a bad guy .. its just that he has “hindu” behind his name .. if he was a “christian” they would have said yes … just because of a word “Hindu or Christian” they are saying no .. and many other things you feel can help you and thm to understand your guy….
and off course I would suggest you to wait for your parents to give permission to marry him… if your guy is going out of India .. it wont make any difference in you relation .. right ? … so even if he is going .. let him go .. and wait for your Parents to say YES and accept him ….
Megha says:
Rupesh – it seems you dont have any issue regarding your marriage.. just let her finish her education and you concentrate on your career .. because you need to earn good , so that you can buy a car and get the girl at your home in your own car …. Right ?
unknown says:
Hey everyone, like most of the posters here I face the same problem. I’m a guju guy born and raised in north america, parents/grand parents are from india and have been living in north america for over 30 years, yet have still managed to hold the same conservative thaught process as the day they left india.. My brother was born and raised in nrth america as well, but he is a lot more conservative than myself, he is gonna marry into the same caste as what we are. Me being younger, I feel a lot more pressure now to do the same… I’m a bit skeptic about marriage into my own caste because isn’t it kinda almost incest… I mean if ur caste keeps marrying within its own cast the genes are gettin recycled over and over, which I’m sure has scientifically been proven to be a bad thing, ie. Can lead sever problems when reproducing.. I’m just wondering if anyone feels the same way? Anyways I’m not seeing anyone at the moment, and am still in school so I don’t need to worry about getting married any time soon, but its always on the back of my mind that unless the girl is of the same caste as me, my parents will not “accept” her… Blah blah blah, you know how the story goes…
Megha says:
Well.. the scientific thing .. yes its true…
but here marriage is being discussed on some other perspective ….
now about your thinking of getting married in some other cast…
in simple words i will say .. if you have found someone and if you truly love and want her/him for the rest of your life.. thn nothing can stop you from getting married to that person…. otherwise just get married to the one your parents show you …. you cant just sit and wait for someone to come in your life till you die .. right ?
unknown says:
I agree with you megha about the outer caste marriage thing… honestly we are all human beings so I don’t see it being a big deal.. This intercaste marriage thing is actually a bad thing to do. This raises a big red flag for me, because technically if we keep on marrying inter caste we are going to become more and more stupid, eventually ending up to the extinction of ur own caste.. I hope this raises awareness for everyone else. I’m almost 100 percent positive that I’m not gonna marry in my own caste, it kinda makes me throw up a little just thinking about it…
Megha says:
I personally dont believe in arrange marriage.. basically .. to me love marriage is not just getting married in other cast.. love marriage is just marry the one you love and understand… who is more of a friend then a husband or wife…. be it someone of your own cast or some other cast…. i need to know the person well before i get married to him.. not that meet him once in front of parents and say yes and get married….
its basically peoples own thinking and own choice u c … after all they have to make thr lives decision on thr own …
R says:
Hi….
im given crap and jack shit about no one will marry my younger sister…. my story is more like a bollywood movie and i still don’t know what the future holds… by the way it’s been long sisnce u posted this… where is sweety now???
Im feel sooooooooo much connected to this story and this is something that is going around me at the moment…. well im suffering from the past 5 years….still not married and moreover my parents have gone to a different country to see if things suit them there then they will move
Megha says:
her Parents agreed …and she is married to Rohit and happy in her life …
her parents are happy too …
Rajeev Singh Shekhawat says:
Hi,
I am rajput guy working as a software engineer for an MNC. i am in love with a punjabi girl from last 4 yrs.i think that she would be the best life partner for me. My parents are not getting ready for her.Her parents are happy to let their daughter marry me and found me best match for her.But my parents are so orthodox dat they have threatened me not to marry her else they will commit sucide. i have younger bother and sister also.My parents are worried abt their rishta and saying all rubbish abt this stupid samaj.they said We have a good reputation in the samaj. you will make us feel small by doing this.wat other relatives will say.Meghna i think you know well rajput community is very much sticked to their old ideas n traditions.This is the hieght of stupidity they even cant see me happy.for them caste is bigger than my happiness. Meghna can give some suggestions .Waiting for your reply:
Megha says:
Hi,
First of all .. i am “Megha” and not “Meghana” ..
and dont worry .. as i have said to other ppl… give thm time .. i think in your family this is gonna be the first love marriage .. tht is why they are not ready to accept it .. so give thm good time.. they wont commit suicide .. its not easy to commit a suicide…give thm a year or so .. they will agree … after all they are your parents .. they love you .. they will agree to you …
but the condition is . you are not suppose to raise your voice infront of thm or insult thm by any means and for whatever reason …
just be firm on your decision .. they will agree to you …
how long its been you have told thm about your girlfriend ?
Amandeep says:
Dear Megha, the same is with me like that of rajeev and time also i have given a lot. its almost 2 years and 3 months now but my family is not in any way ready to accept the girl i wanted to marry and now situation is that the parents of girl are saying its over and we cant give you mor time I am a PG and is also doing job as Research Associate in Ranbaxy but still my parents are not ready, i also left my home for last 4 months now i am back home to make a last try and that is also over. So, dear why are you showing the wrong path to people to wait as it hurts a lot when your relation breaks after so many years . do you know i was in contact with my GF since last 5 years and in last 2 years i met her only 2 times for an hour. but i love her a lot an i dont know what else is to be going on with me but its all over now and is hurting me a lot which i cant define you. so plz it was your good luck that you got what you want, was a miracle and miracle seldom takes place dear you know this better. anyways good luch for your life.
Megha says:
Amandeep… I am asking ppl to give time to thr parents because as you said you are hurt because of your 5 years relation breaking … wht will be the condition of the parents who’s kids with whom they have a relation since they were born are hurting thm …
having said that it does not mean that every parent and every child is going to be same, but we should try our level best to convince the parents and if it does not work.. thn we should take advice of our seniors and take the decision accordingly…
Amandeep says:
that i understand dear but when you have tried a lot and still not getting any wayout like i am in such a situation then what would you like to say about that, you undersatnd the situation i am in, i am not a lay man but still i am not able to convince my parents dear.
Megha says:
as I have written in my last reply .. you must consult your senior person .. or you and your GF both need to sit and decide wht you want ..
no one can tell you wht to do … its you who has to make the decision of your life .. ppl can just give you advice…
Amandeep says:
Dear no senior no family member can help i have tried for all that and i will not get any chance to sit with my GF for even 10 min and what to do ahead isclear with in a month she will be getting married the situation will be untolerable for me but its all destiny. Anyways thanks for replies.
kc says:
hi megha!
so, i told to my father and relatives upon their pressure and my dad’s abbusive and aggresive reactions / dominations over my mom..regarding my marriage…n all, that ok, u try n find a match compatible to me.. but now after 4 months of i hav told thm everything…they hav shown up around 4-5 guys of their choice to me, who are not meeting up my match req…but still my father is in a hush n hurry n wants to get me maried to any of those he showed up to me and when i and mom denied..he starts shouting screeming and abusing at us… he then also yells at our relatives to pressurize us..n thn they do it!!!!!!!
nice blog dear. I am suffering thru a similar phase and i need advise on the same, if u / someone sharing the bolgs may help me.
I am a rajput girl, and in love with a brahmin guy for 4+ years now. we both are settled in our jobs now for more than 1 year. we hav talked to our parents for our marriage. his parents are ready (after a couple of years of eforts)- but only incase of it is love cum arranged mariage and my parents contact his family for this rishta… my mom , brother hav seeen the guy, n hav no issues me marrying him… but my father is giving all of us a big torture! he has joined hands with all 17th century mindset -immediate relatives of ours..and are forcing on me for an aranged marriage of their choice… my father also said that if i wil go for intercast, he ‘ll nt support me , n askd me to go for court marriage..but that would be again a big esteem issue for the guys parents who thmslvs havgot ready aftr so much difficulty…
my father is a high BP patient…but is so pathetically agresive and egoistic that he thinks that BP is not any disease..n above all he thinks that he is so healthy (although overweight) n smart that he wdud control his BP..even without medicines..and whn we/my mom tries to giv him medicines..he shous n screems at us.. n takes just a painkiller instead of BP medicine…
Most of the times he behaves as a pathetic physco.. but my mother has brought us up (both me n my brother) with love n care, and is only the cause of where we both stand today..she as suffered a lot throughut her life just to make us live, n beecome someone in life… i and my lovr, we both are soft developers, are ready for marriage..but just want it to be a love cum arranged marriage… but my father is creating hell out of our livs…
what shall i do…. please advice..
now a days i m moving into depression bcoz of all this torturous behaviour of his… please please suggest me what shall i do…
:’( i love him, and cant afford to loose him, n above all since, he is best among all the guys my father is showing me up…
now a days, my father is hurrying about my marriage so much! he doesn’t care whether i m happy or not… he just care about his reputation…n other bullshit crap abt samaj…!!!
please suggest… i m getting int mental stress and depression due to this… i just want to stay sweet lovely married life wth my lover, far away frm all such evils in the fac of father and relatives and so called samaj!!!
please help me! plz
Megha says:
Hi,
Firs of all .. no need to get in to any kind of depression… think about your Mother .. she has spent so many years with this situation and still standing strong…
learn from her .. and don’t be sad about the situation.. this is nothing .. you will get lot bigger problems in your life .. its just your father…you can express your feelings in front of him.. in future you will face world where you wont be able to even utter a word … so first thing you need to get out of your depression…
forget what your father is saying .. what he is behaving ….
all you need to do is .. sit and think on your own .. you being in this situation and knowing your parents… you are the best person who can decide what will be your parents condition after you marrying your BF.. after thinking and making decision …talk to your Mother about what you have decided.. and ask your BF to talk to his parents about the whole situation… and then you both need to sit and discuss about your future ….
you just don’t need to think about you , yourself and your future with this guy.. you will have to think about your parents too .. you cant be selfish just because of a guy you have met in last 4-5 years because you have a relation with your parents much more stronger thn this one …
so even if your decide to marry this guy… think about your parents .. thr must be some way where they can be happy with what you do ….
Hope this help you ..
Let me know ….
kc says:
hi megha,
thanks for ur reply.
i sat and thought upon this. and the answer I got frm myself is, that since my father has been a selfish n self ceneterd person, beaten up my mom, tried to kill me as a girl child… and have always cursed upon all of us, I must never think and bother abt his being happy or not.
if i marry the guy of his choice comming into prssure, this wont help me anyways…and my motehr’s sacrifice also wud go in vein. Ours is a brutal and cruel society on the name of rajputs! they treat women as slaves and the thing of use thats it no more… its a very rare chance that some rajput guy is not like this…until he is educated and have developed sense of right and wrong, btw insane and humanity…or if the guy has seen the torture on his mother/sister in his own house happe
ing day n night…
So, I have decided to marry the guy I love. Love is the most beautiful thing in the wrld , n i have realized it since so many years of unsuccessfull marriage of my parents…
now, i’ll fight for my right to sustain and justice for my choice of life partner. I’ll nt my mothers efforts go in vein.
I talked to my boyfriend, if in worse situation, will he go for a court marriage… and will he able to make his parents understand the situation… and suport us.he talked to his parents, his parents said they just need their son’s safety and happiness, since they are afraid of rajput’s aggresiv behaviour. Otherwise they dont have any issues in accepting me as their daughter in law… being leagally married to their son.
So, we both have decided not to step back at any cost n situation nw.
W’ll try to convince my father more, incase he doest get agree i’ll go for cort marriage.
meanwhile, I am just tooo worried abt all this frustrated environmet going on in my home. I hate my father for his insane behaviour, and wold never forgive him. but in order to keep my mom and brother safe here in the house from physical abuse, i’ll nt let this hatred of mine to show up on my face or in my wrds. all I require is to be firm, and stand by my choice of living happy in mariage and choosing my partner, and still showing up that only because u (my father) didnt care for my happiness, although i did (by giving u all a chance to find a suitable match for me, but u started presurizing me against my wil), only due to this reason i am forced to go for court marriage…and still i would definitely wish to hav ur blessings….
this way, by potraying that my mother and brother are playing no role in my decision of court marriage… its just that i m mentally upset with my father (since i persnally feel that he had never craed for me, and nt even nw my happindsd is nt imp for him,) nw, i m forced to ake this step. since, its my life, and utimately it must be my decision whether i want to marry or nt…n if yes, then to whom.
kc says:
i would just wish to have some tips or some thing that u could share with your experience so as to how should i keep myself calm and composed? i start loosing hope at some time… sometimes i get scared frm my father’s agresiv behaviour, his shouting n screeming,, since it is some torture that i have seen since childhood and since being a child, all that had effected me harshly on my brain conceiving , memories… and an obvious fear sort of of feeling…
I want to know how should i keep myself to remain calm and confident all through… and stand strong for my will till i win the battle…
please suggest
kc says:
i m extremly nervous and concerend. i m afraid of my father’s shouting n screeming and verbal abusing on all of us… :’(
kc says:
should i stop talking to my father? :’(
Megha says:
Ok.. since you have made your decision …
1 – dont stop talking to your father .. he will get more and more wild…
2 – to be firm on your decision.. you need to be rock strong … forget that you are scared of any damn person on this earth.. not even God … [in my case.. i dont believe that thrs somethig called God, so it was very easy for me to be firm]
3 – and if you really love this guy… you will automatically get the strength to stick to your decision… whnever you feel low.. just talk to him on phone… or meetup for some time ….
4 – Let your mother know whatever you have decided and you have in your mind…
5 – you father is shouting all the time .. thats it .. he is not gonna kill anyone …so dont worry .. he wont do anything more thn shouting in whatever situation… he is like this because of his own personal reasons .. he must have gone through lot of stress .. tht is why he must be like this .. n e ways .. thts not the discussion issue here…
and hey… even my grand ma had tried to kill me because i was a girl child… i never knew this ..i always loved her .. and was always sad that she is not with us now .. but i hated her whn i came to know this thing whn my patents told me ..i still hate her .. and will never forgive her ..and i m sure she must have got the punishment for this … but i thought this was the past.. so i must forget it at least for now and think about today and tomm .. I knew that my parents are saying no for inter cast marriage but after some time they will say yes .. they also told me that they wont keep any relation with me if i go for inter cast marriage… and believe me .. even i was as scared as you are …. still .. somewhere i had this gut feeling and my BF was always with me to convince me saying .. “I m with you .. dont worry about anything” … these words were enough for me to keep myself strong and firm..
Rajeev Singh Shekhawat says:
Hi Megha,
. so had u asked me how long its been i have told thm about my girlfriend. last year in july i started talking abt her at my home. after that every month i am going to home n talking on this topic but they still dun wanna know anything abt dat gal. they have problem wid caste only. My girlfren also talked to my mom few days back on phone.My mom clearly said no.Now i have taken some more time from her dad.his dad said we dun have any problem u take ur own time n give ur best.now i think wat i have to do is i have to stick to my wish till they get ready.one or the other day they will have to get ready for my wish.wat u say megha?
I hope now i have spelled ur name correctly
Rajeev Singh Shekhawat says:
Hi kc i hope solution of ur problem can help me also…………as i am also rajput n going thru same situation.she is a punjabi girl n my parents have created scene just bcoz she is not rajput.ok i hope gud for u.
Megha says:
Yes Rajeev.. though you dont have n e pressure from your GF side.. u can give good time to our parents ..
kc says:
Hi Megha,
thank u for such a detailed response. I understand that I must be strong and firm. I tend to become scared and worried because start loosing hope after seeing my father’s rash behavior and ruthless being.
i m still striving to mould the prevailing situation..
yeah i lov the guy… lets see… wat happens….
kuch to hoga hi
jinglu says:
hi megha,
after readin al this,i’ve got a confidence that i can still live..thnx a lot.m in a very bad situation..m a kannadiga belongin 2 a gowda community n ma guy’s a tamil brahmin..both have vast differences in culture n traditions.m abt 2 complete ma graduation..none on this earth wud luv me lyk him.i can neva miss him in ma lyf..v hav a gr8 understanding…v r very confident that both f us’l live a successful happy lyf….ma bro came 2 knw abt this..n each time he speaks 2 me abt this,ma confidence is shattered..he says”practically no two cultures can mingle.the forth comin generations will hav lotza problems abt mixed parentage..atleast the languages shud’ve been same in the worst case..and there should b a minimum of 3 years age gap between the two or there wud b lotza prbms cuz f ego n stuff..etc etc”..the prob is that ma guy is jus 9 months older 2 me..both of us can communicate in a common language tho our mother tongues r diff..when ma bro says all this i seriously doubt if this is eva possible.can i really adapt 2 a totally diff culture..
n most important of all,ma parents don know this yet.ma bro totally shatters ma confidence n m gettin really scared 2 put this b4 ma parents..both of them r emotionally weak n not in gud health too..ma bro scares me sayin somtin wud happen 2 ma parents at the very moment i tell them that m in luv wid another caste guy.they cant take it n somtin wud happen..if i tell him dat m confident of convincin them he says,surely somtin wud happen 2 them that moment.then where’s the question of convincin them?this breaks me..i know i cant live wid any1 else happily..but i don want ma parents or bro 2 get affected in anyway….i can b happy only if they agree happily..but they r very particular abt caste..they always feel that they wud get a bad name in the society if they do so n they’l b blamed 4 not bringin up their kids in a good way..i dunno y they consider love 2 be a crime..that 22 if itz an intercaste,they almost consider it as an offence.how do i convince them?vat do i do?will they understand n give up al doz ideals of theirs?and ma sis in law says”u r very famous n everybody consider u as an example..all of them r jealous of u n waitin 4 a moment 2 put u down n tease u(actually i’m a topper in studies since kindergarden..i’ve neva given up that place..n ma behaviour n qualities have also been gud..so ma relatives n frns do consider me gr8 n gifted)..when people r waitin 4 such moments y do u wanna make place 4 al that?u hav an xtraordinary lyf..ur parents n bro’l find an extremely gud guy..ur lyf’l b superb later widout any problems..if u go ahead wid this,u’l have 2 cry each day..u can neva stay happy as u’l alwayz hav d guilt f hurtin ur family”…..i seriously dunno vat 2 do..ma bro keeps sayin”be practical enough in life..lov n everytin’l com automatically in lyf.itz not that arranged marriages cant provide luv..u can still understand each other well n then get married if u feel understandin each other before marriage is important.now ma mind is not clear at al..alwayz oscillatin..i want both..dunno vat 2 do,how 2 go about things…..this has affected me a lot..these thoughts haunt me each moment n m not able concentrate in anytin..i’m depressed n tensed alwayz..
plz gimme some suggestions n help me..plz
Megha says:
Hi,
Well if you are confident about this guys .. if you think and you are 100% sure that you will be happy with him in no matter what situation… you must not think about what everyone is saying …you must not think about what your relative will bitch about you or whatever the situation they get ..because relatives and other ppl has inbuilt habit of taking a chance to show you and your family down.. just listen to your heart …
you have to do what you feel is good ..see.. the way your heart show will be always tough.. but on later stage ..you and your family will be happy …
and to convince your parents .. you have lived for so many years with your parents .. you must know how to put things in front of thm and how to talk .. the way they dont get shock… or just try to give thm hints that you are having affair with someone …if they have an idea of something fishy.. they wont get a shock whn you tell thm about your guy ..
if they get the hint.. they might become strict to you..or mad at you.. but that is wht the situation must be … if they get thr anger out now .. they will be not much shocked/angry later.. the reaction later will be lighter thn wht they might get by gettting a sudden shock ..
and the most important thing .. forget everyone else outside your house … others are all bunch of idiots …if you think about others .. you will never be happy in your life ..
and dont be too tensed .. its just a matter of 1 or 2 tough years … things will be smooth later once you are married..just be confident…
jinglu says:
thnx 4 ur reply megha.m jus keepin ma fingers crossed..n could u jus narrate how u convinced ur parents?n which of the 2 cultures or traditions u followed 4 ur wedding?n now how do u adapt urself 2 a new environment?
jinglu says:
and one more thing megha,do u think an age gap is required between the individuals?will it b a prob if there is not mucha age difference?
Megha says:
well I am a Patel by birth… and My Husband a Kutchi..
My wedding was like what my parents wanted.. because in Patel’s … wedding takes place at girls place and everything is done from girls end…
I had worn wedding outfit the way My Mother In Law wanted because they believe in that tradition of wearing “Gharchola” in wedding
after marriage since My Husband is Kutchi.. I have to follow his tradition… thts wht our Indian or any ones culture says .. right ?.. .. but believe me .. except the “NAME OF GOD” thrs nothing new here for Me .. they live the way other humans live.. they talk the way other humans talk .. they wear cloths the way other humans wear…
what I am trying to say is .. you dont have to suddenly change anything in your life after marriage.. because you are shifting from one place to another.. thats it … so dont think about will I be able to accept other culture or not .. or will i adjust my self or not .. etc etc.. if you are thinking all these things thn you are not ready to marry this guy and his family/culture….
well age gap I believe must not exceed more thn 2 to 3 years … that means .. the age gap can be 1 day … 1 month… 1 year… 2 year.. what ever.. infect if its less….. thn its good for you .. My and My Husband has 2 months gap .. which is good because we are of same age .. that makes us from same generation.. almost same thinking .. we can understand each other properly..
convincing My Parents was difficult… well I cant narrate everything here.. but I fought for My love because I knew I was right .. and those things mentioned in this post .. everything happen at my place too.. its just that I knew they are humans.. its a nature of humans that if they have lived following something since they were born and suddenly if I tell thm to change .. its so obvious that they will say NO…even if someone come and ask me to stop brushing my teeth in the morning after waking up .. i will say no…i wont ask for the reason… its a human nature..
its just that you have to be calm and give good time to thm …and you have to be confident .. I did the same … and the wedding happened…
Rajeev Singh Shekhawat says:
Hi Megha,
i want to know how ur parents zip ur relatives mouth who always
create problems if we go for intercaste marriage.In mostly cases just bcoz of relatives, our parents say no for intercaste marriages.so how to deal with all this.suggest something which helped u in ur case.
Rajeev Singh Shekhawat says:
Hi Megha,
i want to know how ur parents zipped ur relatives mouth who always create problems if we go for intercaste marriage.In mostly cases just bcoz of relatives, our parents say no for intercaste marriages.so how to deal with all this.suggest something which helped u in ur case.
Megha says:
Well in my case my confident and patience only helped me ..
I knew they will say no .. and I knew it will take good time to convince thm[ it took thm almost 1 year to be convinced ].. so i was prepared for the worst… and had made my mind already for the worstest situation in my life…
I can not suggest anything to anybody because I dont know your Parents … you are the best person who can think how to put the things infront of your Patents.. you must know on what thing your Parents will react positively or negatively .. you must know what words your Parents will accept ..
never use any negative words in whole conversation you do with your Parents till they are convinced ..
and relatives.. first of all.. you sto about ag about the relatives … just dont care about anybody out side your house .. thn recollect wht all bad your relatives has done to your family.. and tell thm nicely that these things the relatives do and you are saying no for this ..
.. but dont use all your examples together .. you need to use thm as and when required .. because using all the examples together you might hurt thm by telling what thr brother and sister are doing to thm ….
Supriya says:
Hi Megha,
The story of Rohit & Sweety and the words told by their parents are just the same as of my story. But what is the solution. I have been waiting for almost 2 years to take approval of my parents and have been going through a hell like situation due to these emotional torture.
R we so wrong and so useless child of our parents? What to do?
Supriya
Megha says:
one sentence..
Do what your heart says … you will be happy …
deepa says:
Dear Megha,
this is the 1st time i m writing such things in my life. I hv got the same problem..i like a guy who hs completed his MBA n now abt to join his job n myself completed my masters n now in job. We are brahmin but tht guy is rajput. My family is voraciously searching a guy for me but should be in my cast n tht too same brahmin. I told them abt this guy when he proposed me…they straight way said no..the same story as urs….putting concern abt my cousins, their reputation and all..i tried to convince them its being 1 month arnd and they are not at all agree. and the problem is i cnt tell them tht i love this guy..i just said he is a good guy n i ll be happy with him….
the thing whch ws shocking for me is….my dad said my grand pa feels proud of me and he may commit suicide aftr that..and i ws shattered…n now dun have any words to convince them….really i m shattered now…my mom dad love me a lot…n they want my happiness but they are also helpless..i dun balm them at all…but really i dont know what should i do….i feel one day they ll search someone for me n ll get me married with him and i wont be able to do anythng…
i told u this as s frnd….wt u say megha..?
Supriya says:
Dear Megha
You are ryt. But my family is so loving and caring. Papa is a BP patient. He has a very good name and fame in society. My parents says, if I get married to some guy of other cast evry thing will be ruined.
But at last after long conversations. my father is asking me to tell him “What he should do?”
the solution should be a midway.
Can u suggest me some way.?
Megha says:
Deepa – all parents say that they will or the grand parents will commit suicide … and believe me .. its not at all even 1/2 % easy to do that … no one had guts to do that … be it whoever …
now .. you have told thm that the guy likes you .. and they said no .. but now you need to tell thm that even u like him and you want to marry him and no one else .. other wise they will consider it as if its one sided affair .. they wont take you seriously ..
all parents and all kids love eachother equally .. its just the thinking is different …
so you need to give time and explain thm slowly slowly … no need to rush .. you are not 30 or 40 to rush to get married .. right ?
Megha says:
Supriya – yeh… i know about those things …. good reputation .. good name .. and the daughter or son will ruin the name by doing an inter cast marriage…
c .. its you who need to think .. what you want .. you cant sit and just say i want both ..
if you said YES to this guy .. its counted as you have promised love to him ..
1 – you cant break his trust ..
2 – if you were so weak .. you must not have said yes
3 – if you have said yes.. go for it .. make you way .. no body gets the things by sitting.. being emotional… or just wishing …”i wish i could have got this or that”
remember one thing .. no one gets anything without any effort .. you have to struggle for what you want in life..
but before that .. you have to think what you are doing is right or wrong ?
what you are doing will make everyone happy or not?
what you are doing must not let your parents feel that you are selfish and dont care about them …
whatever you do … your final decision must be someting where your parents are with you ..
because in future only Parents are the one who will hold your hand .. no one else..
so think about thm, your boyfriend and make your decision…
deepa says:
Thanks a lot Megha, for ur quick response…..i m 25 and can wait for 1 yr or so..n will do definitely….i hope i could make it…
Rajeev Singh Shekhawat says:
hey deepa u didnt tell abt dat guy’s parents. are they ready for this intercaste marriage. i am asking u this bcoz u said he is rajput.so i was thinking dat being rajput parents if his parents can get ready then y cant my parents?i am also a rajput and going thru same phase. watever megha said is correct in future only parents are the one who will hold your hand.so try ur best to make them ready without hurting them
dont mind i am just kidding.
i cant say more else megha will raise her eyebrows at me
Megha says:
haha .. thrs no reason to raise my eyebrows .. chill …
and its not about rajput Parents or some other cast Parents …
this thing is about people of our older generation… but again .. thr are Parents in our older generation who has no issues about inter cast marriage .. and Parents of our generation has problem with inter cast marriage ..
its all about the environment a person live in… and if you had not found someone on your own thn you must not have had any problem in getting married to the girl/boy they show … right ?
so chill .. samay se pehle aur naseeb se zyada kisi ko kuch nahi milta hai
Shaila says:
Hi Megha,
Its a very good article. Just happened to read it when I was trying to find out about inter-caste marriages.
The story is very close to my heart as I am facing the same situation. I am a Brahmin girl from Karnataka and in love with a guy who is of diff caste. Its been 2 yrs since i have told my parents about my love for this guy. But, my dad has bluntly said no this relation due to the caste problem and also as it will create a plem to my younger sis’s marriage. I have requested him to get my younger sis married so that she will be happy. but he is not ready for it. I will turn 26 in a month. My parents have brought me u with lots of love and have given me everything I wanted till now except for the permission for my marriage. My dad is very upset with me now. He is saying that I am being selfish and am bothered only abt my happiness. I tried my best talking to him just 3 days back. He is still reluctant to accept this. I am scared about where he will fall sick. Even my Grandpa and uncles are scared to talk on my side wid my dad as he is v.stubborn and usually his decision becomes the final one.
Brahmins are really very orthodox at out place. It will not be possible for me to live without this guy as well as my parents. Can you please help me about how to find a soln to my plem.
Thanks and Regards,
Shaila
Rajeev Singh Shekhawat says:
You know your this blog helps me a lot whenever my confidence goes down.
i just go thru it n feel very much fuelled. it happens whenever i talk to my parents abt her, they start blackmailing me emotionally n my all confidence breaks down.again i try to stand up n recollect all my confidence by talking to my gf and by going thru your blog.
Megha says:
Rajeev – Thanks
.. and this will happen … done lose hope ..
Shaila – if its 2 years and your daddy is still saying no .. thn you must sit and think .. or just meet up your BF and discuss everything thats on your and his mind .. and thn make a final decision …
and if your dad is so strict that no body can talk to him .. thn you will have to make a decision where you will have to loose 1 .. either parents or BF …
but i think thr must be some way where your can find a mid way ..
think ….
deepa says:
Hi Rajiv,
yea tht guy’s parents are ready, infact they r waiting for my family to be ready……..the problem is at my side..n of course..i ll try my best to convince them without hurting them..but its very difficult to do so..bcz putting this matter itself is a way to hurt them..but i ll try to minimize it as much as possible….
Doctor Agrarwal says:
Hello Everyone,
Education does not percolate well to change the person, I am a Medicine Graduate (Doctor) & she is also a Doctor. We are in Love but her parents hate me for that. She can’t take any drastic step as she have been obviously told about problems those fellows will face.
I am Agrawal & she is from Jat Community from Haryana. I think we need to start a movement now to free our society from this evil which is so deep rooted that educated parents (one is Bank manager & other is teacher) also keep caste before child’s happiness. Embarassing for me to accept as I never biased towards caste whenever providing treatment to any of my patient.
Any Jat if can come forward to solve this matter may be of tremandous help. It is just not about me & her but about our society which is getting degraded like anything. No other person called God will come to rescue us, we have to become God by ourselves for the cause not for one person or couple.
Come together & join hands, let us give a new direction to India.
Megha says:
Ok Dr.Agrawal … cool down .. you seem to be too much frustrated because of your problem … this does not mean that all those who are facing this problem must start any kind of movement …
Parents are not at all wrong whn they say you must marry in your own cast … most of the people marries same cast .. its just few people faces the intercast problem because they have fallen in love .. if the girl or the boy was of same cast as u .. thn your parents must not have created any problem ..
and u dont be bias in your profession .. thts your problem .. you can do that if you want .. you are free to do so as an individual … but u can not ask someone else to do wht u do …
so dont count parents bad .. or dont even think about any movement to start .. i dont think so anyone will join it …
any ways .. cool down and think how u can solve the problem ..
rohit says:
hi,,
my name is rohit..i m facing the same problem. my belove is a christian lady and i am a hindu.
my parents are to accept her but her parents are not…
even my GF has not talk to her parents as accprding to her,her parents will not accept this thing and will even stop our talking..
we both are not in same city and we are in this relation since 2 yrs..
my gf’s parents are same as of sweets parents(as abv)..
plz tell me how she can introduce me at her home and tell abt me..
i really love her alot dont want to lose her.
plz help me..
pari says:
hi , my parents were searching guy for me , its been past 7 months.. we didnt get good reation hence rejected many offers.. in the mean time.. i fell in love with my colleague ..
I informed my parents.. its the same caste problem here , they say i am selfish , n dont hav confidence on them as they woud find perfect guy for me ..
since our relation is from 3 months.. (we knew each other from 2 years).. they r comparing 3 months love n there love..
but love here cant be compared right?
how should i convience ?
they believe .. choosing life partner is there rights not mine
Megha says:
well … u can tell thm tht u were ready till now whn u had not found anyone .. but now though you have found someone you are asking thm for thr permission .. this shows tht your love is not less.. if it was something like tht .. you must have not even told thm ….. tell thm u were gonig with thm to see the guys they wanted… but non was suitable to you guys … so u rejected thm not just you .. your parents too rejected thm.. and now though you have found one who you think is suitable to you , why are they not accepting him ? .. ask thm to just meet him once .. if they dont like him.. you will think about it …
hope this will help…
L U C K Y_S A A U says:
Dear All, I am from a Hindu (Baudha) family and my girl friend is from a hindu (maratha) family. we told our parents about our relationship. now my parents has agreed to prooceed. but she is also very much attached to her parents. but we never want to get seperated. She doesn’t want a run away typr marriage, we need our parents also.
What should i do?
Megha says:
just try to convince parents.. u cant do anything else…
mishthi says:
It is very true that in this centuary when we are moving towards tech but lack in our thinking when come such kind castesism prob. I am also facing this,but only can we do that make our parents know the fact that we all are equal.
shattered says:
Hi Megha,
I felt inspired by your story want to write to you.
I love my bf and I believe that our marriage would be the the best thing that could have ever happened to me. We belong to different castes. His parents had agreed the very minute that he told them his decision. But at my home it was hell. And it still is. I started by giving subtle hints about him 2 years ago at my home. But to no effect. So decided to open it out after 6 months. I was in the US (on a work assignment) then and told my parents (over the phone because of the distance) that this was the guy I wanted to marry. Both my parents were dead against it. And the usual threats (suicide, disowning me, thrashing me up, locking me up, etc) were in no dearth. But nothing moved me. There were a few more very strange threats too…”that my prospective FIL was sexually interested in me and that was the whole reason for them to have agreed without any protests”, “that my prospective in-laws need a servant maid at home very badly and they were getting me for free…”. This totally shook me up. I had no clue that such crap could be talked by parents to their own daughter. The great stupidity of all is they dont know anything abt his family. It finally gave way to another accusation that it was my sexual urge that made me take this decision. I could stand it no more and told my guy that everything was over coz it was narrowmindedness at it’s peak. But after a discussion we decided that we must stick to each other.
I now feel like a stranger in my own family. Though they had brought me up with lot of love sacrific care and protection, though they keep black mailing emotionally, though I still love them, I have moved a great deal away from them emotionally that it sometimes feels like an orphan. I have been extremely depressed for the past 2 years. I have had no courage to open this topic after all those baseless dirty accusations. Missed to mention that I am 28 years and he is 29 years. So that makes both of us hard pressed for time. But I am no way going to open this again at home. No move has been made to get me married at home. Absolutely none at all! I want to wait and see how far this can go. But my guy thinks this is a stupid idea, given that we are already old enough. We have been having a lot of fights lately because of this and my depression is killing me.
your thoughts?
