Why Is Inter Cast Marriage An Issue Even Today?
Parents who say that they are living in 21st century and are also the people of 21st century [i.e. - open minded] are actually not of 21st century if they actually sit and think about it.
When the matter comes to marriage about their daughter, and when the daughter says that “I have someone in my life and I want to marry that person and he is not of same cast as we are”, they will start with their 17th centuries crap dialogues like,
“We have a good reputation in the SAMAJ”
“We will not accept any other samaj’s guy in our SAMAJ”
“We will cut off relation with you if you marry that guy”
“We have done so much for you and you are showing us this day”
“Our SAMAJ will not accept this and not even us”
“we care about our SAMAJS happiness and our reputation that we have earned since so many years”, and so many other giant statements that are totally stodgy.
Here is a story of a girl Sweety & Rohit her Love ,who is facing this problem these days.
The girl Sweety is from a gujarati family, after 23 years when her parents started finding a perfect Guy for her marriage, she had to tell her parents that “I am in love with someone and I want to marry that guy and will not be happy with anyone else, and I want your blessings for this”.
knowing that her parents are orthodox and will not accept this, her first problem was how to keep this statement in front of her parents so that it does not create a bad impression of her guy in front of them, first thing she did was she called her few close friends & Rohit at her place for lunch on a Sunday so that her parents see Rohit at least as a friend, so that when she talks to her parents about him, they have idea who is this guy she is talking about.
After showing him, now she had to talk to her parents, she decided a Sunday will be better when both of her parents are at home together so that she can talk to both of them, this is how she kept her point in front of them -
She went in her parents room, said “I WANT TO TALK TO YOU SOMETHING IMPORTANT “, they said “YES” she first asked them … YOU KNOW MY FRIEND Rohit .. They said YES..Then she asked them YOU HAVE MET HIM, ALSO HAD SOME CONVERSATION..SO AFTER THAT WHAT DO U THINK, HOW IS HE, I MEAN WHAT KIND OF A GUY IS HE, WHAT DO U THINK HIS FAMILY IS LIKE ? .. THEY replied WE DONT KNOW … she said STILL.. They said NO IDEA…
Then she said OK, THE THING I WANTED TO TELL YOU IS, SOME TIME BACK ROHIT HAD PROPOSED ME FOR MARRIAGE, BUT I HAVE NOT YET SAID YES TO HIM, AND ALSO I HAVE NOT SAID NO.. BECAUSE EVEN I LIKE HIM , AND BEFORE SAYING YES TO HIM I WANTED YOU TO KNOW ABOUT THIS AND I WANTED EVEN YOU TO ACCEPT HIM ,AND I KNOW AND HAVE FULL CONFIDENCE THAT HE WILL KEEP ME HAPPY ALWAYS.
Then her father said IN THIS CASE I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO ACCEPT HIM, ITS NOT POSSIBLE, I WILL NEVER SAY YES FOR THIS, WE WONT SHOUT AT YOU NOT EVEN FORCE YOU, ITS YOUR LIFE, ITS YOUR DECITION, YOU HAVE TO THINK WHAT YOU WANT, IF YOU ONLY WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY THN YOU DO EVERYTHING ON YOUR OWN, I WILL NEVER SUPPORT YOU.. I WILL ALSO NOT DO LIKE WHAT OTHERS DO, I WILL NOT SUPPORT YOU,I WILL NOT KEEP RELATION LIKE OTHER KEPT WITH THRS DAUGHERS FAMILY ..I WILL DO WHAT I THINK IS GOOD.. MY DECISION WILL BE THE SAME…
Then she asked him IF HE WAS OF OUR CAST THN U COULD HAVE SAID YES NA ?.. he said YES, then he said BUT I WILL NOT ACCEPT THIS BECAUSE HE IS NOT IN OUR CAST, then he said WHEN WE HAD GOT A PROPOSAL FOR MY YOUNGER BROTHERS MARRIAGE, THEY WERE GIVING LOT OF GOLD AND MONEY , I SAID NO BECAUSE THEY WERE NOT IN OUR COMMUNITY,PEOPLE BLAMED ME THEY SAID THAT BECAUSE MY YONGER BROTHER IS GETTING SOMUCH GOLD AND ALL THTS WHY I AM SAYING NO, BUT STILL I SAID NO MEANS NO, AND REJECTED THAT PROPOSAL, IF I CAN NOT ACCEPT THT , THN THIS IS WAY BEYOND..THIS GUY IS NOT EVEN IN OUR CAST, COMMUNITY IS A DIFFERENT QUESTION…. SO I WILL NOT ACCEPT IT, I WONT BE ABLE TO ACCEPT IT… STILL I AM TELLING YOU IF YOU THINK YOUR HAPPINESS IS MORE IMPORTANT THN OTHERS THN YOU CAN DO IT ON YOUR OWN, then she said U THINK IF I WILL MARRY A GUY WHICH U SHOW ME ?WHAT WILL YOU D OWHEN I AM NOT HAPPY WITH THE GUY YOU SHOW ME ? WILL YOU BE HAPPY? … he said THTS WHT I AM TELLING YOU.. YOU WILL MARRY THIS GUY AND ONLY U WILL BE HAPPY NOT OTHERS…I WILL NOT ACCEPT THIS EVER, AND IF YOUR MOM SAYS YES THN I WILL GIVE EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE TO YOU AND YOUR MOM AND WILL LEAVE THIS PLACE AND THEN YOU DO WHAT EVER YOU WANT, I WILL MAKE MY OWN NEW WORLD IN SOME OTHER CITY OR COUNTRY,DONT EVER EVEN TRY TO FIND ME THEN, YOU TALK TO YOUR MOM, AND SEE WHAT SHE SAYS.. IT’S NO FROM ME… NOW IT ALL DEPENDS ON YOUR MOM…
And her mother didn’t want to say any thing as she was also against this…
After 2 days she again went to them and started talking
She ASKED I HAD TOLD YOU BOTH ABOUT ROHIT, AND I AM SURE YOU BOTH MUST HAVE DISCUSSED ABOUT IT.
Her father said, YES.
She said” SO WHAT YOU HAVE DECIDED?”
Then her father started
I HAVE ALREADY TOLD U THT ITS NOT POSSIBLE, I M AGAINST IT, AND IA M NEVER GONNA SAY YES FOR THIS, I HAVE DONE SO MUCH MEHNAT NOT JUST TO SEE THIS DAY, I HAVE TAKEN LOTS OF PAIN NOT FOR THIS DAY, I AM NOT GOING TO SAY YES .. YOU FORGET IT, AND IF YOU WANT TO DO THIS, THN I ALREADY HAD TOLD YOU, YOU ARE FREE TO DO. I WILL NOT SUPPORT YOU AT ALL.I WILL NOT LET MY STATUS RUIN LIKE THIS.. I WILL NEVER LET MY SAMAJ SAY A WORD FOR ME…
She told him, FATHER, NOT LOOKING AT YOUR AND YOUR DAUGHTERS HAPPINESS YOU HAVE MORE IMPORTANCE FOR JUST A WORD? THAT IS YOUR SURNAME?.
He said, YES… I DONT CARE ABOUT ANY THING ELSE, I CARE ABOUT MY AND MY SAMAJ’S HAPPINESS.. I WILL NEVER LET ANY ONE ELSE TO ENTER IN MY SAMAJ AND ALSO WONT SEND MY DAUGHTER TO ANY OTHER SAMAJ.
She told him WHT IF I MARRY YOUR SAMAJ’S GUY AND I FACE ANY PROBLEM IN FUTURE, YOU THINK YOUR SAMAJ IS GOING TO HELP ME?
He said, THIS IS ALL YOUR BRAINS THING, NOTHING AS SUCH IS GOING TO HAPPEN, THOUSANS OF PEOPLE GET MARRIED NOTHING HAPPEND TO THEM AND YOU THINK YOU WILL GET A PROBLEM.
She said, WHAT IF IT HAPPENS TO ME?
He said ITS ALL IN YOUR BRAIN AND YOU ARE MAKING YOUR STORIES TO CONVINCE US.. YOU JUST FORGET IT…
ITS ALL UP TO YOU, YOU DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT, FOR ME MY AND MY SAMAJ’S HAPPINESS IS EVERYONE’S HAPPINESS, THT’S IT. I HAVE DONE LOTS OF MEHANT AND EARNED GOOD NAME AND REPUTATION.
She said, WHT WILLÂ YOU DO OF YOUR NAME WHN I WILL NOT BE HAPPY WITH A GUY THAT YOU WILL SHOW ME ?.. YOU WILL TELL ME THT YOU STAY WITH THAT GUY BECAUSE OF MY GOOD REPUTATION? .. BECAUSE OF MY GOOD NAME IN SAMAJ?
He said, WE WILL SEE AT THAT TIME AND YES I WILL TELL YOU TO STAY THR..
Then they blamed her friends, they also said WE SPENT SO MUCH MONEY ON YOUR ELDER SISTERS MARRIAGE, FOR WHAT THAT WAS ? .. IT WAS ALL FOR HER HAPPINESS, AND SHE IS HAPPY THR NOW,YOU THINK WE WILL FIND A BAD GUY FOR YOU ?..
Then they also said YOU TAKE YOUR STEP WHAT EVER YOU WANT , BUT REMEMBER THAT IF YOU GO WITH THAT GUY, OUR ELDER DAUGHTER IS GONNA SUFFER JUST BECAUSE OF YOU, PEOPLE ARE GONNA SAYÂ THAT BECAUSE BOTH THE GIRLS WERE THIS TYPE [RAKHDU] THAT IS WHY THR FATHER SPENT SO MUCH OF MONEY ON ELDER DAUGHTERS MARRIAGE AND GOT HER MARRIED IN OTHER COUNTRY, HER MOTHER AND FATHER IN LAW WILL ALSO THINK SAME FOR YOUR SISTER, EVEN HER HUSBAND WILL THINK LIKE THIS FOR HER..
AND WE NOT ONLY HAVE YOU , WE HAVE MY BROTHERS KIDS TOO TO GET MARRIED AFTER YOU, WE WONT GET GOOD RISHTA’S FOR THEM , I WONT BE ABLE TO GO TO PEOPLE TO ASK FOR GOOD RISHTA FOR TOSE KIDS.
He said, YOUR MOM HAD GONE TO DO ABORTION WHEN YOU WERE GOING TO BE BORN, BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE SAYING ALL WRONG THINGS TO HER , I GOT HER BACK FROM THE HOSPITAL, SHE WAS ALMOST ABOUT TO ENTER IN THE OPERATION THEATER , I GOT HER BACK AT HOME… I SAID SO WHAT IF I AM GOING TO GET A DAUGHTER I WILL TAKE CARE OF HER AND TREAT BOTH OF MY DAUGHTERS AS MY SON’S… AND YOU HAVE SHOWN YOUR COLOUR THIS WAY.. I LOVED YOU SOMUCH I CARED FOR YOU SOMUCH AND THIS IS WHT YOU ARE GIVING IN RETURN TO ME..I KNEW YOUR SISTER IS STRONG, SHE IS SHARP, SHE CAN TAKE CARE OF HER , AND YOU ARE VERY BHOLI ,WHN EVER YOU USE TO GO OUT I USETO GET SCARED OF LOSING YOU ….I THOUGHT YOU WERE VERY BHOLI BUT I DID NOT KNOW YOU ARE LIKE THIS …her mother also said that AFTER YOU WERE BORN, MY MOTHER HAD HOLDED YOU IN HER HANDS AND SAID,LET ME HOLD HER , SHE WANTED TO HOLD YOU BADLY SO THAT YOU FALL DOWN AND DIE, AS SOON AS I CAME TO KNOWW MY MOTHER IS DOING THIS I INSTANTLY TOOK YOU IN MY ARMS AND DIDNT TALK TO MY MOTHER TILL SHE DIED. .. [Sweety's father was almost about to cry and mom actually cried]
Then her father said I M A VERY ZIDDI PERSON I WILL DIE BUT NEVER SAY YES FOR THIS THING…
YOU DO WHT EVER YOU WANT, I AM NOT GOING TO SHOUT AT YOU , ITS ALL YOUR DECISION, YOU DO WHT EVER YOU WANT … WE WILL THINK THT WE NEVER HAD 2 DAUGHTERS , WE WILL THINK WE HAVE ONLY ONE DAUGHTER, AND YOU ALSO FORGET THT I WAS YOUR FATHER..
he said , IF YOU DECIDE TO GET MARRIED TO A GUY WE SHOW YOU , THN FIRST YOU MAKE YOUR MIND ,GET OUT OF THAT GUYS THOUGHTS, BE FIRM THT YOU WILL BE HAPPY WITH OTHER GUY AND NOT SPOIL HISÂ Â LIFE, PLEASE DONT SPOILE ANY ONE ELSES LIFE,WE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO BE HAPPY IF THT PERSON CURSES US LATER ON …INSTED OF THTYO U BETTER GO AN LIVE HAPPY THE WAY YOU WANT.
NO KIDS CAN BE HAPPY IF THEY HURT THR PARENTS AND DO ANY THING AGAINST THEM, THR CURSE NEVER LET THM BE HAPPY, I M NOT SAYING I AM CURSING YOU, I AM ALSO NOT BLESSING YOU, I WISH YOU GO AND BE HAPPY I WISH YOU GET A CROREPATI HUSBAND AND LIVE HAPPYLY, BUT ONCE YOU GET MARRIED TO THT GUY FORGET OUR WORLD… AND WE WILL FORGET YOU,
DONT EVEN GO AND TAKE ANY ONE ELSES HELP I AM NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO ANY ONE, I AM A VERY ZIDDI PERSON,I HAD SPOILED ONE GUYS LIFE BECAUSE OF MY STUBBONNES, I WILL NOT LISTEN TO ANY ONE, I HAVE ONLY ONE ANSWER , THT IS NO.
YOU GO DECIDE AND DO WHAT EVER YOU WANT.
Its been 3 months, and Sweety is still waiting for her parents to say Yes for her and Rohits relation, she know that her parents had been living with this attitude since somay years, and its not easy to change a mind that has all this since 40 to 45 years in it, she is still fighting this battle of her life with positive attitude,
She is not allowed to meet her friends, because her parents thinks that she has done this because her friends also has boyfriends and girlfriends, and she is spoiled because of them only.
Her parents don’t talk to her much, only if its necessary then only she gets to talk to them, otherwise its all silent whole day, she sits in her room and do nothing, except surfing the net.
Me being a Patel [Leuva Patel], I know that Patel’s has very stupid rules, like. A Patel guy marries a Patel girl only. Also, they have different Patel’s, like -
Leuva Patel
Kadva Patel, etc..
Again in Leuva Patel they have categories, like
Leuva Patel of higher 27 Villages
Leuva Patel of smaller 27 Villages
Leuva Patel of 5 Villages, etc..
Again in these categories, they have differences between each other, the Patel’s of 27 Villages will not marry the Patel’s of 5 Villages, because 27 Villages Patel’s are known as higher community Patel, and 5 Villages Patel’s are known as lower community’s, I am sure Kadva and other Patel’s also must be having these categories.
This is all rubbish, I mean for God sake what difference does it make if you are from 27 Villages or 5 Villages, what difference does it makes if you are Leuva or some other Patel, isn’t it enough for you that you all are PATEL.. ? , isn’t it enough that you all are human being?
Why are you making differences in YOUR OWN cast only?
If this will be the attitude of these people then they are never gonna come up, at least they will never ever be able to walk with 21st century.
After all this and the story of Sweety and Rohit, what I feel is-
- Why the girl should care about the so called “samaj” who was not ready to accept her even before she was born?
- Why should she think of making that samaj happy who was not happy when she was born?
- Her parents did a great job by not killing her after listening to thr samaj’s crap, but does this mean that this girl will have to pay for that?
- What is her fault if her parent’s samaj didn’t wanted her and they still gave her birth?
- Why her parents are not thinking that this samaj has a crap bag in the name of brain and a tongue without born, that will keep saying any thing for anyone
- Why can’t her parents think that if for their and samajs happiness she will pretend to be happy but still she will never be happy with any one else except Rohit?
- Why they want her to kill her happiness for this dumb samaj?
- if they never listened and cared about thr samaj 23 years ago and got thr daughter in this world then why cant she not care about this samaj and do what she want?