Megha says:
Well i agree to your BF .. you guys are old enough to wait now ….
just make some decision… if your parents are so firm… thn discuss with your BF and make a decision once and for all …no point being depressed and wait and get nothing out of it ..
and make a decision that your heart says .. it will be difficult .. but will be the best …
purnima says:
hi, megha i’m suffering same prb as u mention in ur story.I am a oriya girl and falling love with a bihari boy.He is not well educated as i’m due to his family problem ,but this is no matter for me , he is a well businessman and i’m also doing a pvt job.Now our parents could’nt agree on our relation.It’s all about the casteism. My parents are against my feeling here.I have tried all possible ways to convince them.They r not believing or listening to what i try to say.Especially my father!! He has made himself so depressed that he is not talking to anyone these days.His concern is also the shame which he would feel.He is scare of showing his face to anyone in the society(especially relatives).My mother is also in the same sync. She is rather more stubborn and orthodox.Now my parents started finding guys for my marriage. I’m very depressed now ,i don’t understand what can i do now?
Megha says:
Well you need to discuss this thing with your BF …and make some decision ..
purnima says:
actully mein ye baat abhi apne BF ke saath discuss nahin kar sakti kyun ki jab se mere parents ko mere bare mein pata chala hai tabse mera usse milna , baat karna kafi haad tak band ho chuka hai .Ab to hum sirf weekly ek baar baat karte hain chupke se.Maine apne papa ke force ke bajah se unka kasam khai hun ki mein usse shadi nahin karungi. Lekin papa ko ye bhi boli hun ki aap apni marji se meri shadi usse karwange ye mein god se pray karungi.Har baat per mujhe kasam de dete hain and my mom is always crying.
Megha says:
Well .. first of all .. i dont believe in this kasam and all .. because these things are kiddish to me ..
n e ways .. if you have promissed your parents .. thn u must not think about this guy …. and not even talk to him .. cause if u do so .. u r breaking your promise..
so u first decide wht you want to do .. be with your parents of your bf … you cant just promise just for the sake of it and keep a relation with your bf too …
think …
purnima says:
Thanx megha for giving me ur nice suggestion and time.actully me or my bf also don’t believe in this type of kasam.Lekin mein us time kya karti,mere charo taraf sab koi ghire hue the ,papa aise react kar rahe the jaise unki tabiyat abhi serious hone wali hai.Unhone jabardasti mujhse wo kasam liye hain phir unka halat thik ho gaya ye ek emotional blackmail tha .Ab iske baad maine papa se saf mana kar diya hai ki mein na hi kiski kasam lungi ya dungi. Mere jid ke bajah se ab papa kasam dena band kiye hain. haan maine sirf ye promise kiya hai ki mein usse shadi nahin karungi lekin kisi aur se bhi nahin karungi.Ab maine sab bhagban pe aur time pe chod diya hai.Ab aap hi bolo maine kya galat kiya hai?
Megha says:
nothing.. u are just doing wht you feel.. just follow your heart.. and you will find a way .. and u just have to leave everything on time …. it will heal everything .. and believe me .. if your bf is not ment for you .. thn you wont marry him even if your parents agree to you to let u get married to him .. and if he is ment for you .. thn no one can stop you from getting married to him … so just dont worry.. things will fall in to place in its own time ..
purnima says:
thanx megha ,i’m always greatful to u bcoz ur every words make me so energetic,thank u so much.
purnima says:
hi megha, now my family is started searching a guy for me ,now i don’t understand what should i do?If I said no;giving me some time ,they wouldn’t agree with me.U know megha my bf’s mother also don’t agree to accept me because the reason is only my colour .Actully he is a fair complexion nd i’m not so dark like sawnli.His other family members are agreed even his brother and sister also but his mother….
purnima says:
i am ready to meet her nd i want to discuss with her on this topic but she doesn’t want to meet me even she doesn’t want to hear my name.
Megha says:
Well as i said earlier .. you need to discuss all this with your BF .. no one else can decide something for you .. its just u who has to decide wht you want to do .. so just meet up you bf and discuss things .. and make some decision …
purnima says:
ok,thanx megha
purnima says:
if u don’t mind can u plz tell me how could u convince ur parents for intercaste love marriage.Kya apke papa mummy kabhi rote nahin the?kabhi apke liye shadi ke liye rista nahin ata tha,tab aap kya karte the?us time apke bf ne kaise apke mummy papa ko manaya?
Megha says:
Well…. yeh rishte aaethe .. but they use to find details about the guy and see him if he is good or not if they feeel tht he is good thn only they useto take me with thm…
and after i spoke to thm about my BF .. they stopped seeing guys for me … cause 1 – i wanted to marry my BF .. and 2 – how will they see someone else if i m not ready to marry the guy they show … its logical…
so they never saw any guy after i told thm about my affair…
and i cant tell u wht i spoke to my parents to convince thm .. cause all parents r not same .. and all parents has different issues to say no for inter cast marriage … so u must know how to convince your parents…
all i did is .. i gave thm time to think and accept my BF ..
purnima says:
thanx a lot megha.
Sneh Lata says:
Hello, Everybody
It is really nice to read that there is something to say and know about peoples suffering from such unfortunate situation. Here is my Best Of Luck to all sincere and honest people (all persons who fall in love have these qualities)
priya says:
im facing similar situation , me being ajat, its question of life threatening , emotional drama, they say they ll not be able to live if i did this , i have more grave situation as , i am eldest in the clan , but is that a price one pays for , by giving away one’ s life forever!!
Megha says:
Well cant help it .. this is with so many like you ..just be calm and try your best ..
Sandeep says:
I also did same. My family is not also agree. But we r living happily now from last 2 months
jannat says:
hey megha!!
really touching blog yar!!
seems as if u hav mentioned my story above!!
i m a sikh khatri n d boy is sikh jatt!
earlier i had rejected 5 boys n 1 day out of frustratin my dad cald me in his room n askd me wts d matter?
dad earlier had sm doubt in his mind abt a boy studying wid me in my college…
dad suddenly said me k 4get swapan(boy’s name)
i was shoked 2 hear dis frm him as i had never told him anything abt him!!
dad got an idea abt him as he knew dat generaly v r togeder in college frm 9 to 5,he evn came 2 my family functin sm time bak!!actuly my parents want a proper gursikh boy who wears turban n doesnot cut hair n beard!! but my bf is clean shaved!! i told him dat my family shal never accept u dis way!! so he has now kept hair n has strtd tying turban 4 me! wen dad tuk his name b4 me,i confessed my love 4 dat boy b4 dad widout being aware of d consequences because i knew dat i mite not get such chance 2 speak again!! so i told mom dad evrthing,my younger sister ws also sitting wid me!! on hearing dis frm my mouth,dad ws composed but my mum strted shouting at me n dad,blaming dad 4 all d freedom he gave 2 both d girls n all atuff!! dad v politely explained me dat its not posibl plz 4get him!
i told him dat dad d boy has now kept his hair n also ties turban,but den mom had anoder excuses dat weres d granty dat he’l not cut dem after marriage? n she said many oder things n strtd offf wid al typical emotional blakmailing… humne itna bura tima kaata par tum pe koi aan nai aane di,u hav broken r trust today,,,,, chalo after a long argument dad agreed 2 meet boy’s parents but on a conditin dat incase d boy’s family agrees only den marriage wil take place oderwise not,bcoz its v imp dat d boy’s family also accepts u along wid d boy!! i ws quite satisfied dat God has been v kind…. but later on after around 1 hour i heard mom fiting wid dad ovr dis issue….. he got distrbed n strtd behaving abnormally..she strtd running here n dere dat d boy’s caste is jatt,,,they’l kill our daughter,dey’l kil al of us,,,,run away frm here,jatts r coming,plz save ur…seeing al dis v al got scared n tried 2 stablise her…she ws crying n ws v scared of jatts!!evn my sister n i strtd crying seeing dis conditin of mom,,,in order 2 stablise her i said her dat v r not concerned abt jatt,v’l make dem run away if dey say my mom anything,we’l also beat dem n al….after arnd 2-3 hrs she strtd bcming stablized n v had a talk relating 2 dis in d evening….
mom shared al dis wid her brither{maama g} n maama g simply refused n said ifdis marriage hapens,he’l not sit in d mariage…den mom bacame more upset!!
den v went 2 gurdwara saab 2 offer prayers n came bak…next day v went 2 r family known astrologer 2 match kundalis… he matched d kundalis n said dat they both wil live v hapily,many gunns r matching…chalo sab thik ho gya,atmosfere ws somewat lite now!!den anoder questin raised dat d boy’s family lives in usa… d boy wil get pr of usa in anoder 6-8 months n go dere but since he is himself not yet gone n settled dere,how wil he take d girl along wid him?
dis new issue was raised but den dad said doesnot matter we’l discuss al dis wid boy’s parents wen dey com 2 india in august!! chlo while moving bak frm astrologer wid a relaxed mind,v hav maama g’s house on d way..v went 2 c him n had a great discussin wid him,dad explained evrthing n maama g washed my mom’s brain n den mom washed dad’s brain!! now mom dad went some where n wen dey came bak they were upset n told me dat v hav enquired abt d boy n his family,they r not gud,they’l not take u 2 usa,,,u’l b married n left bak in india only 2 die!! v being ur parents wnt ur hapiness but v r sory v cant alow u 2 mary dat boy!! marrying him is posibl only wen v die,den marry him n b happy!!
megha v r 2 sisters,no brother,they hav raised us like boys n i cant hurt dem but d truth is dat i cant spend my life wid any1 else..now dey hav askd me not 2 b in touch wid him n forget him as nothing is possibl!! now even dad doesnot lisn 2 me n says dat he’ll not meet boy’s family even once wen dey cm 2 india in august! i told my bf abt dis n he mailed his elder brother who is in usa teling him about our affair n seriusness! my bf showed his brother my pic n his brother has talked 2 his parents abt us but my bf has not told anything about wat is going on in my family 2 his parents!! now d problem is dat hir family is cming 2 india in august for 1 month only..so its v imprtant dat my family meets his family!but how is it poisible as my parents hav sweared me nt 2 take his name b4 dem again!! my parents problem is 1) caste 2) boy used 2 cut hair b4 which dey dint like n his elder brother has also cut hain in usa 3) boy wil not take u along wid him,he’l leave u bak in india 2 die n wait 4 him 4) boy has just done his mba wid me n is not stand! but they hav a v wel estb busines in usa which my bf wil also join along wid his brother n father wen he goes dere!! m not alowed 2 go out of d house widout mom,m nt alowed 2 talk on d phone wid every1 4 long, m not alowed 2 communicate wid my bf at al,although i try infrming him wid latest updates! they say 4get him n mary boy of r choice!! wat can b done in dis? plz help me!~!!! plz
Megha says:
well give one or two weeks time to get the things be cool down a bit .. talk to your father and try to convince him to meet your BF ..
they are not ready to meet the family but they can meet the boy at least once .. ask them to c if the boy is good or not … ask thm to ask whatever question they want to… to your BF..
i know you don’t have much time as his parents are coming in august.. but still you can c .. just c your fathers mood and talk … c if you get a chance when you and your father are alone ..
also if they agree to meet your BF.. just explain your BF that they might ask you lot of questions.. so be prepared for worst and come..
cause later on it must not happen that your BF feels insulted and things goes worst..
jannat says:
hey megha!!
thks 4 replying dear!!
i’l try talking 2 my dad wen he is alone!!
they mite hav strtd thinking dat just because they sweard me so i had stopped talking 2 dat guy but they dnt undstnd dat his love is into my veins!! its not just difficult bt imposible 2 forget him!
they try 2 divert my mind n ask me 2 smile,laf,play like i usd 2 do b4!! i try being wid dem but frm within i m v depressed!!
megha do u think i shud myself talk 2 dad dat meet my bf once or i shud involve dad’s frend in saying dis 2 him?..
Megha says:
no.. dont involve anyone in this .. sort it on your own.. its your life.. you have to deal with it .. you have to think and handle the situation that comes to you …
jannat says:
thks 4 d suggestion megha!!
today i had a talk 2 dad regarding dis,,,i said him dat boy’s parents shal cal u dis week..plz talk 2 dem dad!! dad said ok i’l talk 2 dem dnt wori!! but he also said me dat incase i m not satisfied wid his family den u’l hav 2 marry wereever v tel u 2!! u’l hav 2 4get him!! megha i knw mom dad doesnot like dat boy is frm diffrnt caste so they’l try 2 complicate d things so dat nothing gud comes out of it!! wat can b don in dis regard?..
Megha says:
well.. let your parents talk to his parents .. and thn c wht happens…
jannat says:
hmmm… ok g!!
plz pray 4 us!!
jannat says:
Your Comment…
jannat says:
yar do u hav any idea k usa ka marriage basis pe visa kitni der mein lag jata hai?
actuly my bf is going usa in january 2010 on permanent resident basis… n if he applies 2 me den how long wud it take me 2 go dere?…
Megha says:
hahaha.. i dont know anything about it ….
kc says:
Hi megha,
and with our family’s support…
I am soooooo happy to share the good news with you today… that after so loooong period of struggle, finally we have got engaged…
I cant express, how happy I am, and how much I m thankful to you and your blog… that helped me sooo much in the times of pain we both were going through…
Once again thanks a lotttt
and with this happy heart, I pray for all the couples here on blog sharing their pain… and wish their togetherness from god..
Thank u
KC
Megha says:
hey … thts a gr8 news
… how did u manage all ? …
what happen ? …
Congratulations to both of you .. i am sure you will be happy always now
All the best …
jannat says:
congrats KC!!
may GOD bless u both always!!
plz pray 4 us also as my parents r making big plans 2 reject my bf n his family wen they meet up in August!!
all relatives r doing d same,pumping up my parents against d caste of my bf n his family!!
latika says:
hi megha
i hv gone thru ds blog….nice one…i m havin situation like ths….i m a gal belongin to khyatriya family.but my B.F is a S.C. My mother told that she can allow me to marry a boy of other caste (general caste or o.b.c) but nt to a s.c or s.t..in my socity thery r considerd to be un touchable.i dnt know how to convince my family.
KC says:
Hi Jannat! Thanks for the lovely wishes sweetie.. I pray god for you as well… don’t worry.. trust me, nothing goes tougher than the tough, and true love always win.
It has to. don’t worry at all.
just stay calm and stand by your decision with grace.
you both too will win as many other loving hearts …
and thanks a lot megha!
Thank u for your lovely blessings…
latika says:
Your Comment…
purnima says:
hi KC
congratulations for ur new life
god bless u both forever & plz pray for me also
mudit says:
plz tell what happened in the end did they get married to each other how is their married life now.i wanna know these answers desperately as i am also facing a similar kinda issue with my parents
plz asap
Megha says:
yes.. they are happily married now …
and thr parents are also happy .. no one has any problem with anyone ..
Star says:
Hi Megha…
I just read the story of Sweety… and I am now in her state waiting to hear a word YES from my parents… Now 9 months have passed… My parents are acting very normally as if nothing has happened… Just thinking I will forget him soon and that they can get me married to someone who they choose… I was previously working and.. After I told my parents abt this matter I was made to stay at home… Now working from home only… The problem for my parents and his parents is that He is a Christian and I am a Hindu… and obviously the language and the community also varies… I don’t know wat I should do… and I don’t know how long we should keep waiting… But we are still waiting for our parents to accept…
kunal says:
hey megha
I am a well placed guy 27 year old working in an MNC with a well off family(Bhumihar Brahmin). I have done my MBA from IIM A and have been earning well. I am deeply in love with a girl who stays right below my flat in my native town.she has just given her 12th boards and is just 19. I must tell u that she is quiet mature than her age and I am quiet immature from mine. We started with a SMS talk to a phone affair and finally meeting her whenever i went there to my home town.Let me tellyou the environment there.She is a Rajput.Father is complete pshycho(sorry saying that). He caught her talking to me and cancelled her joining the engineering college(NIT).From that day I have been crying to talk to her.Its 2 months now.I went to my home town taking leave for 10 days and when I met her she said please forgive and forget because she cant see her father dying and mother crying.They have tortured her to hell.she had been forced to take admission in a coaching to prepare again for an year.Accidently when I met her this time her father came there and beat me.she didnt resist but kept on crying.After that I took my mom and asked her to talk with her dad where she blamed me that I had been the reason for all the things.I was surprised and very hurt.I left her house and came back to my job town. Two days later she called me and told me that how bad she was tortured to say all this, which I could completely understand.Now we hardly talk and she has decided that she will do something and then talk with her family.she is asking for time.
And I am sulking in her wait.All because her parents think that we cud nt marry because we are of different castes.
I have different queries…
Shall i wait for this girl who cant even protect me in front of her dad.But my heart says she love sme a lot
At second shouldnt I elope with her because I am sure her ruthless parents wud not agree.
i am from the most fundametalistic samaj
Amit says:
great…such a nice article i never read
actually my problem is of same type
i am 25 yrs old boy and my girlfriend is 21 now
we met in college as she was in 1st yr and i was in final year.we both have a relationship since 3year
i am good at my job at a software developer in a well recognised compny and she is abou to finish her study next year.
my problem is that i belongs to bramhin family and she is belongs to khandayat,but both are oriya and have same native .actually problem in my family about the caste,where other issues are negligible,they only stay there in caste.
but that problem is not in there family,she is the only daughter of her family ,so they think about there daughter’s happiness.
but as a boy i am very much suffered from my family,since the day i had talked about this to my parents.what can i do,please suggest me,i cant live without her and my family ,whatever they are,atlast they are my parents.
please suggest me ,what should i do to make everyone happy
Megha says:
Well you have to try to convince your parents thrs no other way out …
As says:
Its a very good blog … first let me read it fully thn i ll post lot of things … and i wana say tht hats off megha , u hav done a gr8 job
R says:
Hai
Megha, I did go through ur article, i dont want to say it as s story, because i dont want u to become a story, Indian mindset never changes, it takes pride in being rigid, when comes to the matter of heart it simply becomes stone. Parents are not exception they too are part and parcel of this system, we cant blame them, caste, religion, region, language, everything has divided us, one unifying factor is love that has sprung deep from the heart,i believe in God and believe that Heart is the seat of God, When i like a person for what he or she is by my heart it is definitely Divine intention, no power on earth can stop me and say it is wrong or sin! Parents fear of loosing respect in the society, which never bothers and helps when u r suffering, but when u wish to have a life u like it criticises us and mocks us. All great people have faced the wrath of society including Gods Example Sri Ram and Sri Krishna, then what about the fate of ordinary people like us and our parents. The sentiments of caste, community, religion, are so deep rooted that even IF God comes and says there is nothing like caste, community,religion people beat him up.
I have to be strong to do what i want, firm and confident, i dont know the exact setup of society that u r in.I am from southern part of India, but the problem is the same,there is lot discontentment when ppl of different caste get married but after some years say after 5 years it gets mellowed down and acceptance comes gradually in case of people living in metros if they are highly qualified and financially stable but whereas in suburbs and villages there is complete outcasting the married couple from their respective communities.
Man getting progressed has to broaden his vision, heart and horizon instead he is becoming mean, narrow minded and small hearted. To satisfy his ego he cant look forward and understand where real happiness dwells! Marriage is a personal issue, one has to respect that personal likes and love towards another, for marriage one has to be ready mentally, u can say its like joining military, in India it has become a child’s play, Elders think younger generation have no respect towards the institution of marriage the commnication and generation gap has made elders unwilling to accept the change. Probably it may take some more time to accept the change for that many hearts get braked.
God created Man that includes Woman, Rest is created by Man, including your caste, religion, community, language, everything, I respect, love Man the cretion of God, and i wish to be with that person till my death, how can the system created by man come in the way of my happiness that has sprung from my heart the seat of God. Y People cant realise this its Man that is important not all others, it is man that matters not ur system as that system is man made not God made. Reality is Man and he is before me, I like that person that means its Divine intention, people by using the system of caste, community, religion, etc are tryinig to deprive me of that created by God. So when any one say i love a person think of this and act, Love is like walking on a double edged sword, if you have to strike the right balance not only u but ur partner too must have the right perception otherwise we end loosing the battle. Its added responsibility which needs extra determination and commitment because when one says i love a person he is invoking divinity in himself he or she has to be true to that otherwise both will suffer making people around them to suffer. Life is not to suffer but to strive to achieve and excel.
Even history is full of instances where there were marriages between people of differetnt castes, communities, religion, Indian blood fears to revolt, it just want to be patient to happen everything by its own, which never happens and wish to take pleasure in getting bogged down, and being in pitiable and pathetic condition. That mindset itself is blocking us, then how can we expect our parents to come to our help by accepting the change and our marriage! I dont want to sympathise with u as i wish to see u to get settled down with the one u love. I pray that your father and mother change their mindset, let God give them that thought that their daughter wil be happy with the one whom she loves and he is the only person who can look after her more than his life.
Alisha says:
hi megha.. i ws lukin 4 some kind of motivation,n i happend 2 b readin ur article at d same time.. me n my bf both r muslims bt belong 2 diff castes..v both r doctors..his family has no prob bt when my parents came 2 knw abt us 2 yrs back,all d drama dt u mentioned in d sweety story happend,my dad evn hit me n mom tortured me emotionally 2 d extreme..at dt pt since v both wer in d internship,n my parents almost put me on house arrest for 2 mnths endangerin my medical career..den nly ven i surrendered,dey agreed 2 continue vid my internship…dey believe frm dat time dt i v 4gotn d guy..bt v both have been constantly in touch vid eacth other day-day basis since 2 yrs…v both done vid studies 6 mnths back..he l open a clinic shortly…n m gettin so many proposals..none of dem z a medico though.. his parents r ready 2 approach mine n get d talk done..his dad has evn talked 2 an uncle who z my dad z freiend to help in convincin my parents.. m really worried…if my parents directly tells dem no, hw shud i talk 2 dem since dey r under d impression dt i v 4gotten him…v both r very dedicatd 2 each othr,v studied 2gethr in d same college,n since m here vid my parents frm 2 yrs,v hav met nly 1ce in a friendz weddin..i v been thru a lot of sufferin mentally coz of dealin vid so many proposals all d time bt my bf has been very supportiv n patient through out ..n v both still love each othr inspite of being in a longdistance relation for 2 yrs dat 2 aftr 1 yr of courtship n being best frienz earlier 2 dat..i hope u will be able 2 advise…
lonely heart says:
hey.megha……hope u vl b gr8………
i can’t believe there are so many people with same problem as i am suffering from…..
..i m 2 going thru this suituation since 12 yrs….i m hindu n my bf is Roman catholic…
My father has misconceptions regarding christians .. v both are sharing this beautiful relationship since long time & has gone thru many bad situations, but still v r 2gehter . hoping that one day everything will be fine……. but now his mum is forcing him to get married ………….i don’t want to loose him……….he respects my parents a lot…..i know he will be a very gud husband and son in law…….. but my parents are not ready to hear anything……..what i shuld do…………
Parul says:
after rading this it seams my story, m 23 and suffering from same senario at my home as of sweety, dont know wht’s in my future, it should be sent to all parents ………….
Nivedita says:
Hi Megha!
Thanks for creating this blog. I am really grateful to you. I was desperately looking for some solace. I am a south Indian girl, in love with a gujarati patel boy for the last 51/2 years. He is a Kadva Patel. He had come to Bangalore to study and we met here and fell in love in 2004. After that he went back home and told his parents about us. His dad said that he would never agree and that if he gets married to me, he will just think that he had no child at all. Since 4 years he has been trying to convince his dad but has not been able to. He even left his hime and came here to Bangalore. They forcibly fixed his marriage with a Gujarati girl and he is supposed to get married on November 22. He can’t leave his parents for me because he is the only child and if we get married, his mom will never be allowed to meet him or even speak to him. Even now, he is trying to persuade his dad. The girl’s family also knows about our relationship but no one is doing anything about it. On the other hand, we are not able to forget each other no matter how much we try. I don’t know what to do. I am really scared and depressed.
Megha says:
Well.. first of all no one can force someone to get married to someone ..
your BF must take action .. and you both are suppose to sit and decide about wht to do or wht not ..
what about his fiance ?.. she doesnt know tht he is in love with you ?… tell your BF to tell her if she doesnt know ….. that might help you .. and if your BF loves you.. he must not go and spoil another girls life… just talk to him.. and you both must decide something …
Nivedita says:
I do not have answers to many of your questions, Megha because I don’t know what is happening at his place in Surat. I have just completely trusted him to do something to work this out. He says that things work differently in the Gujarati community. But I cannot understand it completely because I have not been a witness to it. He had been to his hometown a couple of weeks ago and again tried telling his parents. His fiance and his family were informed. But they apparently want the marriage to happen. Because otherwise their reputation would be harmed and no one would marry that girl. They are ok with it even if my BF and that girl separate after marriage. I have spoken to me BF many times. He says he understands everything and that he is trying to talk to his parents, but he cannot go against them. His dad has threatened him that if he goes on about this matter, he’ll come to Bangalore and take him away forever and that the marriage will take place, no matter what. I even told him that in that case he should just leave me alone. But he says it is not possible for him to live without me. I too can’t do that. I really dont know what to do. Its been six years and our relationship is at such a stage that I don’t even know if I will ever get out of it. What will happen of me if he gets married to someone else? I mean, my only fault is that I am not a Gujarati girl, which of course, is something completely beyond my will or control. I have never spoken to his parents. I have no clue what the problem is and if there is a solution. I told me BF that if we get married, his parents will eventually come around and that I’ll support him in everything that he may want to do to ensure that his parents accept us. But he thinks that it will never happen. I really don’t know what to do. I am distressed. are things really so bad in the Gujaratii community?
dezawoo says:
i dont know things abt gujrati comm but similar kinda situation was there in both my families( brahmin family and sindhi family).
i m in love wid a girl for the past 2 yrs, i entered into job after completing btech and my parents started looking for a bride 4 me n when i came to know abt this i softly told them the abt my choice of girl whom i wanted as my wife and things went volcanic.conditions were so bad that even if my parents heard the same name(as that of my gf) they declared the girl as unsuitable for me.
when my gf told abt me in her family same old emotional drama restrictions and everything happened which happens in old hindi movies.her cell ws taken away , she ws not allowed to go alone anywhere and stuff like th8 took place.
anyways what we did was that i taught my gf what my parents liked and what according to them are the qualities of a good girl.she acted like a good student and embibed every bit of it even in her day to day lyf and i did the same.i learnt what her parents liked and what kind of boy will be the perfect groom for her daughter.
when we both felt th8 the final showtym has come my gf went in front of my parents and i went in front of hers(the occasion was a marriage where both the families were invited to and we had to include a few other ppl whom we trusted) without each other in the scene and tried to break the ice without mentioning the real purpose why we r so interested to be in touch wid moms n dads.
slowly slowly she was in touch wid my mom over the phone and one day came when my mom started giving her examples of her goodness, manners etc to others.it was then when i told who she really is to my parents(initially we did lie abt names, castes etc and my parents were under an impression that she is a girl from my caste).once again things went worse but this tym they were not so bad.still my parents try to convince me to marry a girl frm the same caste but the intensity of the emotional black**** and stuff is not so much.
i am still trying to get the same status in her family and i know very soon i will get it.
the current situation is that we both are into higher studies and we plan to get marry once the studies r over and we r sure that all 4 of our parents will agree to our marriage as we both have created atleast some place in their minds if not in their hearts……..
try something similar who knows u may get lucky and get ur love 4 the rest of ur life….
ALL THE BEST.
Nivedita says:
Thanks guys for your suggestions. But unfortunately I do not think I am as lucky as you’ll. I made the best effort to make our relationship work because i really love him a lot. But I guess his parents are more important to him. so he has made his decision and chosen them. There is absolutely nothing that I can do about it. He has atleast met my parents and my parents know him but I don’t know anything about his family other than what he has told me. I have never spoken to them because he didn’t think that would help and I didn’t want to do anything against his wishes. But I guess this is what destiny has planned for me. he will get married next month and I will be left groping in the dark, doing I-don’t-know-what. Anyways, will keep in touch with you. Thank you so much. And, good luck dezawoo! I am happy that you stood by your girl.. Hope you guys are together forever!
Megha says:
Nivedita.. if your BF cant stand for you and thinks that his parents will actually come to bangalore and take him to gujarat and get him married to some other girl .. thn i must say .. he does not desirve you … you desirve someone who can stand for you .. who can hold your hand in no matter what situation and dont leave you alone..
these guys who cant even stand for what they want .. cant do anything in thr life.. so i would suggest you .. to not be depressed and think positive about it..
think – what all now you can do once you are out of this tension .. you were actually doing nothing in past 6 years other thn thinking about this guy.. you are actually free from a bad time.. which you thought is good ..
think – what you have got from this whole experience … you will actually become stronger thn what you were till now.. you will realise it once you are out of the depression..
think – why should you bow down to his parents .. dont you have your self respect ? .. why you must be like what others like ? .. why cant you make other like you the way you are ?.. why you want to plese others to like you ?
Dont be depressed and think tht what will i do now without him ?
how will be my life without him ?
my life is over .. how will live ?
thrs nothing in my life to do without him ..
we have been so close to eachother .. and now we are not ..
how will i spent my life with someone ? ..
these thoughts are emotions for few months.. you will realise real thing the day you will hear that he is happily married with someone else and dont even remember you ..
i know saying all this is simple for someone and its way too defficult to bare when you are hurt .. but trust me .. and remember these words..
you will be happy
Nivedita says:
Yeah Megha, you are right. The sad part of it all is that I always knew what was going to happen. For the six years that we were together, not once did he assure me that we may get married. I just saw things the way he wanted me to. I had closed my eyes to reality. He didn’t even give me a chance to talk to his parents, let alone meet them nor did he ever speak to my dad although he knew him very well. There was a time when I was so emotionally drained that I thought I just had to tell my parents about it and I did. He yelled at me saying ” What will your dad think of me now? I can’t even talk to him”. I was willing to do anything for him Megha, to go all the way to meet his parents even. But he just didn’t give me a chance. I sometimes wonder what had happened to me. Why was I so blind when things were so so so clear? Just the way you told me today, a lot of people including his friends told me not to trust him. But I did.. maybe I had to learn the hard way. I was willing to give up my education, career, my parents’ dreams for him. You are right.. It was a bad time and I should get out of it now. If not anything, I have a promising career ahead of me. I do not know if I can ever love anyone as much as I loved him, but if it is going to leave me in such a situation again, I’d rather not. I hope to find someone, who atleast treats me as a human, as an equal, someone who will stand by me.. and I hope as you said, someday I will be happy..
Nivedita says:
Hey all! Happy diwali to everyone… This was by far, the darkest diwali of my life. It just seemed when I wrote my previous comment that I probably will be able to get over everything. But as days, hours and minutes go by, I am growing increasingly uneasy about the fact that he is getting married.. I just don’t understand how he can even think of doing something like that.. I cannot imagine. I am just dreading how I will go through it. Every moment I am willing myself not to think about him but it seems impossible. SIX YEARS is such a long time.. He is my life, my world, a part of me. Why am I now being compelled to give up on everything that I ever wanted? Why have I been chosen to go through this painful experience? What did I do to deserve this? I have been searching for so many answers within myself. It just seems like I will never be happy again. I know I am sounding as though I am completely lovelorn and out of my mind. But it is true that this relationship has scarred my life forever. I do not think I can ever replace him with anyone, I do not think I can feel the way I did for him again, I do not think I’ll ever be able to forget those little things about him that made me feel so special and loved, that made life so beautiful.. I know that he has done crazy things, he probably never loved me! But I do.. Even now that mad lil part of me that has loved that man so much is hoping for some miracle. The worst part is that I know that this is all crazy but I can’t help it. I just hope that no one ever has to go through so much pain.. I have so much time left.. The thought of having to spend it without him seems dreadful, impossible and unbearable.. I wish he felt the same.. things would have been different.. I would have been happy.. I would have been one of you..
Megha says:
infact .. you have got good news that he is getting married to someone else and not you .. your life is saved … who knows he has ever spoke to his parents about you or not .. he must have just made stories tht they dont like you and are saying no to get married to you ..
dont worry .. just be your self .. and you will come out of it .. and if possible .. go to some place for holidays for some days .. with friends or family ..
and if you can .. u can change your work place … you will get new environment.. new friends.. new life ..
Alisha says:
hey Megha, i have been checking the site regularly for some piece of suggestion frm U….plz go through my post n pour in a few words for me.. ..thnx… !
Megha says:
Alisha – which post are you talking about ?
Raj says:
Hi all..
Its really sad that so many ppl r hving issues with love, and inter-caste marriage. But one shud understand life s not so easy for one to live and njy, it has lots of obstacles, ups and downs which teaches us how to carry on with life. One such thg is love, which everyone in life wud hv experienced knowingly r unknowingly. Some ppl wud b lucky enough to hv ther love around with them for life but some wil b more lucky to hv ther love in ther heart. But most of us belong to the later category(i dont knw it fortunate or unfortunate). I personally prefer to knw wat love is and not hving it with u rather than not knowing love at all. (Niveditha tats for you)
As far as inter-caste marriage is concerned its all abt mindset of the ppl. V cant say its rt or wrong as ppl r getting affected with inter-caste marriage especially those who r not involved in it. For example I am very open with all this and i supported my brothers marriage which s a inter-caste one. My father was against it and v brothers forced him saying all those thgs which u ppl hv posted above and made him convince for the marriage which he did a bit unhappily knwing abt the society and its consequence. But now I am feeling the heat, my in-laws r not happy with my brothers marriage and they dont wnt my brother r his in-laws to show up in any of the social gatherings, and if they do then they r not turning up for the funciton. In such case wat one can do..tat to i have to c both for my brother and my wife and in-laws tooo…
Conclusion is simple..if ther is no issues then everythg is fine and all will be happy and everythg is right, but if ther is some rift/issues then its really difficult to find peace r happiness and everythg seems wrong..so ther is no one solution for this one, as ppl r different and ther views and ideologies r different..so i can suggest that wat ever the situation u ppl r in just c to tat you make majority of ppl around u happy as some minority of ppl wil b ther who r not happy and as everyone knws v cant make everyone happy…
Be happy and make others happy..take care
Raj
Nivedita says:
Hey Raj!
I didnt really understand the line that was meant for me. Can you pls elaborate?
Raj says:
HI Niveditha
Love is fire. But whether it’s gonna warm your heart or burn your house down you can never tell. But in your case i thk its house on fire, so if u wnt to stay in then ur putting ur life at risk, so i suggest u 2 better come out of it and c a new fresh life in store for u.
When we think of failure; Failure will be ours. If we remain undecided; Nothing will ever change. All we need to do is want to achieve something great and then simply to do it. Never think of failure For what we think, will come about.”