- Why is she not free to like or love someone and live happily with her partner?
- Why they are not happy with another cast’s guy just because he doesn’t share the same surname as they do?
- What difference does it make if the guy has a different surname, he is a human being, don’t you think so?
- Why cant parents think that he is the only person who is going to keep thr daughter happy always, because not just thr daughter but even he loves her.
All these years’ parents do everything to keep thr daughter happy and when she asks for the real happiness from thm, it’s a big NO with thm to give her.
If these parents are actually 21st century’s parents, then why are they behaving like 17th century parents?
Megha Patel.
rahul says:
megha , ketali laambi post lakhi chhe , but, u narrated it like way that 1 can feel that around himself.
aah , Patels having other things like “Charotar” & “Kanam” for cast devide .
Megha says:
Yeh, i know , i m charotat patidar samaj’s patel.
..
and whn my father and all talk about kanam’s patels .. they say these ppl r kanam’s patel, they r like tht only..
and i hate it…
i know the post is long, but i didnt wanted to leave n e thing from this .. well i still have not mentioned some more stuff.. in the conversation of Sweety and her Parents.. if i had mentioned tht , thn aur lamba hojata tha.. i had to cut out some stuff
n e ways i m happy with this
and good to here a comment from you.. i was thinking if n e one will reply to this one or not.. and if they will.. thn wht will be thr attitude to all this wht i have written.. i mean +ve or -ve……
Megha Patel.
Janu Patel says:
Hey Mega,
First of all, after searching for a blog like this for a long time, its a blessing. I feel somewhat connected to the story for I am around a similar one…I don’t really have time to write much at the moment but hopefully I will get some time soon. Nice post. Thank you.
-JP
Megha says:
Thanks
as u said i will write later some time .. i will wait for your comment again
Thanks again .
Megha Patel.
bluediamond says:
I guess these thoughts are always present in every young girl’s minds. I too have heard lot opinions favouring arranged marriages and people not supporting love marriages from the beginning itself. People say, lots of pain involved in love, I agree, there maybe, but kuch paane ke liye kuch khona tho padega hi.. And parents, they are happy if the daughters/sons are happy.
True that the “samaj” needs to accept that there can be peace and love in love marriage also. But then they will have arguments regarding culture n “sanskriti” etc crap, but aren’t they created by ourselves. Can’t we just change them for our happiness!! Again, there wont be satisfactory answer for sure!
Nice post there, Megha!
Megha says:
thnks .. i know thr r many questions unanswered and many arguements left to be done, and people just dont rais these topics becue they are scred of not winning the aruement.. thts thr attitude and ego problem… tht it …
chetas patel says:
hello, 5 gam and 6 gam patels are actually higher then 28!!!!
Megha says:
well Chetas Patel – its 21st century and we have better things to do in life then looking at the old caste system, no gaam makes you higher or lower, so grow up and thnk logic …
and yeh thrs no 28 gaam .. its moti 27 and nani 27…
Anyways if you have not understood the post.. please read it again and understand what i am trying to convey…
Shalini says:
Hey Megha,
I’m so glad that I came across your blog as I am going through the same thing. I am a 5 gham Patel and I told my parents about two weeks ago that I am in love with a Tailor (dharjee) and want to marry him. They totally disapprove. At this point, they are in denial of the entire situation and are pushing this 5th gham Patel who is a doctor on me (I just graduated med school recently). I’m glad that there is someone else out there you can relate to my situation and see the silliness of it all. Really, does it matter what the boy’s last name is as long as he’s a good guy and can provide a happy and good life for your daughter?
Megha says:
yeh.. right …
but hey if you feel they r gonna agree to the guy you like… thn wait for few months …they will get you married to the one you want
Neha Patel says:
Hi Megha,
I randomly came across your article and its really gr8. I am a patel too but luckily my family does not believe in all this “gam” stuff but i can relate to it coz a few of my friends had to go thru it with their parents.
Anyways really nice article.. =)
Megha says:
Thank you
sas says:
even i am facing the same problem like rohit…..do hell with this “samaaj” i will write in some day ….
Prathi says:
hi,
u have said this as a story… but im going thru the same thng in my life… rgt now… i like a guy… he is better than the guys my parents are seeing for me… he is my best frnd for 2yrs…
but my parents r saying a blunt no.. jus coz he is from another caste… its not even the problem of lower or upper caste… its jus the same society caste bullshit…
infact my father has threatened to kill my frnd if i continue to think abt him…. i dnt knw wht to do…
i now hate my family… they said bluntly… they dnt care abt my happiness os whther i evn die the very day of marriage… but they jus want me to marry the asshole they have seen for me… such is the heights of stupidity and arrogance…
Megha says:
Chill they wont kill the guy even if u continue to c him .. its just tht they are angry thinking how can our daughter marry other cast…. just wait for few months or a year or so … they will understand …
if they have said they dont care about your happiness tht does not mean tht they mean wht they say .. its thr anger nothing else .. dont hate your family .. you dont know but they will only be the one who will get u married to the one whom u want .. and u will love this family more thn u hate thm now ..
just relax .. give thm good time to cool down….always remember “TIME IS THE BEST SOLUTION”
navjot singh says:
i m suffering same problem i m a rajput boy n she is a thapa girl but we share very good understanding and we feel we r made for each other and nobody in rest of the world could understand our feelings as we do……………. please advise me to keep my moral up and boosted so that i can keep my words i promised her……….
Anamika says:
Navjot don’t you worry always believe in deciding things yourself, the best way to take a decision is sit calm and see your life from all angles never let emotion rule you always see to it that you take over them. BTW while you decide make it life time and take the challenge as it comes without stooping down. Life is lived once man just take it easy and happy.
Baby says:
I am 22 years old, and I will graduate next year and do my parents proud. However, I fell in love with my boyfriend deeply and told my parents. My brother will disown me if I marry my boyfriend, my other brother wants it to happen for me and he supports me, but my parents are saying know because I am a Balmiki (Chura) and he is a Tarkhan. His family have no objections, they are just waiting for my fam to approach them. My parents have made it very clear that it will not happen no matter what…I know otherwise! I AM going to marry him, even if it means loosing everyone, but I just don’t know how to go about this. Can anyone help me and give me advise?
Megha says:
as i have mentioned earlier…give thm good time to they will support you.. u have not even complted your graduation… this is not the time to think all this .. just finish your studies first … let your BF also get good job ..thn think about marriage and all…..
Baby says:
Well, my boyfriend is a few years older than me and is currently the manager of a company, and I myself run a business from home, and will complete Uni shortly. Thank you for your…erm…advise
Vijay M says:
Hello megha
Just today i came across your site through google and wanna tell you that this post is awesome and of very rare type.
Actually i am also looking for inter cast marriage.
She is from punjab and i am from uttaranchal born in ludhiana (punjab).We are in love since two years and i think that she would be the best life partner for me.I think if our relation would not survive after two years of relation then how can i make sure that i can survive with the girl whom i would marry just after one meeting.
What do you think about it?
Waiting for your reply plz?
Dhanesh K V says:
Megh
Are u interested in inter cast marriage?
i am ready for that
i feel nothing wrong in that
i am serious u know
Contact me if u is
Visit my website to know more about me
Thank You
Megha says:
Dhanesh K V – i think you have not checked my other posts .. i would love you to go through these ….
1- http://www.meghasays.com/2008/01/19/i-am-getting-married-2/
2 – http://www.meghasays.com/2007/03/11/i-am-getting-married/
LOL….
Megha says:
Vijay M – Well i think i didnt get your question.. still hope this reply satisfy you..
if you are in relation with this girl since 2 years and you both have decided to spend life together …thn why r u thinking about the one whom you are not gonna marry ? ..
if its something about my personal decision thn i would prefer love marriage because i would know wht kind of a person i am going to spend my life with .. i would never ever spend my life with someone i dont even know … i am not against arrange marriage .. but its my personal thinking tht i can not stay with someone i dont know …
Nice topic. says:
I’m suffring same kinda situation here….just found one answer yet…prove yourself….be bigger then their f***ing excuses.dat’s it.
Dinesh kumar says:
hey megha
thanks a lot.this story really touched my heart.No wonders a lot of boys and girls face the same situation but they are suppressed by their parents.they are threatned to kill ,to be thrown out of their own family and emotionally blackmailed.its a very common practice,but what amazes me is I see very less people reporting this, I think every such victim should come forward and they should express their feelings and tell their story, So that others can get confidence through this.Even the one who succeded in getting their love should tell us their journey,it can really help others.After a lot of search I found only one or two such sites. A very good attempt by u.
Siddharth says:
Hi!
Such detail in your story. Wonderful! I really support your views and analysis of the so called caste system. I wonder why we have such a system everywhere. In the eyes of God everyone is same as we all come from the same source, so why are humans creating difference between themselves. Do different castes and religions have different colored blood, cells, bones, or brains? This is a question I would like to put forward to the society at large. The society actually knows the answer, but it will keep mum because it does have the courage to stand out. Our very own Bhagavad Gita says that “One is not Brahmin by birth, but is by Virtue”. Our parents, elders, and the so called learned have read the Gita and yet, tragically, have not understood the essence of it. Or they know, but just dont have the spine to digest it. What matters is the character of the person, NOT the caste or religion. A good person with positive traits is what counts and such persons are the ones who can and will make the world a place worth living in. Best wishes to you.
Siddharth says:
This sentence, as mentioned in my previous message, needs a bit of correction. The correction is the addition of a word, which is in capitals:
“The society actually knows the answer, but it will keep mum because it does NOT have the courage to stand out.”
spike0027 says:
hey baby,
No school or universities have taught you to talk with ur same caste or creed. u have your own will to talk with anyone and marry the one whome u love most. This is called rights of speech, rights of thought in India. bring revolutionary in India. y, u people always have to same thing again in again. life must have changes. think broad.expand your feelings and thoughts. create your own path (community), then c, everyone will behind you. even haryana govt. is encouraging inter caste. to attract them they provide rs.50,000/- in a month. its understanding between two hearts. dont ever bother or tainted with society’s comments and blamings..
spike0027 says:
there was once when christianity entered india. they started changing people from hinduism to chirstianity for a loaf of bread a day. this should be stopped. instead of that, y cant u hold their hands and show them how this world is in ur community circle. lift them up by marrying other castes rather than doing something foolish what ur parents say. u r grown up girlszzz/dudes…become a man than to be a child forever to ur parents. when will u be a real man and father to ur wife whome u love with no intentions and returns.?
revathy says:
hi megha, this is what going on in my life toooo! its really hell with this people na, never cared about the real happiness of their daughter……. always carried away ny caste religion and status…nuts!
Megha says:
Nov 1 2008
spike0027 – I didnt get wht u r trying to say..
Nov 4 2008
spike0027 – i read your comment again today, i guess i was in some kind of confusion whn i didnt understand your comment..
now though i have read it properly, i would like to comment on it …
the thing you have said is not to be a child to your parents and grow up and do a love marriage and stuff… i think you have misunderstood the stuff written in this post …
i feel even if you are married to the one you love [love marriage] you are still a kid to your parents… even when you are 50 to 60 or more thn tht age … you are still a kid to your parents..
thr are people who has done arrange marriage and are happy… this post is just about the orthodox thinking of the people .. this is not at all against love or arrange marriage …
its not that if you are doing an arrange marriage you are not a grown up .. its just that you have not found or you dont feel a need to find one for your self ..
you grown up anyways as soon as you decide to get married… it does not at all matter if yours is an arranged or love marriage …
Baby says:
Hi Megha, Your intelligence is just as bad as the advise you fondly feed to the sad people that actual think you are talking sense. Why are you failing to comprehend the message that spike0027 is portraying? You shouldn’t even have this blog, Do people a favour and close this site down. You’re not even smart enough to realise when ‘text lingo’ is appropriate. If you’re going to communicate in English, do it correctly and stop making a mockery of our English language. Such inadequacies should be eliminated straight away as should the cause…
Megha says:
Hey Baby…
If you had so much problem then you should have simply closed the window rather than dropping your stupid comments.. haha
If you feel something is not proper then simply say it in polite manner.. and if you can’t.. then don’t bother commenting LOL… (Yea, you got it right.. you won’t see your another stupid comment here)
If you feel my English is not proper and I should shut my site.. haha then… you can simply stop visiting the site, so, that will serve your purpose..
and baby…grow up and act like a matured person.. only kids behave like the way you just did… haha
Mosh says:
Good discussion
@spike — Could you enlighten us further ?
As a rule #1 – Learn the ettiquette, when you follow blogs.
@Baby — Like name , like behavior. Lemme share a revealation with ya — “Grow up”
The social fabric that we stay in is hypocritic to the core, the very foundations are pretention. I have been writing a lot on hypocrisy “as i see it”.
This [the original post] is another testimony to it. As far as our scriptures are in question — Those who “use” the holy books as a base for such a nonsensical behavior, pretty well know that the very “base” of their hypothesis is hollow, so they need something as heavy as the holy books, scriptures to “prove” themselves. Humans have been manipulators since their inception
“Society ” [or SAMAJ as it is used here] is a mechanism to enforce such whims and fansies. Inter-caste marriages have been a problem worldwide, reasons — ” a one hundred percent absymality”.
Quoting from the Gita, Krishna says that the acts of Brahmins, Kshatriyas etc spring from the the three gunas (rajas, tamas and sattva) that come from nature and karma.The three gunas are present in everybody and each individual is different and performs tasks according to what guna is emphasised in their nature. He does not say one is a Brahmin because of birth. Else how could Viswamitra “become” a Brahmin? He was not born one, but it was in his nature to be one. You can either see the Gita as teaching you to be true to your nature (which is not the same thing as being true to the social background you were born in) or being true to some pre-determined notion of what is appropriate for you, in which case if you were born to a cobbler, you must be a cobbler, despite having no talent for it-and marry a cobbler’s daughter.
Its an issue even today because by no one wants to take the pain to go off the beaten track.[Newtons first law you see , he was so right
] Those who suffer , think, and probably resolve not to repeat the same shit again.
I predict it will still be prevalent in the coming 10 centuries
Because no matter however sophisticated the society turns out to be, the fabric remains the same.
Godspeed!!!
Megha says:
loved the Geeta knowledge… thanks for sharing Mosh
Mosh says:
………So the dice rolls, sit tight, ENJOY LIFE!!
\m/ B-)
praveen says:
hi Megha ,
same thing happen with my two friends. some time I keep myself in my friends condition then I think abt my family and my life partmer also. bcoz we want both parties. when this condithin will change ? first we have to educate and stand on our keg then no need to take help from family. if we are happy our own family aslo will be happy. they can accept us but it s takes time . if we are not going to change this situation then who will try to change this no one will come! see this rules and custum has created by our society. society will form new rules. then we aslo part of this society. this endogamy system has been coming long ago. nobody can chane it within month or year.
sawan kumar gupt says:
hiiiii after getting marriage with rohit first inform me so that i can wish u and also wish your love.
Megha says:
yeh they are happily married now …
and no issue from thr parents end too …
Jeet kumar says:
Hey Megha
Awesome article reflecting hypocrisy of indian samaj even in 21 century.what makes me sad is there is still certain section of young generation beleive in caste issues.
Myself also facing similar situation like rohit and sweety.I want marry this girl in India who belong to Brahmin caste and i am jatav said to be to opposite end by india samaj caste wise when it comes to marriage.Her parents were happy to let her daughter marry me and found me good match until caste thing came up.Which showz its mental blockade and hypocrite samaj.Otherwise this samaj claims there is no caste system existing in India anymore which is false.
I am in states and this girl is in india feels scared to talk to her parents that they will reject and would get hurt .I dunno what to do because this caste thing reallly sucks .
On one hand people cry about anti reservations to abolish it saying casteism doesnt exist but when comes to intercaste marriages they find it hard to accept.( i am not saying this to prove reservation is right or wrong but this reflects casteism exist and can be removed with intercaste marriages).
People try to distort the right essence given by scriptures , vedas and gitas to their advantage by bringing in disparities ,caste and creed.
Megha says:
yeh… people and thr big mouth with bone less tongue ….for nothing ….
they just give big lectures .. they dont even know half of the things out of it….
shraddha says:
i had tears in my eyes when i read ur blog it was good to read a
happy ending even mine is the same story but its the other way round
he is a kadwa patel ..i need ur wishes for our story to have a happy endin
Megha says:
yeh it will be a happy ending .. all you need to do is … have patience .. give time to your parents …
shraddha says:
he needs to give time to his parents i wil b de happiest person on
the earth n lyk u i wil surely write m gettin married wid al de smiley face
nywaz wishin u happiness n success tc n thanks for de advice
Megha says:
Sure
will be waiting to see those smiles .. haha 
brokenheart says:
Hi Megha !
brilliant article ! nice discussion too … same shit goes on in my home too.. my parents try to brainwash me about this community and caste thing…my sister was a victim of their nonsense… i hope it doesnt happen to me… lets see
Nitesh says:
I’m very much pleased to see this Blog.I’ve been searching for this sort of blog.
I’m an engineering student and iam committed but the girl doesn’t belong to our cast.I want her to be mine but how to get Rid of this problem?????ohk suppose i’ll marry her but can i be happy in life since i’ve to depend on my parents even after my job placement and maintain good relations with her parents but is this possible????It’s impossible na….In my house there is no objection to marry her and same in her house but this can be a problem in the future life that i should spend with her…I’m in a confusion from last two months that whether my relation with her is temporary or permanent:(So meghna Mam give some suggestion whether to leave her or not…..Waiting for your precious reply:)
Megha says:
First …. I am “Megha” not Meghana
second…. thanks for the compliment
now your problem ..
1- you must not think about marriage at this point because you are a student yet …
2- if thrs no issue from both of your parents end… thn thrs no problem about your marriage…
3- if you are not sure about your relation , thn give it some more time, infect since you are a student …you have good time in your hand to decide if you both want to get married and stay together or not … you both must sit and talk about it if thrs any confusion …
4- Dont worry about handling relations after marriage.. you dont have handle it .. it gets handled on its own.. i dont know your age but since u r are a student … you are too young to think this thing now ..
4- and why do you think you will have be dependent on your parents even when you have a job ? ….. its a stupid thing … please explain …
devyani says:
hey megha,
i love your blog. And the wonderfull work you are doing. i m 23 a journalist and about to complete my mba. m commited to a guy we both are going to be well settle in a month or two (proffesionally). we both share good understanding,and are best of friends. i m jain and he is brahmin. caste is more or less equal and simmilar and same is our society. both of our mothers grand mothers and even brothers are ready for our marriag but both of our fathers are not giving any response
Neither yes nor no
how to come out with this.
the story you share is very touching and persuade me to write to you
Megha says:
thts good tht other ppl in your family have no problem… n e ways dont worry and just give thm time… rest of the things will be taken care of by your mother and grand parents…
and Thanks
Annie says:
Hi
I am going thru the exact same situation as sweetu in your post going thru.I have elder sis who got married the way my parents wanted but she cudnt find an equal match but she is happy with him. i am christian protestant in love with a Hindu, my parents have the exact same comments like the parents u mentioned. i stay away from my parents for work and often go over weekends but i have expressed my feeling i am not going as i m scared they will not let me come. Mom has been not keepin well so also am scared. i am waiting for their consent to get married. His parents are supportive. He wud b travelling for his MBA to Canada very soon. Please advice, U think i sud wait for them say
YES one day or sud we get officially engaged and wait for him to come as by then they say YES …. please advice what should i do so that i can make my parents as well as me happy .
Thanks
Annie
rupesh says:
Can a gujrati vaishnav girl marry a carpenter bihari guy? girl owns car but guy owns bike….you can understand the slight difference. guy is 27 yrs and girl is 20. girls family is very understanding but not sure about this decision. guy’s family doesn’t have any issue. both the guy and girl loves each other and are in love for last 2 yrs. they both have to wait for another 2 yrs then girl will complete her education and will ask to her parents about marrying this guy. Guy is ready to wait for two years her parents don’t know about this yet.
Megha says:
Annie – dont stop going back at your place on weekends…. they will feel you dont care about thm … you must be with your Parents as much as possible .. also your Mother is not keeping well … so they need you at this point of time .. if u be with thm .. you will get to talk to thm more and more .. also you can discuss about your guy to thm and tell thm that he is not a bad guy .. its just that he has “hindu” behind his name .. if he was a “christian” they would have said yes … just because of a word “Hindu or Christian” they are saying no .. and many other things you feel can help you and thm to understand your guy….
and off course I would suggest you to wait for your parents to give permission to marry him… if your guy is going out of India .. it wont make any difference in you relation .. right ? … so even if he is going .. let him go .. and wait for your Parents to say YES and accept him ….
Megha says:
Rupesh – it seems you dont have any issue regarding your marriage.. just let her finish her education and you concentrate on your career .. because you need to earn good , so that you can buy a car and get the girl at your home in your own car …. Right ?
unknown says:
Hey everyone, like most of the posters here I face the same problem. I’m a guju guy born and raised in north america, parents/grand parents are from india and have been living in north america for over 30 years, yet have still managed to hold the same conservative thaught process as the day they left india.. My brother was born and raised in nrth america as well, but he is a lot more conservative than myself, he is gonna marry into the same caste as what we are. Me being younger, I feel a lot more pressure now to do the same… I’m a bit skeptic about marriage into my own caste because isn’t it kinda almost incest… I mean if ur caste keeps marrying within its own cast the genes are gettin recycled over and over, which I’m sure has scientifically been proven to be a bad thing, ie. Can lead sever problems when reproducing.. I’m just wondering if anyone feels the same way? Anyways I’m not seeing anyone at the moment, and am still in school so I don’t need to worry about getting married any time soon, but its always on the back of my mind that unless the girl is of the same caste as me, my parents will not “accept” her… Blah blah blah, you know how the story goes…
Megha says:
Well.. the scientific thing .. yes its true…
but here marriage is being discussed on some other perspective ….
now about your thinking of getting married in some other cast…
in simple words i will say .. if you have found someone and if you truly love and want her/him for the rest of your life.. thn nothing can stop you from getting married to that person…. otherwise just get married to the one your parents show you …. you cant just sit and wait for someone to come in your life till you die .. right ?
unknown says:
I agree with you megha about the outer caste marriage thing… honestly we are all human beings so I don’t see it being a big deal.. This intercaste marriage thing is actually a bad thing to do. This raises a big red flag for me, because technically if we keep on marrying inter caste we are going to become more and more stupid, eventually ending up to the extinction of ur own caste.. I hope this raises awareness for everyone else. I’m almost 100 percent positive that I’m not gonna marry in my own caste, it kinda makes me throw up a little just thinking about it…
Megha says:
I personally dont believe in arrange marriage.. basically .. to me love marriage is not just getting married in other cast.. love marriage is just marry the one you love and understand… who is more of a friend then a husband or wife…. be it someone of your own cast or some other cast…. i need to know the person well before i get married to him.. not that meet him once in front of parents and say yes and get married….
its basically peoples own thinking and own choice u c … after all they have to make thr lives decision on thr own …
R says:
Hi….
im given crap and jack shit about no one will marry my younger sister…. my story is more like a bollywood movie and i still don’t know what the future holds… by the way it’s been long sisnce u posted this… where is sweety now???
Im feel sooooooooo much connected to this story and this is something that is going around me at the moment…. well im suffering from the past 5 years….still not married and moreover my parents have gone to a different country to see if things suit them there then they will move
Megha says:
her Parents agreed …and she is married to Rohit and happy in her life …
her parents are happy too …
Rajeev Singh Shekhawat says:
Hi,
I am rajput guy working as a software engineer for an MNC. i am in love with a punjabi girl from last 4 yrs.i think that she would be the best life partner for me. My parents are not getting ready for her.Her parents are happy to let their daughter marry me and found me best match for her.But my parents are so orthodox dat they have threatened me not to marry her else they will commit sucide. i have younger bother and sister also.My parents are worried abt their rishta and saying all rubbish abt this stupid samaj.they said We have a good reputation in the samaj. you will make us feel small by doing this.wat other relatives will say.Meghna i think you know well rajput community is very much sticked to their old ideas n traditions.This is the hieght of stupidity they even cant see me happy.for them caste is bigger than my happiness. Meghna can give some suggestions .Waiting for your reply:
Megha says:
Hi,
First of all .. i am “Megha” and not “Meghana” ..
and dont worry .. as i have said to other ppl… give thm time .. i think in your family this is gonna be the first love marriage .. tht is why they are not ready to accept it .. so give thm good time.. they wont commit suicide .. its not easy to commit a suicide…give thm a year or so .. they will agree … after all they are your parents .. they love you .. they will agree to you …
but the condition is . you are not suppose to raise your voice infront of thm or insult thm by any means and for whatever reason …
just be firm on your decision .. they will agree to you …
how long its been you have told thm about your girlfriend ?
Amandeep says:
Dear Megha, the same is with me like that of rajeev and time also i have given a lot. its almost 2 years and 3 months now but my family is not in any way ready to accept the girl i wanted to marry and now situation is that the parents of girl are saying its over and we cant give you mor time I am a PG and is also doing job as Research Associate in Ranbaxy but still my parents are not ready, i also left my home for last 4 months now i am back home to make a last try and that is also over. So, dear why are you showing the wrong path to people to wait as it hurts a lot when your relation breaks after so many years . do you know i was in contact with my GF since last 5 years and in last 2 years i met her only 2 times for an hour. but i love her a lot an i dont know what else is to be going on with me but its all over now and is hurting me a lot which i cant define you. so plz it was your good luck that you got what you want, was a miracle and miracle seldom takes place dear you know this better. anyways good luch for your life.
Megha says:
Amandeep… I am asking ppl to give time to thr parents because as you said you are hurt because of your 5 years relation breaking … wht will be the condition of the parents who’s kids with whom they have a relation since they were born are hurting thm …
having said that it does not mean that every parent and every child is going to be same, but we should try our level best to convince the parents and if it does not work.. thn we should take advice of our seniors and take the decision accordingly…
Amandeep says:
that i understand dear but when you have tried a lot and still not getting any wayout like i am in such a situation then what would you like to say about that, you undersatnd the situation i am in, i am not a lay man but still i am not able to convince my parents dear.
Megha says:
as I have written in my last reply .. you must consult your senior person .. or you and your GF both need to sit and decide wht you want ..
no one can tell you wht to do … its you who has to make the decision of your life .. ppl can just give you advice…
Amandeep says:
Dear no senior no family member can help i have tried for all that and i will not get any chance to sit with my GF for even 10 min and what to do ahead isclear with in a month she will be getting married the situation will be untolerable for me but its all destiny. Anyways thanks for replies.
kc says:
hi megha!
so, i told to my father and relatives upon their pressure and my dad’s abbusive and aggresive reactions / dominations over my mom..regarding my marriage…n all, that ok, u try n find a match compatible to me.. but now after 4 months of i hav told thm everything…they hav shown up around 4-5 guys of their choice to me, who are not meeting up my match req…but still my father is in a hush n hurry n wants to get me maried to any of those he showed up to me and when i and mom denied..he starts shouting screeming and abusing at us… he then also yells at our relatives to pressurize us..n thn they do it!!!!!!!
nice blog dear. I am suffering thru a similar phase and i need advise on the same, if u / someone sharing the bolgs may help me.
I am a rajput girl, and in love with a brahmin guy for 4+ years now. we both are settled in our jobs now for more than 1 year. we hav talked to our parents for our marriage. his parents are ready (after a couple of years of eforts)- but only incase of it is love cum arranged mariage and my parents contact his family for this rishta… my mom , brother hav seeen the guy, n hav no issues me marrying him… but my father is giving all of us a big torture! he has joined hands with all 17th century mindset -immediate relatives of ours..and are forcing on me for an aranged marriage of their choice… my father also said that if i wil go for intercast, he ‘ll nt support me , n askd me to go for court marriage..but that would be again a big esteem issue for the guys parents who thmslvs havgot ready aftr so much difficulty…
my father is a high BP patient…but is so pathetically agresive and egoistic that he thinks that BP is not any disease..n above all he thinks that he is so healthy (although overweight) n smart that he wdud control his BP..even without medicines..and whn we/my mom tries to giv him medicines..he shous n screems at us.. n takes just a painkiller instead of BP medicine…
Most of the times he behaves as a pathetic physco.. but my mother has brought us up (both me n my brother) with love n care, and is only the cause of where we both stand today..she as suffered a lot throughut her life just to make us live, n beecome someone in life… i and my lovr, we both are soft developers, are ready for marriage..but just want it to be a love cum arranged marriage… but my father is creating hell out of our livs…
what shall i do…. please advice..
now a days i m moving into depression bcoz of all this torturous behaviour of his… please please suggest me what shall i do…
:’( i love him, and cant afford to loose him, n above all since, he is best among all the guys my father is showing me up…
now a days, my father is hurrying about my marriage so much! he doesn’t care whether i m happy or not… he just care about his reputation…n other bullshit crap abt samaj…!!!
please suggest… i m getting int mental stress and depression due to this… i just want to stay sweet lovely married life wth my lover, far away frm all such evils in the fac of father and relatives and so called samaj!!!
please help me! plz
Megha says:
Hi,
Firs of all .. no need to get in to any kind of depression… think about your Mother .. she has spent so many years with this situation and still standing strong…
learn from her .. and don’t be sad about the situation.. this is nothing .. you will get lot bigger problems in your life .. its just your father…you can express your feelings in front of him.. in future you will face world where you wont be able to even utter a word … so first thing you need to get out of your depression…
forget what your father is saying .. what he is behaving ….
all you need to do is .. sit and think on your own .. you being in this situation and knowing your parents… you are the best person who can decide what will be your parents condition after you marrying your BF.. after thinking and making decision …talk to your Mother about what you have decided.. and ask your BF to talk to his parents about the whole situation… and then you both need to sit and discuss about your future ….
you just don’t need to think about you , yourself and your future with this guy.. you will have to think about your parents too .. you cant be selfish just because of a guy you have met in last 4-5 years because you have a relation with your parents much more stronger thn this one …
so even if your decide to marry this guy… think about your parents .. thr must be some way where they can be happy with what you do ….
Hope this help you ..
Let me know ….
kc says:
hi megha,
thanks for ur reply.
i sat and thought upon this. and the answer I got frm myself is, that since my father has been a selfish n self ceneterd person, beaten up my mom, tried to kill me as a girl child… and have always cursed upon all of us, I must never think and bother abt his being happy or not.
if i marry the guy of his choice comming into prssure, this wont help me anyways…and my motehr’s sacrifice also wud go in vein. Ours is a brutal and cruel society on the name of rajputs! they treat women as slaves and the thing of use thats it no more… its a very rare chance that some rajput guy is not like this…until he is educated and have developed sense of right and wrong, btw insane and humanity…or if the guy has seen the torture on his mother/sister in his own house happe
ing day n night…
So, I have decided to marry the guy I love. Love is the most beautiful thing in the wrld , n i have realized it since so many years of unsuccessfull marriage of my parents…
now, i’ll fight for my right to sustain and justice for my choice of life partner. I’ll nt my mothers efforts go in vein.
I talked to my boyfriend, if in worse situation, will he go for a court marriage… and will he able to make his parents understand the situation… and suport us.he talked to his parents, his parents said they just need their son’s safety and happiness, since they are afraid of rajput’s aggresiv behaviour. Otherwise they dont have any issues in accepting me as their daughter in law… being leagally married to their son.
So, we both have decided not to step back at any cost n situation nw.