The most wonderful of all things in life, I believe, is the discovery of another human being with whom one’s relationship has a glowing depth, beauty, and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing, it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of Divine accident.
U wil definetly experience tat divine accident in ur life ahead..so nvr lose ur heart and stay positive, ther is still a long way to go in ur life and u wil hv all gud thgs in life, becoz with love and patience nothing is impossible.
take care
Nivedita says:
Hi Raj!
That post was really beautiful. Thanks for your advice and wishes. Although I do not know if my relationship was good or bad, fortunate or unfortunate but for me, it really was a divine accident. I may have gone through the worst of times, immense pain, hurt and what not but I still loved him despite all and I still do.. I honestly dont know why and thats the beauty of it all. I am not even sure that he feels the way I do because if he did he would not have decided to marry someone else.. I am not sure of anything except that my love is true, pure and divine.. But as I know and should start believing it is something that I cannot have but something that will remain with me forever..
Nivedita says:
And Megha.. I am sorry I couldn’t reply to your post.. You are a great source of strength and support.. If not for your blog and your constantly comforting words, things would have been worse.. Thank you!:)
milind says:
Hey Megha is it mere the caste in patels u wanted to address or all the caste system u mean?I strongly denounce this caste system this is henous thing and stigma on humanity.My caste is , I am HUMAN,and will marry to the gal who is HUMAN being.
milind says:
please visit to see caste system
http://www.idsn.org/news-resources/video/im-dalit-how-are-you/
Subha says:
Hi magha,
Like many others Im also into same problem. From past 3 yrs. But i dont hate my parents for not agreeing to intercaste. But I have bigger problem than this. Im not able to come out of the guilt that Im hurting my parents. Also its nearly impossible for me to marry anyone else other than my love my life.
My parents have never seen happiness in thier life and now that they expected their children will make them happy im hurting them. They are very adment. They are not listening at all and have seen a guy and forcing me to marry him. I have spoken to my love he says be strong and talk to them again and wait if we want their concent for marriage. Im 26 now and my parents are really tensed for my wedding. I donno how to convince them coz they are very orthodox love me a lot (not more than prestige of thiers) and im the only one out of my entire Relative filed to go in for love marriage. My parents beat me up and dont listen to me at all. Im really in bad situation. Im very scared of them now coz they beat me n shout at me. Can u help..
Subha says:
Sorry Megha.. magha is typo error..
Megha says:
Milind… I am not talking about any specific cast and any specific human here…
its not even about anyones parents..
its about peoples thinking and thr mindset … which is wrong even in this age [according to me]..
also its my thought .. which may be wrong or may be right .. i m no one to talk about any cast or any person …
i have just mentioned what i felt is right ..
Megha says:
Subha – Dont feel guilty about going against or hurting your parents or anyone …
its not that YOU are doing this .. if it was not you thn thr must have bees someone else doing this … you are just a way to help thm open thr eyes towards the new thinking..
if you think that they have never been happy in thr life and you dont want to be another reason of thm being sad ..is really good ..
but .. if they beat you and force you to marry someone.. its not good at all
thats not the right way to treat someone..
You are 26 .. thats not a big deal .. you are not 36 or 46 to get worried about… infact its the right age to get married to someone .. because you are sensible enough to chose your life partner at this age …
your boyfriend is right .. you must wait or give your decision about marriage to your parents that if you marry .. it will be your BF and not anyone else..
and dont you worry about your relatives .. no one is going to come to you if you need thm in future .. all you have to think is about you, your BF and your Parents.. no one else ..
so just keep trying .. and before trying anything .. just be firm on your decision .. and thn take any step you want ..
Subha says:
Thanks Megha. He’s coming home today. Its a surprise for my parents coz they are just not ready to meet him or see his face. Im scared how much my mom will be hurt, curse me and beat me. Will she let him talk or what’ll happen. Im very scared. I hope evrything goes fine. Just the way we want.
How were sweety’s parents convinced?
All lovers out there Pls pray for us…
Nivedita says:
The last opportunity to save my relationship is over… His dad had come to blore for the first time in six years.. But I didnt meet him coz my so-called love didnt want me to… didnt ask me to.. My story is really one of its kind, unheard of and too painful to be a part of… Just twenty days more and it’ll all be over… I hope God gives me the courage to survive this and move on..
All the best Subha!
subha says:
My bf did come home but it was complete NO from my parents end coz of the So called samaj, relatives. Mom told me gal’s life is to sacrifice her happiness and give happiness to her so called shit family. I hated my mother for the first time for telling that. for my parents 26 is a big age since all my neighbour pals are married. 26 is like being 46 to them.
Im broken and wondering what to do. What can i do so that nothing goes wrong and I can marry my love with my parents happiness. Day and night I keep listening to crap from my mom. She blames me for all bad happening still i worry for them and simply dont have gutts to shout back at her coz if i talk softly she will NEVER listen. All she has learnt from life is to cry over whatever problem comes and blame her kismat for that and atlast blame me for giving their family pain.
She blames me everything wrong and im really hating this life of mine. I want them to be happy but I cant marry anyone else also.
Hey Nivedita.. Ill pray to god to give you strength.
Nivedita says:
Thanks Subha.. Thank you..
jannat says:
Dear all!!
I pray to ALMIGHTY to always keep all the lovers together… forever!!
i m out of touch from this blog since long but hav been reading all the posts on regular basis!!
well…my current situation is that by bf’s family came from usa in august n met my parents in september…things were fine but as soon as they left ,my parents changed totally… in the meeting it was decided that the boy wil take 7-8 months to go 2 usa…then he’l need some time 2 settle down, say 3-4mths ..so in nutshel shadi vagers k liye 1 year wait karni padegi… this was decided in the meeting… but as soon as they left my parents changed their statements that they had never agreed for al dis… there was no positive response frm boy’s side in the meeting…they had just come 4 d sake of their son,becoz he was presurising them 2 meet us,,,oderwise they r not interested,,they said we wil c after 1 year wat 2 do… they hav not said anything clearly… hmmm…. they even said me that v want d boy to keep hair n tie turban but his parents directly refused that there r no conditins in love,,boy’l not keep hair or tie turban,,
my parents say that the boy’s family came 2 indis in august 1st week,,,y they didnot meet us on priority basis?>,,, y dey met us 3 days before leaving 4 usa?
just 4 formality sake?..
hmmm
actly v r sikh khatris and the boy belongs to lower caste… this is bothering dem… especialy my mom…..
but my dad said me that he wud hav ignored caste had the boy been proper gursikh( hair+turban)..
since none of the conditins r being satisfied…so u’l hav 2 4get him..
hmmm…..
wen i told dem i’l never 4get him,,,i want 2 marry him only..after 10 mins,my mom fainted…
evrytime any of the such argument takes place at my house,mom’s health is affected…she faints,becomes unconcious,,,,she strts teling me that v grew u 4 dis day only… itna bura time dekhne k baad ab jo sukh ka tima aaya hai…u r spoiling it… n so on…
my younger sister also gets upset…
i dont like it yar…..
to make the situatin more worst,20 days ago,my Dad cald up my bf n abused him v badly… he said him k tumhari aukaat kya hai? tumhare gharwalon ki aukaat kya hai? clas dekhi hai? schedule caste ho tum n so on………..
shit man!!! i tried my best 2 stop my dad frm saying al dis….but his bp increased n he said al dat…
he said him dat next time he talks to me,his legs wud b broken,,,wo uska uthwa denge n so on…..
my bf said me that he didnot reply 2 my dad at al just because he respects him,,,,,but he was badly hurt by the words of my dad espesialy abt his family,his parents,,his caste n al…
he said me to take stand 4 us…
but my parents hav threatened me not 2 talk 2 him or else wo boy ko harm karenge.. which i dnt want..they hav askd me 2 forget him n strt preparing my mind 4 marrying sm1 else… my bf after lisning 2 al dis,doesnot talk 2 me anymre…he doesnot pik my cal,,,,he says jab i cant take stand 4 both of us,,,,wen theres no future den y shud v talk 2 each oders??
my parents hav threatened 2 kil demselves if i think of him…..
its been more that 15 days,,,deres no news frm my bf’s side…he neithr piks my cal,,nor cals me….
my parents r searching a suitably boy on urgent basis…
wat wil happen 2 my love story??
regards,
Jannat
Nivedita says:
Jannat… If you really love him, stand by him. Your parents ultimately want you to be happy. They will come around sooner or later. If you guys really love each other, you should be together otherwise no one will be happy.
subha says:
Hey jannat… I completely understand ur situation. All this parents thing is really sad. Its so easy for them to say 4get the one you love. i really wish god could make them feel how we are feeling.
One side our love and our life is waiting for us and on other our parents our father mother who loves us very much. They have done evrything possible for us but when it comes to our real happiness thier love goes for toss.
My parents tell me forget your bf, is he all for you. How can you spoil our life and be happy with him Our curse will never leave you. Gal’s life is to make sacrifices for their family. Is this wot gal has to do. Then why the hell are we living. Are we born to live sad.
But inspite of this im not able to take a hard step against my parents coz i kno they’ll be totally broken. Im from complete orthodox society and I ve seen other parents condition when their daughters have done something similr. N i dont forsee such situation for my father. I wish i had seen that situation when i hadnot fallen in love. But what has happened is happened Im in real love now and both of us cant live without each other.
I dont kno how will this be possible since i dont have guts to hurt them Coz im scared as I love them and they love me. At the same time i love my bf. I want to marry my bf with my parents happiness but its been 3 yrs now, its still a NO. N they are desperately looking for guys.
Im not getting any kind of comfort. We are all sailing in same boat.. LOVE.
subha says:
I think im goin insane now. Sometimes i think if it was possible I really wud have loved to stay alone. Im educated and the world needs educated people. Instead of wasting my time in love and marriage which is doing no good to our country, I would really love to do something for society. Donate what i earn and help people get educated. Devote myself into social service, upliftment of society.
What say guys.. Hows idea..
Nivedita says:
Subha, don’t get carried away.. what you are in to is not something to just walk in and out of. It is not just about you or your parents. It is also about your bf.. It is a question of your lives. Don’t give up on it so easily. When the one you love gives up on you, believe me, IT HURTS… It is like a big scar on your life that can never be healed..
subha says:
I can completely understand. Thats y im in this situation. I dont kno what to do so that i get him with my parents blessings.. i ve spoken to them again and again but no use.. they r looking for guys.. Im really tensed
Nivedita says:
Subha, see.. the point is that many times in life you ought to make choices between things that are equally important to you. In such situations, it is better to make a choice that will give you a chance to have both things eventually, at some point. Your parents can’t be blamed for the way they think just as we can’t blame ourselves for loving someone.. But the point is that the best things in life don’t come easy. If you choose to marry even without your parents’ consent, then believe me eventually, one fine day.. they WILL accept it, simply because you are their child and you are a part of them. I know it is hard.. but nothing comes easy.. Just think about it.. It is so much easier to call your bf and say that you cant marry him instead of marrying him and facing your parents, right? This is what most people do. They do what is convenient.
But think.. if YOU cannot decide who you should be with for the rest of your life, then who will? I am not saying that parents should not have a say in this. Of course they should! But when the reasons they give are wholly irrelevant, that is when you should feel compelled to make your own decision.
Remember , that if you marrry someone else, there is no looking back.. You have to accept the life you choose..
I know such decisions are tough to make.. Your parents are going to be really hurt but if you trust the man you love, if you know that he is the one for you, then stand by him. Think about him, make him a part of your decision, whatever it may be. Don’t just inform him of your decision.
This is the right time.. Be brave and stand up for what you want! God is with you!
All the best!
subha says:
Thanks Nivedita. Lets see what i can do. I ve given up everything to time. Im not saying anything to any1, neither to my love nor my parents. I donno Im right or wrong.
ketaki says:
hey!
gr8 post!! feel so mch connected to this.. the only diff in my case is thngs went really fast! m still in my final yr of engg… n my parents got to know about my relationship..n they spoke the exact words wht u ve used in the blog! its such a surprise as well as comforting to c tht most of us frm the same age group r going thru this similar kind of problem!! and v r all looking for the same unique solution..
bringing a change in this blindfolded society with dumb rules!!
Nivedita says:
Hi guys!
Chetan Bhagat’s new novel “2 states-the story of my marriage”, a must-read for all who are really in love and want to be together… A story very close to reality with a happy end, of course!
subha says:
Thanks Nivedita.. im goin to buy it right away
Nivedita says:
Guys..
Having to forget comeone you love is really difficult. When you are so confortable with someone being around you always, whether actually or in your thoughts and one day, all of a sudden, you have to let go.. forget.. stop feeling.. How to do it? I tried everything. Doing other things to distract myself, talking to friends, thinking about how much pain I suffered when I was in the relationship, I tried every possible means that I could think of or that others suggested. But I am not able to.. The thoughts of the relationship.. his thoughts.. haunt me.. every moment.. even as I talk to you. I am counting the days to the wedding.. I am praying.. hoping for something when I know that the truth is that it’s all OVER. I am not able to accept it.. I want to, but I can’t… I can’t tell you how painful this is, how traumatic.. I sometimes feel like I am crazy. I mean, I am punishing myself for a guy who doesn’t even care about me.. why???? He is not troubled like me, he is probably even happy.. then whats happening to me? What did I get out of this other than pain, heart break and tears? How do I get out of this? Will I ever be happy again? What do I do? I dont know.. This is horrible.. This is just horrible..
Just wanted to share my thoughts with all of you with the hope that you ll understand…
subha says:
Hey Nivedita.. I completely understand what you goin thru. I have also suffered the pain u suffering now in past. This love who I wanna get married to now is not my first love. I was in love before but that love failed. Life gave me another chance and this guy came in my life who’s much better than the previous one. Now i really thank god for failing my first love and giving this guy to me who’s much much better in all senses.
It took me 3 yrs to 4get my first love. Its all the matter of time dear everything will be gone and life will be usual again. Time is the best healer is all i can say (from personal experience).
But now im really hurt my parents are not willing to get me married to this guy and i cant hurt my parents and this time I don wanna fall in love again. I have had enough. I want my bf with my parents blessings but i donno how. Im really tensed.
Nivedita says:
Subha..
U know what, the worst part is that I tried breaking up with my love 2 and a half years ago.. we have not been ‘together’ in the actual sense for almost 2 years. Even then, my condition is like this.. just imagine..
Time hasn’t changed anything. That is why I am even more scared.. n I dunno why but I still feel that something good is going to happen… Aamin to that..
As for you… I think you should just not give up coz u really love this guy.. Just tell your parents one thing, that you will not go against them and marry your guy but you will also not marry anyone else. So, they can make a choice. You have the confidence that your guy can win over your parents’ love and that he is ready to go all the way and do anything for you, right? Then just go for it Subha… Please.. I have never seen you.. I don’t even know you but believe me, the knowledge that two people in love are together brings happiness to all those who have known love… All the best! You are always in my prayers.. Don’t let him go! He loves you!
Nivedita says:
Also… please let me know what you think after you’ve read “Two States”
Raj says:
Hi Nivedita
Its Raj again….
U knw wat, when kids do silly thgs v may njy it, but the same thg when old ppl do v may get annoyed or irritated, sorry to say but I do get irritated by cing ur msgs…Bcoz v all knw its real stupidity to thk r spent time on somethg which is not really worth r not meant for us…There is no meaning in crying for somebody who is not even caring abt u..
All ppl r majority of ppl here say bad abt ther parents not accepting ther love, emotions, feelings etc etc..but hw many of you accept the fact of negligence or lack of reciprocation of love by ur loved ones, but still u ppl fall in love and not ready to accept the real fact like wat Nivedita does…
Ppl here do Grow up ..its high time tat v waste time in such nonsense thgs..I do understand tat its really tough to get out of ur emotions but its not impossible, when u ppl can oppose r thk bad abt ur parents who r responsible for wat u ppl r now, then y cant u ppl come out of such ingenuine love…
All my comments above r only for those who r in trap of love which is not true not for those who give there life for love…
Love is not one sided it shud b two sided …All cinematic dialogues like i cant live without him/her, he/she is my life, I am nothing w/o his/her love r all bullshit…
U have ur own life to worry abt..Make sure what ur responsibilites r and work towards it..dont make fool of urself for thgs which r not worth for..
Shedding tears for those who dont even care for u nor care to wipe ur tears is utter stupitiy and nonsense..
Ppl here pls dont b in dreams do come to the reality …
All the very best for u all…
Nivedita says:
Hey Raj,
First, no one wants to ruin their lives.. Second, if you are getting irritated, don’t read my msgs. Third, if you don’t understand how someone feels, don’t belittle their feelings.. When you love someone you dont do it upon the condition that that person will also love you. Fourth, I am not as stupid as you think I am. If you have read my msgs you would have also read that I really do want to help myself out of this situation. Fifth, I may just say I accept what you say and that I have forgotten.. But things don’t work that way. Sixth, I only post what I feel coz I want to get it out of my system. I do not get any pleasure out of being miserable. Everybody knows that it is stupid to think about the past. I do too.. So kindly be tolerant towards what other people think or feel else don’t read or don’t post like this.
THANK YOU!
Nivedita says:
I do understand what you are trying to convey but please choose your words a lil more carefully
Raj says:
Hi Nivi
I thk u hv totally mistaken wat i hv said…I told u very clearly tat i do understand all ur emotions but the thg wat i felt bad is, to shed tears for those who dont deserve it…
U love someone but u dont do it upon the condition tat that person wil also hv to love u back…then y r u feeling for tat guy leaving u, u dont expect thgs rt..Just u keep luving him for ur life and njy the real feel of luv towards him, anybody stops u frm tat..
But tats not wat u hv to do and u knw tat better…I knw its tough but the thg Iam emphazing is just take life as it comes..Emotions shud make u stronger not the other way..
Ur saying tat u knw its not right to b like this but ur unable to come out it, and tat is like u dont knw swimming but stil u wnt to jump into the sea…in tat case u knw the consequence, and not only for me but for everybody here tat wil look stupid only…
Again sorry for all the above comments, but my intentions is just to make u realise tat life is precious and there r so many thgs to do, rather than wasting ur time..
Rather than being sad for wat has happened try to involve urself in thgs which can make u happy and others happy too..and u knw ther r so many thgs in life which makes others happy..love is just one of them, so explore the remaining thgs..
All the very best….
Nivedita says:
Thanks Raj.. will remember your words. Thanks, for the advice.
Raj says:
Ur welcome da..Just try to stay happy and positive..everythg wil b fine..
subha says:
Hi Nivi.. i cant say that coz my parents have given me only 2 opts.. if i wanna stay with them n see them happy I shud get married to one they want or leave home with sumanth. No Opts of not getting married. N if i leave home i kno wot’ll be the consequence. They both will definately be shattered. Its a freeky situation.
N for d book.. im still not able to buy.. ill be goin tomo to hunt for it.. im also eager to read it.. hoping i find some solution to my prob
Nivedita says:
Make up your mind ASAP, Subha. The longer you take, the situation will get worse and intolerable for you, Sumanth and your parents.. Don’t postpone. That is not the solution. I know it coz I have suffered. My bf was trying till the day before yesterday, the very last moment.. but what happened? Nothing. He had to leave. You know the situation would have obviously been different if we had decided something earlier.
Talk to them everyday, if need be, especially your mom. I ll pray, she’ll understand. Good luck! Make a decision.
Raj says:
Hi subha/Nivi
I dont knw much abt ur family background, but considering the options u hv its not betw ur parents and boyfriend but its between ur duty/responsibility and love/happiness..
What ever u choose ther is one thg which wil take back seat…just c the benefit/risk ratio of both and u can analyse based on tat..as its ur life and who can decide abt tat more than u…
I knw its a tough call but life is not easy either..so decide wisely and c to tat neither u not ur parents get affected in long run..some temporary break-up s fine, tat break-up may b to u r 2 ur parents but the decision u take shud make all of u happy in the long run..as life is not short to b sweet its long tooooo long wer each and every decision of urs wil play an important part in taking ur life further…
Thk wisely and stick to tat, life wil b gud to those who thk gud to others…
Hope Nivi ur happy on my views and i thk this time my words r as u expected..
Take care
Raj
subha says:
Hi nivi.. I ve not exactly postponed things. They kno im not interested in any1 else other than him. N talking to my mom is like talking to walls. Both my mom dad r stubborn. They get violent if i take up his topic. They r not at all understanding. They beet me.. lock me etc. Im kind of scared to bring that topic again n again.
Raj.. thanks for advice. U r rite. I have decided to get married with my parents blessings which is most tough. Donno how to achieve wat i want.. I have given it a thot many times but don wanna hurt parents and do somethin.
Raj says:
Hi Subha
I appreciate ur care for ur parents and at the same time u dont wnt to give away ur love which i can understand..I thk u can give a break for all this for time being, give ur parents some time without discussing this with them..let them thk/realise but its a tough call to make older generation to understand all this emotions but lets give it a final chance..
Just conc on ur daily activities and try to b as normal as u can til ur parents themselves come forward to discuss thgs with you. Its alw better to discuss such emotional thgs very calmly with utter cautious of the words u use..dont use any words which evokes there emotions r anger..make them calmer and try to maintain tat calmness thruout the discussion..
i hope when u ppl r thking r taking decisions in calm state of mind..u ppl can understand each others feelings and can able to come to a conclusion to this issue..try to hv a very very friendly chat which wil help..
Hope u can control ur emotions and wil thk hw to acheive wat u wnt to acheive…Oppurtunities s ther for everyone but hw they use there oppurtunities s wat differentiates ppl frm ordinary to extraordinary person…
stay calm, talk less…acheive more…
all the very best..
dezawoo says:
THIS IS 4 ALL U GUYZ N GALS WHO LOVE SOME1 OF A DIFFERENT CASTE THINK OF UR PARENTS FIRST BEFORE UR SO CALLED “LOVE”.
READ MY EARLIER POST AND I WAS IMMENSELY ELATED WHEN I WROTE IT I DID ALL TH8 BUT WHAT DID I GET IN RETURN………..NOTHING. MY SO CALLED LOVE IS READY TO GET MARRIED TO A SINDHI BOY(she is a sindhi n i am a brahmin, i dont think th8 i mentioned it earlier and have no regrets in disclosing it now)…..REASON HER PARENTS ASKED HER TO CHOOSE B/W ME AND THEM N SHE MADE HER CHOICE…..IN HER WORDS “TYM WILL TELL THAT SHE MAY OR MAY NOT BE ABLE TO LIVE WITHOUT ME BUT SHE DEFINITELY CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT HER PARENTS”…I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO..SHOULD I GO TO MY PARENTS AND SAY TH8 MY LOVE DITCHED ME FOR A BOY OF HER CASTE AND IT WAS MY MISTAKE NOT TO LISTEN TO THEM FIRST AND I AM SORRY AND I WILL NOW OBEY WHATEVER THEY SAY….ABOVE ALL WHERE DO I TAKE MY SO CALLED FEELINGS………AND I KNOW WHAT MY PARENTS WILL SAY AND U ALL CAN GUESS WHAT THEY WOULD SAY.
JUST 1 THING ALL OF U WHO HAVE AN INTERCASTE AFFAIR…..REMEMBER THAT UR PARENTS COME FIRST I REALIZED IT NOW AND ITS A LESSON WHICH I WILL NEVER 4GET…….ALL D BEST 2 U ALL HOPE U GET UR SO CALLED “LOVE”…..
subha says:
Hey raj… thanks 4 the wonderful advice. This is exactly the same i did 2 yrs back. But my parents are not normal kinds. I mean they r very orthodox and violent in nature. For them word “understanding” or any good word means living for society n dieing for society. They have never done anything 4 themselves in their whole life which pisses me off. N even now they r not doin.
I stay calm. I ve told thm ill not be happy with any1 else other than him. Rest is upto u. N they r least bothered. I told them i die without him.. they told its ok.. i told ill not marry any1 else, they told get out of house.. n if i take his name in front of them, im welcomed by violence from both of them. nothin is working out. They r jus not ready to sit n talk like adults. All they kno is hitting me as soon i take his name. But i kno they love me n they care for me (but not more than society) thats y i don wanna hurt them n do somethin wrong.
Raj says:
V cant join 2 extreme poles..i thk u knw tat very well..I thk in this case i suggest to thk of u and u alone as its ur life..they hv lived their life as they wnt and its ur life, so u hv to live as u wish..this is movie which wil finish in 3 hrs which wil alw hv happy ending..this is real life so thgs may b gud alw..so i thk at this time its better to stick to ur priorities and decide based on happiness..tats wat i can suggest..but still if u feel tat u wnt to gud to ur parents all tat bla bla bla ..then its ur wish..
take wise decision
Nivedita says:
Subha..
I agree with Raj. That is what I would have done if I were in your situation. Just one thing.. your primary responsibility/duty is towards your parents- true. But you also have a duty towards that person who has trusted you to make a decision which will affect his happiness and his life. You are going to make a decision not just for yourself but for him as well.
Dezawoo,
Forget it. You deserve better. I know it is hard to think that way but you SHOULD.
And Raj,
I am really sorry for the earlier post. I hope you understand.
Raj says:
Hi Nivi..
Its fine Nivi…then wats happening in ur life..
Nivedita says:
Nothin much. The marriage is on sunday. I am hoping things will get better after that. I mean till it happens, I’ll be in denial mode so I just want it to get over. Hard to erase memories of six years, but I am trying. I am in my final year of studies.. trying to concentrate on my career..
Raj says:
Tats really a nice move Nivi..Conc on ur studies, that wil b of g8 help for u at this moment..I knw it wil b really hard for u to erase all ur past memories..I again wnt to mention the word PAST…and conc on ur future. thgs wil b fine for u..V all ther for u dont worry..
Nivedita says:
I just feel bad because he says he is helpless and that he will never be happy with another girl. He tried stopping it in so many ways but his parents and that girl’s parents did not relent. I feel helpless.. That is why I think so much about him.
Raj says:
I knw hw tough it wil b to lose ur loved ones, the most difficult thg in life is just lying on those shoulders knwing tat, tat shoulders is not meant for us…v dont wnt to take our face off the shoulder nor v wnt to lie on them..tats really really untolerable..buy wat to do life sometimes is really really cruel to us..sometimes v hv to b just a spectator watching our loved goes away frm us…
At the same time v cant to anythg abt the finished game..v hv to prepare for the future..so done is done and nw ur hv a fresh leaf of life to lead..which wil b full of fun and happiness…so just carry on with ur life and explore the fun and happiness its has for u..
Take care
Raj says:
I knw hw tough it wil b to lose ur loved ones, the most difficult thg in life is just lying on those shoulders knwing tat, tat shoulders is not meant for us…v dont wnt to take our face off the shoulder nor v wnt to lie on them..tats really really untolerable..but wat to do life sometimes is really really cruel to us..sometimes v hv to b just a spectator watching our loved goes away frm us…
At the same time v cant to anythg abt the finished game..v hv to prepare for the future..so done is done and nw ur hv a fresh leaf of life to lead..which wil b full of fun and happiness…so just carry on with ur life and explore the fun and happiness its has for u..
Take care
Nivedita says:
I’ll try
subha says:
Hi Raj/Nivi… i kno wot u told is true.. its very hard to take such desicions.. i love both.. him n parents equally.. its like choosing 1 eye out of 2… i dono wot’ll happen. anyways im praying for the best…
subha says:
hey dez/nivi… Sometimes things don work out.. im scared that wot if i ve to face the situation that u both are facing. Its very hard. I hope everything goes gud.
Nivi ill pray 4 some miracle to happen in ur life… i hope that marriage doesn happen and he comes to u 4ever..
subha says:
I wish our lives were like movies… hey nivi don mind pls.. i kno v r all in pain… i was jus wondering if it was a movie u cud have gone to that marriage hall on the D day and said ” RUKO YE SHADDI NAI HO SAKTI.. MAIN TUMHARE BACHE KI MA BANANE WALI HUN”
just kidding.. a way to stop marriage in our hindi movies 
Nivedita says:
Subha:) I could have done it.. I can still do it.. But I wont. And why do I need a child to cement my relationship.. It is not that weak.. I have given him everything that I could. If he is destined to be with me, if he wants to be with me, if he really loves me, he will not get married to someone else.. as simple as that.
Nivedita says:
Also.. what are you praying for? Without doing anything, if you just pray, is the situation going to change? You have to do something.. Are they looking for guys for you? Either you break up or tell your parents about your decision Subha, please.
Sorry if I sound rude but after having spoken to you for so many days, I am hoping I can take the liberty to say these things.
subha says:
Hey nivi.. thats okay… u can b rude.. im too scared to shout at them n say wot i really want. im very sober kinda person. never shouted in my whole life. I ve taken life as it came. but now i don want to. I want things my way but really don ve the guts to just open up lound n say. thou in a low tone i ve told my parents several times n taken thier beatings.
But 2day im really hating myself for being so gentle to every1 i kno. esp my parents. thou my dad loves me a lot 2day his love seem so artificial. 2day im hating every1. n feel so helpless.
subha says:
n yes they r seeing guys for me. last night my dad got 17 proposals and from past 2.5 yrs i ve rejected or rather i got myself rejected from more than 25 guys. life seems a hell.
subha says:
Hey nivi.. im reading this book.. 2 states.. but sometimes it sounds so filmy. My parents don even wanna c my guys face. but in this book gal’s parents seem so damn cool compared to real life parents. I wonder if such parents really exist. I ve not read full. Im on that scene where Krish goes in Auro ahram at pondi.
Nivedita says:
Subha..
I don’t know what to say… Hard as it may seem, it is true that time has come to make a decision. Instead of nurturing ill feelings in your heart, go out there and fight for your happiness. I am the kind of person who would go to any extent to honour my commitments and you are like my bf.. sober, quiet, calm… But you know what, you cannot afford to be like that all the time.. You have no choice but to face the challenge that life has thrown your way.. you have to. How long will you keep rejecting propsals, Subh? Your parents don’t seem like they will budge.
Remember, one thing.. if you are not happy, you cannot make anyone happy. You know how bitter things turn when someone feels ditched especially if that person was hoping that something would work out? Talk to Sumanth about this properly, about what is OKAY and what is not.
Its high time Subh. But don’t hate your parents. It is one of those few relationships, that no matter what happens between the people who are related as parents and children, their relationship does not change and they can never stop loving or caring for each other. You parents in their place are right. What I mean to say is that all of us grow with certain beliefs, values and principles… With time, those beliefs become so important to us that they grow as part of us. It is difficult to change such beliefs. Just like how we think it is really stupid to object to marriage because of caste, they think that it is essential. For the very reasons that we refuse to change our belief, they do too…
But that is irrelevant. The only point is that your life is in your hands. You have the liberty as well as the responsibility to make the right decisions for yourself, to keep yourself happy…
THINK.. If you can face the world with your love beside you, go for it.. Trust me, although it may be quite a struggle, your parents will be by your side someday..
subha says:
Hey Nivi.. yes i shall try to be strong.
Hey that 2 states is really filmy. Everythin is happening for gal n guy by itself.. the schene at Rajji mama’s daughter’s wedding is complete filmy. It seriuosly doen resemble reality. Don u think. But whenever i read that book i think of my love n feel even more strong t be with him.
Nivedita says:
Yeah, it isn’t very close to reality. That is what I also felt when I was reading certain parts of the book. But then again, there are also certain bits between Ananya and Krish, certain things that they say to each other that I can relate to so well.. The story does seem incredible at times but apparently it is greatly influenced by the author’s real-life struggle to get married to his love.
Also, Subha.. Can u call me Niv instead of Nivi? And.. which city are you in?
Raj says:
Hi NIvi/Subha
I thk u both r the very active members of this site..
so subha hw r thgs nw with u and ur famly..thk u r bit relaxed nw and i thk ur bit mentally prepared to take hw life has it comes..I can sense tat in ur recent posts..
So Nivi sorry Niv…wats happening with u..any g8 news..
Raj says:
Hi NIvi/Subha
I thk u both r the very active members of this site..
so subha hw r thgs nw with u and ur famly..thk u r bit relaxed nw and i thk ur bit mentally prepared to take life has it comes..I can sense tat in ur recent posts..
So Nivi sorry Niv…wats happening with u..any g8 news..
subha says:
Okay Niv… Im 4m Bangalore. Staying here from past 15 yrs now. Basically 4m delhi.. hw abt u
subha says:
Hey Raj.. things r horrible. Ya u write.. im kind of.. Actually i really donno wot mind set im into.
2day itself i had a big fight wid my so called parents. Not on this topic but somethin else.. Uff.. its getting messy
wer u 4m raj? n don mind pls.. jus guessing… u don seem to be in love are u..
Raj says:
Hi Subha
U made a wrong guess dear..
I was and I am in love..everybody wud hv been in love i dont thk majority of ppl wil apose tat..
As said b4 in my post, Some ppl wud b lucky enough to hv ther love around them for life but some wil b more lucky to hv ther love in ther heart.. I belong to the later category..Iam not lucky enough to hv my love with me for life but iam happier to be so as i alw hv her in my heart and in every though she wil b ther..
Love shud make u strong and mature enough to lead ur life further not vise versa..as doing the other way ur not only spoiling ur life but in turn putting ur love in a bad light and reason for ur saddness..
Love is such a wonderful thg which only brings happiness either if it is with u or its away frm u..
I wnt to cherish each and evry sec of my love only by thking all the positives v had together and dont wnt to ruin my life by thking which has not happened..
So thk abt all positives ur love has given u and cherish each and every second of tat phase and carry ur life futher with all the positive energy which ur love gave to u..so tat u nvr say urself nor allow others to say tat love has ruined ur life..
For me love is not give and take and I love u & u too love me all tat nonsense….Love is not business to bargain r alw look for benefits/profits its just pure emotion which only knws to care and share all the happiness..
Final words..Person in love r person who was in love shud only spread fun and happiness…Typical Mohabettein Shah Rukh Khan style Baby……
Nivedita says:
Hey Subha! I am also in Bangalore!! I’ve been here all my life, i.e. for 22 years. where are u in bangalore and Raj, where r u?
Nivedita says:
Hey Raj!
I understand all that you’ve written about being inspired to move on positively with the help of your love, but dont those very positive thoughts of the one you love make you really miss him/her. Doesn’t that hurt?
Raj says:
Hi Nivi…
Ofcourse it does..I do miss her a lot..and i knw hw it is in life to b w/o her..but more than tat i do knw tat she wil b happy if iam very successful in life and making my life count by doing all those gud thgs which brings happiness to many ppl rather being sad and spoiling my life by thking her..by doing tat i dont wnt to bring a bad name to my love who alw thought abt my happiness and my growth..
I wil b happy only if i knw tat she is happy and leading a gud life with whom ever it may b..if i come to knw tat she is not happy and ruining her life jst by thking me then i can nvr b happy even if i acheive somethg big in life and its vice versa frm her side tooo..
V loved and missed each other very much tat v both only know..but v both knw tat our love wil win only if both of us acheive somethg in life and make others happy..
some work came in so i cant cont..will continue later..
And Iam frm Hyderabad..
catch u later Nivi..
Nivedita says:
But Raj, if everything was good between the two of you and you loved each other so much, why did you have to separate?
Raj says:
Hi Nivi..
Love is not just joining of two hearts..its joining of 2 families da…hope u agree with it..
Nivedita says:
If the love between those two hearts is strong… it doesn’t take long for it to bring the 2 families also together. That is what I think.
Raj says:
IT may be in Film da..but not in real life..u also said tat u both r really strong and wer in luv for almost 6-7 yrs..wats up..u wnt to say tat ur guy is not genuine tat he was with u jst like tat for this 6 yrs..
everybody says tat with determination and love v can change everythg in life but wen its against ur own family members tat wont work..
V both tried wat all is possible but finally v hv decided to stay apart on behalf of the welfare and happiness of our families..v r not selfish to jst thk of us alone…Mature and pure love is not just uniting two hearts and seperating two families and living the rest of the life in guilt of seperating the families and making our parents sad..Love shud make all of us happy and by cing our parents happy v both r happy for wat v hv done..as this life wat v got is becoz of them and ther sacrifices..
Just rewind ur past and c what all sacrifices ur parents hv done for ur sake and jst to c u happy..and now its our turn to sacrifice..so I am doing tat nw..
I dont abt u..but iam, sorry v(myself and my love) r happy this way..
Raj says:
IT may be in Film da..but not in real life..u also said tat u both r really strong and wer in luv for almost 6-7 yrs..wats up..u wnt to say tat ur guy is not genuine tat he was with u jst like tat for this 6 yrs..
everybody says tat with determination and love v can change everythg in life but wen its against ur own family members tat wont work..
V both tried wat all is possible but finally v hv decided to stay apart on behalf of the welfare and happiness of our families..v r not selfish to jst thk of us alone…Mature and pure love is not just uniting two hearts and seperating two families and living the rest of the life in guilt of seperating the families and making our parents sad..Love shud make all of us happy and by cing our parents happy v both r happy for wat v hv done..as this life wat v got is becoz of them and ther sacrifices..
Just rewind ur past and c what all sacrifices ur parents hv done for ur sake and jst to c u happy..and now its our turn to sacrifice..so I am doing tat nw..
I dont knw abt u..but iam, sorry v(myself and my love) r happy this way..
subha says:
Hey Raj/Nivi.. hows u guys..
Hey Raj.. good to hear that.. thats all is my prob.. hw can i hurt my parents.. good u both decided this way… nt every1 will agree with wot u did.. but i understand.. sometimes hearts do break in this selfish world. Their’s no importance of this word called “love” des days. Its a pseudo world.
Whenever i c my parents praying to lord Radha n krishna.. i wonder y r they praying lovers.. wot r they gotta do with them.. R & K also loved each other met secretly.. they were jus lovers.. n i think a lot.. i don wanna tell now. they r long n deep thots
Im starting to hate the people in this selfish world.. all r heartless.. sometimes i also think that if our parents love us so much n so called sacrifised for us then y the hell society comes when our life is at stake. Real happiness for any human will be to b with the 1 u love. N that happiness is deprived by our parents jus coz of god damn society.
I wonder wots the caste of god… if Krishna n shiva are Northindia Hindu Gods then y southindias pray them. If Ganesha is a Maharashtra’s raja then y UP people pray him. There shud b caste bars for gods also (like nothindia, southy, etc) n our education shud not teach us that we are 1, india is 1.. NO.. v r divided bunch of people thats y we fall..
Sometimes i think i shud shun my parents n go ahead with my life.. coz v young blood will create a new future i guess with no cateisum..
I told u i think a lot.. this was jus trailor
Nivedita says:
Hi Raj!
With due respect to your beliefs, I dont agree with you at all. I would have, if your parents had objected to your love for a genuine and valid reason (assuming that the reason was caste).
Well in my case, my love is Gujarati. I have no idea or clue as to how things work in that community. He has told me that for the last five years he has tried to persuade his parents, especially his dad. I trust him with that. I know only so much of him and his family that he has told me about. I have never spoken to his parents or met them. Two and a half years back, I told him that it would really shatter me to see him with someone else and hence since we know that his parents will never agree, we should just separate. But you know, Raj… it just didnt work.
If his parents loved their only son would they not give him a chance atleast? Why didnt they never see me or talk to me? Why would they forcibly get him married to someone else? Why didnt they atleast let him be? Who is going to be happy now? Me? Him? That girl? No one.. coz you can force a marriage upon someone.. not love. I dont know if the marriage has happened but if it has, that girl has married him with the knowledge that he loves someone else..
I am sorry but this whole thing of sacrificing your love for your parents.. It is mere illusion. You are pretending to be happy, pretending that you’ve moved on…
I am sure no parent does anything for his/her child with the expectation that the child will pay back with another sacrifice.
I have serious issues with divide based on caste. I think it is absolutely baseless.
Anyways, I respect your decision because it is mutual. It just doesn’t complement my thoughts.
There is no question of choosing between your parents and your love. I do not believe in having to choose between two people who are incomparable, simply because one of them came first or that they gave me my life or because they made sacrifices for me.
I just think that the best way of making others happy, is by making yourself happy first.
Nivedita says:
And yeah.. to your question of what happened between us. It was his decision to go by his parents, not mine. He decided and I HAD to accept. There was never any prob from my side because I knew that I would be able to conveince my parents and that tehy will stand by me in whatever I do, just to see me happy. My parents didnt even know until a year ago. In fact, on the day he left, my dad spoke to him and told him that all he has to do is just say that he wants to get married to me. dad said that he will take care of the rest. But he said that he doesnt have a choice and that he HAS to get married, no matter what happens after that..
Also, tell me one thing what is the purpose of this mature and pure love that sacrifices everything? Are you really, genuinely happier than u would have been with her? Do your parents or anyone realise the value of your sacrifice? God forbid, if you are married/get married and you dont love your wife/you are not happy with her, can your parents change that?
Raj says:
Hi Nivi/Subha
I can understand ur stand Nivi, but certain thgs u wil understand only wen v face the samethg in life..so i thk u wil understand hw tough it wil b for the parents side wen in future ur son/daughter does b selfish and choose her life as she wnts not considering ur views…
U may say tat u wil nvr interfere in his/her decision wen it comes there marriage and i wil gel wit there decision all tat..but being practical i knw tat, tat wil not happen and obvioiusly every, atleast majority of parent wil not gel with their sons/daughters views..
How much u say tat ur practical and u dont wnt all this caste, religion all tat stuff and wat matters is only happiness in life ..but u wud hv enrolled urself in college under BC, OBC r wat ever it may b section..y didnt u oppose there itself..then y do u put ur caste in ur application form r any form for tat matter..u can blindly say tat ur r INdian and jst Indian and nothing else…..and y do u go and worship a particular religion god in ur life til nw, instead u can go to temple, mosque and church and pray all gods na..V r all humans v r tend to change..
U use ur caste wen it requires and throw it wen not require..
U blame ur parents not caring for ur happiness and jst thk they can also claim tat ur not carring for their happiness..so its jst from which point ur standing tat decides..there is no uniform rule tat which is gud and which is bad..v tend to go according to situations and according to the situation i had, i decided to seperate which was mutually decided..
I knw i cant forget my love neither she can forget me, neither v both wnt to forget each other..but v both wnt to each other as well as our parents to be happy..
Happiness is not depend on the other person ur with, its depends on ur own thought..U liked ur parents til u fall in love and u started to go away frm them wen they oppose for ur decision…keeping this in mind ..hw can u assure tat u wont go away frm ur love wen u both hv some misunderstanding in life..
If u love somebody truely u cant go against them..and v both love our parents truely..
subha says:
Hey Raj.. respect ur thots though they don gel. But im really sonfused reading this one line….
“I knw i cant forget my love neither she can forget me, neither v both wnt to forget each other..but v both wnt to each other as well as our parents to be happy..”
Hw can u keep ur partners happy wen u love each other n keep loving each other Or u mean that u loving 2 people at a time or u r jus goin to do ur duties by keeping ur partners n parents happy. Ur heart will be with sum1 else but u will be with sum1 else. I really din get ur point when u mention those lines.
subha says:
1 more thing.. on OBC etc.. that involves changing nation (including our dearest corrupted govt).. lets start with our own home 1st like changing our parents. N people who really don believe in castisum do visit all religion gods.. i do.. i love infant jeasus.. i pray to allah with my arms spread.. i visit gurudwara.. my bf’s best pal is a muslim.. he visits his house often n his father loves my bf just like his son.
Nivedita says:
Raj…
I never said that you should go away from ur parents for ur love. Read my last post.. I only said that this whole thing of choosing between parents and the one you are in love with is wrong… There is no comparison between them.
Also, since you mentioned reservation etc.. I think I should tell u that I have lost two things that were dearest to me, the only two dreams that I had… to caste. Firstly, my career.. I wanted to study in a particular college but I couldn’t because I am a general merit student. Although my marks in the entrance exams were more than that of OBC students, they got seats while I didnt. Second, as you know.. my love..
Like Subha, I too go to church.. I go to temples as well.. I only seek opportunities to grow spiritually, thats all. There have also been times when in pain I have wondered if God is really there and if he is, then why is he merely witnessing all the wrong things that are happening.
Also, i assure you that I will never interfere with the decisions that my children may make in the future. I know you will not believe me but its true. This is what I have learnt from my parents. They have never imposed any of their decisions on me and they will not do so ever. They guide me, advise me and leave the rest to me because they trust me to do what is good for myself. I am happy that I have not let them down so far. Honestly, why should I stop my children from doing what they want to? Why should I live their life? God has given me my own.. I believe in individualism. If children are selfish because they want to make decisions for their own lives, then what do you call imposing your decisions on your children simply because you do not want to stand up for your children before society? When you place your reputation before your child’s happiness, what is that called? Is that not being selfish? I would never want to put my children through the pain that I have gone through. NEVER.
I know you haven’t forgotten your love. That is why I asked you what is the purpose of it? Sorry Raj, but this is not being practical. Your parents objected to your love, right? Why don’t you forget her? Stop loving her.. That is when you would have moved on, in the true sense..
Nivedita says:
And Subha… where are you in blore?
Prerna says:
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH :
Whatever will be said here by me is less when it comes to evils of casteism in India.
Are we living in 20th century…really?????
I dont feel when teachers asks the surname of a kindergarden child in the capital city of Patna.I dont feel when an undergraduate student of a reputed engineering college is ragged severely and treated differently (like an outcaste) by his batchmates because he belongs to a scheduled caste.I dont feel when children of urban families with well educated parents do phylum (caste) party in the colleges . I dont feel when parents in Uttar Pradesh tell their grown ups “Never make friends with a SC or ST. They are bad people with less brains” I dont feel when society prefers to kill the couple if one of them belong to SC/ST and other the so called forward caste..I told whatever I will write here will be less to express the mental atrocities which thousands of families and their children are facing all over India( rural or urban-its more in rural India is a myth)without any fault of theirs. Who has given the right to man to treat differentially another human being because a human being made some regulations to seperate a section of people because their forefathers did menial job (noone has seen and even if they did so what?????). i am asking the casteism propagators “Do they bother that their great great grandfather was a drunkard??”, Do they bother that someone in their family long ago went to jail??” Do they bother that someone in their family did two marriages??. If not …..then who has given the right to you to seperate human beings on the basis of some menial jobs which their forfathers ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE BEEN DONE AT SOME POINT OF THEIR LIFE( though nobody has seen!!!!!!).If a guy belonging to marwari community has a shoe business of his forefathers , is it not good to outcaste him from the so called upper caste people and keep him in the category of cobbler community????
I want to ask the thousands of doctors,engineers,mangers, IAS officers of 21st century -”how are you tolerating this evil in the society??” You can talk of equality of people, conserving the environment, gender equality, poverty, hunger and illiteracy but not of eliminating “casteism”.What prevents you to raise your voice?????
Do you think casteism is good??
Do you think it should exist???
If your answer is “yes” ,I have no other advice to give except-
Make friends after asking his/her caste..
Take help from a stranger when you are dying after asking his/her caste…
Fall in love after asking caste…
Dont think I have ended my comments…I will write whenever I will feel that the “educated young generation of India” is deaf, dumb and blind!!!!!
Wake up guys!!!! its already too late….
subha says:
Hey Prerna thats the spirit.. i wish i cud circulate this page to those countless idiots who have propogated castisum. It really husrts me when v celebrate our independance day as so called INDIAN. Coz v r not indians.. v r so many caste.
These power hungry politicians are 75% responsible for provoking castisum in India. They were behind Babri (led to Hindu Muslic conflicts), Vadodhra, Kandhamal, and many many more.. I menationed them coz they were major.. there’s lot more to add on castisum but i wonder will it ever effect people.
Nivedita says:
Prerna, Subha…
In our country,if there is one voice against casteism, there are a hundred to muffle that one voice. We are a nation of cowards and until we choose to be like that, until we choose to be mute spectators to all the wrong things that are happening around us, we should expect no change…
balaji says:
hi megha
am 4m tamilnad..am lovin a girl 4 past 2yrs.v both studyin n same coll. now her parents came 2 kno our love somhow and they stopped her comin 2 college. they r plannin 4 her marriag now..they r tellin v wont do intercast marrge…my parents also not supportin me…my parents r afraid tat my lover’s parents would harm me…i dunno wat 2 do..plz help me
subha says:
Hey balaji… Megha is temporarily out of this site and she has given me the POA to run it
(Jus kidding)
Hey balaji.. this is jus initial stage when ur love has been reveled in front of ur parents (off course in not a favourable way).
First thing that u shud do is.. stop paniking. Relax. Did u get to talk to the gal after all dis or r u aware wots the situation at her house now.. If not.. i sugeest try to find out. ask some of ur common pals (a gal pal pls) to talk to ur gal n try finding out wots the situation.
Balaji.. any parents apart from caste also see the guys family.. as u ve told i guess u ve not yet started to earn.. but r u good in studies and are ur parents well setteled.. N in these love marriages convincing parents etc require lot of strength and understanding. U ve to be really mature when u talk. U also have to convince ur parents first before u convince gal’s parents.
Whenever u talk to ur parents u ve to talk with lot of confidence. U ve to give them a signal that I will marry only her and no one else.
But before really fighting with ur parents to convince them for ur marriage u ve to find out wot’s gal’s position at her house. Is she really interested to marry u come what may. U both have to sit and discuss the criticality b4 entering into anythin.
So all the best.. talk to gal first then ur parents.. its a big task ahead.
Raj says:
Hi Nivi/Subha
I was away from work so i cudnt able 2 reply u ppl for few days…
Then hw r thgs wit u both…no updates frm u ppl on ur personal front..do update wat is the status..
Hi Balaji
I knw thgs r little tough for u..i wud suggest u to talk to ur gal and chk wat u both actually thk abt ur future..then only u ppl can come to an conclusion abt wat has to be done nu..
If both of u r true to ur love then u shud go tat extra mile in order to stay together, its not easy wen u wnt to love marriage tat too wen its against the likes of ur parents..
So first u shud b bold enough to talk abt this to ur parents and convience them, then take them to ur gals house and talk to them and ask for some time as ur still in college and they may say somethg in regard to this..
So u shud b very clear in ur career goals in order to convince both ur parents and ur gals side..
All the very best…
subha says:
Hey Raj.. hwz u.. my perssonal life is still d same no improvements.. mom dad ve found another 4 matches for me.. god knows wot’ll happen..
Hey Nivi.. wots happening.. u also seem to be away.. did ur bf get married.. any news
Raj says:
Hi Subha
I am doing gud..its g8 man u hv lots of options to choose frm..
Dont worry da..wat ever happens jst thk tat it is for ur betterment…by saying this I am not discouraging u, I am jst suggesting tat give ur 100%, tats wat v can do aft tat jst take life as it comes..wat else v can do da..
balaji says:
thanx 4 ur advice guys…actually my parents accepted now n they also tried 2 talk wit her parents bt they r not at al listenin 2 my n my parents words..they r tellin caste s more important 4 us than their daughtr ‘s life..but she s dam strong tat she l marry me 1ly..her parents called me n asked 2 tel her 2 marry her parents choice..i told i cant do tat…
Nivedita says:
Hi guys..
Sorry was away.. I guess he got married… When I spoke to him the last time, he said ” I know why you are talking to me, coz you cant live without me. Why are you wasting ur time on me?” I asked him if our relationship didnt make any difference to him. He said, ” Life has to move on. Change is the universal law. I am a HAPPILY MARRIED MAN. Keep loving me all your life, you will get nothing in return.”
Thats it guys.. what else do I say?
subha says:
Nivedita.. wot kinda guy was he.. thats awful. Anyways.. u ve wasted 6 yrs loving him. pls don waste more time. I wonder for how long will he be happy.
subha says:
Balaji.. dont worry.. if ur gal is strong and ur parents r on ur side then ur gal will be urs. Keep convincing gal’s parents.. they’ll agree im sure. Im happy that atleast ur parents r on ur side.
All d best!
subha says:
Hey Raj.. thanx for ur words.
Raj says:
Hi Subha/Nivi/Balaji..
Balaji…so thgs r bit ok wit u i thk…so jst carry on wit ur effort and everythg wil b in its place soon..jst c to tat both of u r strong enough to overcome this hurdle and definetly u ppl wil come out victorious..
Hi Nivi
Sorry to hear tat..but as i said b4 this s wat life s all abt…better take life as it comes and start a fresh life and one day r the other u wil get ur right guy who wil love u more than his life and ur life wil b full of happiness…so b positive and carry on wit ur life..all the best
Hi Subha
Wat can i say for u, its all said earlier..only time can say wat s it up to u in life nu..so jst pray god tat u get wat u wnted and keep fighting for ur life and love..take care
Nivedita says:
Subha,
Awful is not the word.. it is worse than that.. Can’t tell u in this forum what all has happened in the last 3 months especially, the last week.. You will be shocked. No one should go through what I am going through, thats all I can say..
Nivedita says:
Raj,
Is this really what life is all about? I mean, you also decided to separate from your love for your parents, but just tell me one thing, would you have ever spoken to her like this? Do I deserve this much hurt and pain simply because i loved someone? I do not know or believe that any human being can say such things to someone they love. It is just horrible..
Raj says:
Hi Nivi
I knw its tough to digest such words from ur loved ones..but u shud unders tat his intention is not to hurt u, but in turn he is trying to make u realise tat there is nothing left betw u both now..so its better to move on with each others life..
its not easy to say tat, he wud hv said tat in a friendly way..but i knw its does not work tat way in love..in our case v understood the situation and v knw tat nothg is going to happen, so ther is no reason blaming each other for tat. so v thought and decided mutually tat its better to seperate, but as the decision was mutual v r staying as friends, jst gud friends…but its a tough decision though but till now v r managing our friendship in a gud manner by cut shorting our communication as much as possible, as u knw its very very difficult to treat ur lover as jst friend…
Lets c wer our life takes us frm here..
so understand the situation and act accordingly..
Nivedita says:
Raj,
The point is just that there are ways and means of dealing with a situation. It is horrible to say things that you know will only make the wounds of the other person deeper. Whether his intention was to try to make me realise something or spmething else I think is not relevant. As i said, it is too difficult to explain the situation in detail on this forum. Anyways, I guess there is no point deliberating on this anymore.
Thanks for your advice Raj.
Megha says:
this is really nice to see that you guys are together in such time of your life … otherwise thr are people who are absolutly alone and dont understand what to do in such situation…
keep it up guys
sweetu says:
hi megha,
i m also suffering like ths. i m gujarati n my boyfriend is rajasthani. n we living in same colony. my parents n brother r living at usa n i m living vth my masi. my younger brother told me that if u want to marry vth him thn thr is no relation of us after ur marrige. n he wants my answer wt i wan to do? my brother told me tht i ll nt keeping any relation with u even mon n papa keep relation vth u? his parents r ready to accept us. plz gv me suggestion hw i convince them. …. plz help me………
Nivedita says:
Megha,
So good to hear from you after such a long time…
Thanks to you for starting this forum… I get a lot of strength when I read the posts.. Things would have been worse otherwise..
Thanks Megha.. and of course, Raj and Subha!:)
subha says:
Hi all.. so howz every1.. Hey megha.. nice to read ur scrap after long time.
Nivi.. start a brand new life. No words for freeks like d guy who betrayed u..
Sweetu.. sweet name sweetu… My parents n younger bro are telling me d same thing. U need to have lot of strength in all des cases sweetu. Give ur family some time and keep talking and convincing them. Have u spoken to ur masi abt this. Is she ready to support u. U can take her help if she’s willing to support. Try wht all u can to convince ur parents (u kno ur parents so only u can find ways of convincing them) If at some point of time u realise tht ur parents will never agree then u have to deside what u wanna do…
I suggest if such situation comes when u ve to choose bet ur parents n bf.. pls choose bf.. coz parents will come to u.. they love u.. all those words r just words of threaten… and if u cant hurt ur parents then live like hw i am living. Im dying every moment. whenever my dad talks on fone abt other proposals for me, i die. N just keep praying to God. Its been 3 yrs nw and im waiting for some miracle to happen, coz i ve tried all i can to convince my parents but nothing works. N i ve chosen not to hurt them n get married. So im waiting for God to hear my prayers n somehow gimme a solution to my probs.
All d best sweetu.. b calm, mature, think of all aspects b4 taking any steps. Pls dont panic or break down.. u have to have lot of strength and play it cool..
Nivedita says:
Hi Subha…
I am trying a lot… You know what, I have sooooooooo many cute memories of him, of ‘us’.. They sometimes make me smile and sometimes make me cry… And there are so many of them…
Dunno if he betrayed me or happiness betrayed us but I hope that wherever he is, however he is… he is happy and with the knowledge that he is always in someone’s thoughts and prayers..
I can’t tell anyone how painful this is.. what I am really going through….to think that he is with someone else is just terrible,… but I hope my love itself gives me the strength to cope with it.
I hope that u don’t have to ever be in such a situation… I’ll pray that something works out for you… Keep trying and keep smiling:)
Nivedita says:
And Raj… whats up with the silence? Where are you?
Raj says:
HI Nivi
I was in chennai for some personal work, tats y i was not able to reply for some of the posts..
So hw r thgs with u…by cing ur post i feel tat u hv convinced urself and taken ur life forward with lots of positives frm ur past relationship..
I feel happy for tat..jst carry on and life wil b gud to u, jst stay focussed..
Take care..
sweetu says:
hi subha,
its sweetu here. hw r u? yep its true tht its need to hv lots of strength. my masi is also nt redy for this mrg. they all r not want th i marry vth him coz he is by cast marvari n i tld my parents if i marry sm1 thn marry vth him other wise not. smtimes they tld me on phone tht if u want to marry vth him thn v r ready bt aftr mrg thr is no relation btvn us n aftr smtime they tlk very normally like nthinh hpnd. i dnt knw tht wt they want to do. i also nt want to hurt thm. bt why they dnt think 4 us. there r no1 in my side. smtimes i feelin alone bt nw i thnk u r being my friend. hw is ur life goin? ok byeeeeee……. keep in touch . n i pray to god tht sm miracle happn in ur life n ur parents r ready 4 ur mrg. all the best. tc.
subha says:
hey Nivi.. i understand ur situation.. anyways.. keep goin.. r u studying or working..
Hey raj.. hwz u..
Raj says:
Hi Subha
Thgs r fine with me..Iam working for a pharma company in Hyderabad..wat abt u..y dont v have a lively chat man..so tat v can knw each a little better..If interested let me knw so tat i come online..
Nivi the msg is for u toooooooo…
Catch u online..take care..
subha says:
Hey sweetu.. our parents r really strange.. im also suffering same situ.. ur bf is of a neighbouring state but me n my bf r north n south pole.
Sweetu.. if they say that they’ll get u married.. then let them.. all that stuff dat v’ll break r/s etc are all crap.. Don stress urself much like hw im suffering.. im really not able to come out of that fear my parents ve created. im really feeling miserable.
subha says:
Hey all.. i need strength… Im really goin thru tough time.. not able to concentrate in work.. n my parents goin to all kinds of pandits.. doing pooja.. homas.. n wot not.. im wearing 2 type of stones.. i was wearing lot of pooja stuff aroung my neck that i ve aparently removed.. im suppose to wear yellow clothes on thursday n friday.. im goin mad.. i had big fight at home 2day coz of all dis. im very tensed.. i got so wild that i alomst started to sweat..
My so called mom shows her lov 4m outside.. she doesn scold me in front of me.. but i hear her talking all bad abt me behind my back.. r des d parents we have.. r these people d one who claim to love us.. im really hating my life..
Raj says:
Hi Subha
Wat yaar..y r u talking like this..b mature dear…
I knw its tough wen ur in such situation but at the same time u hv to understand tat jst by thking r worring abt this is not going to help u out..so either u hv to plan a statergy to convince ur parents r to convince urself..
By jst scolding ur parents is not going to help and thking more abt it wil only take u to depression..so jst stay calm and thk wat u hv to do in order to bring ur life to normal..
If i hv to suggest, i wil jst tell u go according to wat ur heart says..and i knw it wil tell u to go with ur BF..if ur BF is strong in his views and settled in life then alone i suggest u to go with him and get married..if not so jst listen to wat ur parents say..
At times life may b tough but its teaches u a lot..its makes ur mature and strong within..so jst relax, sit alone and thk wat is better to u..wat s better to u, tat u can alone decide, so dont go with others suggestion including mine..jst listen to ur innerself and u decide wat s better for u at this point of time and also in the long run..
all the best..hope ur decide the right one for ur life..
sweetu says:
hi subha
sweetu says:
hi subha
Raj is too right tht hear only ur inner feeling. if ur bf is strong thn ready to go vth him. our parents only wants their so cld society n reputation. they dnt want our happiness. they only tld tht v thnk abt ur future thts why v tld no. bt u knw tht its nt true. i pray to god tht u gt wt u want. god bless u n be strong. tk care… ALL THE BEST……………..
Nivedita says:
Hey Raj and Subha…
Subha, how many times to tell you that THE ONLY SOLUTION is to make up your mind.. no point talking of your parents dear… understand!!! Please… I can completely relate to what you are going through and how frustrating it can be.. but you have to.. either go for it or give up! Please don’t get into this mode coz if you do, trust me, it is really difficult to get out of this. JUST BE CALM… Remember that the decision is in YOUR hands… Atleast you are not helpless… Stay calm.. have faith.. we are all with you…
Raj… Of course, I’d like to know you better, but I dont have your e-mail id.. You too Subha..
And guys.. moving on is tough… I miss him terribly… Part of that magical feeling called love, I guess. What say, Raj? How the hell did you manage when you broke up? This is really tough!
Nivedita says:
I am studying Subha… final year.. sem exams starting on the 12th… May not be able to catch up with u guys regularly till the 19th…
Raj says:
Hi Nivi
I knw its tough but life has to go on..as i said its a mutual decision, so v knw wat v r doing and wat the effect it wil hv on us in the future and v r very clear abt tat..even though v hv our difficulties, v also cared for each other happiness, the guts and self determination to overcome tat..i knw its easy to say but tough to follow..time wil heal r give strength to tackle all this..so stay focussed..
dont worry u wil also wil overcome all this..jst conc on ur studies and ur future wil take care of itself..
My mail Id is Mohunnraj@gmail.com
Take care
sweetu says:
Hi Nivi
all the best for exam
subha says:
Hey guys thanks for ur words. I donno hw far ill b able to decide. Coz my heart says i wanna marry with my parents blessings and i cant see any way to convince my highly stubborn parents
Anyways.. Nivi.. Do well in ur exams..
Nivi.. if u remember i told u that this guy is nt 1st in my life.. my 1st love was a failure. N i overcme that thou it took long time.. I cant tell u hw i overcame that in this open forum coz thats a complete gal’s talk
gimme ur mail id (only if u want to) n i shall rite to u.. im sure u’ll also feel motivated when u hear that 4m me..
hey nivi/raj/sweetu.. when’s ur bday..
Nivedita says:
thanks all…
Raj, u know how many times I’ve heard ‘Life has to move on’ from so many people in the last few days!!!:)
Subha, I want to give u my id but prob is that i dunno if it is secure to do that on this forum..
Nivedita says:
Guys…
PLEASE CALL ME NIV!!!!!!!
Raj says:
Hi Nivi..
Wat else u expect frm ppl here to say apart frm tat “LIfe has to move on” to ppl who r unable to cope up with their life and those who r really struggling to thk anythg other their than there love..
Life is not going to stop here alone..u didnt explore ur life fully..there r so many thgs in this world to explore, jst open ur eyes, tats the need of the hour..
So i suggest to all ppl here, dont give false suggestion and opinions which wil ruine ppl life..i sincerely request to take life seriously and its not movie where there wil alw b happy ending..its real life so ups and downs, success and failure, happiness and disappointments all r part of it..so jst learn to take each and every thg which life gives to u and go ahead wit ur life…
All the very best..I thk i didnt say anythg wrong here to hurt anybody..keep smiling and makes others smile if possible..
Raj…
subha says:
Hey Niv… Raj has given his id na.. so u rite to raj.. ill also rite to raj.. n he’ll give us each other’s mail id.. hws idea
Hey raj.. im sure its ok wid u..
Raj says:
Hi Subha
No issues ……….I wil do tat for u ppl…..Hv fun..
Nivedita says:
Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaajjjjj!!!!
Oh my god! When did I say that people shouldn’t say, ‘Life has to move on’??? I only said that everybody is saying that.. thats all… u chill:) I wont ruin my life.. I have taken your advice very seriously..
U know what.. this whole life has to move on thing.. the point really is that life moves on whether you want to or not:) time never stops for anyone…
The only thing is that certain things happen and the way in which they happen affects you forever… they teach you lessons.. you reflect on your mistakes.. sometimes u learn from it.. sometimes u dont but nevertheless.. life, obviously moves on..
As I have told u guys I was in this relationship for 6 years. If I am still studying, u can imagine how young I am and how young I was when it all started. I literally grew up with this relationship.. He was not just my lover.. He was my best friend, my guide.. I dont know what I meant to him or if I ever meant anything to him.. but my world certainly did revolve around him more because of the friendship…. I was in the habit of talking to him all the time and telling him every small thing… I trusted him like I probably wont trust anyone anymore…
On the one hand is the loss… the loss of a relationship that was very dear to me, very very close to my heart… on the other of course is the feeling that I gave it too much and got nothing other than hurt in return..I miss him.. I miss him very much very much, I miss him every moment with the knowledge that we are so apart from each other now that our paths are different. But that does not mean that life is stalled…
I guess the death of a relationship is like the death of anything else… you are shocked, you dont accept, you accept and you grieve and when you cant grieve anymore… life moves on… without whatever it is that you’ve lost…
You dont forget someone or something… You just get into the habit of being with or without that someone or something…
subha says:
Hey niv.. wot u ve expressed here is so damn true.. In past i ve also been thru somethin similar.. n im scared to face it again… i can really feel the pain that u must b goin thru.. But the bitter truth is life will move on and we have no other choice than to move with life n it depends on us hw v move with it or v dont…
Hey Raj.. u agree?… u better agree to dis
Raj says:
Hi Subha
Ofcourse i agree to wat u hv said subha…
Life has has move on, there is no use is jst sticking to the past, wen its of no use and worthless..
Fogiveness and forgetting, if this two thgs r not there, then life is miserable..
Nivedita says:
Forget.. I cant. I don’t think anyone can or does.. Forgive… In my situation, I don’t know who has to forgive whom..
You know what I think… Like they say, Time may heal the wounds.. but some wounds leave scars.. Scars don’t heal… They remain.. FOREVER..
I guess some experiences put life into perspective… They make you open your eyes to reality.. I think I had to go through this to know where I stand.. What I mean to the people around me.. who cares, who doesn’t.. who loves, who doesn’t..
Nevertheless, I know that I have to go through this alone.. because only I know what the absolute truth is.. only I stand in a position to see the light, because no matter how much I explain anything to anyone they obviously can’t put themselves in my shoes..
The biggest lesson I’ve learnt through all of this is that when you have blind faith in someone… and that someone betrays that faith in an unimaginable manner.. when that someone doesn’t even care.. when that someone treats you like you are no one.. it hurts and it is one of the worse things that can possibly happen to anyone and at times, you may not even believe that it has actually happened…
That is why, please all of you who are reading this, be careful before you trust a person. Trust yourself more than anyone… Use your head, even in matters of the heart, is all I can say:)
Nivedita says:
And Raj…
You never reply to my posts which are addressed to you. You are so mean!:)
Nivedita says:
Subha…
How are things going with you? Any progress?
Raj says:
Hi Nivi
I dont knw which of ur post I didnt reply tooo…
Anyhw I am sorry for tat….
I knw its really tough/Impossible to forget or forgive, but as u said time wil heal all ur pain…
But u knw by saying tat wat it means….by time u wil tend to concentrate on other thgs in life, and slowly u wont hv time to thk of ur past and ur focus wil b on thgs which makes u happy and strong and over time u wil knw its not worth thking of ppl who betrayed u and its better to carry on with life rather than thking abt them and spoiling ur life..and obviously this is wat i meant (forget and forgiveness)..hope u agree with me on this NIVI…..
Nivedita says:
Yes Raj… I agree.. It is stupid to think of people who betrayed you.. Just hoping life brings me happiness with the same force with which it has brought grief…
Hey I was just thinking that we are usurping Megha’s site by using it for communication:) Earlier, it was questions from people and answers from Megha… And now we are using this for talking almost on a day-to-day basis and Megha is not talking only:)
Subhs… where u? whats happening?
And Raj u were supposed to help Subha and me exchange ids remember?
Raj says:
Hi Nivi…
Ur rite Nivi..now a days v use this site for our communication..anyhw its nice to share our views and get feed back frm ppl and developing a nice friendship..