W’ll try to convince my father more, incase he doest get agree i’ll go for cort marriage.
meanwhile, I am just tooo worried abt all this frustrated environmet going on in my home. I hate my father for his insane behaviour, and wold never forgive him. but in order to keep my mom and brother safe here in the house from physical abuse, i’ll nt let this hatred of mine to show up on my face or in my wrds. all I require is to be firm, and stand by my choice of living happy in mariage and choosing my partner, and still showing up that only because u (my father) didnt care for my happiness, although i did (by giving u all a chance to find a suitable match for me, but u started presurizing me against my wil), only due to this reason i am forced to go for court marriage…and still i would definitely wish to hav ur blessings….
this way, by potraying that my mother and brother are playing no role in my decision of court marriage… its just that i m mentally upset with my father (since i persnally feel that he had never craed for me, and nt even nw my happindsd is nt imp for him,) nw, i m forced to ake this step. since, its my life, and utimately it must be my decision whether i want to marry or nt…n if yes, then to whom.
kc says:
i would just wish to have some tips or some thing that u could share with your experience so as to how should i keep myself calm and composed? i start loosing hope at some time… sometimes i get scared frm my father’s agresiv behaviour, his shouting n screeming,, since it is some torture that i have seen since childhood and since being a child, all that had effected me harshly on my brain conceiving , memories… and an obvious fear sort of of feeling…
I want to know how should i keep myself to remain calm and confident all through… and stand strong for my will till i win the battle…
please suggest
kc says:
i m extremly nervous and concerend. i m afraid of my father’s shouting n screeming and verbal abusing on all of us… :’(
kc says:
should i stop talking to my father? :’(
Megha says:
Ok.. since you have made your decision …
1 – dont stop talking to your father .. he will get more and more wild…
2 – to be firm on your decision.. you need to be rock strong … forget that you are scared of any damn person on this earth.. not even God … [in my case.. i dont believe that thrs somethig called God, so it was very easy for me to be firm]
3 – and if you really love this guy… you will automatically get the strength to stick to your decision… whnever you feel low.. just talk to him on phone… or meetup for some time ….
4 – Let your mother know whatever you have decided and you have in your mind…
5 – you father is shouting all the time .. thats it .. he is not gonna kill anyone …so dont worry .. he wont do anything more thn shouting in whatever situation… he is like this because of his own personal reasons .. he must have gone through lot of stress .. tht is why he must be like this .. n e ways .. thts not the discussion issue here…
and hey… even my grand ma had tried to kill me because i was a girl child… i never knew this ..i always loved her .. and was always sad that she is not with us now .. but i hated her whn i came to know this thing whn my patents told me ..i still hate her .. and will never forgive her ..and i m sure she must have got the punishment for this … but i thought this was the past.. so i must forget it at least for now and think about today and tomm .. I knew that my parents are saying no for inter cast marriage but after some time they will say yes .. they also told me that they wont keep any relation with me if i go for inter cast marriage… and believe me .. even i was as scared as you are …. still .. somewhere i had this gut feeling and my BF was always with me to convince me saying .. “I m with you .. dont worry about anything” … these words were enough for me to keep myself strong and firm..
Rajeev Singh Shekhawat says:
Hi Megha,
. so had u asked me how long its been i have told thm about my girlfriend. last year in july i started talking abt her at my home. after that every month i am going to home n talking on this topic but they still dun wanna know anything abt dat gal. they have problem wid caste only. My girlfren also talked to my mom few days back on phone.My mom clearly said no.Now i have taken some more time from her dad.his dad said we dun have any problem u take ur own time n give ur best.now i think wat i have to do is i have to stick to my wish till they get ready.one or the other day they will have to get ready for my wish.wat u say megha?
I hope now i have spelled ur name correctly
Rajeev Singh Shekhawat says:
Hi kc i hope solution of ur problem can help me also…………as i am also rajput n going thru same situation.she is a punjabi girl n my parents have created scene just bcoz she is not rajput.ok i hope gud for u.
Megha says:
Yes Rajeev.. though you dont have n e pressure from your GF side.. u can give good time to our parents ..
kc says:
Hi Megha,
thank u for such a detailed response. I understand that I must be strong and firm. I tend to become scared and worried because start loosing hope after seeing my father’s rash behavior and ruthless being.
i m still striving to mould the prevailing situation..
yeah i lov the guy… lets see… wat happens….
kuch to hoga hi
jinglu says:
hi megha,
after readin al this,i’ve got a confidence that i can still live..thnx a lot.m in a very bad situation..m a kannadiga belongin 2 a gowda community n ma guy’s a tamil brahmin..both have vast differences in culture n traditions.m abt 2 complete ma graduation..none on this earth wud luv me lyk him.i can neva miss him in ma lyf..v hav a gr8 understanding…v r very confident that both f us’l live a successful happy lyf….ma bro came 2 knw abt this..n each time he speaks 2 me abt this,ma confidence is shattered..he says”practically no two cultures can mingle.the forth comin generations will hav lotza problems abt mixed parentage..atleast the languages shud’ve been same in the worst case..and there should b a minimum of 3 years age gap between the two or there wud b lotza prbms cuz f ego n stuff..etc etc”..the prob is that ma guy is jus 9 months older 2 me..both of us can communicate in a common language tho our mother tongues r diff..when ma bro says all this i seriously doubt if this is eva possible.can i really adapt 2 a totally diff culture..
n most important of all,ma parents don know this yet.ma bro totally shatters ma confidence n m gettin really scared 2 put this b4 ma parents..both of them r emotionally weak n not in gud health too..ma bro scares me sayin somtin wud happen 2 ma parents at the very moment i tell them that m in luv wid another caste guy.they cant take it n somtin wud happen..if i tell him dat m confident of convincin them he says,surely somtin wud happen 2 them that moment.then where’s the question of convincin them?this breaks me..i know i cant live wid any1 else happily..but i don want ma parents or bro 2 get affected in anyway….i can b happy only if they agree happily..but they r very particular abt caste..they always feel that they wud get a bad name in the society if they do so n they’l b blamed 4 not bringin up their kids in a good way..i dunno y they consider love 2 be a crime..that 22 if itz an intercaste,they almost consider it as an offence.how do i convince them?vat do i do?will they understand n give up al doz ideals of theirs?and ma sis in law says”u r very famous n everybody consider u as an example..all of them r jealous of u n waitin 4 a moment 2 put u down n tease u(actually i’m a topper in studies since kindergarden..i’ve neva given up that place..n ma behaviour n qualities have also been gud..so ma relatives n frns do consider me gr8 n gifted)..when people r waitin 4 such moments y do u wanna make place 4 al that?u hav an xtraordinary lyf..ur parents n bro’l find an extremely gud guy..ur lyf’l b superb later widout any problems..if u go ahead wid this,u’l have 2 cry each day..u can neva stay happy as u’l alwayz hav d guilt f hurtin ur family”…..i seriously dunno vat 2 do..ma bro keeps sayin”be practical enough in life..lov n everytin’l com automatically in lyf.itz not that arranged marriages cant provide luv..u can still understand each other well n then get married if u feel understandin each other before marriage is important.now ma mind is not clear at al..alwayz oscillatin..i want both..dunno vat 2 do,how 2 go about things…..this has affected me a lot..these thoughts haunt me each moment n m not able concentrate in anytin..i’m depressed n tensed alwayz..
plz gimme some suggestions n help me..plz
Megha says:
Hi,
Well if you are confident about this guys .. if you think and you are 100% sure that you will be happy with him in no matter what situation… you must not think about what everyone is saying …you must not think about what your relative will bitch about you or whatever the situation they get ..because relatives and other ppl has inbuilt habit of taking a chance to show you and your family down.. just listen to your heart …
you have to do what you feel is good ..see.. the way your heart show will be always tough.. but on later stage ..you and your family will be happy …
and to convince your parents .. you have lived for so many years with your parents .. you must know how to put things in front of thm and how to talk .. the way they dont get shock… or just try to give thm hints that you are having affair with someone …if they have an idea of something fishy.. they wont get a shock whn you tell thm about your guy ..
if they get the hint.. they might become strict to you..or mad at you.. but that is wht the situation must be … if they get thr anger out now .. they will be not much shocked/angry later.. the reaction later will be lighter thn wht they might get by gettting a sudden shock ..
and the most important thing .. forget everyone else outside your house … others are all bunch of idiots …if you think about others .. you will never be happy in your life ..
and dont be too tensed .. its just a matter of 1 or 2 tough years … things will be smooth later once you are married..just be confident…
jinglu says:
thnx 4 ur reply megha.m jus keepin ma fingers crossed..n could u jus narrate how u convinced ur parents?n which of the 2 cultures or traditions u followed 4 ur wedding?n now how do u adapt urself 2 a new environment?
jinglu says:
and one more thing megha,do u think an age gap is required between the individuals?will it b a prob if there is not mucha age difference?
Megha says:
well I am a Patel by birth… and My Husband a Kutchi..
My wedding was like what my parents wanted.. because in Patel’s … wedding takes place at girls place and everything is done from girls end…
I had worn wedding outfit the way My Mother In Law wanted because they believe in that tradition of wearing “Gharchola” in wedding
after marriage since My Husband is Kutchi.. I have to follow his tradition… thts wht our Indian or any ones culture says .. right ?.. .. but believe me .. except the “NAME OF GOD” thrs nothing new here for Me .. they live the way other humans live.. they talk the way other humans talk .. they wear cloths the way other humans wear…
what I am trying to say is .. you dont have to suddenly change anything in your life after marriage.. because you are shifting from one place to another.. thats it … so dont think about will I be able to accept other culture or not .. or will i adjust my self or not .. etc etc.. if you are thinking all these things thn you are not ready to marry this guy and his family/culture….
well age gap I believe must not exceed more thn 2 to 3 years … that means .. the age gap can be 1 day … 1 month… 1 year… 2 year.. what ever.. infect if its less….. thn its good for you .. My and My Husband has 2 months gap .. which is good because we are of same age .. that makes us from same generation.. almost same thinking .. we can understand each other properly..
convincing My Parents was difficult… well I cant narrate everything here.. but I fought for My love because I knew I was right .. and those things mentioned in this post .. everything happen at my place too.. its just that I knew they are humans.. its a nature of humans that if they have lived following something since they were born and suddenly if I tell thm to change .. its so obvious that they will say NO…even if someone come and ask me to stop brushing my teeth in the morning after waking up .. i will say no…i wont ask for the reason… its a human nature..
its just that you have to be calm and give good time to thm …and you have to be confident .. I did the same … and the wedding happened…
Rajeev Singh Shekhawat says:
Hi Megha,
i want to know how ur parents zip ur relatives mouth who always
create problems if we go for intercaste marriage.In mostly cases just bcoz of relatives, our parents say no for intercaste marriages.so how to deal with all this.suggest something which helped u in ur case.
Rajeev Singh Shekhawat says:
Hi Megha,
i want to know how ur parents zipped ur relatives mouth who always create problems if we go for intercaste marriage.In mostly cases just bcoz of relatives, our parents say no for intercaste marriages.so how to deal with all this.suggest something which helped u in ur case.
Megha says:
Well in my case my confident and patience only helped me ..
I knew they will say no .. and I knew it will take good time to convince thm[ it took thm almost 1 year to be convinced ].. so i was prepared for the worst… and had made my mind already for the worstest situation in my life…
I can not suggest anything to anybody because I dont know your Parents … you are the best person who can think how to put the things infront of your Patents.. you must know on what thing your Parents will react positively or negatively .. you must know what words your Parents will accept ..
never use any negative words in whole conversation you do with your Parents till they are convinced ..
and relatives.. first of all.. you sto about ag about the relatives … just dont care about anybody out side your house .. thn recollect wht all bad your relatives has done to your family.. and tell thm nicely that these things the relatives do and you are saying no for this ..
.. but dont use all your examples together .. you need to use thm as and when required .. because using all the examples together you might hurt thm by telling what thr brother and sister are doing to thm ….
Supriya says:
Hi Megha,
The story of Rohit & Sweety and the words told by their parents are just the same as of my story. But what is the solution. I have been waiting for almost 2 years to take approval of my parents and have been going through a hell like situation due to these emotional torture.
R we so wrong and so useless child of our parents? What to do?
Supriya
Megha says:
one sentence..
Do what your heart says … you will be happy …
deepa says:
Dear Megha,
this is the 1st time i m writing such things in my life. I hv got the same problem..i like a guy who hs completed his MBA n now abt to join his job n myself completed my masters n now in job. We are brahmin but tht guy is rajput. My family is voraciously searching a guy for me but should be in my cast n tht too same brahmin. I told them abt this guy when he proposed me…they straight way said no..the same story as urs….putting concern abt my cousins, their reputation and all..i tried to convince them its being 1 month arnd and they are not at all agree. and the problem is i cnt tell them tht i love this guy..i just said he is a good guy n i ll be happy with him….
the thing whch ws shocking for me is….my dad said my grand pa feels proud of me and he may commit suicide aftr that..and i ws shattered…n now dun have any words to convince them….really i m shattered now…my mom dad love me a lot…n they want my happiness but they are also helpless..i dun balm them at all…but really i dont know what should i do….i feel one day they ll search someone for me n ll get me married with him and i wont be able to do anythng…
i told u this as s frnd….wt u say megha..?
Supriya says:
Dear Megha
You are ryt. But my family is so loving and caring. Papa is a BP patient. He has a very good name and fame in society. My parents says, if I get married to some guy of other cast evry thing will be ruined.
But at last after long conversations. my father is asking me to tell him “What he should do?”
the solution should be a midway.
Can u suggest me some way.?
Megha says:
Deepa – all parents say that they will or the grand parents will commit suicide … and believe me .. its not at all even 1/2 % easy to do that … no one had guts to do that … be it whoever …
now .. you have told thm that the guy likes you .. and they said no .. but now you need to tell thm that even u like him and you want to marry him and no one else .. other wise they will consider it as if its one sided affair .. they wont take you seriously ..
all parents and all kids love eachother equally .. its just the thinking is different …
so you need to give time and explain thm slowly slowly … no need to rush .. you are not 30 or 40 to rush to get married .. right ?
Megha says:
Supriya – yeh… i know about those things …. good reputation .. good name .. and the daughter or son will ruin the name by doing an inter cast marriage…
c .. its you who need to think .. what you want .. you cant sit and just say i want both ..
if you said YES to this guy .. its counted as you have promised love to him ..
1 – you cant break his trust ..
2 – if you were so weak .. you must not have said yes
3 – if you have said yes.. go for it .. make you way .. no body gets the things by sitting.. being emotional… or just wishing …”i wish i could have got this or that”
remember one thing .. no one gets anything without any effort .. you have to struggle for what you want in life..
but before that .. you have to think what you are doing is right or wrong ?
what you are doing will make everyone happy or not?
what you are doing must not let your parents feel that you are selfish and dont care about them …
whatever you do … your final decision must be someting where your parents are with you ..
because in future only Parents are the one who will hold your hand .. no one else..
so think about thm, your boyfriend and make your decision…
deepa says:
Thanks a lot Megha, for ur quick response…..i m 25 and can wait for 1 yr or so..n will do definitely….i hope i could make it…
Rajeev Singh Shekhawat says:
hey deepa u didnt tell abt dat guy’s parents. are they ready for this intercaste marriage. i am asking u this bcoz u said he is rajput.so i was thinking dat being rajput parents if his parents can get ready then y cant my parents?i am also a rajput and going thru same phase. watever megha said is correct in future only parents are the one who will hold your hand.so try ur best to make them ready without hurting them
dont mind i am just kidding.
i cant say more else megha will raise her eyebrows at me
Megha says:
haha .. thrs no reason to raise my eyebrows .. chill …
and its not about rajput Parents or some other cast Parents …
this thing is about people of our older generation… but again .. thr are Parents in our older generation who has no issues about inter cast marriage .. and Parents of our generation has problem with inter cast marriage ..
its all about the environment a person live in… and if you had not found someone on your own thn you must not have had any problem in getting married to the girl/boy they show … right ?
so chill .. samay se pehle aur naseeb se zyada kisi ko kuch nahi milta hai
Shaila says:
Hi Megha,
Its a very good article. Just happened to read it when I was trying to find out about inter-caste marriages.
The story is very close to my heart as I am facing the same situation. I am a Brahmin girl from Karnataka and in love with a guy who is of diff caste. Its been 2 yrs since i have told my parents about my love for this guy. But, my dad has bluntly said no this relation due to the caste problem and also as it will create a plem to my younger sis’s marriage. I have requested him to get my younger sis married so that she will be happy. but he is not ready for it. I will turn 26 in a month. My parents have brought me u with lots of love and have given me everything I wanted till now except for the permission for my marriage. My dad is very upset with me now. He is saying that I am being selfish and am bothered only abt my happiness. I tried my best talking to him just 3 days back. He is still reluctant to accept this. I am scared about where he will fall sick. Even my Grandpa and uncles are scared to talk on my side wid my dad as he is v.stubborn and usually his decision becomes the final one.