I have already said tat i hv no issues in helping u and subha..but i didnt get any msg frm subha…once i get her msg i wil forward tat to u…
THen Nivi hw u did ur exams…
subha says:
hey guys… I was bit held up wid work.. Im doin gr8.. no progress in my life thou
N sorry.. yes i ve to rite mail.. prob is; in office i cant access my personal mails n at home tensions stand at the door to welcome me.. I shall surely rite to u raj…
subha says:
Im glad i can access dis site atleast 4m office
Nivedita says:
Exams:) I wrote them… Thats all I know… The rest I’ll tell you when I get my results:)
Megha says:
Nivedita – Yes i dont reply .. but i do read you guys everyday .. after all you guys are at my home.. i have to take care of yours….
so…. i do read what you all write….
and i dont reply because –
1 – i have become bit busy with work … and
2 – i am liking seeing you guys being friends …
so i am just not coming in between…
anyways getting back to work now …
and wish you all Marry Christmas … i wish Santa brings all that you wish for ….. specially that lost Smile ….
anu says:
hi megha
it ws realy a very heart touching blog.all parents do the same thing but to their daughters mostly. u know i ws not having any affair bt my mom calle one of collegue to home (for my marriage’s proposal)as i used to praise him at home.That guy is kumhar nd we r brahmins.My mom asked him to tel lie to my father that he is brahmin/khatri so as to make my father ready for our marriage.but he told my mother that he wont say any lie.My mother asked me to convince my father as i also like him.she even said k tum dono papa ko bolo k we r in luv wid ech other but on other hand my mother started saying to my father to reject this proposal coz she she dont want to take any blame on her head.ab hum dono r serious abt our relationship and nw na to mom maan rahe hain nd na papa.
um not getting k agar mom ne ye game hi khelna tha to hamare sath aisa kyu kiyA? EK SAAL SE UPAR HO GYA IS BAAT KO SHURU HUYE….Nw mom is searching a guy for me….maa ye sab kare to bacha kis par trust kare yar…sab se close relationship hota hai mother and child ka….kya muje bhi time dena chaiye apne parents ko…?
Megha says:
Anu… this case is weird …
if you were not in any relation with this guy why did you say yes for marriage when your mom started this thing …. and why did that guy come at your place when you mom called him ? … you and this guy must have stopped this whole thing on the first day itself …
and how did it got dragged to 1 year ? .. if you both are just friends .. why are you worried about your parents not accepting him ? …
and if you like him and he does the same too … thn i feel you must speak to your father and tell him the whole thing about how your mom started this thing and now this is the situation ….
i am still wondering .. if you both never had any relation .. thn why did you let this thing go on and on .. and why are you worried ….. what for ?
Nivedita says:
Happy new year all:)
sweetu says:
wish u all very happy n prosporeus new year.
subha says:
Wish U all a very happy new year! Hope this year brings joy in all our lives.
Have a Gr8 Year ahead!!!!!!!!
Megha says:
Happy New Year guys …
Nivedita says:
Subha and Raj,
Where r you guys? Forgotten your new friends in the new year or what?:)
Raj says:
Hi Nivi and Subha
Happy New Year…Hope this year brings lots of joy to u and ur family…Hv a nice year ahead…take care
Sorry for wishing u ppl late..
Nivedita says:
Thanks Raj… Happy New Year to you too:) Have a wonderful year!
Raj says:
HI Nivi..
THen wats up..any spl news frm ur side…and u said u wil b coming online..jst put a comment here b4 u come online as i said i wil not b online, only aft ur comment in this blog i wil come online..k catch soonnnnnn
Nivedita says:
i am online now
subha says:
Hi Nivi/Raj.. Ver happy new year to both of u.
sorry I was very sad. Donno hw to solve my probs. Im goin insane. Raj i don find time to rite to u at home so ill mail u from my office id nw. N pls share Niv’s id wid me (as discussed
]
take care
subha says:
Raj i ve written u mail. do respond
Raj says:
Hi Nivi
sorry i cant come online wen u msged as i went for lunch..I thk this s the second sorry Iam saying u this year and wil c tat it wil b final one…catch u online..but do blog first..
Hi subha
I got ur mail wil mail u nivi ID ASAP….this new year wil bring all happiness to u dont worry..jst stick to ur thoughts everythg wil fall in its place soon…if possible u can also come online..it wil b easy for me to say nivi ID, as i cant mail u frm office..
Rohit says:
HI…Seriously why we are still surrounded with 1000 years old rules?? in 1st place in india why we have so many cast? cant we just be indians?? or Bhartiy?
My girl friend and me are living a silence relation for last 4 years..once her father came to know about it, and he stopped her education and meeting friends, after around an year they started her education by correspondence…but other wise she is still housearrested…it’s just when goes to class we get chance for 5 – 10mins…we meet only once in 2/3 months…intially it was even worse, we have been meeting once in 6-8 months….
this is happening for last 4 years, but now getting very difficult
we wanna get married, but dont knw how we will convice them…she feels they will get conviced…i want her faith to be true and support her till she is satisfied with her affort & succesfull
but now we feel 4 years is really a big time…
co- incidently even my name is ROHIT…AND SHE IS MY SWEETY..sweetest person i ever have met in my life..
i hope , ur rohit & sweety are married and happy now…
uma says:
hi ,nice blog megha…..i m suffering from the same situation .i m agrawal and the person to whom i want to marry is not of my cast …….well i don’t knw what will happen …my cousin sis had got marry to non-agrawal and my parents always cause her .. so i m bit scared now ….
i hope rohit and sweety get maaried and help to change samaj thinking against love marriage
Ashwini says:
Your Comment…
subha says:
Hi Niv/Raj.. wer u guys…
subha says:
Uma.. main bhi agarwal hun yaar.. mera tho bf south indian hai.. u r my friend.. tu kaha se hai.. main blore se hun
subha says:
Rohit/Uma.. if u guys read further.. u’ll get ur answers if rohit n sweety r married… They did get married..
subha says:
Uma apne agarwal log bahot zyada people oriented log hai yaar.. pata nai society se unhe kya milega jo hum nai de sakhte
Raj says:
Hi Subha..
hw r thgs for u..was little busy with my work..any spl thgs happening in ur life..
subha says:
Hi raj.. ya very spl.. my dad n mom r tensed thruout d day.. they keep running behind pandits and looking out for guys.. they manage to search min of 3 guys on daily basis. So im very tensed as usual.. i donno wot’ll happen wid this life of mine. I only hear bad news from all corners of the world arnd me..
Hw r u.. n u were suppose to gimme Niv’s mail id.. Im still waiting for dat
Raj says:
Hi Subha
Mails r blocked at my off yaar…i can use some social sites frm wer i can come online..tats wat i told Nivi also..so u mail me ur mail ID (gmail or yahoo) i wil send the Nivi ID to u via tat..is tat fine for both u and nivi…
Nivedita says:
Hi Subha!
I am fine… My story is over so nothing left to post. That is why I haven’t been posting:)
Raj says:
HI Nivi
Wats up..aft tat no msg..any issues..Open up…
subha says:
Hey Nivi.. dats wrong.. u cant stop posting jus coz ur issues r over.. help us
Ya raj fine wid me.. ill send u my personal mail id.. i seldom chk my personal id. yesterday i saw it after long and deleted some 5k+ unread mails
Raj says:
Hi Subha
As i said b4 i cant access mail frm my off so I will not send via mail …will be sending via messenger..so chk ur offline msgs ok..
Nivedita says:
Hey Subha!
I am always there for you.. to help you..
subha says:
Raj.. im nt tech savy.. wer will i find dis offline msg.. wt will i ve to do 4 dat
subha says:
Hey Nivi/Raj.. wer u guys.. raj im still waiting for Niv’s mail id
Raj says:
HI Subha
I told u 2 send ur personal mail ID to my mail Id so tat i can add u on my chat list then i can send u nivi’s mail ID via tat chat..
Thgs r fine with me..hw abt u..so wats up no info abt u either..
subha says:
oh yes.. ill send u rite away.. n nothing good’s happening in my life.. looks like i ve already been married to problems
donno wer life will take me.. nw i ve come to kno in India y r gals killed when as soon they r born or y child marriages take place.. i ve bcome a burden on my parents.. they don wanna let me go to my bf n i don wanna marry any1 else. They r seeing all my pals n neighbour’s daughters (be it elder or younger to me) have been married. Im d only 1 left.. so u cn imagine orthodox indian parents.. they r having hardest time of their lives..
Im facing the rage n fury of my so called parents.. i see their dead faces as soon i reach home till im out of home. they ve stopped smiling.. god.. wonder y god encourages all this stupidity.. im really hating the world im living in coz of this dirty n filthy society.
Raj says:
Hi Subha
Ther is nothg different btw u and others who fall in love and stay in luv, except tat they r even finding the solution to tackle ther issues..
Every one can fall in love but sustaining and being in luv for ever is wat the ultimate thg…hv the guts to face the real issue r else jst get away frm all this and do according to ur parents wish..
My advise is jst stay calm and let the thgs to settle down a bit…i knw its very easy to advise and hw tough to follow..but patience s the key nw..hv faith in ur love and ur parents..definetely thgs wil fall in its place soon…
Some thgs which r happening may hurt u and bring lots of pain..but do understand ther is no gain without pain..so all this pain r temporary and this phase is jst to chk u and ur luv..u wil definetely reach ur ultimate goal if u hv tat tolerability and patience..
take care..
subha says:
Hey thanks raj.. U r rite. Its jus that sometimes i get really impatient.. its been 3 yrs im in same pain.. n pain jus increases day by day.. im jus praying things fall in place. N i ve sent u my personal mail id.
u too tc..
Raj says:
Hi subha
I hv mailed u nivi’s mail ID…hope u got my mail frm my off ID..hv fun and njy life…
subha says:
Hey Raj.. on which id ve u sent.. coz i jus chked by personal id but i haven yet recvd it..
Raj says:
HI Subha
I have mailed to ur off ID as welll as via messenger…i hv mailed frm off ID…
subha says:
Hey ya i got it raj.. I ve also written to niv.
Hey Nivi.. im waiting for ur reply…
Raj says:
Hi Nivi…
Wats up…busy with ur academics s it..
Nivedita says:
Hey no! I was away.. didn’t have access to the internet. Whats up with all of you?
Raj says:
Hi Nivi, subha
Wats up..y no msg for long time..r u ppl really busy with ur day to day activities r u both hving conversation via ur personal mail IDs…
I was out of station yaar, tats y i was not able to msg u ppl…
VIVEK says:
VERY NICE BLOG ITS A VERY DEEP TOUCHING
BUT STILL REMIAN CHANGE IN THIS 21ST CENTURY.
gopi says:
even i am also a prey this caste crap….my girl is from a different state and so the caste……and i am really in a very bad situation because both of us r mad about each other and we just dont know how we r going to convince our parents and make it happen…my only aim is to come back one day and post a comment that “i have succeeded in marrying her”….hope it happens one day…i really love her more than my life…..
Naina says:
Do u kno Megha..that u r nt the only one whi is facing dis bloody caste problm. Im a Maharashtrian n d guy i love is from U.P. My Parents have accepted our love but his parents being from typical U.P family are strongly opposing..by acting fanatic..tryin all tricks like putting kerosine on self n all. In this case my BF has left all the hopes..He feels compromise is the best solution.But he dsnt kno that he is nt the only one who is facing these issues. I always tried to tell him that we need to fight against this..But….Now he is thinking from his parents side..now tell me ..what should I do???
Abhyuday says:
Namaste
well yea its a most debatable topic and if i talk about myself i strongly oppose inter-caste. i do agree that love doest exist but getting ur love at d cost of ur parents happiness & dignity.. i dont think its fair.
In high society,concept of an inter-caste marrige hardly exists but in upper middle or middle class it really matters alot.we shud think about parents & our dearones first b4 commiting this. we can’t leave our life long relations jzt 4 a person whom we knw for 1-2 yrs.
pinki says:
but tell me….one thing.. in Hinduism we say shaadi saat jonmo ka rista hay… so , if u believe in that thing tell me how can u neglect the relation of seven births….do u knw due to that thing true love comes in love beyond caste and creed…..
pinki says:
but tell me….one thing.. in Hinduism we say shaadi saat jonmo ka rista hay… so , if u believe in that thing tell me how can u neglect the relation of seven births….do u knw due to that thing true love comes in life beyond caste and creed…..
pinki says:
but tell me….one thing.. in Hinduism we say shaadi saat janmo ka rista hay… so , if u believe in that thing tell me how can u neglect the relation of seven births….do u knw due to that thing true love comes in life beyond caste and creed…..
pinki says:
hey megha….my system have done something gadbad…plz. keep only one of these three comments… hello.. friends i am also a member surrounded by same kind of worst situation caused by caste system.. hello , nivi, subha, naina, balaji, raj and all… i am a bengali brahmin girl resident of assam.. i love a boy who is also bengali but non brahmin…..i am facing lots problems from my parents side… some times i feel of comitting suicide even… bt i will never do anything like that.. i believe my love is true.. and his love for me is also true so.. i believe our love will win………..friends.. why not we build up a group forming a community or like that to fight against caste system…..what do u say???
Megha says:
Pinky.. we don’t need to make any group and fight against anything.. this is just the last generation which will be opposing for love marriage.. next generation will think practically and take the decisions… so don’t worry … all you have to do is stand for what you feel is right … everyone does that ..
Megha says:
Abhyuday… its not about upper, higher middle, middle or lower cast.. infect thr are no casts… these are all stupid stupid names given by humans… who is so self centered to think that i am higher or others are lower cast..
about love…you may not believe in love .. but it does exist… ask your parents if they love each other or not ? .. if they can fight with someone for each other or not ?
I don’t think i need to say anything else if they say YES for that ….
Sunil Kumar says:
Hello Megha,
It is really a nice story…..
So where are you now?? I mean your parents are ready or you are still fighting for you love and life??
All the best…
Sunil Kumar
Megha says:
Its a story of Sweety & Rohit .. I am married and with my Husband .. haha ..
Megha says:
Sweety & Rohit are married and everyone is happy …
pinki says:
YES….. ME TOO BELIEVE THAT ONE DAY EVERY ONE SHOULD UNDER STAND THE VALUE OF LOVE AND HUMANITY ABOVE CASTE AND CREED….
AND THE NEW GENERATION SHOULD BE THE FOLLOWER OF THE RELIGION OF HEART……….
Nivedita says:
Hi all!!
How have u all been? Its been a long time since I posted on the blog but I have been reading. How are you Megha?
And Subha what happened finally? Please do tell us…
Wishing togetherness for all people in love.
pinki says:
hello, nivedita…read ur story dear… the world is so tough na… we dn’t even know on whom we can trust.. dear , wish u lots of happiness for your future….keep in touch….
Diya says:
hi,i love sumone who is of scheduled caste family(we r both bengalis though).but he is a very ncie person.we r now clasmates in an engineering coleg.will b graduation in 1 year.i want to wait for few more years before finally deciding,but my mom brings this topic out evryday and we quarrel.is it wrong megha?they say samaj will look down upon us.
Nivedita says:
Thank you Pinki… Wishing you lots of happiness too.. I hope u get to be with the one you love:)
Megha says:
hey Nivedita.. how r u .. i m good … hows life shaping .. ?
and ya .. other guys .. where r u all ?
Nivedita says:
Hey!! Good to hear from you… I am okay… Trying to put things back on track:)
Megha says:
Diya – no samaj is going to come and ask you if you are happy or not after you get married , be it love or arranged…. so dont worry ..
our parents are scared of such stupid things because they have been brought up with such narrow thinking … so its so obvious tht they will think and talk such things…
all you need to do is give thm time.. as you said you still have long time to get married or even think about it .. let your Mum talk about it.. you just have to learn to be calm.. and let Mum talk .. she will say many things which wont make any sense… but you will have to be calm.. just tell Mum tht you dont want to discuss marriage right now .. you want to concentrate on studies…
for now chill and concentrate on your studies…
pinki says:
Hello, Megha.. i think my parents are showing some kind of softness now.. i hope that soon they will agree…
lets hope for the best..
pinki says:
Hey.. Nivedta… thanks for your wishes dear…
hiren says:
hi megha…..
hiren says:
hi megha..
i really liked what u have written nd i m completelty in favour of it.. god hasnt made and differences in creating people than y we peaple make this all differences… in present days marriage is made as majburi rather than a zarurat….
pinky says:
Hi Megha
I am also in same situation as this story. Its been 1 year since I told about the guy but my parents are still not cnvinced. They are also using exactly same statements as mentioned in the story.
One other bad thing is thhat my parents havent met this guy as yet as he is curnetly in Australia. Me and my BF planned that he it would be better to convince my parents to atleast that they are ready to meet him. He can then come to India for 2-3 weeks so as things can work out.
Meanhile I m trying but there seems no change in my father’s reaction. He even gets agressive at times. I know he is also going thru stress but I am unable to find out how to convince him that samaj & caste doesnt matter if I am happy. My elder sis (aranged married) & my cosuines has also started saying that father wont agree bcoz his reputation is so much more imp to him.
Please help.
Swetha says:
Hi Megha,
I can’t say how much shattered I was while reading the blog. I am going through such a life threatening problem for the last 4 years. I have waited for my parents approval for 4 years and I am 29 years old now. But still my parents aren’t in any position to say yes to the marriage because of the society concerns and also that my younger brother has to get married. I am from karnataka, a brahmin and the boy I want to marry is from Gujarat, a patel. There is not just caste difference, there are language / culture / state and differences that they can keep on naming. My parents have been against this relation from the day one, but his parents have only been understanding. But as time is ticking by, him and his family too are bound to move on. We have come so far in this relation and in the issue now, that I really do not know which way we are heading. Please share your thoughts on this
Megha says:
Pnky, if you are not too old .. then dont worry .. they will agree .. just have patience … and try to convince your Mom or your parents father or mother.. that might help you …
Megha says:
Shwetha – you need to now finally make a decision now.. either to chose your BF or Parents…. meet your BF sit calmly.. think from all perspective .. don’t make the decision in one meeting .. discuss everything .. take your time and make the final decision …
pinky says:
Hi Megha..
I am 27 now….problem is my parents are not agreeing on the name of society & their gud name. And they are pressurizing me on same….Meanwhile they have gven a adv in matrimonial paper as well..
(
My relatives are visiting oyr place and they are asking e to forget this boy and move on. also putting the blame on my prents ” ki tumne dhyaan nahin diya, isliye beti bigad gayi”…………..
fighting with parents is fine but listening to others, blaming ur parents is lossing me….
jp says:
hi
megha…
i am too having this caste problem.i like a girl of different caste but of same region as i am…i vl write in detail if u reply as i dont know whether i am on the proper link or not…
n what happened to ur marriage if i have the privilege to ask u since this blog started around 2008…kindly ignore if u dont wish to reply…………
bye
jp says:
i am so sorry..this started around july 2006….pretty long time………..
Megha says:
haha.. no point ignoring anyone who come here …you are most welcome
I am married to the one i loved .. and still loving
jp says:
hey thnx megha for replying n i m so happy for u tht u r married to the one u loved…hats off to you…..hearty congratulations…….i vl be needing ur help as i hav the same problem of caste …..i vl be writing in a eek or so as i m presently busy with my exams….kindly reply….i have 2 more friends who have this problem…its going to be a headache for u……..
take care,
bye
Megha says:
Hi,
Thanks Alot JP
,
I will try to solve your problem, but as i have told everyone here, you are the best person to help yourself because you are the one who know your parents more tn me
…
All the best for your Exams.. for now concentrate on your studies…
jp says:
Thank you so very much megha for replying so quickly……..vl catch you later….bye……
Tani says:
Heyy Megha..It was lovely reading ur blog…Accidentally stumbled upon it..
I am also going thru th same phase actually like many others..
I am a Jain from Nagpur n my BF issa Kayastha from Bihar..Region is one of th many probs that I am facing…We’ve done r engg together from th same college…My fam knows bout us but they rnt ready to budge even by a cm on their decision..M very tensed coza this..Their other concern is the thought of leaving “Jainism” for some other “not-so-good” caste where eating non-veg n ol r a part of life..
I know this boy since 4yrs noww..Cant think of livin wid ne1 else..
Wot ya think shud i do?? Currently,he’s working in mumbai n i wil very soon be taking admission in MBA in nagpur…Geography is also gonna create probs..M sad!!
HELP!!!
sushma says:
all parents are like that only.they will tell what s wrong for others but when it comes for them.i am also having the same problem.hope all will end in fine.
Megha says:
Tani – As i always say .. be firm on your decision and give time to your parents .. also you have to think and take your decisions .. not just blindly go for what you want …
Megha says:
Sushma – Yeh .. all parents are like tht .. we just have to take care that we dont hurt thm ..cause they are the only one who care about us more thn anyone in the universe …
Diya says:
hi megha,how r u….i shared my problem days back.u know i have becum so mature fighting evryday agenst this samaj and my family.its really becoming so stress for me.and yet among these i m loving him.2 yrs have passed, my parents knw how much this person loves me cares for me and helps me in most dificult situation.but they still hold to the view that its impossible to get married to him or even to love him because he is sc.
Sanch says:
Hii Megha
When I was reading your entire blog I felt as if I am riding a emotional Rolla coaster ride . As I have also gone through all of these I know how it is to survive in the situation where u hv to battle against your own parents to get a simple consent … for me its not only cast ,language its religion I follow Hinduism and I luv someone who follows islam speaks different language … the story began whn I was only 16 now I am 26 , we are together since last 10 years now and I am trying to click a win win deal wt my parents from last four years …. But its still no from my parents .
Though both of us now are well settled in professional life but we never got a chance to settle in our personal life ,and I know its gonna be more tough for me as its not only my family its his as well with whom I hav to deal wt .
Keep Smiling
Sanch
Megha says:
Diya, Sanch – Yeh, its such situation that we have to we get confused, scared.. and what not .. so many feelings & thoughts comes in our mind that it becomes difficult to make decision .. but all we have to do is .. stay calm.. and wait .. but whn its high time .. just make a final decision that your heart says … and thn dont look back …
pranjali says:
Hi Megha..
It was so nice to read ur blog, i felt like I have found someone with whom I can share my feelings. I am 24 yo Jain girl, committed to a Brahmin guy. We have been together for almost 3 yrs.We both are in Australia and professionally settled. I live with my family here. everything was going good, and his parents & my parents half heartedly said yes for our marriage. But His dad one day spoke to my mum quite adamantly and rudely over the issue of following jain traditions or Brahmin traditions in our marriage since then everyone in my family is against this marriage.
After 1 month his dad apologized to my mum as well. But now no one is ready and they say that these are the ill effects of marrrying intercaste. They abuse me like anything…and threaten to break relations with me..Sometimes i feel to commit suicide…bcoz without him my life will be a living hell…I know his dad is not a bad person, all they had a is a misunderstanding…No one in my family is with me…They ignore me as if I have no existence.
I don’t want to marry in court, as my dad is a BP patient and he often complains that he is getting some BP problems bcoz of me…
I really have stopped living, I even don’t remember the last time I laughed…I don’t know what to do…
Now my dad says that I should wait for his decision for 2 yrs and after that he’ll let me know that whether he wants me to marry him or not, clearly thats another way of saying no..
I really very helpless….Plz help me out…
Megha says:
Well.. you are just 24, so dont worry … its not too late yet .. and if your Dad is asking for 2 years .. give him…
They will be fine and will speak to you before 2 years.. they have said yes once .. so they wont say no now … its just tht they want you to be in safe hands… so give thm time ..
and no point being sad and depressed … it wont help the situation… infect if you stay happy.. you will get ideas/solutions how to resolve the issue… its not that they have stopped to meeting your BF … so chill…. be busy with your work… cause if you spoil your professional life in this .. thn it wont help you in future ..
and think practically … but remember .. do what your heart says in crucial decisions …
chinchu says:
hii…every1 out here…spl hi 2 megha
u hav done a g8 job here…i accidently got to read tis wen i was searching about intercaste mariages…
me n my bf is frm kerala..curently wrkin in pune…both our parents are aware about the relation & my parents are dead against it…no 1 other in my family kno abt tis & my parents r hiding tis as a sceret sayin tat tey still hope me to come out of tis one day ….they both love me a lot i kno…but seriously i cnt c any division btw mine n his caste…he belong to a caste 1 lower than mine…wen my bf askd wat ws s d conversion i had wit my parents..i jus copy paste wat sweety’s parents tld her…blve me…it ws jus d replica….
we hv been discussin tis for 6 months nw..n stil tey r nt agreein…tey wnt me 2 resign d job n gt settled in my hom town with thm….tey blve tat will help me forgtin him…my amma has come over here in pune..n tey intend 2 make som decisions in 2 days….tey are askin me 2 decide upon him or them….i said i had no equipment 2 measure whom i love more…love 2wrds each is different in a different way ryt……
he is already professionally settled…but stl he s tryin 2 gt more good job so tat he cn traeat me royally ..lik his princess…bt no1 is able 2 undrstand wat v are sayin…i hv made it clear tat i cnt marry any1 else….hop evrythn vl b ok…..after all ..all thats well ends well….
G says:
I could not help but notice that the first entry made on this blog was in 2006. It is heartening to see that this is still active. Megha, qudos to you for starting this up and giving people an outlet to share their problems and get advice and support.
Often times, people find themselves so alone with what they are facing that they decide to take drastic measures to end their sadness. This blog is doing what most families should be doing for their childern going through such situations….giving them support and a shoulder to cry on. So great job there.
For all who are writing on here, we know that the mentality of Indian society towards Intercaste marriage will not change in the near future. But one can still hope.
Anyway, main reason for writing in is to say thank you to all for sharing. It just goes to show that in case one needs some support or someone to talk to, they can always find someone here who will listen.
P.S. Of course I am in a situation similar to ones mentioned above.
Take care ya all!
Megha says:
chinchu –
Dont worry .. even if your parents are taking you to your place back .. you are the one who has to be firm on your decision … so just dont hurt them.. its just that they think if you stay away from him you will forget him.. but if they see you still thinking about him .. they might say yest for your relation…
But then you know your parents better then me or anyone else .. you know how to tackle with them .. so just be calm its just 6 months .. many has taken more thn a year or two to convince their parents .. so be calm and make the decision tht your heart think is right …
Megha says:
G: Thanks a lot friend … feels good to hear such good words …
I just expressed Sweety and Rohit’s emotions here .. i did not know that people with same situation will actually search for such thing and express their heart here ..
And when they share something .. I just try to show them the way out.. cause if you are drowning .. you will never be able to see the shore .. the one standing on shore can only guide you … thats what I do …
Rest is their decision ..
Keerthi says:
Hi Megha,
I am here to put my story, i am presently in the situation sweety was… i love my parents,but want to get married to my boyfriend.I am from a brahmin family from Andhra and my boyfriend is from someother caste ,who is a nonvegetarian.I have done something which i feel may not be a correct way,that is ,before introducing my boyfriend i have put my intrest across to my parents.They were so depressed and they are not talking to me as if i have committed some crime.They want me to get rid of all this.
I just want to get some help.
Thanks in advance,
Keerthi
chinchu says:
megha….my parents are telling me to get a transfer to some where down south..They are afraid I may attempt something wrong here.They want me to be near them.I said I can do that for them and they have to think something in my favour too.My dad was here this week & he was crying a lot.I know i’m hurting him n he s afraid of the society.He met my bf & he likd him.But saying he cant support this & the only thing he can do me is giving me permission to go with him , which he is ready.I said I dont want to go anywer like that.He is sayin he can do only that to me..& he is ready to do that….
Guide me pl megha….m dead of all this..
Megha says:
Chinchu – Sit and talk to your Father, explain him that even if you just go away with your BF as he is saying … it will be the same .. if he get you married to your BF …
meet your parents and spend some time with them .. that might help you …
Megha says:
Keerthi – first tell your BF about it .. and if you are studying and have good time on hand .. don’t worry … give time to your parents .. they will understand ..
Sheetal says:
Hi Megha,
It was really nice reading your stuff.Actually i don’t surf a lot.I completed my bachelor’s degree this june.I come from a very conservative family but my parents are very keen on higher education.We belong to the scheduled tribe.I have an younger sister who’s doing her graduation and is two years younger than me.I completed my primary education in the town from a convent school.My parents used to live separately because both my mom and dad are working.My dad used to come over on weekends.It was just that they wanted to financially secure our future.There was no problem otherwise.
My dad had some critical health problems due to which we had to shift to our village(my late grandparents used to live there with my uncles and aunts).My parents just wanted that if we live in a joint family then a lot of people will be around to take care of us(me and my sis).But family problems increased much more till we separated out into our own house nearby in the village.I completed my matriculation and higher secondary from a very good convent school there itself (actually there’s a settlement of Ultratech Company here ).But during these years of stay in the village brought a lot of changes in my life ,like – types of clothes to wear,no friends circle except two of my friends,the mentality of the people all around etc….a lot of those.
During my graduation i came across this guy through a common friend.We were from different colleges in two different places.We fell in love with each other and now its been 3 years since.He is a brahmin guy.He is working presently as an engineer in a good company.
Presently i am doing my MBA from a very reputed institute ,in my lover’s state (we belong to different states,he had been to my state to do his BTech ,and now i am here just for him ).I had a very good scope of doing my MBA from top colleges but i choosed to study in his state because he wanted me to introduce to his family,so that they could get enough time to know me.
The present scenario goes like this
*Both our families know about our relationship and are opposing.
*My parents have met him ,talked to him and i too have been officially introduced to his family members.
*My father is a heart patient and my mom always keeps me reminding that what will be the consequences if i take any step against him.she also keeps telling me about my sis’s future.
*His family is only concerned about the SAMAJ and all that just because i belong to scheduled tribe.
*His parents though don’t say anything directly but keep saying that “we” (ST people) are worthless,just run after money etc…
*I’m just not able to concentrate on my studies because i have this problem since childhood that-anything that hurts me or likewise i get afraid,i get into a mental shock state…My parents know that well so they don’t really say me anything except when they really fear of the future.
PLEASE HELP ………….PLEASE.Is there any way out ????????
I always try to be strong and my lover is also very supportive but i just breakdown at times…
Am i being selfish if knowing that so many problems are there and all will get hurt if we do get married ???
Is it really so difficult to marry a person u love???????
Ieshu says:
Hi Megha and everybody else out there… I am glad dat I came through this article .here goes my story in brief,
– we belong to diff. castes .we are in this beautiful relationship from the past 3 years.. I love her so much dat cant even think of my Life without her, me and my parents are broad minded and I know dat I can make them understand the situation, but talking about her family.. hoooof.. they belong to a caste who can not think beyond their ” SAMAJ “… and believe me I am started hating this word samaj… Her father is more of a so called SAMAJI man than a FATHER of a daughter… I know dat he has done a lot for his Kids.. bringing them to delhi, giving them good education is not a small thing….
But what I dont understand is, If u can bring them to Delhi, leaving ur village, and that too being against ur samaj.. then, when it comes to her real happiness , which is her marriage, her whole life, why cant you stand against this Samaj…
She (My GF) is rite at her place, I am not holding against her if she is confused between choosing me and her parents… U tell me what can a girl do , if her father is ready to commit suicide if any of his children goes inter cast in future….
She has no courage to tell her parents about our relationship..
first of all I request u all to bring in to light each and every point that I can hold against this samaj thing , which can prove me right at every step..
knowing that the samaj will not accept her parents, and will throw them out of their community.. how can a girl think of her happiness only.
in this case parents needs to understand.. But HOW TO MAKE THEM UNDERSTAND… ?
- thanks everybody
Megha says:
Sheetal – I think you must concentrate on your studies rather then thinking all this for now because you are doing MBA.. once your education is done .. you are doing good job… then you can think about this ..
so dont worry about these things right now .. and whenever your parents talk about this .. simply tell them that you want to marry the guy you love with their permission and blessings ..
i know its been long .. but still .. give thm time till your education is done .. after that if its still same situation as it is right now .. then just do what your heart says ..
chinchu says:
hey u out there…good eve megha…
need som quick advice..will moving 2 blore b a wiser decision for me???
expecting ur reply soon….
have a nice evening…
Megha says:
Ieshu – dont worry.. her father wont commit suicide .. its not that easy to do it .. talking big is easy but doing it practically is not … so tell your girl friend not to worry ..and you too …
give them time … you guys just be firm on your decision … they will agree ..
Megha says:
Chinchu – Its fine if you move to Bangalore, and also you can just go and be with them for a week or tow on some interval frequently and go back to the place where you are staying right now …
the point is .. “Spend Time With Them”… they will understand you and you will understand them better ..
Problems gets solved when you talk .. if you are here and parents at other place.. you get to talk on phone .. its better to be in person for such discussion ..
What does your heart say ? .. do that ..
amit patel says:
hello, i am 26 year old 5gam patel male.
i am looking for marriage
i am holding british passport. bsc and msc.
please let me know any offers…
Ieshu says:
Its Not that easy Megha, This is what I am telling her, but now she has stopped talking to me as an act of preparation . She does not say this but I know it very well that she is preparing herself. she has started convincing herself that she dont love me. She has now made up her mind to do whatever her parents will say, she dont want to let her parents down for her happiness only and really really afraid of loosing her Father…. I am asking her to let me talk to them, but she says , she dont even want to tell them that there is a boy in her life, They (the parents) will not be able to take it.
But Megha ! I just cant let it happen.. I cant tell you what all goes through me when I think of the moments we lived together, the dreams we saw for our future, when I see those places we used to go.
I….I… just cant be like this.
Ieshu says:
Its Not that easy Megha, This is what I am telling her, but now she has stopped talking to me as an act of preparation . She does not say this but I know it very well that she is preparing herself. she has started convincing herself that she dont love me. She has now made up her mind to do whatever her parents will say, she dont want to let her parents down for her happiness only and really really afraid of loosing her Father…. I am asking her to let me talk to them, but she says , she dont even want to tell them that there is a boy in her life, They (the parents) will not be able to take it.
But Megha ! I just cant let it happen.. I cant tell you what all goes through me when I think of the moments we lived together, the dreams we saw for our future, when I see those places we used to go.
I….I… just cant be like this.
priyanka says:
hi,
Nice Post, iam facing same problem with samaj at my home. I am trying to convience my parents from 2 years….. but they are trying to change me through sentiments…. but i am lucky that thery never restricted me to meet my friends and others…. they just given me time to knw my samaj and tried to explain things in samaj rubish…. and even they know iam meeting the guy i love…. they will shout at me when they knw that they are trying to change me is not really working…but how long is this situation has to carry.. don’t knw… still waiting for the parents blessing…. liked your post…
Megha says:
Ieshu – speak to your GF once … ask if she is firm on her decision .. if she says yes … then i know its really really tough… but dont think further … no point ..
Megha says:
Priyanka – thanks a lot … and yeh, try your best …
Ieshu says:
I dont know if its fortunate or unfortunate, But In spite of all these things , I still believe in God. and I believe that someday my Love will win the battle. things which happened were very uncertain and unexpected.. so if this can happen, this will happen too.
we alwez believed in purity of Love and has experienced its power many a times. how we met, how I fell into the love, and that too with her.. all were very uncertain…. I just cant believe that everything will get to an end like this..
- thanks and pray for me.
Megha says:
Yes, that what is meant to happen, will happen … and we cant help it ..
But we have to keep fighting …
I know its too difficult stage of life… but one has to go through it when it comes…
and we have to accept what we get.. thats life …
Ieshu says:
My acceptance is limited, I cant accept what this damn Samaaj has decided for me.. But I am helpless, since I cant directly talk to them, just for the sake of her’s. anyways, I am hoping for the best to happen, that’s what I can do actually..
Well it seems useless, but even then u are replying, thanks for this.
Megha says:
yes…. as i always say.. Time is the best solution …and it solves the things for good …
ravi says:
Dear Megha,
nice Blog about intercaste/love marriage.
i had been in love and fought with parents about mayying the girl i loved.
later i come to know that my values and the girls values were totally different. and there was no love.
we all were unconscious in our behaviour. making mistakes makes us grow as a person. when I promised the girl i kept my words though she didnt and she was not the girl my values were matched with. then i made decision to go on with life and learn better things.
now i have met my angel girl and i am comitted to marry her. though there are problems like who will marry my younger sisters?
( My parents are still unconscious a bit, then we got to wait untill one of my younger sister gets married.)
thanks,
Megha says:
Yeh.. itss very common .. but if your problem solves with your sisters marriage first .. i dont think thats an issue .. if you both dont have any problem ,,,
sameep neema says:
hi, mehga,i totally agree with you. the caste system in India is very backward and faulty. i want to tell you one of my real experience in this case,where my college mate hurted me in the name of caste. i was in the normal friendship with one of my batch mate in the college. i always helped him as much as i can, and he, irrespective of my honest support was not considering me as a human. he always used to make a mockery of my caste. he used to tell different names of the girls with whom he says he had an affair. what i noticed that all those girls were from my own caste though they were having different surnames. that boy was a rajput and i am a baniya boy. the names he tells always have Gupta,mittal,goyal,garg etc. one day when i felt its enough i slapped him twice on his face. he was not in a mood of sorry. he called his elder brother. and you will be shocked by knowing that,his elder brother instead of scolding him or even listening to me,said that i m a baniya, so i should behave like as usual. he meant that if i m a baniya,i should be suffering without complaining. what do you think on it meghna, the girls from higher caste mainly kshtriya girls are seen pretty conservative. and these kshtriyas and brahmins are exploiting our castes like anything. i want to break the barrier of my caste by marrying a rajput girl,but i m not getting a platform. but still, i would like to know your views on this. today that boy threatens that he will make my family suffer through “kshtriya mahasabha”. what do i do ???????please help me???
KARAN says:
Hi Megha didi!!!!!!!!congrats 4 ur marriage.may god bless u both a lot of love…….
I have recently read your blog.its nice.
I am student of final year of BCA. Girl to whom i lov is studying with me itself from last 5 years and she also loves me a lot…… but the thing is her family knows about our luv. and they started keeping eye on both of us….
thts why we r not able to talk properly in the college….sometimes a week after we gets the apportunity to talk. Iam maharashtrian and she is marwari agrawal. and u know di that her family will not give permission because of “cast” .I dont wanna to loose her at any cost…i know this is not the right time to think about marriage but i know that her parents will say a big” NO”. I have talk with her on this…..she said there are only 10% chances for “YES” from her parents side. iam totally gets confused…… I have decided if iam going to marry then i will marry her only, otherwise i will remain unmarried. what to do?? whether to continue our relationship??or not?
Please megha didi reply soon…
Megha says:
sameep neema –
Well first of all .. the guy whom you usedto help and he always treated you bad … you must have understood tht time and never should have helped him…
well you are a good human being so you continued helping him, but after the Slap incident you must not even see his face .. but again you continued it ..
so basically you are an emotional fool … (Dont mind my words.. i am being straight forward) ..
now coming out of this … about your marriage and the guy threatening you …
why are you even friends with him still that he would talk to you and threaten you ? … why are you scared of anyone on earth ? .. is he paying you to live ? .. has he bought the rights to control your life ? … NO .. then why are you scared ? …
About getting married to someone who is not your cast just to prove something to this guy or anyone … is not the solution .. marry the one whom you actually love …. not to prove something …
And last – Throw that guy out of your life ..
Megha says:
KARAN –
Thanks a lot Karan
Well about your issue.. as you said, yes even i will say, this is not the right time to think about marriage …
and if you are thinking about it .. and your GF is saying tht her parents might say yes(the 10% chances thing) .. if she is confident that her parents will agree thn its fine .. but if she is scared or wont even try to convince her parents .. thn no point continuing the relation .. .
but again .. this is not the right time … you need to concentrate on your studies and career .. you never know after completing your graduation you might get good job and her parents might say yes …
you might end up breaking up in future for some or the other reason and your relation might not reach to the wedding stage ….
so relax for now .. let the time do its job .. you both concentrate on your career for now ..
hope this helps
KARAN says:
Thanks megha didi…….and if her parents says yes iam definately going to invite you on our marriage.
Megha says:
haha.. dont know about future .. but thanks a lot dear ..
sameep neema says:
thanks megha, i will never have a friendship with such guys.
sameep neema says:
but m not that much emotional,after that slap incident we have been in a totally non veg conversation in every one or two days. i now understand that i m not granted for anyone. but, i want to have a change in the society, so that this should not happen with anyone else. do you monitor any movement based on this revolution??
manish says:
hello megha i was reading a stoy swety very nice and just i say to you please beleive in love.
Prabire it says:
Perfect Megha !! Just perfect…Not a slight deviation from d real world….U expressed d views wich ppl hve tough tym to express.Well till now, i dint faced d problem, but yeah I m going to face it in future. I am from Assam and my gf from Delhi.Leave about caste, we are State wise difference.anywayz Megha..dont u feel the word “SAMAJ” refers more or less to our own relatives ??????? they are the biggest villain for a love relationship. They are the main people behind a thing call BrainWash..anyway this battle will go on.I prefer to all avid readers of this article to read 2 States by Chetan Bhagat. I prefer solving every problem amicably because i too want my parents, relatives,neighbours to stand beside me on my marriage day and feels proud and jealous saying..Oh my my my…What a bride, he got !!! Perfect Match…n marriages are made in heaven. Even you do your 101% , still it gonna happen by God’s choice not by your parents and your choice…
Anyway Congrats Megha for a nice article…Best of luck..keep going…
Prabir says:
Sorry my name is Prabir not Prabire….apologize…
Megha says:
manish – everyone believes in love …
Megha says:
Prabir – yeh .. the word “Samaj” is the relatives.. who else .. why whould our parents be worried about someone they dont even know ..
its all the relatives.. and the name given to them is ‘Samaj’ …
i believe from our generation .. the opposing for intercaste marriage will be reduced alot …
hope people understand .. that everyone is human .. believe in that .. not casts …
Someone says:
Hi Megha,
really u narrated the story very well…i m also going thru same situation…..all the dialogues r very much familiar….my parents especially my mother cries and says anything…..it is said that all good things are waiste when u bring tears into ur parent’s eyes……i love this guy and want to marry him but also dont want parents to cry…..sometimes when i see tears in their eyes, i dont understand what to do…..i tried to explain them but mother doesnt listen anybody…when i return home everyday, i also sit alone in my room..with no phone, internet anything….
ravi says:
hmmm,
i feel great to talk here about my own decision fro intercast marriage.
now that my uncle aking the Biodata of the girl i am in love with. i hope that my sisters wont get affected due to my decision fr love marriage.
Rvin says:
to all who have read or replied or commented on this blog… Promise yourself … YOUR CHILDREN WILL NEVER NEED TO READ SOMETHING OF THIS SORT…im in no way defiling this beatiful efffort from Megha- i salute you , but i am truly begging all…Let all these issues you have faced with CASTE,Inter religion, intercast marriages etc…end with you in your family… in other words when your sons or daughters comes to you for acceptance, for help..please hear them out…Dont be condescending to their decision making…Most of our parents did have radical ideas when they were youungsters.. But not anymore..It SAD.. but its the truth…So do not be another hypocritical fool…Do not think your teenage son will have no idea how to judge people.. do not think your sister who is still in college / high school cannot make a decision by herself…THEY DO !!
LOVE ALL… WE are one species.. we are one consciousness … Thank you Megha…
ravi says:
again my mother it blackmailing emotionally that shw woul die if i not maary in my caste and also what will happen to my two daughters.
same with my father saadi hogi to samaj main hogi!
varna nahi hogi!
it makes me think negative what they will do with theri life coz they are not a all practical.
and for me i beeter be without marriage than marrying for caste.
my mother also points out that we are outcast coz of u and i have brought up and now u are doing all this to us.
i also utter wrong words while taking with parenst when they do not understand. though the dilemma continue.
Life is nver fair.
Megha says:
Ravi – dont worry .. your sisters wont be affected because of your intercaste marriage … infect you will be the one opening the door for your other brother and sisters in your Family..
Megha says:
Someone – its for some time .. give time to your Parents .. they will understand in time .. give them good time ..
Megha says:
Rvin – Thank You
but make sure you do good research for your kids partner … not just say yes because they love someone … you need to be strict too to them 
Someone says:
Thanks Megha….yes i am just waiting…but all this is going on since around one and half year…and now the guy whom i love is also behind me for marriage…he supports me but he says “we have to start our life “……
divya says:
hi megha its been close to an year now since iv been searching for such blogs to read.and finally i have found one. hats of to you and ur efforts.:) I am a 22yr old christian gal(jjust joined my first job) in love with a 19yr old hindu boy.We grew from acquintance to friends to being in a relationship. Although i might seem like a silly and rare case in this site of your’s,i am as stressed as many of the ppl here.
My parents r looking out for guys for me and i am not prepared to marry rite now nor tell my parents about my bf. My bf needs atleast 3yrs to finish his graduation to even speak of me to his parents. And me informin my parents wil jeopardise his life ,his carrer,his studies and his peace.
After thinking a lot i have decided to stick to my bf inspite of the age difference and the caste difference..reason being he is much more matured than me and is more emotionally stable and career oriented.he handles me and understands lik none other iv come across. And most imp i look way way younger than him physically too and we look good together.His elder sister who just got married did agree to this fact too.
My younger brother and his sister know abu us and think its not practical.Bt are not interfering wid our decisions.
Il be postponing my marriage statin career as priority till i turn 24 and den reject guys they show me after that.
But when do i tell my parents about my bf??? and if i tell dem after my bf finishes coll il be 26 by then..and il be losing out on time heavily.
Any advice,criticisms and views will be appreciated. awaiting your response.
divya says:
thank you
Megha says:
Divya – first of all .. getting married after or at 26 is not a big deal .. how do you think you wont have time on had after 26 ? what makes you think that ?
you know the actresses get married in 30s … people in other countries get married in 30s/40s ..
i am not asking you to get married so late .. but no age is more or less for marriage.. ya ya i know about it creates problems after 30 for making kids and all ..dont worry about kids .. you can adopt one if you cant make one ..
but whts the point having kids whn u r not matured/stable enough to handle a marriage ?
if your BF is not earning or stable in his job.. thn whts the point getting married at 24 ?
if you really wanna get married to him… thn let him settle down..
you stick to your plan right now .. and let the things flow the way they are …
Megha says:
Someone – yeh i understand the pressure .. but apart from waiting for your parents to respond positively for this …
are you trying to talk to thm frequently about the same issue ? …
if you dont talk about it .. they wont either ..
and if your Mom is always crying and all .. try to sit alone with your father whn thrs no one at home .. and try to talk to him .. he might understand or give a thought about it ..
Harshi says:
My God….The comments on this blog are so many and its almost 4 years old….well I read your article and could connect to it so much…..I am in a somewhat similar situation….my boyfriend is a Brahmin and I am a Non-Brahmin and that too acc to the caste system…the lowest…..I really don know whats gonna be in my future as his parents are against the marriage…..but I would like to know since its been 4 years….what happened to Sweety and Rohit? …..Did they got married?….What has been the story further?
Kashish says:
came to your blog accidently…read a lot bout ppl and their problem…i am also facing the same prob…me n my bf have been going out for around 7 years…he told his parents this year and his parents are dead against us…he is a rajput and i am from the lowest caste…he doesn’t believe in all this but his parents as well his sisters are dead against us…i m better educated…earn more and have always done better than him in everything..his family agrees that they cant find a better gal than me but they cant accept me…also he doesn’t want to go against his family…even if he does his sister has threaten to make my and my parents life hell….my mom is very understanding but my dad doesn’t know…i m everything for him and he will not stand all this crap….i m the only daughter and they have bought me up like a prncess….
I love him a lot n ready to compromise to any extent but i cant find a way out…i m so tired and tensed…don’t know what to do…also now he is goiong abroad for 5 months….so………
I know noone knows and noone can help me but i want you guys to pray..i have loved him wid my full heart n soul….i jus dont want to get seperated from him….i dont know what will happen in future but i wanna have faith in love and god….and so i will advice all of you to have failth in your love if u have every truly loved…..
j m mathew says:
yaaa,nice post
i like this post.i m also facing the same problems.Trying 2 find out the solution 4 it.
PB says:
I love someone for the last five years and she loves me too but when she discuss our matter with her parents they behaved very negatively becuase I am Rajput(27) and she is Brahmin(24). Her parents used same dialogs mentioned in this post plus they forced her to give up the job asap…she helplessly given up the job 2 year back…now she is being locked in a room for the last 9 monthly she even not allowed to go to the temple just because of their bloody shak. She recently joined some course but her brother takes her their and wait within an institute till the class winds up and then take her too house. She is now very frustrated and asking for a help from me…Can you please advise me if there is a way to register a case against her parents or helpline number where she can call and register a complain so that she can get freedom and so we get married.
Megha says:
Harshi – Yeh Sweety and Rohit are married now … its been more thn 2 and 1/2 years now.. soon will become 3 years .. everyone from Sweety, her parents to Rohit and his parents are happy..
Megha says:
Kashish – if you both are meant to be together .. nothing will stop it .. if not today then tomm… you both will get married ..
and if its not meant to happen then its no point stretching the thing .. because it will hurt you more and more ..
so be calm and think about it .. thrs nothing that does not have a way out …
Megha says:
j m mathew – yeh you will .. soon
Megha says:
PB – well instead of calling police … i would suggest you to find a way out ..
If you can .. try going at her place and speak to her parents ..
try and understand what they have in mind..
i dont know who or what kind of natured they are .. but if you know . if you think its fine and you can.. if you think its right .. thn try and visit her place and speak to them calmly and nicely to know their mindset..
Rac says:
Hi Megha…I was crying after seeing this blog. You really have done very good job explaining how Parents react whe you tell them about ur wish…I am in the same problem..I am in USA since last 5 years with my family and graduating this year(23 age). My father passed away when I was 9 and since then my mom has taken care of me and my younger brother all by herself and I love my mom very much. I am in love with this guy from last 4 years, who is in India and he is Mechanical enginner and has a good job, and he loves me very much too. Him and I were friends in collage but after coming here we were emailing each other and it became very frequently and he proposed me, I said yes evenatually. We both have the same ideals about parents that we should really love and take care of our parents and this was the main reason for us to come closer. We have tried to convince our parents from long time now…finaly his parents are ready now, but my side family, means my mom and her side of family have really big doughts. The can not trust this guy and his family, especially because they are low caste. My uncle finaly said that we will hire ditective and we will try to know if he had any affairs in past and even if they find out that He liked any other girl in the past, then they will no approve him. Now He liked one girl in his past, and his friends new that, but it was not any major affair. I also liked a guy in my past but I didn’t have any affair or anything. Now I am in critical situation of telling them yes, You go and hire detective after him, but I am feeling very scared that just one stupid misunderstaning will ruin our life….It’s just so disgusting for me that my family cant trust him because he is low cast. My mom feels very sad and she doesnt even want to talk abt this, I love my mom also so much, but noway in this life I will be able to love somebody else…One more interesting thing is that my brother is 5 ears younger than me and he is with me here, is always taunting me saying that, he doesnt beleive in discrimination with the low cast high cast, but when it comes to marriage we should only marry in our cast, in our group, now what kind of logic is that!!
I am sick and tired ofexplaining people abt our true love realationship and crying almost every single day since last year…..but it is still 17th century for our indians, I guess….and I am not very proud to be in this stupid hindu samaj (I must have comitted some sins in the past life)
sakshi says:
hi megha, i do understand ur problem .i m too in same case.i m punjabi and he is gujjar.he and me are in good jobs ;he was being pressurised by his parents ;so he finally broke the news about me. they as of now not at all ready. i dont know will they ever agree. but i can not think even of my life without him. i m not sure about my familly too. what should we do. i think only god can make it not we humanbeing.so i pray and beg to saibaba to do some magic.i m sure he will finally help us . u shud also try .
Megha says:
Rac – if your family is saying they will hire a detective and if they find any affair of his in past thn they wont let u marry him .. you should have said at that very moment .. what if you dont find any affair of his and find that i was in affair with someone else before him .. what will you do ?
that would have shut thr mouth ..
anyways . if again such thing comes up .. you make sure that you say this to them .. and nobody is going to hire a detective .. dont worry .. these are just talks to scare you .. to try to make you forget about this guy ..
if you are firm and has decided that he is the perfect guy for you .. then be firm on your decision .. and try to convince your Mom slowly .. you are just 23 .. its not right time to get married .. so you have good time in your hand to convince your mom .. probably they consider you too young to make a decision to get married to someone of your choice.. so for now .. concentrate on your studies .. finish your graduation .. get a job … give time to your Mum .. she will understand you slowly..
you have to remember that she is alone to make a big decision of her daughters life .. so it will take time .. dont pressurize her .. be with her as much as possible ..
Megha says:
sakshi – its an obvious reaction of parents when its about intercast marriage .. so dont worry .. give time to his parents .. and also give time to your parents whn you tell thm about your BF ..
Relax .. i am sure you are not 30 or 40 year old that you have to worry somuch about marrige ..
Sugan says:
Hi all,
I am very pleased to see such a blog……
I am happy……U know, why…?
So far, i was thinking that i am the only one who is suffering from this prob….But glad to see so many peers……good…..
I am also struggling with my parents for the past 2 years for my love….He is my life….Life is nothin without him…..n he is everything to me….But my parents not accepting to it, just bcoz he is from a lower caste…They likes him, when he was my friend..They accepted him and praised him like anything, when he helped me previously….But now cursing him like any…..We both r equally qualified and employed…
I am(was) very much attached to my family..hence, my parents are threatening me like they will die if i talk or see him..n frightening me by telling like, “if u marry that lower caste guy, ur elder sister’s marriage will be affected…n ur younger sister will not get any alliance” n hence now i am very mush detached from my family members….not at all talking well to anybody in my family..Some sort of guilty feeling also stressing myself….
I am very much stressed ….:-) Expecting a good suggestions to make me feel my parents as well as my love life happy…..
Expexting a positive response from you,,,,
Anju says:
Megha.I have nt read the blog completely…May I know whether you married the guy who was ur lover?
Megha says:
Sugan – i think its not the right time to think about marriage for you right now … as you said you have one elder sister to marry … you have lot of time on hand ..
so let your sister get married .. let your parents thm self talk to you about marriage .. and thn you give your opinion about this guy you love …
and dont worry.. your parents are not gonna die if you marry this guy… these are just threats .. its not tht easy to die ..
and about being detached to family .. i dont think thts right thinking .. if in future even if they let you marry this guy .. and for some reason you are not happy .. these are the only people who will help you … and apart from that .. even they must have thought something about your marriage .. so give thm time … you have good amount of time on hand ..
relax and concentrate on your career …
hope this helps ..
Megha says:
Anju – yes i am married to him ..
pradeep says:
HI megha,Its seems that every parent says same routine dialouge to every daughter who loves a guy ,ur story is similer to mine ,i supporting mu giril but she is too sentimental not listening and compramising with parents ,i am asking to wait for some days ,let hope u suceed and me too .let parens think that they are humanbeings ,it good to make them accept love
ravi says:
today my when i called my mother, she was again pressuring for marriage telling that only parents choose partners from same caste. father’s health is not good. so and so.
ravi says:
@ sugun , same here. parents are telling that my younger sister life will get affected. and they are not having good health.
ravi says:
@ i love to take care of my parents and sisters, though not the expanse of my marriage
Sugan says:
@ Megha, i think my writing gave some wrong mess.i mean , i am 25 years old and my elder sister got married one year back. and now my parents looking allinace for me..i am Struggling with my parents for the past two years. But my way of struggle is by maintaining silence and not talking to my parents well. . .So as to make them a feel a difference and change themself and make them understand me. But internally, i am longing for their love and affection. .Hope I will get it soon…
I want to ask one question to the parents of India… “If you people think that caste is god, caste is everything…then why did you live with the people of all castes…why u r wearing a dress made from a lower caste people…Why you are making ur child to study in a school/college where people of all castes are studying?”
Parents …..Please understand that caste doesn’t makes any difference within human beings. It’s the character, or humanity that shows the humanbeing different or special…..caste is something created by some ancestors(terrorists….I can say) who tried to get benefits for themshelves ….Otherwise, all are just people made of same kind of features breathing same air ,living with same kind of feelings…..
People…. Believe “Love is god” ….
Goodness follows you and India
Will that happen in 21st Century atleast….????
Hope in 2011, Considerable efforts towards it will happen and stand as a stepping stone towards it.
Wishing you all a successful & lovable year ahead !!!!!……
KD says:
oohh my GOD!!! same…same story my friends…m still in 3rd yr and ma gf is in 2nd yr. in relationship wid 1 year v r attached like anythin..once she told me to go away frm ma life..as she found out dat it wont be posiible for her to marry me as m Brahmin guy from Gujarat and she is from Royal Family of Rajput from rajasthan…!!! c acted lyk hell wen c decided to leave me…bt again came into ma life as i ws abt to leave dis world..ya..I WAS in COMMA!!! i came out of it..v r still in relationship and c loves me alot..she cant live widout me..problem is not with my parents as my mom-dad told me dat they will happily accept d girl i will find perfect for me..but in all cases her father too..strict!! i dnt knw how to convince dem..i want to prepare myself for making proposal to her parents..esp.her dad.. he is a man of honour and dignity…i can knw it from d way my gf describes him..so..tell me d way PLZzzz,,, and i went into comma coz i wsnt able to handle dat pain..m suffring from arrhythmia…a conjoint-el heart disease..now if she will leave me..i dont knw ..whether i will live or not…
Sandy says:
hi megha,
Nice article
but i need your help
i am also facing the same situation
this time its Maratha and Brahmin thing
I need your help
if u can plz mail me personally i cant share all the problem here
Rac says:
@ Sugan, I completely agree with you, I think it’s the time where this issue needs to be addressed in public explicitly. When parents will start to understand that just because we want to marry somebody from our choice, that doesn’t mean that we don’t love them. I think more than the caste, the bigger problem is that parents think that they are betrayed and we snatched away their right…but Anyways, if you are meant to be together, god will do something and something for you….nobody can stop the destiny…So all the people here having same problem, keep faith in god and recognize the power of your love…..and try your best….because the course of love never runs smooth…
sharanya says:
hi megha. im a final yr mbbs . just finished my final yr. i read ur blog. it was written almost 4 yrs ago right? i want to know wats ur age? r u married to ur beloved now? howz life for u now? im also loving a guy . but my family is very conservative.truly against inter caste marriage. my friends also don like my guy for they have misunderstood him as a wrong person. but the truth is he is truly in love wit me. we know each other through n through since 4 yrs. wat do i do now. im really confused.i really wanna know if love marriage can really succeed in life ?
pooja says:
hey.. hie i find ur blog really of ma type…… even i have the same problem i m in luv with a guy who is jaat nd i m a punjabi girl nd ma dad is very emotional nd cries sometimes whn i told them about him………. hee is clearly saying just bcoz i have a joint family nd no one agree…… plzz give me a sol as we both cant live happily without each other……… plzzzzzzz help
pooja says:
i had write my probs to u there was no reply frm ur side………… plzzzzzz i m in a big prob my dad had even called him nd asked him not to call or msg me any more just tell me the way hw should i start again the topic in front of ma parents ……………. plzzzzzzz reply
Rac says:
@ Pooja, I know what u r going through and it is very tuff situation, but u will have to give them some time to accept this. Also make sure with ur boyfriend that he is willing to wait for it. It will take time but show ur family how much unhappy u r n that includes emotional blackmailing or anything that u can do. I know u must be wondering why would I say that, but if u really dont want to leave him then u will have to go up to any extent to explain them. Find somebody in ur family who can be on ur side and don’t assume that nobody will support u, if ur love is true, there must be somebodywho would stand up for u. Try to talk to ur dad that loving somebody is not a crime and we are the ones who has created this castes, in god’s eyes we r all same, if he doesnt differentiate between us, then who are we? and tell ur dad that if he says no, u will never disobey him, but u will also not marry somebody else. First they will think that u r just saying it, but show ur confidence that u r very serious abt it, they will melt for sure. U and ur boyfriend need to be on the same page though, will he say the same thing to his parents if any crisis happens at his house? Go on this route only n only if u and ur boyfriend are strongly determined toward this, but make sure that running away or something like that is not a correct way. If ur love is true, god will help u, just keep faith in him….
Whatever I have told u, I have been through the same situation just 3 months ago…but now mine and his family is ready to accept us…I will pray to god for u and I wish that what u and me have to go through nobody else will have to….
pooja says:
thnkz……….. 4 ur suggestions bt i really dnt think that ma dad vll say yes ………….. i dnt understand y this caste iisues become so imp that our parents bcome blind in front of our happiness …….. y cant we live our lyf our own way..
padmini says:
Hey after 4 years,what is the condition of the sweety?
Are both are married to each other?
How they convinced their parents?
sanna says:
hey i read your article and it was really touching.. it was amazing the way you shared your views.. well i have also started my own blog regarding the same topic.. its my first time.. so do visit and leave a comment..
sanna says:
hey i read your article and it was really touching.. it was amazing the way you shared your views.. well i have also started my own blog regarding the same topic.. its my first time.. so do visit and leave a comment.
Jia says:
hey megha…….
I am also in same condition….
I seriously dont 9 wat to do…….
I can do nythng foir him but ma parents????
they’ll neva agree.
please help me.
please
Jia says:
my bf is fron yadav family n I am gupta……
in relation since 3 years.
He z on better position than me.
his family z also good…..even supports us..
but my family z creating problem.
till 2day..only my mom knows about it.not my father.
please help me
SHRISH SRIVASTAVA says:
*SAMAAJ NAHI HAMARI SOCH HI GALAT HAI*
*20 SAAL PYAR KARNE WALE MAA-BAAP KI JAGH US RISTE KO TARJEEH DENA JISKE TOOTNE KE ASAR JYADA RAHTE HAI, USE PRATHMIKTA DENE KAHA KI SAMJHADARI HAI*
*JB TOOTE HAIN RISTE TB SAMAJH ME AATI HAI SAMAAJ KI JAROORAT*
*EK TARFA SOCH KI JAGAH DONO TARAF SOCHE*
*SHADI SE PAHLE HI NAHI SHADI KE BAAD BHI MIL SAKTA hAI BEHTAR JEEVAN SATHI*
*MEGHA G SAMAAJ NAHI KHUD KO BADALIYA AUR YH BADAAL KEVAL LADKIYO KO NAHI LADKO KO BHI LANA CHAHIYE*
you are also wrong megha. agr samaaj glt hai to phir samaaj ne pahle glti kapde, riste aur rivaz bnakar kee hogi. kitna achchha hota ki hm jangliyo ke trh jeete. na apno ko hone wale dukh-durdo ka ahsas hota aur na hi ek admi ya aurat ke sath hame zindgi gujarni padti. mgr inshan banne ke liye na jane kya-kya kar diya gya. megha, apka lekh keval zazbato ko bya karta hai, apne smaj ke naam per keval ektarfi soch pesh ke hai. shadi kee baat ate hi chahe ladka ho ya ladki sab apne un maa-baap se khafa nzr aate hai jo 20-22 saal tak unke sapno ke liye khud ko na jane kin-kin takleefo ko uthate hain. mgr shayad hum kuchh zyada hi padh-likh gaye hain. hamre liye jo hade banai gai hai javaani me vh hame jail sarikhi nzr aati hai mgr javaani dhale aur khud ke bachche hone per hm bhi unse vahi apeksha karte hain jo hamare maa-baap hamse karte the. rahi baat sachchi mohabbat ki to megha g apko batana chahuga ki mai bhi ek ladka hoo. ye alag baat hai ki reporting line va adhyatm me zyada samay bitane v kisi bhi vishay per dono trf sochne ki vajah se aksar main un baato ko bhi sahi pata hoo jise meri ektrfi soch hamesa glt karaar deti hai. shadi se pahle pyar, fir shadi aur eske baad dono ki khuli soch. fir ye hota hai ki dono hi life partner apne azadi ko leker ek-dusre pr havi hone ki kosis karte hain. jisse dono ki soch is kdr bemail hoti hai ki ek waqt dono me rista tootne per aa jata hai. us daur me yahi samaaj hame sahi lagne lagta hai. Megha g apne 7 saal ke reporting carrier me maine na keval rivajo se hone wali shadiyo ke fayde-nukshan dekhe hain balki love marriege se fayde kum aur hone wale nukshano ko bhi mahsoos kiya hai. shadi karne se pahle maa-baap ki razamandi zaroor lene chahiye kyuki jb hme apni zindgi ka faisla karna hota hai hum bhool jate hain ki us daur me hamare maa-baap ko zindgi ka khtta-meetha anubhav ho chuka hota hai. Lihiza Apna Life partner Chunte Waqt Western Culture Ki Tootne wale risto ki zagah bhartiya sanskrit ke mithas bhare risto ko chunne ko prathmikta de. rishte wahi achchhe hote hain jo hame sahyog kare, na ki vo jo chand saal khushi dene ke naam per apno ko juda kar dain.
Rac says:
Mr. Srivastava, with all the respect, I think u r at very long place to write these all down. All the people writing their problems here seriously are not stupid that they are keep saying I want parents to understand or I want to convince my parents, if all these people here including Megha and Me did not care for our parents, we all would run away with the police protection and this blog would not exist. The fight here is for true love, not infatuation.The people who can not tolerate each other after love marriage , did not love each other in first place. There is nothing against arranged marriage, it’s completely fine, but when u fall in love with somebody, then its stupid to pretend that, to show people I will do arranged marriage and pretend to love that guy or girl for rest of my life. That is immoral and wrong. These people writing here for their problems dont want to cheat other people, that’s why they want to marry whom they love. About getting separated after love marriage means there was no love, it was infatuation. Every marriage, whether arranged or love, is called successful where there is foundation for true love. Our Samaj is our Parents only, seriously any other people does not help during bad time. All of the people here want their parents to understand only one thing that please look at ur children’s happiness first because we love you more than any other people. Falling in love is a natural thing, n gods like shiva, krishna, rama, all of them could not resist this natural thing. Even when Sita saw Rama first, it was love at first sight. This blog is for true lovers who are dedicated and trusts their love. U should be writing these all where u see people advising to run away from parents to marry each other…..u need to look through the blog, nobody is talking about running away here….if you had really grat experience with ur smaj then good for u…at least I or (we all) have not seen other samaj people caring for us so much…And Samaj is not stupid, its the cast system which is stupid, ok…….Of course we need to live in society, we all are social animals….but to marry somebody whom u dont love just to show people is most wrong thing to do. We all dont want to cheat other people just to show off, n that is why we have decided to marry the person we love…ok…so please I would urge you not to write without even understanding that why we are writing here so much, we all are not stupid and me, Megha and all other people love our parents very much…N ya we also love our lover so much that stupid arguments will not come between us after marriage because we are true lovers, there is no timepass here ok…..
Megha says:
Mr. Shrish Srivastava
May be you are right on your point, because may be you have seen the bad side of love marriage, may be in your personal life.
BUT, this perticular post of mine is about asking few questions to parents who dont believe in intercast marriage, not to blame love or arrange marriage and different casts or whatever
And I would like to comment on few words of yours
Hamre liye jo hade banai gai hai javaani me vh hame jail sarikhi nzr aati hai – No, Big NO.. we dont believe that the limits which are made for us is a jail for us, infect we love being restricted, if we were never restricted, we would never have respected our parents and asked them to accept the partner which we have chosen.. if we were not restricted, we would have just run away with the one we want to marry and must have disrespected them.
Javaani dhale aur khud ke bachche hone per hm bhi unse vahi apeksha karte hain jo hamare maa-baap hamse karte the – our parents are asking us to marry in “Samaj” because they are born and broughtup in such environment, but in our case, we are not, we have been broughtup being tought that everyone is same, all are humans, not casts .. so we wont expect our kids to do what we want, they will be free to chose their partners, the only thing we would want to see is that their choice is capable of standing on their own feet.
jisse dono ki soch is kdr bemail hoti hai ki ek waqt dono me rista tootne per aa jata hai – This happens when two people fail to undersantnd and just blindly fall in love and get married or the arrrange marriages where no one is ready to leave thr egos aside and try to dominate eachother.
rishte wahi achchhe hote hain jo hame sahyog kare – Exactly, You are Right, “Rishte wahi acche hote hai jo hame sahyog kare”
You must have faced some very bad experience in your life, that is why may be you are against “love marriage” or “going against parents”
But everyone has their own personal view and choice.
Megha says:
Jia
You need to tell your parents, unless you dont tell him, how will he come to know..
You have long way to go after you tell your Father
..
So dont worry about future, and go ahead … tell your Father …
Megha says:
padmini
Yes, they are married and happy together .. both the families have accepted each other happily ..
Megha says:
sharanya
I was 26 when i got married and am 29 now .. and yeh i got married to the one i love.
Its not about love or arrange marriage Sharanya,
Any marriage will succed if you both have understantding for eachother.
Rac says:
I completely agree with you Megha,
Also I would like to tell u that this blog can actually be a life saver for so many people and I m sure it has (for people like me), I salute u for ur effort…
Dr. JP says:
hi megha,
great that your blog is doing wonderful.. i blogged u sometime back regarding my story of wanting to get married to a girl of different caste. i fought badly with my parents for her n later they agreed for the marriage….and guess what????one fine morning i came to know that the girl got married.. she had given her approval to the boy whom she is married now much earlier, when she was with me…i was made such a fool for 7 yrs…she is now married n happy with her husband and i am shocked and frustrated. when i see back, i realize that it was a grave mistake to have fallen for such a girl who can break a 7 year long relation in seconds….beautiful experience God has given me!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jia says:
Ya I know…..