Brahmins are really very orthodox at out place. It will not be possible for me to live without this guy as well as my parents. Can you please help me about how to find a soln to my plem.
Thanks and Regards,
Shaila
Rajeev Singh Shekhawat says:
You know your this blog helps me a lot whenever my confidence goes down.
i just go thru it n feel very much fuelled. it happens whenever i talk to my parents abt her, they start blackmailing me emotionally n my all confidence breaks down.again i try to stand up n recollect all my confidence by talking to my gf and by going thru your blog.
Megha says:
Rajeev – Thanks
.. and this will happen … done lose hope ..
Shaila – if its 2 years and your daddy is still saying no .. thn you must sit and think .. or just meet up your BF and discuss everything thats on your and his mind .. and thn make a final decision …
and if your dad is so strict that no body can talk to him .. thn you will have to make a decision where you will have to loose 1 .. either parents or BF …
but i think thr must be some way where your can find a mid way ..
think ….
deepa says:
Hi Rajiv,
yea tht guy’s parents are ready, infact they r waiting for my family to be ready……..the problem is at my side..n of course..i ll try my best to convince them without hurting them..but its very difficult to do so..bcz putting this matter itself is a way to hurt them..but i ll try to minimize it as much as possible….
Doctor Agrarwal says:
Hello Everyone,
Education does not percolate well to change the person, I am a Medicine Graduate (Doctor) & she is also a Doctor. We are in Love but her parents hate me for that. She can’t take any drastic step as she have been obviously told about problems those fellows will face.
I am Agrawal & she is from Jat Community from Haryana. I think we need to start a movement now to free our society from this evil which is so deep rooted that educated parents (one is Bank manager & other is teacher) also keep caste before child’s happiness. Embarassing for me to accept as I never biased towards caste whenever providing treatment to any of my patient.
Any Jat if can come forward to solve this matter may be of tremandous help. It is just not about me & her but about our society which is getting degraded like anything. No other person called God will come to rescue us, we have to become God by ourselves for the cause not for one person or couple.
Come together & join hands, let us give a new direction to India.
Megha says:
Ok Dr.Agrawal … cool down .. you seem to be too much frustrated because of your problem … this does not mean that all those who are facing this problem must start any kind of movement …
Parents are not at all wrong whn they say you must marry in your own cast … most of the people marries same cast .. its just few people faces the intercast problem because they have fallen in love .. if the girl or the boy was of same cast as u .. thn your parents must not have created any problem ..
and u dont be bias in your profession .. thts your problem .. you can do that if you want .. you are free to do so as an individual … but u can not ask someone else to do wht u do …
so dont count parents bad .. or dont even think about any movement to start .. i dont think so anyone will join it …
any ways .. cool down and think how u can solve the problem ..
rohit says:
hi,,
my name is rohit..i m facing the same problem. my belove is a christian lady and i am a hindu.
my parents are to accept her but her parents are not…
even my GF has not talk to her parents as accprding to her,her parents will not accept this thing and will even stop our talking..
we both are not in same city and we are in this relation since 2 yrs..
my gf’s parents are same as of sweets parents(as abv)..
plz tell me how she can introduce me at her home and tell abt me..
i really love her alot dont want to lose her.
plz help me..
pari says:
hi , my parents were searching guy for me , its been past 7 months.. we didnt get good reation hence rejected many offers.. in the mean time.. i fell in love with my colleague ..
I informed my parents.. its the same caste problem here , they say i am selfish , n dont hav confidence on them as they woud find perfect guy for me ..
since our relation is from 3 months.. (we knew each other from 2 years).. they r comparing 3 months love n there love..
but love here cant be compared right?
how should i convience ?
they believe .. choosing life partner is there rights not mine
Megha says:
well … u can tell thm tht u were ready till now whn u had not found anyone .. but now though you have found someone you are asking thm for thr permission .. this shows tht your love is not less.. if it was something like tht .. you must have not even told thm ….. tell thm u were gonig with thm to see the guys they wanted… but non was suitable to you guys … so u rejected thm not just you .. your parents too rejected thm.. and now though you have found one who you think is suitable to you , why are they not accepting him ? .. ask thm to just meet him once .. if they dont like him.. you will think about it …
hope this will help…
L U C K Y_S A A U says:
Dear All, I am from a Hindu (Baudha) family and my girl friend is from a hindu (maratha) family. we told our parents about our relationship. now my parents has agreed to prooceed. but she is also very much attached to her parents. but we never want to get seperated. She doesn’t want a run away typr marriage, we need our parents also.
What should i do?
Megha says:
just try to convince parents.. u cant do anything else…
mishthi says:
It is very true that in this centuary when we are moving towards tech but lack in our thinking when come such kind castesism prob. I am also facing this,but only can we do that make our parents know the fact that we all are equal.
shattered says:
Hi Megha,
I felt inspired by your story want to write to you.
I love my bf and I believe that our marriage would be the the best thing that could have ever happened to me. We belong to different castes. His parents had agreed the very minute that he told them his decision. But at my home it was hell. And it still is. I started by giving subtle hints about him 2 years ago at my home. But to no effect. So decided to open it out after 6 months. I was in the US (on a work assignment) then and told my parents (over the phone because of the distance) that this was the guy I wanted to marry. Both my parents were dead against it. And the usual threats (suicide, disowning me, thrashing me up, locking me up, etc) were in no dearth. But nothing moved me. There were a few more very strange threats too…”that my prospective FIL was sexually interested in me and that was the whole reason for them to have agreed without any protests”, “that my prospective in-laws need a servant maid at home very badly and they were getting me for free…”. This totally shook me up. I had no clue that such crap could be talked by parents to their own daughter. The great stupidity of all is they dont know anything abt his family. It finally gave way to another accusation that it was my sexual urge that made me take this decision. I could stand it no more and told my guy that everything was over coz it was narrowmindedness at it’s peak. But after a discussion we decided that we must stick to each other.
I now feel like a stranger in my own family. Though they had brought me up with lot of love sacrific care and protection, though they keep black mailing emotionally, though I still love them, I have moved a great deal away from them emotionally that it sometimes feels like an orphan. I have been extremely depressed for the past 2 years. I have had no courage to open this topic after all those baseless dirty accusations. Missed to mention that I am 28 years and he is 29 years. So that makes both of us hard pressed for time. But I am no way going to open this again at home. No move has been made to get me married at home. Absolutely none at all! I want to wait and see how far this can go. But my guy thinks this is a stupid idea, given that we are already old enough. We have been having a lot of fights lately because of this and my depression is killing me.
your thoughts?
Megha says:
Well i agree to your BF .. you guys are old enough to wait now ….
just make some decision… if your parents are so firm… thn discuss with your BF and make a decision once and for all …no point being depressed and wait and get nothing out of it ..
and make a decision that your heart says .. it will be difficult .. but will be the best …
purnima says:
hi, megha i’m suffering same prb as u mention in ur story.I am a oriya girl and falling love with a bihari boy.He is not well educated as i’m due to his family problem ,but this is no matter for me , he is a well businessman and i’m also doing a pvt job.Now our parents could’nt agree on our relation.It’s all about the casteism. My parents are against my feeling here.I have tried all possible ways to convince them.They r not believing or listening to what i try to say.Especially my father!! He has made himself so depressed that he is not talking to anyone these days.His concern is also the shame which he would feel.He is scare of showing his face to anyone in the society(especially relatives).My mother is also in the same sync. She is rather more stubborn and orthodox.Now my parents started finding guys for my marriage. I’m very depressed now ,i don’t understand what can i do now?
Megha says:
Well you need to discuss this thing with your BF …and make some decision ..
purnima says:
actully mein ye baat abhi apne BF ke saath discuss nahin kar sakti kyun ki jab se mere parents ko mere bare mein pata chala hai tabse mera usse milna , baat karna kafi haad tak band ho chuka hai .Ab to hum sirf weekly ek baar baat karte hain chupke se.Maine apne papa ke force ke bajah se unka kasam khai hun ki mein usse shadi nahin karungi. Lekin papa ko ye bhi boli hun ki aap apni marji se meri shadi usse karwange ye mein god se pray karungi.Har baat per mujhe kasam de dete hain and my mom is always crying.
Megha says:
Well .. first of all .. i dont believe in this kasam and all .. because these things are kiddish to me ..
n e ways .. if you have promissed your parents .. thn u must not think about this guy …. and not even talk to him .. cause if u do so .. u r breaking your promise..
so u first decide wht you want to do .. be with your parents of your bf … you cant just promise just for the sake of it and keep a relation with your bf too …
think …
purnima says:
Thanx megha for giving me ur nice suggestion and time.actully me or my bf also don’t believe in this type of kasam.Lekin mein us time kya karti,mere charo taraf sab koi ghire hue the ,papa aise react kar rahe the jaise unki tabiyat abhi serious hone wali hai.Unhone jabardasti mujhse wo kasam liye hain phir unka halat thik ho gaya ye ek emotional blackmail tha .Ab iske baad maine papa se saf mana kar diya hai ki mein na hi kiski kasam lungi ya dungi. Mere jid ke bajah se ab papa kasam dena band kiye hain. haan maine sirf ye promise kiya hai ki mein usse shadi nahin karungi lekin kisi aur se bhi nahin karungi.Ab maine sab bhagban pe aur time pe chod diya hai.Ab aap hi bolo maine kya galat kiya hai?
Megha says:
nothing.. u are just doing wht you feel.. just follow your heart.. and you will find a way .. and u just have to leave everything on time …. it will heal everything .. and believe me .. if your bf is not ment for you .. thn you wont marry him even if your parents agree to you to let u get married to him .. and if he is ment for you .. thn no one can stop you from getting married to him … so just dont worry.. things will fall in to place in its own time ..
purnima says:
thanx megha ,i’m always greatful to u bcoz ur every words make me so energetic,thank u so much.
purnima says:
hi megha, now my family is started searching a guy for me ,now i don’t understand what should i do?If I said no;giving me some time ,they wouldn’t agree with me.U know megha my bf’s mother also don’t agree to accept me because the reason is only my colour .Actully he is a fair complexion nd i’m not so dark like sawnli.His other family members are agreed even his brother and sister also but his mother….
purnima says:
i am ready to meet her nd i want to discuss with her on this topic but she doesn’t want to meet me even she doesn’t want to hear my name.
Megha says:
Well as i said earlier .. you need to discuss all this with your BF .. no one else can decide something for you .. its just u who has to decide wht you want to do .. so just meet up you bf and discuss things .. and make some decision …
purnima says:
ok,thanx megha
purnima says:
if u don’t mind can u plz tell me how could u convince ur parents for intercaste love marriage.Kya apke papa mummy kabhi rote nahin the?kabhi apke liye shadi ke liye rista nahin ata tha,tab aap kya karte the?us time apke bf ne kaise apke mummy papa ko manaya?
Megha says:
Well…. yeh rishte aaethe .. but they use to find details about the guy and see him if he is good or not if they feeel tht he is good thn only they useto take me with thm…
and after i spoke to thm about my BF .. they stopped seeing guys for me … cause 1 – i wanted to marry my BF .. and 2 – how will they see someone else if i m not ready to marry the guy they show … its logical…
so they never saw any guy after i told thm about my affair…
and i cant tell u wht i spoke to my parents to convince thm .. cause all parents r not same .. and all parents has different issues to say no for inter cast marriage … so u must know how to convince your parents…
all i did is .. i gave thm time to think and accept my BF ..
purnima says:
thanx a lot megha.
Sneh Lata says:
Hello, Everybody
It is really nice to read that there is something to say and know about peoples suffering from such unfortunate situation. Here is my Best Of Luck to all sincere and honest people (all persons who fall in love have these qualities)
priya says:
im facing similar situation , me being ajat, its question of life threatening , emotional drama, they say they ll not be able to live if i did this , i have more grave situation as , i am eldest in the clan , but is that a price one pays for , by giving away one’ s life forever!!
Megha says:
Well cant help it .. this is with so many like you ..just be calm and try your best ..
Sandeep says:
I also did same. My family is not also agree. But we r living happily now from last 2 months
jannat says:
hey megha!!
really touching blog yar!!
seems as if u hav mentioned my story above!!
i m a sikh khatri n d boy is sikh jatt!
earlier i had rejected 5 boys n 1 day out of frustratin my dad cald me in his room n askd me wts d matter?
dad earlier had sm doubt in his mind abt a boy studying wid me in my college…
dad suddenly said me k 4get swapan(boy’s name)
i was shoked 2 hear dis frm him as i had never told him anything abt him!!
dad got an idea abt him as he knew dat generaly v r togeder in college frm 9 to 5,he evn came 2 my family functin sm time bak!!actuly my parents want a proper gursikh boy who wears turban n doesnot cut hair n beard!! but my bf is clean shaved!! i told him dat my family shal never accept u dis way!! so he has now kept hair n has strtd tying turban 4 me! wen dad tuk his name b4 me,i confessed my love 4 dat boy b4 dad widout being aware of d consequences because i knew dat i mite not get such chance 2 speak again!! so i told mom dad evrthing,my younger sister ws also sitting wid me!! on hearing dis frm my mouth,dad ws composed but my mum strted shouting at me n dad,blaming dad 4 all d freedom he gave 2 both d girls n all atuff!! dad v politely explained me dat its not posibl plz 4get him!
i told him dat dad d boy has now kept his hair n also ties turban,but den mom had anoder excuses dat weres d granty dat he’l not cut dem after marriage? n she said many oder things n strtd offf wid al typical emotional blakmailing… humne itna bura tima kaata par tum pe koi aan nai aane di,u hav broken r trust today,,,,, chalo after a long argument dad agreed 2 meet boy’s parents but on a conditin dat incase d boy’s family agrees only den marriage wil take place oderwise not,bcoz its v imp dat d boy’s family also accepts u along wid d boy!! i ws quite satisfied dat God has been v kind…. but later on after around 1 hour i heard mom fiting wid dad ovr dis issue….. he got distrbed n strtd behaving abnormally..she strtd running here n dere dat d boy’s caste is jatt,,,they’l kill our daughter,dey’l kil al of us,,,,run away frm here,jatts r coming,plz save ur…seeing al dis v al got scared n tried 2 stablise her…she ws crying n ws v scared of jatts!!evn my sister n i strtd crying seeing dis conditin of mom,,,in order 2 stablise her i said her dat v r not concerned abt jatt,v’l make dem run away if dey say my mom anything,we’l also beat dem n al….after arnd 2-3 hrs she strtd bcming stablized n v had a talk relating 2 dis in d evening….
mom shared al dis wid her brither{maama g} n maama g simply refused n said ifdis marriage hapens,he’l not sit in d mariage…den mom bacame more upset!!
den v went 2 gurdwara saab 2 offer prayers n came bak…next day v went 2 r family known astrologer 2 match kundalis… he matched d kundalis n said dat they both wil live v hapily,many gunns r matching…chalo sab thik ho gya,atmosfere ws somewat lite now!!den anoder questin raised dat d boy’s family lives in usa… d boy wil get pr of usa in anoder 6-8 months n go dere but since he is himself not yet gone n settled dere,how wil he take d girl along wid him?
dis new issue was raised but den dad said doesnot matter we’l discuss al dis wid boy’s parents wen dey com 2 india in august!! chlo while moving bak frm astrologer wid a relaxed mind,v hav maama g’s house on d way..v went 2 c him n had a great discussin wid him,dad explained evrthing n maama g washed my mom’s brain n den mom washed dad’s brain!! now mom dad went some where n wen dey came bak they were upset n told me dat v hav enquired abt d boy n his family,they r not gud,they’l not take u 2 usa,,,u’l b married n left bak in india only 2 die!! v being ur parents wnt ur hapiness but v r sory v cant alow u 2 mary dat boy!! marrying him is posibl only wen v die,den marry him n b happy!!
megha v r 2 sisters,no brother,they hav raised us like boys n i cant hurt dem but d truth is dat i cant spend my life wid any1 else..now dey hav askd me not 2 b in touch wid him n forget him as nothing is possibl!! now even dad doesnot lisn 2 me n says dat he’ll not meet boy’s family even once wen dey cm 2 india in august! i told my bf abt dis n he mailed his elder brother who is in usa teling him about our affair n seriusness! my bf showed his brother my pic n his brother has talked 2 his parents abt us but my bf has not told anything about wat is going on in my family 2 his parents!! now d problem is dat hir family is cming 2 india in august for 1 month only..so its v imprtant dat my family meets his family!but how is it poisible as my parents hav sweared me nt 2 take his name b4 dem again!! my parents problem is 1) caste 2) boy used 2 cut hair b4 which dey dint like n his elder brother has also cut hain in usa 3) boy wil not take u along wid him,he’l leave u bak in india 2 die n wait 4 him 4) boy has just done his mba wid me n is not stand! but they hav a v wel estb busines in usa which my bf wil also join along wid his brother n father wen he goes dere!! m not alowed 2 go out of d house widout mom,m nt alowed 2 talk on d phone wid every1 4 long, m not alowed 2 communicate wid my bf at al,although i try infrming him wid latest updates! they say 4get him n mary boy of r choice!! wat can b done in dis? plz help me!~!!! plz
Megha says:
well give one or two weeks time to get the things be cool down a bit .. talk to your father and try to convince him to meet your BF ..
they are not ready to meet the family but they can meet the boy at least once .. ask them to c if the boy is good or not … ask thm to ask whatever question they want to… to your BF..
i know you don’t have much time as his parents are coming in august.. but still you can c .. just c your fathers mood and talk … c if you get a chance when you and your father are alone ..
also if they agree to meet your BF.. just explain your BF that they might ask you lot of questions.. so be prepared for worst and come..
cause later on it must not happen that your BF feels insulted and things goes worst..
jannat says:
hey megha!!
thks 4 replying dear!!
i’l try talking 2 my dad wen he is alone!!
they mite hav strtd thinking dat just because they sweard me so i had stopped talking 2 dat guy but they dnt undstnd dat his love is into my veins!! its not just difficult bt imposible 2 forget him!
they try 2 divert my mind n ask me 2 smile,laf,play like i usd 2 do b4!! i try being wid dem but frm within i m v depressed!!
megha do u think i shud myself talk 2 dad dat meet my bf once or i shud involve dad’s frend in saying dis 2 him?..
Megha says:
no.. dont involve anyone in this .. sort it on your own.. its your life.. you have to deal with it .. you have to think and handle the situation that comes to you …
jannat says:
thks 4 d suggestion megha!!
today i had a talk 2 dad regarding dis,,,i said him dat boy’s parents shal cal u dis week..plz talk 2 dem dad!! dad said ok i’l talk 2 dem dnt wori!! but he also said me dat incase i m not satisfied wid his family den u’l hav 2 marry wereever v tel u 2!! u’l hav 2 4get him!! megha i knw mom dad doesnot like dat boy is frm diffrnt caste so they’l try 2 complicate d things so dat nothing gud comes out of it!! wat can b don in dis regard?..
Megha says:
well.. let your parents talk to his parents .. and thn c wht happens…
jannat says:
hmmm… ok g!!
plz pray 4 us!!
jannat says:
Your Comment…
jannat says:
yar do u hav any idea k usa ka marriage basis pe visa kitni der mein lag jata hai?
actuly my bf is going usa in january 2010 on permanent resident basis… n if he applies 2 me den how long wud it take me 2 go dere?…
Megha says:
hahaha.. i dont know anything about it ….
kc says:
Hi megha,
and with our family’s support…
I am soooooo happy to share the good news with you today… that after so loooong period of struggle, finally we have got engaged…
I cant express, how happy I am, and how much I m thankful to you and your blog… that helped me sooo much in the times of pain we both were going through…
Once again thanks a lotttt
and with this happy heart, I pray for all the couples here on blog sharing their pain… and wish their togetherness from god..
Thank u
KC
Megha says:
hey … thts a gr8 news
… how did u manage all ? …
what happen ? …
Congratulations to both of you .. i am sure you will be happy always now
All the best …
jannat says:
congrats KC!!
may GOD bless u both always!!
plz pray 4 us also as my parents r making big plans 2 reject my bf n his family wen they meet up in August!!
all relatives r doing d same,pumping up my parents against d caste of my bf n his family!!
latika says:
hi megha
i hv gone thru ds blog….nice one…i m havin situation like ths….i m a gal belongin to khyatriya family.but my B.F is a S.C. My mother told that she can allow me to marry a boy of other caste (general caste or o.b.c) but nt to a s.c or s.t..in my socity thery r considerd to be un touchable.i dnt know how to convince my family.
KC says:
Hi Jannat! Thanks for the lovely wishes sweetie.. I pray god for you as well… don’t worry.. trust me, nothing goes tougher than the tough, and true love always win.
It has to. don’t worry at all.
just stay calm and stand by your decision with grace.
you both too will win as many other loving hearts …
and thanks a lot megha!
Thank u for your lovely blessings…
latika says:
Your Comment…
purnima says:
hi KC
congratulations for ur new life
god bless u both forever & plz pray for me also
mudit says:
plz tell what happened in the end did they get married to each other how is their married life now.i wanna know these answers desperately as i am also facing a similar kinda issue with my parents
plz asap
Megha says:
yes.. they are happily married now …
and thr parents are also happy .. no one has any problem with anyone ..
Star says:
Hi Megha…
I just read the story of Sweety… and I am now in her state waiting to hear a word YES from my parents… Now 9 months have passed… My parents are acting very normally as if nothing has happened… Just thinking I will forget him soon and that they can get me married to someone who they choose… I was previously working and.. After I told my parents abt this matter I was made to stay at home… Now working from home only… The problem for my parents and his parents is that He is a Christian and I am a Hindu… and obviously the language and the community also varies… I don’t know wat I should do… and I don’t know how long we should keep waiting… But we are still waiting for our parents to accept…
kunal says:
hey megha
I am a well placed guy 27 year old working in an MNC with a well off family(Bhumihar Brahmin). I have done my MBA from IIM A and have been earning well. I am deeply in love with a girl who stays right below my flat in my native town.she has just given her 12th boards and is just 19. I must tell u that she is quiet mature than her age and I am quiet immature from mine. We started with a SMS talk to a phone affair and finally meeting her whenever i went there to my home town.Let me tellyou the environment there.She is a Rajput.Father is complete pshycho(sorry saying that). He caught her talking to me and cancelled her joining the engineering college(NIT).From that day I have been crying to talk to her.Its 2 months now.I went to my home town taking leave for 10 days and when I met her she said please forgive and forget because she cant see her father dying and mother crying.They have tortured her to hell.she had been forced to take admission in a coaching to prepare again for an year.Accidently when I met her this time her father came there and beat me.she didnt resist but kept on crying.After that I took my mom and asked her to talk with her dad where she blamed me that I had been the reason for all the things.I was surprised and very hurt.I left her house and came back to my job town. Two days later she called me and told me that how bad she was tortured to say all this, which I could completely understand.Now we hardly talk and she has decided that she will do something and then talk with her family.she is asking for time.
And I am sulking in her wait.All because her parents think that we cud nt marry because we are of different castes.
I have different queries…
Shall i wait for this girl who cant even protect me in front of her dad.But my heart says she love sme a lot
At second shouldnt I elope with her because I am sure her ruthless parents wud not agree.
i am from the most fundametalistic samaj
Amit says:
great…such a nice article i never read
actually my problem is of same type
i am 25 yrs old boy and my girlfriend is 21 now
we met in college as she was in 1st yr and i was in final year.we both have a relationship since 3year
i am good at my job at a software developer in a well recognised compny and she is abou to finish her study next year.
my problem is that i belongs to bramhin family and she is belongs to khandayat,but both are oriya and have same native .actually problem in my family about the caste,where other issues are negligible,they only stay there in caste.
but that problem is not in there family,she is the only daughter of her family ,so they think about there daughter’s happiness.
but as a boy i am very much suffered from my family,since the day i had talked about this to my parents.what can i do,please suggest me,i cant live without her and my family ,whatever they are,atlast they are my parents.
please suggest me ,what should i do to make everyone happy
Megha says:
Well you have to try to convince your parents thrs no other way out …
As says:
Its a very good blog … first let me read it fully thn i ll post lot of things … and i wana say tht hats off megha , u hav done a gr8 job
R says:
Hai
Megha, I did go through ur article, i dont want to say it as s story, because i dont want u to become a story, Indian mindset never changes, it takes pride in being rigid, when comes to the matter of heart it simply becomes stone. Parents are not exception they too are part and parcel of this system, we cant blame them, caste, religion, region, language, everything has divided us, one unifying factor is love that has sprung deep from the heart,i believe in God and believe that Heart is the seat of God, When i like a person for what he or she is by my heart it is definitely Divine intention, no power on earth can stop me and say it is wrong or sin! Parents fear of loosing respect in the society, which never bothers and helps when u r suffering, but when u wish to have a life u like it criticises us and mocks us. All great people have faced the wrath of society including Gods Example Sri Ram and Sri Krishna, then what about the fate of ordinary people like us and our parents. The sentiments of caste, community, religion, are so deep rooted that even IF God comes and says there is nothing like caste, community,religion people beat him up.
I have to be strong to do what i want, firm and confident, i dont know the exact setup of society that u r in.I am from southern part of India, but the problem is the same,there is lot discontentment when ppl of different caste get married but after some years say after 5 years it gets mellowed down and acceptance comes gradually in case of people living in metros if they are highly qualified and financially stable but whereas in suburbs and villages there is complete outcasting the married couple from their respective communities.
Man getting progressed has to broaden his vision, heart and horizon instead he is becoming mean, narrow minded and small hearted. To satisfy his ego he cant look forward and understand where real happiness dwells! Marriage is a personal issue, one has to respect that personal likes and love towards another, for marriage one has to be ready mentally, u can say its like joining military, in India it has become a child’s play, Elders think younger generation have no respect towards the institution of marriage the commnication and generation gap has made elders unwilling to accept the change. Probably it may take some more time to accept the change for that many hearts get braked.
God created Man that includes Woman, Rest is created by Man, including your caste, religion, community, language, everything, I respect, love Man the cretion of God, and i wish to be with that person till my death, how can the system created by man come in the way of my happiness that has sprung from my heart the seat of God. Y People cant realise this its Man that is important not all others, it is man that matters not ur system as that system is man made not God made. Reality is Man and he is before me, I like that person that means its Divine intention, people by using the system of caste, community, religion, etc are tryinig to deprive me of that created by God. So when any one say i love a person think of this and act, Love is like walking on a double edged sword, if you have to strike the right balance not only u but ur partner too must have the right perception otherwise we end loosing the battle. Its added responsibility which needs extra determination and commitment because when one says i love a person he is invoking divinity in himself he or she has to be true to that otherwise both will suffer making people around them to suffer. Life is not to suffer but to strive to achieve and excel.
Even history is full of instances where there were marriages between people of differetnt castes, communities, religion, Indian blood fears to revolt, it just want to be patient to happen everything by its own, which never happens and wish to take pleasure in getting bogged down, and being in pitiable and pathetic condition. That mindset itself is blocking us, then how can we expect our parents to come to our help by accepting the change and our marriage! I dont want to sympathise with u as i wish to see u to get settled down with the one u love. I pray that your father and mother change their mindset, let God give them that thought that their daughter wil be happy with the one whom she loves and he is the only person who can look after her more than his life.
Alisha says:
hi megha.. i ws lukin 4 some kind of motivation,n i happend 2 b readin ur article at d same time.. me n my bf both r muslims bt belong 2 diff castes..v both r doctors..his family has no prob bt when my parents came 2 knw abt us 2 yrs back,all d drama dt u mentioned in d sweety story happend,my dad evn hit me n mom tortured me emotionally 2 d extreme..at dt pt since v both wer in d internship,n my parents almost put me on house arrest for 2 mnths endangerin my medical career..den nly ven i surrendered,dey agreed 2 continue vid my internship…dey believe frm dat time dt i v 4gotn d guy..bt v both have been constantly in touch vid eacth other day-day basis since 2 yrs…v both done vid studies 6 mnths back..he l open a clinic shortly…n m gettin so many proposals..none of dem z a medico though.. his parents r ready 2 approach mine n get d talk done..his dad has evn talked 2 an uncle who z my dad z freiend to help in convincin my parents.. m really worried…if my parents directly tells dem no, hw shud i talk 2 dem since dey r under d impression dt i v 4gotten him…v both r very dedicatd 2 each othr,v studied 2gethr in d same college,n since m here vid my parents frm 2 yrs,v hav met nly 1ce in a friendz weddin..i v been thru a lot of sufferin mentally coz of dealin vid so many proposals all d time bt my bf has been very supportiv n patient through out ..n v both still love each othr inspite of being in a longdistance relation for 2 yrs dat 2 aftr 1 yr of courtship n being best frienz earlier 2 dat..i hope u will be able 2 advise…
lonely heart says:
hey.megha……hope u vl b gr8………
i can’t believe there are so many people with same problem as i am suffering from…..
..i m 2 going thru this suituation since 12 yrs….i m hindu n my bf is Roman catholic…
My father has misconceptions regarding christians .. v both are sharing this beautiful relationship since long time & has gone thru many bad situations, but still v r 2gehter . hoping that one day everything will be fine……. but now his mum is forcing him to get married ………….i don’t want to loose him……….he respects my parents a lot…..i know he will be a very gud husband and son in law…….. but my parents are not ready to hear anything……..what i shuld do…………
Parul says:
after rading this it seams my story, m 23 and suffering from same senario at my home as of sweety, dont know wht’s in my future, it should be sent to all parents ………….
Nivedita says:
Hi Megha!
Thanks for creating this blog. I am really grateful to you. I was desperately looking for some solace. I am a south Indian girl, in love with a gujarati patel boy for the last 51/2 years. He is a Kadva Patel. He had come to Bangalore to study and we met here and fell in love in 2004. After that he went back home and told his parents about us. His dad said that he would never agree and that if he gets married to me, he will just think that he had no child at all. Since 4 years he has been trying to convince his dad but has not been able to. He even left his hime and came here to Bangalore. They forcibly fixed his marriage with a Gujarati girl and he is supposed to get married on November 22. He can’t leave his parents for me because he is the only child and if we get married, his mom will never be allowed to meet him or even speak to him. Even now, he is trying to persuade his dad. The girl’s family also knows about our relationship but no one is doing anything about it. On the other hand, we are not able to forget each other no matter how much we try. I don’t know what to do. I am really scared and depressed.
Megha says:
Well.. first of all no one can force someone to get married to someone ..
your BF must take action .. and you both are suppose to sit and decide about wht to do or wht not ..
what about his fiance ?.. she doesnt know tht he is in love with you ?… tell your BF to tell her if she doesnt know ….. that might help you .. and if your BF loves you.. he must not go and spoil another girls life… just talk to him.. and you both must decide something …
Nivedita says:
I do not have answers to many of your questions, Megha because I don’t know what is happening at his place in Surat. I have just completely trusted him to do something to work this out. He says that things work differently in the Gujarati community. But I cannot understand it completely because I have not been a witness to it. He had been to his hometown a couple of weeks ago and again tried telling his parents. His fiance and his family were informed. But they apparently want the marriage to happen. Because otherwise their reputation would be harmed and no one would marry that girl. They are ok with it even if my BF and that girl separate after marriage. I have spoken to me BF many times. He says he understands everything and that he is trying to talk to his parents, but he cannot go against them. His dad has threatened him that if he goes on about this matter, he’ll come to Bangalore and take him away forever and that the marriage will take place, no matter what. I even told him that in that case he should just leave me alone. But he says it is not possible for him to live without me. I too can’t do that. I really dont know what to do. Its been six years and our relationship is at such a stage that I don’t even know if I will ever get out of it. What will happen of me if he gets married to someone else? I mean, my only fault is that I am not a Gujarati girl, which of course, is something completely beyond my will or control. I have never spoken to his parents. I have no clue what the problem is and if there is a solution. I told me BF that if we get married, his parents will eventually come around and that I’ll support him in everything that he may want to do to ensure that his parents accept us. But he thinks that it will never happen. I really don’t know what to do. I am distressed. are things really so bad in the Gujaratii community?
dezawoo says:
i dont know things abt gujrati comm but similar kinda situation was there in both my families( brahmin family and sindhi family).
i m in love wid a girl for the past 2 yrs, i entered into job after completing btech and my parents started looking for a bride 4 me n when i came to know abt this i softly told them the abt my choice of girl whom i wanted as my wife and things went volcanic.conditions were so bad that even if my parents heard the same name(as that of my gf) they declared the girl as unsuitable for me.
when my gf told abt me in her family same old emotional drama restrictions and everything happened which happens in old hindi movies.her cell ws taken away , she ws not allowed to go alone anywhere and stuff like th8 took place.
anyways what we did was that i taught my gf what my parents liked and what according to them are the qualities of a good girl.she acted like a good student and embibed every bit of it even in her day to day lyf and i did the same.i learnt what her parents liked and what kind of boy will be the perfect groom for her daughter.
when we both felt th8 the final showtym has come my gf went in front of my parents and i went in front of hers(the occasion was a marriage where both the families were invited to and we had to include a few other ppl whom we trusted) without each other in the scene and tried to break the ice without mentioning the real purpose why we r so interested to be in touch wid moms n dads.
slowly slowly she was in touch wid my mom over the phone and one day came when my mom started giving her examples of her goodness, manners etc to others.it was then when i told who she really is to my parents(initially we did lie abt names, castes etc and my parents were under an impression that she is a girl from my caste).once again things went worse but this tym they were not so bad.still my parents try to convince me to marry a girl frm the same caste but the intensity of the emotional black**** and stuff is not so much.
i am still trying to get the same status in her family and i know very soon i will get it.
the current situation is that we both are into higher studies and we plan to get marry once the studies r over and we r sure that all 4 of our parents will agree to our marriage as we both have created atleast some place in their minds if not in their hearts……..
try something similar who knows u may get lucky and get ur love 4 the rest of ur life….