But I m afraid as I have tried to talk bout such stuff many times..
E’rytime their response show that they are totally against it…..
Dont know how to handle the situation
Megha says:
Jia
if you dont fall.. how will you know whats pain ? … so jump in to it .. go ahead .. and tell your parents …
i know parents are always against intercast … but you have to convince them .. if you dont start … how will it end ?
Megha says:
Dr. JP
thats bad … the girl did really bad thing… and dont worry .. she will pay for what she has done …
It must be really embracing for you to face your parents too .. and I know its easy to say but tough to face … but you have to try your best to forget her and move on …
Dr. JP says:
yup…m trying to move on, …my parents also felt bad after hearing this as the girl’s father had come to see my house, n my father entertained him very well…but parents are always going to remain parents, they have also asked me to forget her and move on…they say–to err is human!!!
all the very best for your blog and i still believe in love, beyond the differentiations of caste,creed, region,colour or community…
Megha says:
As they say, whole world will leave you alone but not parents… Thats what, parents are
Aniket says:
hi i’m a 22 yr old Maratha(Maharashtrian) guy n i’m in love wid a 21 yr old marwari girl…She also loves me but is afraid of her dad…n he doesn’t have the courage to fight back…it’s lyk she’s already started gettin marriage proposals n i’l b goin abraod for higher studies in another 5 months n wud marry only after i’m 26..bt i am totally committed to her..m sure abt it…..n i even knw that there wud not be any objection from my family members(my parents don’t knw abt it yet….bt i knw my parents r very open minded)…i want my parents to talk to her parents but if she backs out,at last moment out of fear for her dad…my dad wud be insulted..n her dad is really very narrow-minded…there isn’t ne status problem..both families hav decent backgrounds..i’m wrkin in a reputed IT company…..i just dunno how to solve this………..she says dat her entire ‘BAFNA’ clan is very narrow minded n dey even do not approve marwari-marwari love marriages..i have just told my elder sister n 2 marwari friends abt it…the friends think it’s highly impossible….another problem is that d girl has a smaller sister n our affair cud affect even her future..i mean– her gettin marriage proposals later..i had already given up bt after readin this blog i think i shud give it last try…b4 i go away!!!…..i think dat i’m nt mature enough to handle this alone….cosidering i’m just 22!!!…. it’s a weird experience for me coz i had a crush on her since school..i’ve never thot abt ne other girl dis way….she lives in my society only…but v hardly meet nemore….though v converse thru sms’s…she says she loves me bt can’t fight her dad……m really confused…..shud i leave her or speak to her dad…….i feel that she’s gonna back out if i do!!!!
Meghna di…or ne1 out here…pls help me out….if u ppl think der’s no future in this….atleast suggest me how to get over it…
this blog showed me that i’m not alone…..
thank you!!!!!
Megha says:
Aniket – As you said, yes this is not the right age to get married , and you know that , you said you are not matured enough to handle it… so i think staying apart is the best way, if she really wants to be with you, or i can frame it ‘if she has courage to stand for you’ thn even if you are no in India she will tell her parents and fight for you,
And if she don’t do that, its better to forget and move on..
If she never had guts to talk to her parents, thn she shouldn’t have said yes to you.
I know its not easy to do so, but you need to try, you both are not matured enough at this moment for Marriage..
I feel you need to be practical at this moment rather thn being emotional
I think You are right on your decision
Aniket says:
thank you very much for your quick reply…..
I wasn’t gonna marry her until m 26…i thought if i could get confirmation from her parents n marry her later…but it sounds too unrealistic…
It was her ‘yes’ only dat confused me…
I think that u’ve made it more clear for me n now without any doubt i can focus on my career….
….n coz v were not deeply into it,i think v can both take it in very easily…
N i agree wid wat u say…i’ve got to think practically…
Thanks a lot Megha di !!
Megha says:
keethu says:
hi megha!!!!!!!!!!its really a wonderful article…….i am a brahmin and am in love with sumone so callled a bc…i am good luking but he is shorter and not so smart.but i love him because of his attitude love and care for me….my parents are so particular about caste and luks….i love my father and never wana let him feel bad because of me……i want him to accept us.we both are in same career and planning to go to still higher level….whenever caste topic cumes at home.parents compare brahmins with horse and others with donkeys….they say that marrying other caste will be a sin….they question me if i marry oter caste guy then what wud be the caste of the next generation???????a brahmin r a bc….i dont understand what to answer and how to convince them…..do they accept us????????
keethu says:
is ther anywer told in our vedas tht inter caste mrg is a sin???????and even my bf is ready to convert in to a brahmin for me if my parents wont accept……..is that a sin marrying other caste????
Rac says:
The ultimate truth is that we all belong to same cast which is called “Homo Sapiens”. All this division between religions or casts and everything have been occurred only n only because we humans produced them.
nur cahaya says:
hello everyone, i think, my situation is much more tough, and i feel like..i cant think anymore. my name is nur, i’m muslim..and i’m from malaysia. i love this guy, hes hindu from south india.
(( i feel so sad.
i will come to india this 1july to talk to his mum, about my love. and after reading megha story..i feel down. now i understand what is it HARD situation, my boyfren(hindu guy) keep telling me.
nur cahaya says:
pls anyone, i hope anyone can reply me. i need a strength to go to india, and talk to his mum. whatever happen, i need to go…i bought the flight ticket. i cant live happily until i talk to his mum.
Mr.India says:
Hi…Megha I think U can Revolution in “Samaj”. If U want it.why are u not write this articles in every famous news paper ?so tht parents can read it and change our-self . Pls I request U write down it as soon as possible.(nearly in two week) I think it will be best support for every love birds. once again I request U tht do it. After all make Revolution for young generation. I am shore tht every one will support U. I hope …hope….
Megha says:
Nur Cahaya- it wont be as easy as you might have thought,
If you think that going to your Boyfriends place and speaking to his parents will sort the things quickly, thn you are wrong,
on the other hand if you are lucky his parents will be open minded, thn you wont face any issues,
but if they are not, you both will have to be patience and wait till they agree.
so dont worry about anything go on, and see whats in future.
Megha says:
Keethu – i didnt like the thought of your boyfriend converting him self into your cast, but its your personal choice i am no one to comment.
If your parents are asking which cast will be your next generation (Brahmin or BC) obviously it will be BC, if you marry him, and you shouldn’t be ashamed of it.
also you said your parents are particular about cast, all parents are same, so dont worry, all you need to do is stay calm and try your best to convince your paretns.
nur cahaya says:
megha, what if i convert to hindu?
and if we(me n my bf) are going to inter-cast marriage, do we need an approval from our parents?
Megha says:
haha.. in any case we kids need our parents approval dear,
Specially in India, its not a rule or regulation, its a respect, we cant hurt our parents just because we like someone to spend life with, we shouldnt run away or go against parents if they dont agree with what we want,
we need to explain and convince them that their is nothing wrong in inter-cast marriage.
you dont need to convert yourself now, you will anyways be converted in to Hindu after marriage, while convincing his parents you can put this point in front of them,
still if its helping you, thn thrs no issue in doing something like this just to make thm happy and get the things go smoothly.
nur cahaya says:
haha..yes huh? i dont really know about marriage, because i come from a very small family.
i mean, what if me? like i’m from malaysia..do i still need my dad approval if we want to go thru this inter cast marriage?
and sorry, if my question is..troubling u.
keethu says:
hi megha!!!!!ya.of course ur rit…..my bf is ready to convert if my parents wont accept……i have a question or doubt whatever…if everyone thinks to do inter caste mrgs then on sum day there may not b caste system.then who will do puja in temples???can other caste people chant the mantras……isnt ther anythng wrong in that??am not opposing.its just a doubt……
keethu says:
and in our country we have a strong base and culture and different traditions mostly because of this systems.and what if everyone forget them?is it not like forgetting our past culture and traditions we have and adopting foreign culture????our culture has a tradition of arranged marriages which involves all matchins lyk caste,color,family background etc…but in intercaste r most of the love mrgs people wont consider all these…then is there not any chance of vanishing of our culture and traditions???????
bramin boy says:
Hi…Megha I like To all your answer but idont know why u r not serrius on this post I think U can Revolution in “Samaj”. If U want it.why are u not write this articles and other articles sothat perents bole “have U any other cast person? and if yes then say me i will done your marrage with them” in every famous news paper ?so tht parents can read it and change our-self . Pls I request U write down it as soon as possible.(nearly in two week) I think it will be best support for every love birds. once again I request U tht do it. After all make Revolution for young generation. I am shore tht every one will support U.somebody waitting for this we all have hopes …hopes….
pls dont hide it
Mihir says:
Magha I want to intercast marrage but there are big truble about cast sothat i am not declered even it. I want finaly answer “yes” so that How I can Handle All situations. Magha I have no more time so i want to some discuss with U so please give me your cell number as soon as.
Sonam Gupta says:
Hi……. Same case is with me Megha as it is with you. My Boy friend is of lower caste my parents call him schedule caste nd i feel very bad.
Megha says:
Mihir – You cant get worried without telling your parents, and if not today, you will have to tell your parents, if you dont your problem will keep delaing , i know its not easy to face parents when you know that they are going to say no,
but if you dont open up … you will never understand what is in future.
so just go on, decide how you want to convey this, decide a day, decide when, how and to whom you want to tell first,
dont worry, they are parents, they have right to oppose after taking care of you since you were born…
go ahead and tell them.
Megha says:
bramin boy – may be you are right , but i am not interested in going to news paper,
this post is not to explain anything to any parents, all parents are right on thr place, this was just to ask few questions to those who dont understand such small things, not all parents are same as we think,
so i dont want to post this in any news paper
Megha says:
nur cahaya – first of all, no… your questions are not bothering me, so dont worry about that
and now …. In Malaysia … is it something like you meet someone, like that person, and tell your parents that i am marrying this person
or is it like
your parents find someone for you and you marry that person ?
In India.. since ages, parents find a guy/girl for you and show you to marry, if you like that person you marry him/her, if you dont like they will show you someone else till you like someone.
infect earlier they never even used to show, they used to just chose one and get you married, the girl and guy used to se eachother on the marriage day.
now a days its all different, parents fix a meeting for girl and guy, if they like each other thn they get married,
now a days also intercast marriages are possible, people are accepting it, but still the old generation has this think in mind that we must marry out cast , not other.. that is why issues comes, otherwise those who are open minded , does not face any such issues,
So basically…. how can i suggest you something .. I don’t know Malaysian or i can say your culture
and you said you dont know much about marriages, so how old are you ? …if you are young you dont even need to think about marriage right now.
Megha says:
Keethu – if you have worries like “vanishing of our culture and traditions”, thn you must not have thought about falling in love with someone who is not of your cast
But, As you said its not that you are opposing, its just a doubt/question, let me answer it…
Its not that everyone is going for inter cast marriage, when you fall in love, you dont see if the opposite person is of same cast, colour etc.. it just happens.. and that is how the intercast marriage comes in pitchure,
otherwise those who dont find one before their parents show someone, they go for arrange marriage, and their out cast and culture stays the way it has been …
hope i have cleared your doubt
Mihir says:
Hi..Megha ye post thodi badi hei pr bat hi kuch asi hai.me bahotahi badi musibatme hu.me or janu(my gf) teen salse love me hei.hum dono alag cast se hei.meri cast usse uchi he (joki me usme nahi manta) .me es time welset hu. hum donone pehlese hi shadi ka vada krdiya tha.
muje 18 april ko janu se hi malum hua ki uski sagai gharwaloki pasand se 28 april ko ho rahi hei.i m shock.. mene use bahot hi samjaya ki ye sabkuch rok do ,family ko hmari bat bol do. but me pagal ho gaya jab muje malum hua ki wo kuch nahi karegi and family k oposit nahi jayegi.!mene use pehle kabhi aisi nahi chochithi.usne kaha ki “wo sub kuch bhul jao hum ab dost rahenge humari shadi nahi ho sakti bcoz aap mere papa ka maind nahi jante vaise bhi use heart ki bimari hei. me family se nahi bolsakti.” Me bahot hi sad hu me apko keise batau ki mei unse kitna love krta hu.me uske bina mere bareme kuch soch hi nahi sakta.me finish hojauga.me usdin se ro rahahu.me use kaise batau ki me uske bina nahi ji sakta.wo kuch bhi sunne ko taiyar hi nahi.wo darti hai uski familyse.usne kabhi humare bareme nahi bataya.mene use kaha aabto batado wo bolti hei” koe nahi manege sabhi log jiddi hei” mene kaha ki tu muje ek bar suport de me bolduga.but she cant suport me.wo muje suport de to me kuch kruna?humari baat uski moom and choti sister ko malum hei but they r not suport us.ulta usne janu ko aasa kuch imotionaly blackmal ki hei ki wo totly family ki side pe hei.ab wo usladke ke sath shopping pe bhi jane lagi hei.me janta hu wo muje bahot hi love krti hei lekin familyse darti heiapp hi kuch use answer me likh kr bataiyena ki uske dil me flmy ka dar n rhe or bol sake ki” muje aapki pasand ke ladke ke sath shadi nahi karni” apka answer usko me padhauga.pls uske liye kuch essa likhiyena ki wo meri bat manjaye.meri position wo nahi samaj rahi ki love kiya hei to thoda sahas bhi to karna padega.ab to sari asha keval aap hi ho..pls help me ab mere pas use samjane ka jyada time nahi bacha hei..pls help me…….
Megha says:
Mihir – As you said you dont have enough time on hand to convince her to not marry someone else, same way even she dont have time to go back, unless she really wants to get married to you.
I dont think she is worth having you as life partner if she has no courage to stand for you, she doesn’t deserve a good person like you, whatever she did to you is wrong, if she had no guts thn she shouldn’t have said yes to you and never must have had a relation with you for 3 whole years,
Its of no point going behind her and wasting your emotions on her, you have long way to go, you have good career to make, you will find someone better thn her in future,
you said write something for her, i dont have words for her that she is so bad to hurt you like this, i dont want to write anything for her, she will pay for whatever she has done to you.
i know, my words must be harsh, but here, all i want to write for you is, I know its not as easy as saying, but you should Move On dear.
sameer says:
i am facing a hell of issues in my family regarding intercaste marriages…we are 2 brothers..elder one did intercaste marriage after lots of opposition..parents agree to that…now in my case they are saying it is not possible at all..the girl i love is a maharashtrian and i m a marwadi..the girl dont have parents…so my parents saying she is not acceptable in society…and moreover if their both sons will do intercaste marriage…they have nowhere to hide their faces in society..i am living in full tension…girl is saying again and again give some reply…parents even not listening….
Megha says:
Sameer – I feel you must wait, if they agreed for your elder Brother, thn i am sure they will agree for you,
You need to give time to them, Parents has expectations from kids, and when they dont do according the their wishes, its so obvious that they will get angry, even you will get angry if things dont go the way you want..
give them time, and explain the same to your Girl Friend, tell her to give time..
mini says:
hi megha,
i am a doctor and my love is an IAS………we love each other so much……we want to marry but my parents r not agree to it bcoz they think our caste is higher than their’s and is it not good to make me marry with him 4 thier sake and 4 thier reputation..but we both can’t live without each other we want to marry…help us plzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Megha says:
As i always say.. you need to give them time .. they will understand that you can make your decisions now, and they will agree .. have patience …
Kd says:
I had put the same comment Megha, but you did not replied me..:-(
Please tell me a way out of this..please Megha..:-
oohh my GOD!!! same…same story my friends…m still in 3rd yr and ma gf is in 2nd yr. in relationship wid 1 year v r attached like anythin..once she told me to go away frm ma life..as she found out dat it wont be posiible for her to marry me as m Brahmin guy from Gujarat and she is from Royal Family of Rajput from rajasthan…!!! c acted lyk hell wen c decided to leave me…bt again came into ma life as i ws abt to leave dis world..ya..I WAS in COMMA!!! i came out of it..v r still in relationship and c loves me alot..she cant live widout me..problem is not with my parents as my mom-dad told me dat they will happily accept d girl i will find perfect for me..but in all cases her father too..strict!! i dnt knw how to convince dem..i want to prepare myself for making proposal to her parents..esp.her dad.. he is a man of honour and dignity…i can knw it from d way my gf describes him..so..tell me d way PLZzzz,,, and i went into comma coz i wsnt able to handle dat pain..m suffring from arrhythmia…a conjoint-el heart disease..now if she will leave me..i dont knw ..whether i will live or not…
Megha says:
KD – First of all, you need to learn that you going in to comma shows that you are not a strong person, you telling that you are suffering from arrhythmia , again shows that you want sympathy not life ….
sorry for being harsh, but first of all you need to be strong and importantly, forget about marriage and start thinking about career …
life is not all about love , relationship and marriages .. you need to get a good job, you need to stand on your feet, earn atleast 1 lacks a month then only you can think about getting married, todays world is not about parents said get married so we got married, its about taking the responsibilities of whole family .. if you are not capable of that, thn you should not even think about a marriage,
You are still in third year, this is not the right time to think about marriages, leave that thought aside and concentrate on career, think what career you want to take up and work hard for that, rest of the things will be taken care of …
All The Best
rohini says:
hiiiiiiii
i am a bhramin girl and working in a corporate company and my boyfriend is also working win my company but in different location my story is totally like usr article, my boy friend belongs to a different caste and his family ready to accept me but my father is not ready for this even he is finding perfect match for me in my bhramin samaj………and when i told my father about my boyfriend he was shouted at me and my mom also he thought she is responsible for that even my brother is not supporting me. plzzzzzz help me and give me some suggestion …………..
Sonakshi Rai says:
Hii, I am a Jaat and my bf is punjabi, even I am facing the same issue, my boyfriend parents are ready to accept me but my mom dad are not. so please suggest me what should I do? I want to spend my whole life with him only and I am sure he will take care of me.
rohini says:
hi megha
this is rohini i written about my situation my parent are not ready for the intercaste marriage, i told them about this last month, frm that day we are not talking to each other as much………..my parents think that i am forgetting him but truth is different we are still in contact and meet each other………….my parents searching rishta for me but i am now afraid talk to them about all these things bcoz my father is fallen ill when i told him about my boyfriend……………………………strange thing is that he is also belongs to the general class and me too but our cast is different ……..plzzzzzzzzzz help me and give me suggestion i love him so much:(
Megha says:
Rohini & Sonakshi Rai – As i always say, you need to wait, you have told your parents , you have done your job, now give them good time, let a year or so pass on, they will understand, a year doesnt mean that it will take a year, they might agree before that or they might even take more time, you can speak to them after 2 months again,
If you speak to them on some interval again and again, they will understand that you have not forgoten your boyfriend,
and important thing, give them time, they cant change their old thinking in one or two days, it takes time, if you are not ready to forget your boyfriend whom you have met some time back, how do you expect them to forget what they have been thinking since somany years,
rohini says:
megha ……..my parents are tooooo orthodox ve kehte hain ki vo meri shaadi forcibly kisi se b kar denge lekin usse nai karenge ………………..do you think that kind of mentality would be change in 1 or 2 years…….plzzzzz help me …………..yaar………tumne kaise apne parents ko manaya plzzzzz tell me …….
Kd says:
yes megha i know that… i am even working for my career megha di.. even i started working..and i know how to deal with my disease… i am doing well these days, and hopefully will get recover…
But still you know di, in India parents starts finding match for girls earlier, so i dont want that situation to come…i just need to know why such things happens only in India..? all this caste issues and all that…Does love happens after knowing the Caste.?
darshak says:
hi megha, this is undoubtedly a good post. At least it tempts the people to think about it. Yes, it is the fear of the social reactions which is forcing our elders to take a negative stand on inter-caste marriages.
Ofcourse they were brought up in such a society. It seems they are committed to follow these rules. But it doesn’t mean that those practises needs to be followed by the generations to come. Even the people who talk a lot in favour of this in public, hardly agrees to do so when they themselves happens to face such a situation in their own family. And the most pathetic thing is that they consider the break up of such relationships as a sacrifice to be done for the sake of the society. Then it is up to the children to change their thoughts.And in most cases the children in such communities dont have the voice to speak in this regard. The intensity varies depending on the communities. But at the end of the day, what really matters is the happiness of the son/daughter. Or is it “their social commitment”?!!
Girish Kumar Sharma says:
Well, i just gone through whole page and this page and my friends current status is somewhat same. He is in love with other caste girl. As usual, both are claiming that we have good understanding, caring, blah, blah… means all logics to convience from their sides. Truly speaking, I am not saying that this is good nor saying that this is bad, but if you convience me from below questions then i think this blog will get +1 point from my side (which has no worth though)..!
YOU means, He/She i.e. Love fallers!
1.I don’t say that never fall in love, but just before falling in love; think for a moment that is he/she is from my caste, because love feeling has just NOW started, so i think person is able to think like this.
2.How you concluded, felt, judge that only this girl/guy can be my wife/husband; no other is so capable; i mean how you reached to this point that only he/she can be a successfull partners no any one other?
3.Don’t you think that at this moment or next 2-3 years you are/will just use your heart, not mind. Are you not feeling that you are listening only words from heart, not a single word from mind.
4.What do you think, only love track is that much capable, strong for a smooth, successfull running of a married life. No other thing is required other than love?
5.Why in these years inter-caste marriages percentage is growing so fast; when people are more educated, smart then older years ?
6.What will happen when there is a great fight between both of you? Who will ampire for you ? Are you sure, you are GOD who can manage the situations ? To whom you will complaint/share your pain/side ?
7.You are ready to run your life train on a track which you constructed, which never got test run, which may have any unseen dangers, threats etc. Do’nt you think that you are just ignoring the importance of security for success, which was with your parents when they were marring ?
8.Are you sure love is more stronger than time; i mean time can’nt week the love ? What will happen when you feel lesser love due to you are busy in your business, studies and job, with your partner, don’t you think it may create a scene who may further ruin your life. I know it is also applicable with same caste couples, but in that case parents and society manages the things.
9.Don’t you think that till now you have got “virtual support” from your society and “Direct and Blind support” from your parents ? What do you think, (Oh… my god… how it is possible for thinking, when person’s heart is more working than mind) love inherits all these supports ?
10.If there is no need for castism then why man created castes, why not all we known by numbers something like my name is 12345678 S/o D/o Sh. 521459456 ?
I am really agreed on love at first sight (but with above point no.1). In this case you will enjoy both the two situations i.e. “ArrangedLove Marriage”; which you CAN achive, because you are well educated, from well reputed family and moreover which one should go for it for sure.
I do’nt you will allow my post, but otherwise i may post/create on other blog though.
rao says:
hello girish sharma ji!!!!all ur views are very practical and sensible. I too had the same views as u have. Because i am from a traditional brahmin family…..I never had a good opinion on love marriages.because i also thought that lovers think only with heart but not with mind…i have decided to do arranged mariage to whom my father suggests because elders know what to do for their children……
But love happened to me even with an inter caste boy…….I have thought more than a crore times when he proposed me(because he is from other caste….)he is not of my caste……not a match for me…….i rejected….but u know something……..when he proposed his love to me,showed his care….i started thinking with heart rather than mind…….i have been his inspiration……both of us understood that if we are together we can achieve anything…thts a kind of emotional support mr.sharma…which u feel lyk connected to that person……
many people can understand u,can match u…..but only one can touch ur heart. When that happens….u cant imagine other person as ur partner in ur life…i am not telling it happens only in love mrgs…..this is the reason why in any mrg partners are connected life long……to some people such a feeling happens before mrg.to some after mrg.thats the only difference……thing is two partners can live life long only when their hearts and mindsets are connected.not caste and other things…….
u r telling that in same caste mrgs parents will settle fights between partners. Its not parents who can understand the partners relation.they just can give suggestions and will try to make u one.unless the partners have a good understanding..its no possible to be united life long …..no one can help u whether u may have same caste mrg or inter caste.
Try not to always think with mind which makes ur life mechanical.man z different from other beings in hvaing heart. And i don accept that people who do intercaste mrgs have no vision on future and success. Because ur success and future depends on ur attitude not on ur caste.
People have introduced caste system in olden days for a balanced society. There are four castes brahmins,kshatriya,vaishyas ans sudras each caste being alloted for different works in the society.But now a days people are not doing jobs according to their castes. Then whats the need of such caste feelings?If two people have same type of life style and if they think they can live together with similar habits then where z the need of caste difference betwen them??
If u think with time love also gets weak then it may happen in any type of mrg. The basic understanding and accepting ur partner as she is without any xpectations can solve the problem. If ur xpecting ur parents and society to solve the fight between u and ur wife.it shows u dont have a good compatibility. Tats all…
I dont say that all lovers are sincere and have a vision..but there are also real loves in this world.sorry if i have written anything wrong and hurting.
dinky says:
hi… i’m too facing d same problem.. i belong to kunbi patil 96 kuli marathi..n my boyfrn he is khatri he’s gujarathi…. we both r doctor.. all ths samaj n all its bullshit.. i think we shld have our association.. we should have a happy club.. if we dnt break ths vicious cycle of caste marrige now ths will continue..n many lovers will suffer.. wht u say..?
Girish Kumar Sharma says:
Rao,
>i started thinking with heart rather than mind
LOL. Who told you that don’t use mind when uses of mind is despretely needed…? Then what is the use of your studies, your all hard working when you were in school/college ? Its really very sad that heart beat mind!!!!
>thts a kind of emotional support mr.sharma
Hahaha…. emotional support. I read this word as “e-motional” like e-mail. I knows what are emotions, what are there uses, when one should use them.
>only one can touch ur heart
Yes true, but who ? He/she is well known not at once known!!!!. Sorry, i humbly disagree with you. that you are inspired with a person before marriage Huh ?? How, why… is your inspirations are so cheap and easy, which can be caught by someone so fast and easily….???
>partners have a good understanding
I have seen that how good understanding was at the time of marriage, was good till next 2-3 years… and then that “so-called good understanding” was really standing under water of tears. Earlier they were Revere each other, but now … yes, it may happen with arrange marriage, but again in those cases society definetly plays its master role to avoid ruin of life.
>Because ur success and future depends on ur attitude not on ur caste.
Controversial statement….! Who gives you good attitude? How you gets morals ? Who teach you manners ? Yes, ofcourse, parents and society/caste. Right ?
>People have introduced caste system
Yes, ofcourse; but who were they ? Were they have same knowledge level, experience and thought at the time when they were announcing castism for human; as we have ? Were they idots or biased/hated lovers ? Please, Just go in a good library, search some renowned social writers, read their books, just think upon it (not necessarily, as they have written, but try to transpose your thought with their thought) and now you will have a difference approach. Some of them have got nobal prize, which is the sign of something respectable.
Neither i am a social writer, nor i never read any writer’s book. Why ? Because i think social values are still true and alive as they were in past, the only thing has changed i.e. now person thinks that i am smart, educated and can manage/win any unseen threat and danger; means person are now more “confident” then in earlier. And this confidence is really not confidence, rather it is a over-evaluating him/herself and/or under-estimating the future. They have arguments, but not logics, they have long toungue but no “words”.
Its a war between your and mine thought, please don’t take it as personally, because i am using YOU word, not you i.e. Rao, but for lovers. I am capable to even reverse argue on this topic, but probably will after few inputs by others.
Darshak says:
Mr Sharma, I think your interpretation about the purpose of this blog is wrong. This is not something just about 2 kids who fell in love at first sight. Not about 2 people who are ready to ignore everything around to accomplish their dreams. And also nobody here is against the social morals. This post discusses the problems in inter-caste marriages. May I ask you a simple query? Which social tradition teaches us that we should love only people in our own caste? Of course, the caste systems in the traditional society had served its purpose. It maintained the balance in the society those days. But are we following the same system today in all the sense. NO, it’s only the evils of the system that we are following. As you said, the problems can occur in any kind of marriages, whether it is arranged or not. And some people in the family think that they don’t need to get involved only because he/she got married to a person from another community. To be frank, there is a limit in which the people can get involved in these matters and get it sorted out. After all, what really matters is the mutual understanding and the ability to control your ego and emotions in the tough situations. The true love stands out there. Actually then only we realize the intensity of our love. And you believe that your caste society can play the master role in it. May I know in what context it is? None of these people wanted to get separated from their family and the society. It is the society which is giving up these people. Due to the fear of societal norms and the social standings, the family too has to follow. And the reason is that they got married from another community. Does it really make any sense? I feel really sorry for your concept of love. “Love at first sight, (provided it is followed by your point no.1). Nobody fell in love in that fashion. That is only lust. People have to realize each other’s character, attitude, positives and negatives….. Then only we can call it as love. This should be the underlying factor for all the marriages, whether it is arranged or not.
As you have mentioned that you had never read any writers creations, Please go through the following observations from a great man.
“You cannot build anything on the foundation of caste. You cannot build up a nation;
You cannot build up a morality. Anything you build on the foundation of caste will crack and will never be a whole.”
“In a village community like ours, inter-caste marriage is the best and most effective solution to the problem of caste discrimination”.
Dr. Bhim Rao Ambedkar
I hope you realize those words. It is our responsibility to make our elders realize that this caste system hampers the growth of the society and poses a threat to the national unity.
With more globalization and increase in the educational facilities, there have been wide changes in the social scenario. Inter-caste marriages have also received acceptance from the people in urban and modern societies. Government of India has already taken different measures to encourage this change. So please don’t demoralize those hearts, who are at least trying for this change.
Girish Kumar Sharma says:
Darshak,
>not something just about 2 kids who fell in love at first sight
I think person becomes kid when he/she uses 90% heart and 10% mind, because what does kid, they have heart and mind uses ratio 90:10 right ?
>Which social tradition teaches us that we should love only people in our own caste?
Each and every one. You please tell me where it is written and well approved that go for inter-caste marriage ?
>and the ability to control your ego and emotions
100% agree with you, but since if it is case of inter-caste marriage, then castism factor comes very fast and more powerfully in both of mind; and then the problem becomes more serious, they find very hard for solution.
>It is the society which is giving up these people
When we have fever or become ill, who want to leave whom, definetly we want to leave virus and bacteria from our body and we goes to hospital and consults doctor that please get rid of me from this “virus”; while “virus” don’t want to leave us right ?
>Due to the fear of societal norms ….
No, its not due to fear, its due to acceptance of social importance and virtual co-operation which is existing since last thousands of years.
>I feel really sorry for your concept of love.
I heartly welcome on this your constructive critisim. You mean lust+other’s character, attitude, positives and negatives = love right? I am 50% agree because rest 50% you have totally ignored for castism factor. Because character, attitude, positives and negatives are controlled by time factor, they changes as time passes, as situations get changes, but society’s rules are not changes so fast in comparion of these. Yes, society too changes its rule but with the concent of all people. I will be the first person to vote in favour of inter-caste marriage; whenever i gets a survey for it, because then “love” inherited by social-concent too.
>You cannot build anything…
>In a village community ….
Good quote. Thanks for these quotes; i am trying to convience me that nation is nothing if is having foundation of caste; but i am thinking then what is nation; i think nation = groups of societies and when there is no caste then no society, no religion, no nation… nothing right ?
>I hope you realize those words
Yes, i had realized and i was in a discussion with couple of my seniour society fellow in a marriage ceremony. I was advocating for inter-caste marriage, but one of them was really very practical and intelligent. This was our chat :
I:Why don’t you people like inter-caste marriage ? Do you have any solid logic for denying it or its just your ego, ignorance… what is that ?
He:We can you give a long list to satisfy. If you read, think then i am sure you will come to this side. If you are able to cut more intelligently with your logics, then we may come to your side; but your arguments, your logics, statistics and facts should be : 1. Real 2. Enough smart 3. Practical 4. Visionary etc.
I:Ok may be, but still if two person have good understanding, attitude… etc. (as stated by above by many others) then still what is “THAT” which is ruling out strongly and one sided. I think at this moment, you people are not listening a single word from heart, you are claiming that you are using mind but sometime “heart to tell true”.
He:Hey boy, this is neither a court, nor i am that much concentrated to reply you, but I can argue with you on this and can satisfy to being you at my side.
It was really a great debate with them, i was along and later it became hot and was completed on agreement to continue till last one’s concent. I have all logics which i posted above just outcome of my 10 months discussion with them. I posted above 10 points and here are couple of next :
Continue…
11.I am sure, for a nano-second if you ever felt that “oh.. why i did all these yaar… huh? Just for Love ? Oaf.. i should have go with my parents” or something like this; then from that nano-second you will never be in that mood which was prior to this nano-second!
12.At the time of baby-marriage, people used to argue in favour same as presently people arguing for inter-caste marriages, but now people have agreeed that baby-marriage was wrong and it is wrong
13.I think person who opts inter-caste marriage are “social-intruders”. They are damaging social peace for their own, but silently.14.What about social match-matching which happens prior to marriage ? Tell me, is all these non-sense ?
15.Castism is not developed, designed and thought by us; it is well thought by our ancestors that if there is no caste, then there will blast within the groups. I know that currently it is not having that shape, vision and sense which thought by our ancenstors, but still its moto is alive.
…Probably will continue….
rohini says:
megha plzzzzzzzz help me mujhe ladke wale dekhne aa rahe hai main kya karun plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz help me yaaarrrrr plzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
plzzzzzzzzzzzz
plzzzzzzzzzzzzz
neha says:
hi megha,
its now almost 6 years when you wrote this aricle.can you tell me what happened with sweety and rohit…did they get married??
Megha says:
Rohini – the guy is coming to meet you but you can say no if you dont like him ….
So dont panic … just meet him normally .. once they are gone and your parents ask if you liked the boy or not, you can simply say no.
again, you dont need to take decisions only because you like someone else, hope you have thought everything about life after getting married to the one you love, grass is not always green,
so fight for your love only if you both are firm that you both wants to get married to each other and ready to face any difficulty comes after marriage, because you will not only be getting married to the guy, but his whole family too…
Megha says:
Neha – Sweety and Rohit are married and happy together, their parents also has accepted everything…
Megha says:
Girish Kumar Sharma – Oh c’mon dear, accept it , its not that everyone is crazy behind getting married to those who are not of same cast…
Its just that love happens and that is why inter cast marriage happens…
No one decides that i will get married but only to the one who is not of my cast …
So why so many arguments ? … their are people who don’t fall in love before marriage… they are getting married to the same cast as their parents show …
So its not that casts are vanishing .. its a natural thing , you cant stop or convince people to believe on what you believe ….
So chill .. let the flow go the way its going …
And if you are worried about people who fall into wrong person and get married and thn dont be happy .. its their life .. they made a wrong decision .. thats it … if you dont fall how will you learn ?