ALL THE BEST.
Nivedita says:
Thanks guys for your suggestions. But unfortunately I do not think I am as lucky as you’ll. I made the best effort to make our relationship work because i really love him a lot. But I guess his parents are more important to him. so he has made his decision and chosen them. There is absolutely nothing that I can do about it. He has atleast met my parents and my parents know him but I don’t know anything about his family other than what he has told me. I have never spoken to them because he didn’t think that would help and I didn’t want to do anything against his wishes. But I guess this is what destiny has planned for me. he will get married next month and I will be left groping in the dark, doing I-don’t-know-what. Anyways, will keep in touch with you. Thank you so much. And, good luck dezawoo! I am happy that you stood by your girl.. Hope you guys are together forever!
Megha says:
Nivedita.. if your BF cant stand for you and thinks that his parents will actually come to bangalore and take him to gujarat and get him married to some other girl .. thn i must say .. he does not desirve you … you desirve someone who can stand for you .. who can hold your hand in no matter what situation and dont leave you alone..
these guys who cant even stand for what they want .. cant do anything in thr life.. so i would suggest you .. to not be depressed and think positive about it..
think – what all now you can do once you are out of this tension .. you were actually doing nothing in past 6 years other thn thinking about this guy.. you are actually free from a bad time.. which you thought is good ..
think – what you have got from this whole experience … you will actually become stronger thn what you were till now.. you will realise it once you are out of the depression..
think – why should you bow down to his parents .. dont you have your self respect ? .. why you must be like what others like ? .. why cant you make other like you the way you are ?.. why you want to plese others to like you ?
Dont be depressed and think tht what will i do now without him ?
how will be my life without him ?
my life is over .. how will live ?
thrs nothing in my life to do without him ..
we have been so close to eachother .. and now we are not ..
how will i spent my life with someone ? ..
these thoughts are emotions for few months.. you will realise real thing the day you will hear that he is happily married with someone else and dont even remember you ..
i know saying all this is simple for someone and its way too defficult to bare when you are hurt .. but trust me .. and remember these words..
you will be happy
Nivedita says:
Yeah Megha, you are right. The sad part of it all is that I always knew what was going to happen. For the six years that we were together, not once did he assure me that we may get married. I just saw things the way he wanted me to. I had closed my eyes to reality. He didn’t even give me a chance to talk to his parents, let alone meet them nor did he ever speak to my dad although he knew him very well. There was a time when I was so emotionally drained that I thought I just had to tell my parents about it and I did. He yelled at me saying ” What will your dad think of me now? I can’t even talk to him”. I was willing to do anything for him Megha, to go all the way to meet his parents even. But he just didn’t give me a chance. I sometimes wonder what had happened to me. Why was I so blind when things were so so so clear? Just the way you told me today, a lot of people including his friends told me not to trust him. But I did.. maybe I had to learn the hard way. I was willing to give up my education, career, my parents’ dreams for him. You are right.. It was a bad time and I should get out of it now. If not anything, I have a promising career ahead of me. I do not know if I can ever love anyone as much as I loved him, but if it is going to leave me in such a situation again, I’d rather not. I hope to find someone, who atleast treats me as a human, as an equal, someone who will stand by me.. and I hope as you said, someday I will be happy..
Nivedita says:
Hey all! Happy diwali to everyone… This was by far, the darkest diwali of my life. It just seemed when I wrote my previous comment that I probably will be able to get over everything. But as days, hours and minutes go by, I am growing increasingly uneasy about the fact that he is getting married.. I just don’t understand how he can even think of doing something like that.. I cannot imagine. I am just dreading how I will go through it. Every moment I am willing myself not to think about him but it seems impossible. SIX YEARS is such a long time.. He is my life, my world, a part of me. Why am I now being compelled to give up on everything that I ever wanted? Why have I been chosen to go through this painful experience? What did I do to deserve this? I have been searching for so many answers within myself. It just seems like I will never be happy again. I know I am sounding as though I am completely lovelorn and out of my mind. But it is true that this relationship has scarred my life forever. I do not think I can ever replace him with anyone, I do not think I can feel the way I did for him again, I do not think I’ll ever be able to forget those little things about him that made me feel so special and loved, that made life so beautiful.. I know that he has done crazy things, he probably never loved me! But I do.. Even now that mad lil part of me that has loved that man so much is hoping for some miracle. The worst part is that I know that this is all crazy but I can’t help it. I just hope that no one ever has to go through so much pain.. I have so much time left.. The thought of having to spend it without him seems dreadful, impossible and unbearable.. I wish he felt the same.. things would have been different.. I would have been happy.. I would have been one of you..
Megha says:
infact .. you have got good news that he is getting married to someone else and not you .. your life is saved … who knows he has ever spoke to his parents about you or not .. he must have just made stories tht they dont like you and are saying no to get married to you ..
dont worry .. just be your self .. and you will come out of it .. and if possible .. go to some place for holidays for some days .. with friends or family ..
and if you can .. u can change your work place … you will get new environment.. new friends.. new life ..
Alisha says:
hey Megha, i have been checking the site regularly for some piece of suggestion frm U….plz go through my post n pour in a few words for me.. ..thnx… !
Megha says:
Alisha – which post are you talking about ?
Raj says:
Hi all..
Its really sad that so many ppl r hving issues with love, and inter-caste marriage. But one shud understand life s not so easy for one to live and njy, it has lots of obstacles, ups and downs which teaches us how to carry on with life. One such thg is love, which everyone in life wud hv experienced knowingly r unknowingly. Some ppl wud b lucky enough to hv ther love around with them for life but some wil b more lucky to hv ther love in ther heart. But most of us belong to the later category(i dont knw it fortunate or unfortunate). I personally prefer to knw wat love is and not hving it with u rather than not knowing love at all. (Niveditha tats for you)
As far as inter-caste marriage is concerned its all abt mindset of the ppl. V cant say its rt or wrong as ppl r getting affected with inter-caste marriage especially those who r not involved in it. For example I am very open with all this and i supported my brothers marriage which s a inter-caste one. My father was against it and v brothers forced him saying all those thgs which u ppl hv posted above and made him convince for the marriage which he did a bit unhappily knwing abt the society and its consequence. But now I am feeling the heat, my in-laws r not happy with my brothers marriage and they dont wnt my brother r his in-laws to show up in any of the social gatherings, and if they do then they r not turning up for the funciton. In such case wat one can do..tat to i have to c both for my brother and my wife and in-laws tooo…
Conclusion is simple..if ther is no issues then everythg is fine and all will be happy and everythg is right, but if ther is some rift/issues then its really difficult to find peace r happiness and everythg seems wrong..so ther is no one solution for this one, as ppl r different and ther views and ideologies r different..so i can suggest that wat ever the situation u ppl r in just c to tat you make majority of ppl around u happy as some minority of ppl wil b ther who r not happy and as everyone knws v cant make everyone happy…
Be happy and make others happy..take care
Raj
Nivedita says:
Hey Raj!
I didnt really understand the line that was meant for me. Can you pls elaborate?
Raj says:
HI Niveditha
Love is fire. But whether it’s gonna warm your heart or burn your house down you can never tell. But in your case i thk its house on fire, so if u wnt to stay in then ur putting ur life at risk, so i suggest u 2 better come out of it and c a new fresh life in store for u.
When we think of failure; Failure will be ours. If we remain undecided; Nothing will ever change. All we need to do is want to achieve something great and then simply to do it. Never think of failure For what we think, will come about.”
The most wonderful of all things in life, I believe, is the discovery of another human being with whom one’s relationship has a glowing depth, beauty, and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing, it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of Divine accident.
U wil definetly experience tat divine accident in ur life ahead..so nvr lose ur heart and stay positive, ther is still a long way to go in ur life and u wil hv all gud thgs in life, becoz with love and patience nothing is impossible.
take care
Nivedita says:
Hi Raj!
That post was really beautiful. Thanks for your advice and wishes. Although I do not know if my relationship was good or bad, fortunate or unfortunate but for me, it really was a divine accident. I may have gone through the worst of times, immense pain, hurt and what not but I still loved him despite all and I still do.. I honestly dont know why and thats the beauty of it all. I am not even sure that he feels the way I do because if he did he would not have decided to marry someone else.. I am not sure of anything except that my love is true, pure and divine.. But as I know and should start believing it is something that I cannot have but something that will remain with me forever..
Nivedita says:
And Megha.. I am sorry I couldn’t reply to your post.. You are a great source of strength and support.. If not for your blog and your constantly comforting words, things would have been worse.. Thank you!:)
milind says:
Hey Megha is it mere the caste in patels u wanted to address or all the caste system u mean?I strongly denounce this caste system this is henous thing and stigma on humanity.My caste is , I am HUMAN,and will marry to the gal who is HUMAN being.
milind says:
please visit to see caste system
http://www.idsn.org/news-resources/video/im-dalit-how-are-you/
Subha says:
Hi magha,
Like many others Im also into same problem. From past 3 yrs. But i dont hate my parents for not agreeing to intercaste. But I have bigger problem than this. Im not able to come out of the guilt that Im hurting my parents. Also its nearly impossible for me to marry anyone else other than my love my life.
My parents have never seen happiness in thier life and now that they expected their children will make them happy im hurting them. They are very adment. They are not listening at all and have seen a guy and forcing me to marry him. I have spoken to my love he says be strong and talk to them again and wait if we want their concent for marriage. Im 26 now and my parents are really tensed for my wedding. I donno how to convince them coz they are very orthodox love me a lot (not more than prestige of thiers) and im the only one out of my entire Relative filed to go in for love marriage. My parents beat me up and dont listen to me at all. Im really in bad situation. Im very scared of them now coz they beat me n shout at me. Can u help..
Subha says:
Sorry Megha.. magha is typo error..
Megha says:
Milind… I am not talking about any specific cast and any specific human here…
its not even about anyones parents..
its about peoples thinking and thr mindset … which is wrong even in this age [according to me]..
also its my thought .. which may be wrong or may be right .. i m no one to talk about any cast or any person …
i have just mentioned what i felt is right ..
Megha says:
Subha – Dont feel guilty about going against or hurting your parents or anyone …
its not that YOU are doing this .. if it was not you thn thr must have bees someone else doing this … you are just a way to help thm open thr eyes towards the new thinking..
if you think that they have never been happy in thr life and you dont want to be another reason of thm being sad ..is really good ..
but .. if they beat you and force you to marry someone.. its not good at all
thats not the right way to treat someone..
You are 26 .. thats not a big deal .. you are not 36 or 46 to get worried about… infact its the right age to get married to someone .. because you are sensible enough to chose your life partner at this age …
your boyfriend is right .. you must wait or give your decision about marriage to your parents that if you marry .. it will be your BF and not anyone else..
and dont you worry about your relatives .. no one is going to come to you if you need thm in future .. all you have to think is about you, your BF and your Parents.. no one else ..
so just keep trying .. and before trying anything .. just be firm on your decision .. and thn take any step you want ..
Subha says:
Thanks Megha. He’s coming home today. Its a surprise for my parents coz they are just not ready to meet him or see his face. Im scared how much my mom will be hurt, curse me and beat me. Will she let him talk or what’ll happen. Im very scared. I hope evrything goes fine. Just the way we want.
How were sweety’s parents convinced?
All lovers out there Pls pray for us…
Nivedita says:
The last opportunity to save my relationship is over… His dad had come to blore for the first time in six years.. But I didnt meet him coz my so-called love didnt want me to… didnt ask me to.. My story is really one of its kind, unheard of and too painful to be a part of… Just twenty days more and it’ll all be over… I hope God gives me the courage to survive this and move on..
All the best Subha!
subha says:
My bf did come home but it was complete NO from my parents end coz of the So called samaj, relatives. Mom told me gal’s life is to sacrifice her happiness and give happiness to her so called shit family. I hated my mother for the first time for telling that. for my parents 26 is a big age since all my neighbour pals are married. 26 is like being 46 to them.
Im broken and wondering what to do. What can i do so that nothing goes wrong and I can marry my love with my parents happiness. Day and night I keep listening to crap from my mom. She blames me for all bad happening still i worry for them and simply dont have gutts to shout back at her coz if i talk softly she will NEVER listen. All she has learnt from life is to cry over whatever problem comes and blame her kismat for that and atlast blame me for giving their family pain.
She blames me everything wrong and im really hating this life of mine. I want them to be happy but I cant marry anyone else also.
Hey Nivedita.. Ill pray to god to give you strength.
Nivedita says:
Thanks Subha.. Thank you..
jannat says:
Dear all!!
I pray to ALMIGHTY to always keep all the lovers together… forever!!
i m out of touch from this blog since long but hav been reading all the posts on regular basis!!
well…my current situation is that by bf’s family came from usa in august n met my parents in september…things were fine but as soon as they left ,my parents changed totally… in the meeting it was decided that the boy wil take 7-8 months to go 2 usa…then he’l need some time 2 settle down, say 3-4mths ..so in nutshel shadi vagers k liye 1 year wait karni padegi… this was decided in the meeting… but as soon as they left my parents changed their statements that they had never agreed for al dis… there was no positive response frm boy’s side in the meeting…they had just come 4 d sake of their son,becoz he was presurising them 2 meet us,,,oderwise they r not interested,,they said we wil c after 1 year wat 2 do… they hav not said anything clearly… hmmm…. they even said me that v want d boy to keep hair n tie turban but his parents directly refused that there r no conditins in love,,boy’l not keep hair or tie turban,,
my parents say that the boy’s family came 2 indis in august 1st week,,,y they didnot meet us on priority basis?>,,, y dey met us 3 days before leaving 4 usa?
just 4 formality sake?..
hmmm
actly v r sikh khatris and the boy belongs to lower caste… this is bothering dem… especialy my mom…..
but my dad said me that he wud hav ignored caste had the boy been proper gursikh( hair+turban)..
since none of the conditins r being satisfied…so u’l hav 2 4get him..
hmmm…..
wen i told dem i’l never 4get him,,,i want 2 marry him only..after 10 mins,my mom fainted…
evrytime any of the such argument takes place at my house,mom’s health is affected…she faints,becomes unconcious,,,,she strts teling me that v grew u 4 dis day only… itna bura time dekhne k baad ab jo sukh ka tima aaya hai…u r spoiling it… n so on…
my younger sister also gets upset…
i dont like it yar…..
to make the situatin more worst,20 days ago,my Dad cald up my bf n abused him v badly… he said him k tumhari aukaat kya hai? tumhare gharwalon ki aukaat kya hai? clas dekhi hai? schedule caste ho tum n so on………..
shit man!!! i tried my best 2 stop my dad frm saying al dis….but his bp increased n he said al dat…
he said him dat next time he talks to me,his legs wud b broken,,,wo uska uthwa denge n so on…..
my bf said me that he didnot reply 2 my dad at al just because he respects him,,,,,but he was badly hurt by the words of my dad espesialy abt his family,his parents,,his caste n al…
he said me to take stand 4 us…
but my parents hav threatened me not 2 talk 2 him or else wo boy ko harm karenge.. which i dnt want..they hav askd me 2 forget him n strt preparing my mind 4 marrying sm1 else… my bf after lisning 2 al dis,doesnot talk 2 me anymre…he doesnot pik my cal,,,,he says jab i cant take stand 4 both of us,,,,wen theres no future den y shud v talk 2 each oders??
my parents hav threatened 2 kil demselves if i think of him…..
its been more that 15 days,,,deres no news frm my bf’s side…he neithr piks my cal,,nor cals me….
my parents r searching a suitably boy on urgent basis…
wat wil happen 2 my love story??
regards,
Jannat
Nivedita says:
Jannat… If you really love him, stand by him. Your parents ultimately want you to be happy. They will come around sooner or later. If you guys really love each other, you should be together otherwise no one will be happy.
subha says:
Hey jannat… I completely understand ur situation. All this parents thing is really sad. Its so easy for them to say 4get the one you love. i really wish god could make them feel how we are feeling.