Not all love marriages are successful, not even all arrange marriages are also successful ..
So its a part of life… someone finds a bad match, someone gets a bad match.. you cant help it …
So no point discussing and arguing with people to prove your point even though you are the only best person in universe to discuss on anything and everything given to you…
kr says:
megha first of all bunch of blessings to u really from heart for ur work and help to all.
di all the post on this page i think all my feelings are revealed i was searching the same solution and may be its god wish that i found this page and i am happy much happy to read the problems and solutions to them.. its very difficult when u have to fight against ur own parents ur own people … i too have the same problem and felt crying that god pls come down and help me pls god come down and help me and this page ti seems that god has given his msg on this page his helping hand on this page.
i will share my problem of word to word to same kind as rohit and sweety. and seek ur help very soon ..
Rac says:
It actually get on my nerves when people like Girish Kumar Sharma argues so much on the blog like this. Seriously This blog is not for you to read because you have such a strong view about cast. You will never understand what is going on here. So, please leave everybody alone here. I beg to anybody who believes in castism, please dont read this blog, because you will never understand……
rohini says:
hey megha i said to my parents that i am not interested to meet that guy. vo maan bhhi gaye but unhone kaha hai ki shaadi jahan bhi hogi hamaari marzi se hogi………..maine bhi unse yeh bol diya hai ki mai use bhool jaungi par mujhe kuch time chahiye………………lekin sach kuch aur hai main use nai bhool pa rahi because i love him lot…….meri abi bhi usse baat hoti hai ab main kya karun yaar plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz help me nd suggest me wat should i do? plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz dear…..
Varsh says:
Hi Megha…really liked ur advices above…i am 23 and she is also 23..We are in love but she is of shetty caste and i am a north Indian..her dad expired a few days back
and now her Brothers have taken charge…they are entirely against inter caste marriges and my familly too,,we tried staying apart…we both couldnt live without each other…she is facing some health issues due to which she will be getting operated in few dayz..but after marriage she will nevr be abl to become mom(if my parents come to kno this, they will nvr accept hr),,,i still love her and i am want to marry her…but her brother is forcing her to get married to one of their relatives who is also ready to accept her after knowing this…though i hv a good job and salary i m dependnt on my parents…and she is also well educated and earns well…what to do???
rohini says:
plzzzzzzzz megha help me i am in depression now plzzzzzz dear help me………..my parents are not ready…….kya karun kuch samajh hi nai aa raha???????//
som says:
hi…..i’m in a big depression plz help me n advice..my family is very orthodox we r basically frm a community in hindu…my bro n sis r married n havin kids my mom is diabetic n dad is also weak minded…they”re very very strict n don’t even allow me to speak to guys..i’m a engg grad…my parents r searchin for proposal…but i’m in love wid a guy who is a christian n is not educated n does driving job…he too loves me a lot…but if i tel at home my parents wil surely not be alive…they see oly wat relatives n soceity wil think…n abt my sis family if they torture her…i’m very scared to face them n tell…all my relatives keep tellin my parents they hav got wonderful children but i am into such a thing…they hav lot of respect in d society n relatives i don’t know how to tel n convince them..they’ll surely tel we’ll die off…guy side he has no prob at all their thinkin is diff n take it easy…wat shd i do plz help me…
Navin says:
Gr8 one megha..and i luvd each and every part..i hope my situation excels like theirs..iam also facin some caste dilemmas…i hope and i knw with time everything will come up right and rosy and i will marry her..i just want all of yur heart filled blessings and wish us gud luck!!
thnx!!
Meenal says:
Hiiiiiii megha
somewhat me too facing a similar problem , in my case his family is too rigid, are not ready in any circumstances for the maariage ,they belong to tripathi family.
I am really shattered .what to do???I really want to finish this inter caste problem.
Meenal
atul says:
hiiiiii megha
i m confuse wht to do whether should i choose love marriage or arrange marriage since i had engaged wth girl
Himanshu says:
hi megha
meri story bhi kuch aisi hi hai,main ek ladki se bhut pyar krta hu or wo bhi mujhse bhut pyar krti hai humari age same hai,baat ye hai ki uski cast jain hai or meri sharma.meri family main to koi problem nahi hai.bt uski family main problem hai,maine uske ek cosin jiski age 21 hai to us ko bataya tha
ki main tumahari sis se pyar krta hu to usne kha ki tum ek dusre ko bhula do ye pyar aage nahi bad sakta.us ladki ka real bro bhi hai jo jiski mrg bhi hui v hai wo bhut strict hai.main uske ghar bhi gya hua hu tab uske dad,bro or bhabi ghar nahi the sirf mom the.uske mom mujhe uska as friend samjhte hai phone per bhi baat ki hui hai kyi baar bhut achi treh se baat krte hain bt yr hum ek dusre ke bine nahi reh saKTE aap koi ide BTA DO PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Himanshu says:
hum dono ki age 18 hai aap ko kya lagta hai ki humen apna pyar con.. rakhna chahiye ya nahi hum 8 months se commited hain
Girish Kumar Sharma says:
@Megha,
>Girish Kumar Sharma – Oh c’mon dear
bit unprofessionl line on the blog!!!
>Its just that love happens and that is why inter cast marriage happens…
I know (because i too have heart), but that is not love who comes under quenstion, moreover love can not be questionable, it is not a thing which can be argued.
>No one decides that i will get married but only to the one who is not of my cast …
True, but here i see the percentage near to 100… LOL
>So why so many arguments ? … their are people who don’t fall in love before marriage… they are getting married to the same cast as their parents show …
And only this is good and justifiable.
>So its not that casts are vanishing .. its a natural thing , you cant stop or convince people to believe on what you believe ….
But where i am getting the text for convience me!!
>So chill .. let the flow go the way its going …
Looks like you are going to give-up, surrender infront of just “kiddy wish”. Here you means, parents and guardian.. Not you Respected Megha.
>And if you are worried about people who fall into wrong person and get married and thn dont be happy .. its their life .. they made a wrong decision .. thats it … if you dont fall how will you learn ?
I think every person should follow some social responsibility to save his/her society and if i am doing so and seems bit criminal, then yes i am doing crime. I donn’t want to learn non-sense lessions because what i prays from God!
>Not all love marriages are successful, not even all arrange marriages are also successful ..
Means, if honey is not good for heatlh, i should eat poison ?
>So its a part of life… someone finds a bad match, someone gets a bad match.. you cant help it …
Ya, i am not running any Matrimonial site, otherwise i think i would be a person of highest thanked.
>So no point discussing and arguing with people to prove your point even though you are the only best person in universe to discuss on anything and everything given to you…
Neither i am a lawyer nor a person who like to flim-flam, but i always talks where talking is not :
1.Social 2.Ethical 3.Anti National 4.Anti Humanity
If i am hurting anywhere then as always people says “Sorry”, seems like over wording then “Excuse me” but if i am right then i have right to see some good replies too right?
Regards
Girish Sharma
Gill says:
Megha,
its very true.. parents are still living in 17 th century and also talk about globalization. which is not at all interlinked in their mind…
Ultimately sab se important bat yeh hain ki hum khush hain ki nahi. kyunki agar jivan me khushi nahi hain to kisi bhi cheez ke koi mine nahi hain.. fir bohot achchi reputation ho ya kisi ke pass sab kuch ho par agar sahi hamsafar na ho to koi matlab hi nahi hain.. agar bachche khush hain toh parents khush hain.
Intercast marriage me kuch galat nahi hain.. why should bother about society. we should bother abut only parents and our life partner. only they are going to support in a bad time not society.
parents only bother about gossiping. what will society say if my child will not marry in the society. if parents have guts to face society then nobody is bother to say anything. if people will talk then they will talk for 6 months not more then that.
Shashwat says:
@ Girish Sharma
When I read your name I anticipated that you will definitely shout against inter-caste marriages cause intercaste marriages are against the caste system and how can you speak against that system which places you at the highest step of the staircase of caste system.Even scientifically it is proven that inter caste marriages are better than intra caste marriages.Whenever people try to think against the ill caste system some people come forward to sing the caste song.And lastly our ancestors also started the SATI system so do you think that innocent women must be burnt after the death of their foolish husbands.
Megha says:
Girish Kumar Sharma – I Am not running a professional blog … so please .. if you dont mind.. let the ‘Oh c’mon dear’ be the way it is .. i hope you will allow me to write what ‘I Feel’ on ‘MY Personal Blog’
One simple thing… why so many arguments ? …
Let people live their life .. let them fall and let them learn… if you think love marriage is not right and it give bad result..
let them get the bad result .. you never know .. from these bad results people will understand that ‘The Girish Kumar Sharma’ is right, and we must not fall in love and not do love marriage..
and then you will see whole world not believing inter-cast marriages and live in the world you live ..
So let them live .. they are happy the way they are ..
rohini says:
hey megha i said to my parents that i am not interested to meet that guy. vo maan bhhi gaye but unhone kaha hai ki shaadi jahan bhi hogi hamaari marzi se hogi………..maine bhi unse yeh bol diya hai ki mai use bhool jaungi par mujhe kuch time chahiye………………lekin sach kuch aur hai main use nai bhool pa rahi because i love him lot…….meri abi bhi usse baat hoti hai ab main kya karun yaar plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz help me nd suggest me wat should i do? plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz dear…..
Girish Kumar Sharma says:
@ Shashwat
>I anticipated that you will definitely shout…
Am i shouting? Where and how? Do you know how to shout on the blog, i.e. using caps lock on, using IM speak words like (thnk u, sry, plz, they r, etc.), i didn’t follow any of the above “shouting” ways right ? If putting own view is shout in your opinion then i cay say “Yes, a person is free to have his/her own opinon though!”
>Even scientifically it is proven that inter caste marriages are better than intra caste marriages.
Can you please give me the link for it? Or it is “invented” by YOU only?
>people try to think against the ill caste system some people come forward to sing the caste song.
Caste system is/was/will ill, till last common consensus. If you think that i am singing a cast song, then YOU please tell me how do a person can talk on the caste issue? I will happy to hear from you “expert” i.e. an expert is not singing a song!
>foolish husbands.
I think its a personal attack on someones husband. I do agree and must be agree that SATI was totally wrong (again, my agree or disagree don’t have much importance here) but using such words shows the scarcity of word/views at your end. You have given a good example of SATI here. SATI was right at that time as right inter-caste (not love) marriage at this time and have proved wrong now like inter-caste marriage will prove wrong in future; i am damn sure. Again i am using inter-caste marriage; not love marriage because in my opinion love inherits social agreement.
Waiting for healthy criticism … !
Regards
Girish Sharma
Darshak says:
@Girish Kumar Sharma,
You are free to express your opinions, provided it is on a healthy background. There is no point in simply arguing that you are right. You cant change the destiny. That is not your call. I hope you remember our last conversation. May I know where it is written that you should not go for an inter-cast marriage. I recommend you to go through the legislation, ” Special Marriage Act, 1954″. Do you mean to say that it is not effective? I welcome your criticism, but I wish it should be constructive. Take care..
Girish Kumar Sharma says:
@Darshak,
>Which social tradition teaches us that we should love only people in our own caste?
>>Each and every one. You please tell me where it is written and well approved that go for inter-caste marriage ?
As i have already told above that neither i am lawyer nor man-of-letter. I don’t know nothing about the act which you have mentioned and nor have wish to get into. As far as concern of written regarding not go for inter-caste marriage, i was meant in the book of society on the paper of irrecusable with the ink of irreconcilability. There are many if and buts in a law book, but there is no if, no but in any society “book” because, here i am not referring a physical paper book, i mean a bunch of concent=a society book/a virtual book which exists in the mind, methodology of each and every person of the society Right ? And in this virtual book, there is no space for inter-caste marriage.
Wish you a very good day!
keerthana says:
Mr.Girish….I am impressed by ur way of expression…U r trying to do ur best to make the youth realise the importance of caste….that’s fine….but I have recently read that in vedas caste z not according to birth, it is according to the qualities one possess…in mahabharatha..in a situation where pandavas in vanavasa has to face a snake…there the snake asks dharmaraja a question..”what happens if a brahmin by birth eats meat,gambles and a shudra doesn’t take meat and remains pure in his works?” the answer by dharmaraj is “brahmin becomes shudra and shudra a brahmin”. Also i have read that in vedas and in bhagavadgita also it is nowhere specified about caste.Only varnas and gunas are specified. U must have known all these. I am also a brahmin by birth. Can u please explain the things i have specified…and please tell me ur age and proffession. Am sorry if i have not correctly specified the things…pls dont mind.thanku
Shashwat says:
@Girish Shrma
>Can you please give me the link for it? Or it is “invented” by YOU only?
No,this is one of the links
http://network.nature.com/groups/transcience/forum/topics/5642?page=4
Also mating between different races of animals or plants within the same species often results in ‘hybrid vigour’: the offspring are superior to either of the parents (or at least to their mean). The main reason for this is probably that it reduces the harmful effects of inbreeding. As human racial and ethnic groups are to some extent inbred, then some degree of hybrid vigour might be expected when different groups interbreed.
>SATI was right at that time as right inter-caste (not love) marriage at this time and have proved wrong now like inter-caste marriage will prove wrong in future; i am damn sure. Again i am using inter-caste marriage; not love marriage because in my opinion love inherits social agreement.
If people like u continue to shout never would there be any social agreement.
Girish Kumar Sharma says:
@Shashwat
Thanks for posting the link. The link is saying that it has not confirmed that Recessive hereditary diseases can be prevented by inter-caste marriage for sure; i mean its not a conclusion yet. It has mentioned there that since the said study was not able to map genetic mapping, it require more future studies, Ph.Ds, more samples, more seminars etc.. Moreover if writer describes that how can an another group of gene be helpful in prevention of Recessive hereditary diseases, then i think it would be very near to conclusion. I think its a topic for Ph.d fellows for their research.
>If people like u continue to shout never would there be any social agreement.
Ok, it means you are agree with me that there is no social agreement on the inter-caste marriage. Will you please tell me how you will try for social agreement, because i am shouting (in your opinion) ? Please accept my humble request to show me your “non-shouting” way for a social agreement on the inter-caste marriage; i shall be highly obliged.
@keerthana
Dharmaraj said X become Y and Y become X; but is it true, has it happened ? Dharamraj has said many more truths, how many of them have materialized, have taken their existence ? Indian caste system was based on individual’s profession and duties, but it “was” not “is” right ? Ok, when it is right, it means now person should be agree to indicate him/her for non-belonging of their caste? I mean, if a person from a Brahmin family, is not doing the job/profession of the “Brahmin”; and if i says him “Hey, Now you are not Brahmin, because you are not performing as “Brahmin” are supposed to”. Then do you think that he/she will be agree upon my verdict? I think he/she will not. Why not; just because person really feel utmost pain by separative activity or even thought. They are happy and energitic with the existence of name of their group/caste with their names. Person’s name is irresolvable with caste.
>and please tell me ur age and proffession.
My age and profession data is out-of-scope here; because if i provides irrelevant text, i fear that i would be treated as “shout” as i have been treated here; so let it be remain under cover.
Have good day Shashwat and keerthana.
Regards
Girsh Sharma
Rac says:
Ok, the people writing here to answer Mr.Girish Kumar Sharma, why don’t you understand that this person has his strong and so far I think wrong views about intercaste or love marriage due to probably some tregady of his life or whatever. We really don’t need to proove him anything. We beleive in love , then we really don’t need to explain anything. You know some people want very materialistic life, they can’t accept change at any cost. He doesn’t want to understand that everybody has different priorities and everybody is happy with different things. So, why is he so keen on making other people beleive that please be happy with stupid society and not with the true love. I am urging Megha to block all his entries, because I think this blog is to understand the pain of people like us, not to get more hurt by some stupid arguments again. Whatever your age is or whatever your proffession is, I hope one day god will help you to realize that pure and true love is above everything in this world.
N by the way, I have just gone through the intercaste marriage myself, and everybody is happy that we are togather and we love each other very much, they are definatly not crying over this, they are celebrating the union of true love.
So, everybody who supports my statements here please urge Megha to block his entries, because honestly I can’t look at them anymore and I am sure there are many other people here feel the same way too….
I would like to apologize to Mr. Sharma because he could be 55 years old ( that’s how he sounds like, sorry if that’s wrong), I don’t mean to be rude, but if you can’t understand this blog, please leave us alone and again I am sorry for saying this straight forward…..
avanthi says:
hi
avanthi says:
Hi,my name is avanthi,am facing the same inter caste marriage problem
the actual problem is with my family only,my boyfrind has supportd me in every aspects of my life
he is my moral support ,but problem is with caste and also my sister married his love only
but they are money minded both of them with resulted as divorce,both are divorced now
my sister earns 70k per month and my brotherinlaw 7k per month ,my sister dominates the house
even my parents knows that the problem is with my sister EGO but they never involved in their matter
to rectify the problem the problem is with my family only
my boy frind knows every thing about my family,from my childhood i have faced lot of
problem and scraficed my studies also for my sister and brother
when my sister know about my love she warned me ,but my boyfrind came lot of time to explain my sister
about our love but she refuesd to meet him,and also warned me and after some days my family knows abot my love
then i got afraid and atrted torchering my boyfrind to leave me but thing is he understood my situation
and support me that wait for someting i will rectify the problem ,and will marriage with
acceptence of my parents only,but me torchering becoz of samag ,my boyfrnd got mad he lost his carrer and every thing
what can i do now,my boyfrind saying that let us fight for my love but becoz of my sister
my father is facing problem with society but my boyfrind is good one
what can i doo plzz give me suggestion
Megha says:
Rac – Cool down… we cant stop someone from sharing his/her views, the simple way to stop someone is … stop replying , if everyone stops replying, even the other person wont comment,
No one would like to talk to walls right ?
Megha says:
Avanthi – Avanthi as your Boyfriend said, You need to wait, They all have seen a bad version of Love/Inter-cast marriage, so it will be really defficult for them to accept yet another love marriage…
They are parents, its so obvious they would not want their both daughters to suffer for one wrong decision, so you will have to give them time,
Relax, dont worry much, and dont try to convince your sister, she will never understand your point because she has experienced it, and you wont understand her point because you have not experienced it.
Give your parents time, dont torture them with the same thing every other day, they know about it, give them a month atleast to settle from the shock that their other daughter also has chosen someone on her own, speak to them after a month, if they still dont agree, again give them time, the process has to be slow, Dont Rush.. Its not a small thing.. special for your Parents.
Again…. Give Them Time.
Akshay says:
Hey Megha was just going through all the posts and my problem is kind of similar to Rohit and Sweety’s problem. I’m in love with a Kutchi-Bhanushali girl and i’m a kannada brahmin. We met at French classes and immideately hit it off! She had a bad history before as her arranged marriage was fixed but the kundli problem forced her to opt out of it. She loves her father a lot and its coz of that she decided to marry that fellow and not by her ‘choice’. Now, i came in her life and made her forget everything. We bonded and we got into a relationship. I had plans to go to France so although we started off as an Open relationship, we gradually ended liking each other so much that we can’t stay apart. My france thing called off and now i’m right here for her. There’s one more catch to this. Her cousin was in a relationship with a guy who was good for nothing and she was hell bent on marrying that guy. She even went to an extent of saying ” i dun care even if my parents die but i’m gonna marry him’. This created lotta pressure problems to her father. Now, just few days back she just threw a question to her mom asking what if i get married to a brahmin who earns good, looks good, nice family and mom said if u really worry abt ur dads health please finish this off outside and come home i’m not gonna entertain love marriage. I’m in a fix no idea what to do. She’s the best gal i have come across and she fits the bill but her dad’s and moms health is da prime concern for her which isn’t wrong but she’s like ‘I cant take da risk on my fathers health i’ll get married to some one he selects’ I know deep down she doesn’t want this but she’s SACRIFICING her life for her and also da SAMAJ thing is also creating lotta pressure!
Kindly help ! PLz I’m in a fix!
Akshay says:
Hey Megha was just going through all the posts and my problem is kind of similar to Rohit and Sweety’s problem. I’m in love with a Kutchi-Bhanushali girl and i’m a kannada brahmin. We met at French classes and immideately hit it off! She had a bad history before as her arranged marriage was fixed but the kundli problem forced her to opt out of it. She loves her father a lot and its coz of that she decided to marry that fellow and not by her ‘choice’. Now, i came in her life and made her forget everything. We bonded and we got into a relationship. I had plans to go to France so although we started off as an Open relationship, we gradually ended liking each other so much that we can’t stay apart. My france thing called off and now i’m right here for her. There’s one more catch to this. Her cousin was in a relationship with a guy who was good for nothing and she was hell bent on marrying that guy. She even went to an extent of saying ” i dun care even if my parents die but i’m gonna marry him’. This created lotta pressure problems to her father. Now, just few days back she just threw a question to her mom asking what if i get married to a brahmin who earns good, looks good, nice family and mom said if u really worry abt ur dads health please finish this off outside and come home i’m not gonna entertain love marriage. I’m in a fix no idea what to do. She’s the best gal i have come across and she fits the bill but her dad’s and moms health is da prime concern for her which isn’t wrong but she’s like ‘I cant take da risk on my fathers health i’ll get married to some one he selects’ I know deep down she doesn’t want this but she’s SACRIFICING her life for her and also da SAMAJ thing is also creating lotta pressure!
Kindly help ! PLz I’m in a fix!
nupur says:
hey hii megha ….
u have really written a nice narration regarding ths particular topic tht is happening to me nwdayz TOO…..m a doctor frm agrawal family and my father has passed away 16 years back,my mother has done a lot of stuffs forme and my younger brother….my uncle who is elder to my father supports us a lot i.e mental suppot bt not financial one…..bcoz of him no one other in society and family member able to point us out and said bad thngs…m gold medalist too….i had fullfilled each n every expectations of them and slapped on each and everyone’s face who tried o disgrace me earlier…..now that time who all r againt me they r doing same things for their daughtrs
nw 18dayz ago i told to my uncle abt tht guy,he is frm sahu family and his mummy ,papa, di, and jiju r doctor too bt he is engineer and doing job…..his parents get agree 4 our marriage bt they told that try to get convinced to my family thn only they can happily able to arrangethe whole stuffs of marriage ceremony….NW IAM FACING ALL STUFFS U HAD WRITTEN ABOVE INCLUDING NO ONE IS READY TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY REGARDING THIS BCOZ MY FATHER IS NT ALIVE … AND THEY R SAYING THAT WITH ALL THS I WILL RAISE PROBLEM TO MY BROTHER AND MAA….THEY WILL GET DISCARTED FROM SAMAJ AND ALL….I KNW THT M RITE BT MY MIND GOES TOWARDS MY MAA AND BROTHER THT IF ANY THNG WRONG GOES TO THEM WITH MY STEP……….why should i care 4 those who had not helped us in any way and taunt us rather to support us….haan i worried abt the thng that my elder uncle who has supported me a lot has to face cmment frm others that “see the results of giving freedom to girl”
Megha says:
Akshay -You cant do anything alone … she has to be strong enough to be with you .. if she is not .. she wants to be with her parents .. you really cant do anything .. you have to let her go .. if she cant stand for you .. she is not right one for you …
nupur says:
hey megha help me with ur suggestions,with my step is anything willl happen to my mom and brother?????????????????mujhe aisa lag raha hai jaise sabke ehsaano ka badla mujhe unki pasand k ladke se shaadi karke chukana hoga
Megha says:
Nupur – I cant suggest anything, you have to take the call, its upto you what is more important to you.. you have to convince your Uncle and Mom, I know its difficult but it always take time to change someones mindset, and you have to give them time …
Sonam says:
Dear megha,
I am 23 years old and i’m a pursuing MCA. I have told my family about my boyfriend and also told them that i want to marry him. My boyfriend belongs to OBC (other backward caste) category and lives in jahangir puri. I love him a lot and can’t live without him. He loves me too a lot and his family has accepted me. My father is saying that he’ll kill me rather than marrying me. My parents are making issue of caste and the area he is living. Tell me what should i do?
Sonam says:
Plz Megha do reply…….
Megha says:
Sonam, – as i always say, you need to give them time, this is the thinking that they have been living with since ages, so it will take time for it to change… imagine, you have met this guy for few months or years and you are saying that you cant live without him, thn how do you expect your parents to forget what they have been thinking since ages, so you have to give them time..
And you are the best person to think how to convince them, you have lived with them since you were born, you know them, you have to think how to convince them, no one else can advice you or guide you… Think….
Sonam says:
Thanks
megha says:
hey megha!!!!!!
evn i m gng thru d same situation…my father is against ma guy though he hasnt met ma father n my bro prtrayed him in a very bad way…ll tel u ma story latr…they wants me to get married to a guy of there caste in d name of blood relations…i mean if u r of d same caste ur blood is f same colour…hw is it possible…plz tel me wat shud i do????????
megha says:
v belong to d same lvl of caste i mean i m baniya n hez a jatt n is richer dn us….i told ma parents bout him in a very positive way my mum is little bit wid me but my father is totally against me marryin a guy of another caste…
Kanchan says:
Hi Megha…
Feels good to read ur article..I can relate myself to it.I feel like burning when I hear all this caste stuff.Can’t understand wats kept in cast..all rubbish…
I am from a Rajput family..So called Chauhan Rajput…and in love with a bengali guy…though he is with all the quality my parent wants in a guy for me..its not acceptable to them jst cause he is not of our cast…Even my brothers being in the same generation of me r not supporting this…
The biggest fear n prob in their mind is “what will the society say”..
Why dont they understand what this bloody society mean for you..they r ur peers let them be that only..dont make them so imp part of ur decissions.Why the parents still dont understand that..down 10 yrs when they ll see their children happy,its them who ll feel the happiness..not the society…
The bloody society jst need a hot topic to gossip on..They r gonna gossip about u jst untill they get another hot topic to jump on…
noor says:
hi megha
pls help me i m a girl of 28 years old and belong to sikh upper caste i m in relation with my lover since 3 years. he is also sikh and belong to lower caste he is a mechanical engineer. i m a teacher. we both are earning. he is 29 years old. our problem is intercaste love marriage. my parents are not at all agreeing. they r not ready to do my marriage with him.
Amrita says:
Hi Megha,
My name is Amrita im 30 years of age, from different caste but both hindu n my guy is 32 , we want to get marry.
he is from bangalore n im from bhopal.
i was working in bangalore informed my parents abt him .. after some dis agreement my father came to bangalore to meet him . he did not liked him, and said me to forget him. i tried to convince him . he asked me to come home for 2 days . i came home but he never allowesd me to go back to bangalore.
His vinay ( my guy) parents are ready for marriage , i met his father also n he dont have any issues. but my parents n brotheers talked in a very rude way to vinay, n he says he cannot bring his parents to bhopal coz he is afraid that something wrong will happen n his parents will also disagree,if my parents say something bad.
he tried to convince my father but of no use. he is calling my father for asking him date when he can bring his family to bhopal but my father is not picking any of his call. n asking me to forget him n get married to some one else. i convince him in all possible manner but no use. should i run and get marry him coz i really want to marry him n so does he. my parents not ready to meet his parents at all
Pls guide me…
Amrita says:
Pls help me not able to understand anything. i lost my job coz my parents never allowed me to go back.
n i am kind of house arest not allowed to go any where. we both love each other n want to marry. we are not kids as mentioned my n his age. but dont understand wat to do.
Megha says:
Amrita – i dont think running away is a solution, i know its difficult to convince parents .. but not impossible.. give thm time … they will understand…
YOGESH WALUNJKAR says:
I WISH TO MAKE ASSOCIATION OF INTERCAST MARRIAGE PEOPLES TO FACE OUR PROBLEMS AND MAKE UNITY AMONG INTERCAST PEOPLES
Pooja says:
So Meghna, what finally happened to Sweetu and Rohit? I’m in a very similar situation. I’m from Malaysia.. Deeply in love with a non guju, a telugu guy. Earning well, good looks, nice family everything! Parents again dont want because they think i’m gonna loose my guju roots n stuff.. they told the exact dialogue everyone mentioned above!
What do i do? I’ve been reading their problems only, no one told wht finally happened to them.. at least we know if the step they took worked..
Hope to get your reply soon. Thanks!
Megha says:
Pooja – Sweety and Rohit are married and the family of both of thm has also accepted each other … its a Happy Ending ..
Saurabh says:
In short what requires is acceptance. Someone get’s what he like and someone doesn’t. I have discussed about love marriage with a 65 year old guy. He’s my chess partner. He said love mariage love is just for one-two years. Parents want us to see happy for next 20-30 years. So what if we lose someone we love more than our life. Haven’t we seen our mother sitting beside us taking care all night when we have exams, fever etc.. Do we really understand their love and caring for us. Bowing down to your mind’s action is not right, since life never stops for anyone. Try moving and walking. Our parents are not orthodox but success ratio of Love marriage is very low. Also in newspaper do we see 70% divorce increased in love marriage. The only difference here is experience, we talk immature and think it right.
The only difference is experience what our parents have gone through.
I remember i told my dad once chaprasi bhi aajkal engineer hota hain, main banke kya karoon. Got slapped, since dad is Mech. Engineer. Later during engineering i regretted my words and now after 5 years of work experience realised what respect we get from being an engineer.
One last thing ” Our parents are God for all of us “. Since without them we would not have been what we are. See the guys who hold their children and beg on street. What if our life would have been the same. Could u accept that?
Even i have gone through this but finally can end up saying ” Experienced a good thing in life , and moved on ” accepting it as my destiny.
sharanya says:
i am 22 years old,and am in love with a boy who is not belong to my cast .. i belong to telugu chettiyar and he is Tamil Brahmin ….. my parents agrees that he is having nice character , nice boy etc etc… but they are not accepting him the reason is he belongs to other cast. if he belongs to my cast my parents would have accepted. my parents want me to forget him… but still i cant able to forget him… i cant able to pass a single day with out talking to him.. my parents are crying and crying and crying… its very painful situation… i don’t knew what to do? …he also said this matter in his home. his parents telling him to study and get good mark and not speaking more than that….. not even listening to his words… as u mentioned in the story my parents too saying all dialogue and sentiments. my brother who is abroad also telling me to forget him because of my parents happiness .. for them their prestige is more important … am still in a confused state whether to continue this relation ship or not but i cant able to forget him… i love him so deeply and he too love me deeply.. we both belong to same star(nakshatra) dose it will be a problem for us ….. what i have to do?
Saurabh says:
Sharanya listen. The boy is not going to be married tomorrow, nor u. So take a relaxed mode finish your studies and also allow him to finish his studies. Once u both are independent u can convince your parents for the same. By the time show ur parents that u love them too. Take good care of ur parents and also if u think keep speaking to ur boyfriend sometimes. Do not get carried away by sentiments. Since mind plays it’s games often.
sharanya says:
sure
i equally love my parents as well as my boyfriend …
Saurabh says:
Sharanya
Well good sign of maturity liked it. At your age I was not even this mature. You will get what u liked. God bless u.
sharanya says:
thank you so much saurabh…..
Megha says:
Saurabh is right Sharanya … this is not the age to think about marriage…. you guys need to study and make you career ….
and nakshatra ans stuff… i personally dont believe in such things … so wont comment anything .. because nothing is going to change unless you have guts to do something …
anyways .. dont be stressed at this age and concentrate on your studies …
Megha says:
Saurabh – No one is talking against parents here … if someone has said something against parents thn thats purely out of situational emotions … everyone knows how important parents are and how much they love us and no one comes before thm …
here the things is about changing the old thinking … If love marriages are breaking … thats not the reason why you should not do love/inter cast marriage…. any relation breaks because of lack of understanding and maturity level in partners .. not because of arranged or inter cast marriage … their are thousands of arranged marriages too which didnt work …
sharanya says:
megha ji … we both are studying as well as working too .. the reason why i told to my parents is that they started looking boy for me.. so i just want to inform that i have a boyfriend …. after that only all these issues started… exactly the same story happened to me as u said through story before…..
Saurabh says:
Megha Ji: Namaste! How r u? Hope ur doing fine.
Madamji aaj ka target mujhe mat kijiye. Since my thoughts are simple to be understood and non-aggressive.
What my point here is not to debate, but on line number 1 to 4 of my first blog expressed my thoughts.
Again one thing to say “Do our parents do not give what we liked, craved, want”. If yes sometimes then why we need to find it outside. The real reason for this is our idiot films that show (Sex, Love, Fight, Songs like tere bin kaise jiya). Are there films today that hardly shows family values, respect, culture. Serials have taken 24 hrs of our mind. We keep thinking and we keep missing someone one after other. Nobody from ur blog reader has understood love for nation, family and work. It’s not related to ur blog but Jin logoon ne hamare liye jaan di aaj unko hi bhoole baithe hain. Our parents have educated us to work for nation, family and make them proud and set an example for others(honesty, loyalty, good thoughts). Look he is what his parents have made him. Love marriage somewhere has (attraction, lust etc…)We think it right since in youth but we are not.
Also your blog inspires others to force themselves in love no matter what result it will have.
I am not here to hurt anyone’s sentiments since i am a simple, straight forward and non-aggressive.
If anybody finds my thought suitable do think over it.
Megha says:
Sharnya – its good tht you told your parents, but now you dont need to think about it again, as your parents know this things they might stop looking for guy for you atleast for some time …
and even if you are doing a job.. this is not the time/age when you will be able to handle family responsibilities ..
so now without worrying .. just concentrate on your studies
Megha says:
Saurabh – Haha… you are taking the key point from east to west ….
This blog post has my personal point of view.. its not for someone to read and follow …
I dont force someone or dont advertise people to come and read my blog and get inspired …
people google and reach over my blog.. so its not me or my blog doing anything to anyone ….
and as i mentioned in my last reply to you …. i will repeat the same here again …. “THIS BLOG POST IS NOT ABOUT GOING AGAINST PARENTS OR CAST OR ANYTHING IN UNIVERSE, ITS ALL ABOUT CHANGING OLD THINKING”
It has nothing to do with the sacrifices Parents do for their kids, Nation, Freedom Fighters and Soldiers….
sharanya says:
hope after some days i will also share about my success in my true love
…. if true love have value in this world sure we win …. god is great that i met u …. its like a destiny for me …. love u all ……..tack care …. and megha ji whats ur face book id ..?
sharanya says:
y megha ji no reply ….
sharanya says:
megha ji today is my birthday ….. i need your blessings
and advance happy diwali to all followers of this blog 
…
Megha says:
Oh wow .. what a day
.. Many Happy Returns Of The Day and wish you and your family a very Happy Diwali and Prosperous New Year 
sharanya says:
same to u ji