One side our love and our life is waiting for us and on other our parents our father mother who loves us very much. They have done evrything possible for us but when it comes to our real happiness thier love goes for toss.
My parents tell me forget your bf, is he all for you. How can you spoil our life and be happy with him Our curse will never leave you. Gal’s life is to make sacrifices for their family. Is this wot gal has to do. Then why the hell are we living. Are we born to live sad.
But inspite of this im not able to take a hard step against my parents coz i kno they’ll be totally broken. Im from complete orthodox society and I ve seen other parents condition when their daughters have done something similr. N i dont forsee such situation for my father. I wish i had seen that situation when i hadnot fallen in love. But what has happened is happened Im in real love now and both of us cant live without each other.
I dont kno how will this be possible since i dont have guts to hurt them Coz im scared as I love them and they love me. At the same time i love my bf. I want to marry my bf with my parents happiness but its been 3 yrs now, its still a NO. N they are desperately looking for guys.
Im not getting any kind of comfort. We are all sailing in same boat.. LOVE.
subha says:
I think im goin insane now. Sometimes i think if it was possible I really wud have loved to stay alone. Im educated and the world needs educated people. Instead of wasting my time in love and marriage which is doing no good to our country, I would really love to do something for society. Donate what i earn and help people get educated. Devote myself into social service, upliftment of society.
What say guys.. Hows idea..
Nivedita says:
Subha, don’t get carried away.. what you are in to is not something to just walk in and out of. It is not just about you or your parents. It is also about your bf.. It is a question of your lives. Don’t give up on it so easily. When the one you love gives up on you, believe me, IT HURTS… It is like a big scar on your life that can never be healed..
subha says:
I can completely understand. Thats y im in this situation. I dont kno what to do so that i get him with my parents blessings.. i ve spoken to them again and again but no use.. they r looking for guys.. Im really tensed
Nivedita says:
Subha, see.. the point is that many times in life you ought to make choices between things that are equally important to you. In such situations, it is better to make a choice that will give you a chance to have both things eventually, at some point. Your parents can’t be blamed for the way they think just as we can’t blame ourselves for loving someone.. But the point is that the best things in life don’t come easy. If you choose to marry even without your parents’ consent, then believe me eventually, one fine day.. they WILL accept it, simply because you are their child and you are a part of them. I know it is hard.. but nothing comes easy.. Just think about it.. It is so much easier to call your bf and say that you cant marry him instead of marrying him and facing your parents, right? This is what most people do. They do what is convenient.
But think.. if YOU cannot decide who you should be with for the rest of your life, then who will? I am not saying that parents should not have a say in this. Of course they should! But when the reasons they give are wholly irrelevant, that is when you should feel compelled to make your own decision.
Remember , that if you marrry someone else, there is no looking back.. You have to accept the life you choose..
I know such decisions are tough to make.. Your parents are going to be really hurt but if you trust the man you love, if you know that he is the one for you, then stand by him. Think about him, make him a part of your decision, whatever it may be. Don’t just inform him of your decision.
This is the right time.. Be brave and stand up for what you want! God is with you!
All the best!
subha says:
Thanks Nivedita. Lets see what i can do. I ve given up everything to time. Im not saying anything to any1, neither to my love nor my parents. I donno Im right or wrong.
ketaki says:
hey!
gr8 post!! feel so mch connected to this.. the only diff in my case is thngs went really fast! m still in my final yr of engg… n my parents got to know about my relationship..n they spoke the exact words wht u ve used in the blog! its such a surprise as well as comforting to c tht most of us frm the same age group r going thru this similar kind of problem!! and v r all looking for the same unique solution..
bringing a change in this blindfolded society with dumb rules!!
Nivedita says:
Hi guys!
Chetan Bhagat’s new novel “2 states-the story of my marriage”, a must-read for all who are really in love and want to be together… A story very close to reality with a happy end, of course!
subha says:
Thanks Nivedita.. im goin to buy it right away
Nivedita says:
Guys..
Having to forget comeone you love is really difficult. When you are so confortable with someone being around you always, whether actually or in your thoughts and one day, all of a sudden, you have to let go.. forget.. stop feeling.. How to do it? I tried everything. Doing other things to distract myself, talking to friends, thinking about how much pain I suffered when I was in the relationship, I tried every possible means that I could think of or that others suggested. But I am not able to.. The thoughts of the relationship.. his thoughts.. haunt me.. every moment.. even as I talk to you. I am counting the days to the wedding.. I am praying.. hoping for something when I know that the truth is that it’s all OVER. I am not able to accept it.. I want to, but I can’t… I can’t tell you how painful this is, how traumatic.. I sometimes feel like I am crazy. I mean, I am punishing myself for a guy who doesn’t even care about me.. why???? He is not troubled like me, he is probably even happy.. then whats happening to me? What did I get out of this other than pain, heart break and tears? How do I get out of this? Will I ever be happy again? What do I do? I dont know.. This is horrible.. This is just horrible..
Just wanted to share my thoughts with all of you with the hope that you ll understand…
subha says:
Hey Nivedita.. I completely understand what you goin thru. I have also suffered the pain u suffering now in past. This love who I wanna get married to now is not my first love. I was in love before but that love failed. Life gave me another chance and this guy came in my life who’s much better than the previous one. Now i really thank god for failing my first love and giving this guy to me who’s much much better in all senses.
It took me 3 yrs to 4get my first love. Its all the matter of time dear everything will be gone and life will be usual again. Time is the best healer is all i can say (from personal experience).
But now im really hurt my parents are not willing to get me married to this guy and i cant hurt my parents and this time I don wanna fall in love again. I have had enough. I want my bf with my parents blessings but i donno how. Im really tensed.
Nivedita says:
Subha..
U know what, the worst part is that I tried breaking up with my love 2 and a half years ago.. we have not been ‘together’ in the actual sense for almost 2 years. Even then, my condition is like this.. just imagine..
Time hasn’t changed anything. That is why I am even more scared.. n I dunno why but I still feel that something good is going to happen… Aamin to that..
As for you… I think you should just not give up coz u really love this guy.. Just tell your parents one thing, that you will not go against them and marry your guy but you will also not marry anyone else. So, they can make a choice. You have the confidence that your guy can win over your parents’ love and that he is ready to go all the way and do anything for you, right? Then just go for it Subha… Please.. I have never seen you.. I don’t even know you but believe me, the knowledge that two people in love are together brings happiness to all those who have known love… All the best! You are always in my prayers.. Don’t let him go! He loves you!
Nivedita says:
Also… please let me know what you think after you’ve read “Two States”
Raj says:
Hi Nivedita
Its Raj again….
U knw wat, when kids do silly thgs v may njy it, but the same thg when old ppl do v may get annoyed or irritated, sorry to say but I do get irritated by cing ur msgs…Bcoz v all knw its real stupidity to thk r spent time on somethg which is not really worth r not meant for us…There is no meaning in crying for somebody who is not even caring abt u..
All ppl r majority of ppl here say bad abt ther parents not accepting ther love, emotions, feelings etc etc..but hw many of you accept the fact of negligence or lack of reciprocation of love by ur loved ones, but still u ppl fall in love and not ready to accept the real fact like wat Nivedita does…
Ppl here do Grow up ..its high time tat v waste time in such nonsense thgs..I do understand tat its really tough to get out of ur emotions but its not impossible, when u ppl can oppose r thk bad abt ur parents who r responsible for wat u ppl r now, then y cant u ppl come out of such ingenuine love…
All my comments above r only for those who r in trap of love which is not true not for those who give there life for love…
Love is not one sided it shud b two sided …All cinematic dialogues like i cant live without him/her, he/she is my life, I am nothing w/o his/her love r all bullshit…
U have ur own life to worry abt..Make sure what ur responsibilites r and work towards it..dont make fool of urself for thgs which r not worth for..
Shedding tears for those who dont even care for u nor care to wipe ur tears is utter stupitiy and nonsense..
Ppl here pls dont b in dreams do come to the reality …
All the very best for u all…
Nivedita says:
Hey Raj,
First, no one wants to ruin their lives.. Second, if you are getting irritated, don’t read my msgs. Third, if you don’t understand how someone feels, don’t belittle their feelings.. When you love someone you dont do it upon the condition that that person will also love you. Fourth, I am not as stupid as you think I am. If you have read my msgs you would have also read that I really do want to help myself out of this situation. Fifth, I may just say I accept what you say and that I have forgotten.. But things don’t work that way. Sixth, I only post what I feel coz I want to get it out of my system. I do not get any pleasure out of being miserable. Everybody knows that it is stupid to think about the past. I do too.. So kindly be tolerant towards what other people think or feel else don’t read or don’t post like this.
THANK YOU!
Nivedita says:
I do understand what you are trying to convey but please choose your words a lil more carefully
Raj says:
Hi Nivi
I thk u hv totally mistaken wat i hv said…I told u very clearly tat i do understand all ur emotions but the thg wat i felt bad is, to shed tears for those who dont deserve it…
U love someone but u dont do it upon the condition tat that person wil also hv to love u back…then y r u feeling for tat guy leaving u, u dont expect thgs rt..Just u keep luving him for ur life and njy the real feel of luv towards him, anybody stops u frm tat..
But tats not wat u hv to do and u knw tat better…I knw its tough but the thg Iam emphazing is just take life as it comes..Emotions shud make u stronger not the other way..
Ur saying tat u knw its not right to b like this but ur unable to come out it, and tat is like u dont knw swimming but stil u wnt to jump into the sea…in tat case u knw the consequence, and not only for me but for everybody here tat wil look stupid only…
Again sorry for all the above comments, but my intentions is just to make u realise tat life is precious and there r so many thgs to do, rather than wasting ur time..
Rather than being sad for wat has happened try to involve urself in thgs which can make u happy and others happy too..and u knw ther r so many thgs in life which makes others happy..love is just one of them, so explore the remaining thgs..
All the very best….
Nivedita says:
Thanks Raj.. will remember your words. Thanks, for the advice.
Raj says:
Ur welcome da..Just try to stay happy and positive..everythg wil b fine..
subha says:
Hi Nivi.. i cant say that coz my parents have given me only 2 opts.. if i wanna stay with them n see them happy I shud get married to one they want or leave home with sumanth. No Opts of not getting married. N if i leave home i kno wot’ll be the consequence. They both will definately be shattered. Its a freeky situation.
N for d book.. im still not able to buy.. ill be goin tomo to hunt for it.. im also eager to read it.. hoping i find some solution to my prob
Nivedita says:
Make up your mind ASAP, Subha. The longer you take, the situation will get worse and intolerable for you, Sumanth and your parents.. Don’t postpone. That is not the solution. I know it coz I have suffered. My bf was trying till the day before yesterday, the very last moment.. but what happened? Nothing. He had to leave. You know the situation would have obviously been different if we had decided something earlier.
Talk to them everyday, if need be, especially your mom. I ll pray, she’ll understand. Good luck! Make a decision.
Raj says:
Hi subha/Nivi
I dont knw much abt ur family background, but considering the options u hv its not betw ur parents and boyfriend but its between ur duty/responsibility and love/happiness..
What ever u choose ther is one thg which wil take back seat…just c the benefit/risk ratio of both and u can analyse based on tat..as its ur life and who can decide abt tat more than u…
I knw its a tough call but life is not easy either..so decide wisely and c to tat neither u not ur parents get affected in long run..some temporary break-up s fine, tat break-up may b to u r 2 ur parents but the decision u take shud make all of u happy in the long run..as life is not short to b sweet its long tooooo long wer each and every decision of urs wil play an important part in taking ur life further…
Thk wisely and stick to tat, life wil b gud to those who thk gud to others…
Hope Nivi ur happy on my views and i thk this time my words r as u expected..
Take care
Raj
subha says:
Hi nivi.. I ve not exactly postponed things. They kno im not interested in any1 else other than him. N talking to my mom is like talking to walls. Both my mom dad r stubborn. They get violent if i take up his topic. They r not at all understanding. They beet me.. lock me etc. Im kind of scared to bring that topic again n again.
Raj.. thanks for advice. U r rite. I have decided to get married with my parents blessings which is most tough. Donno how to achieve wat i want.. I have given it a thot many times but don wanna hurt parents and do somethin.
Raj says:
Hi Subha
I appreciate ur care for ur parents and at the same time u dont wnt to give away ur love which i can understand..I thk u can give a break for all this for time being, give ur parents some time without discussing this with them..let them thk/realise but its a tough call to make older generation to understand all this emotions but lets give it a final chance..
Just conc on ur daily activities and try to b as normal as u can til ur parents themselves come forward to discuss thgs with you. Its alw better to discuss such emotional thgs very calmly with utter cautious of the words u use..dont use any words which evokes there emotions r anger..make them calmer and try to maintain tat calmness thruout the discussion..
i hope when u ppl r thking r taking decisions in calm state of mind..u ppl can understand each others feelings and can able to come to a conclusion to this issue..try to hv a very very friendly chat which wil help..
Hope u can control ur emotions and wil thk hw to acheive wat u wnt to acheive…Oppurtunities s ther for everyone but hw they use there oppurtunities s wat differentiates ppl frm ordinary to extraordinary person…
stay calm, talk less…acheive more…
all the very best..
dezawoo says:
THIS IS 4 ALL U GUYZ N GALS WHO LOVE SOME1 OF A DIFFERENT CASTE THINK OF UR PARENTS FIRST BEFORE UR SO CALLED “LOVE”.
READ MY EARLIER POST AND I WAS IMMENSELY ELATED WHEN I WROTE IT I DID ALL TH8 BUT WHAT DID I GET IN RETURN………..NOTHING. MY SO CALLED LOVE IS READY TO GET MARRIED TO A SINDHI BOY(she is a sindhi n i am a brahmin, i dont think th8 i mentioned it earlier and have no regrets in disclosing it now)…..REASON HER PARENTS ASKED HER TO CHOOSE B/W ME AND THEM N SHE MADE HER CHOICE…..IN HER WORDS “TYM WILL TELL THAT SHE MAY OR MAY NOT BE ABLE TO LIVE WITHOUT ME BUT SHE DEFINITELY CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT HER PARENTS”…I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO..SHOULD I GO TO MY PARENTS AND SAY TH8 MY LOVE DITCHED ME FOR A BOY OF HER CASTE AND IT WAS MY MISTAKE NOT TO LISTEN TO THEM FIRST AND I AM SORRY AND I WILL NOW OBEY WHATEVER THEY SAY….ABOVE ALL WHERE DO I TAKE MY SO CALLED FEELINGS………AND I KNOW WHAT MY PARENTS WILL SAY AND U ALL CAN GUESS WHAT THEY WOULD SAY.
JUST 1 THING ALL OF U WHO HAVE AN INTERCASTE AFFAIR…..REMEMBER THAT UR PARENTS COME FIRST I REALIZED IT NOW AND ITS A LESSON WHICH I WILL NEVER 4GET…….ALL D BEST 2 U ALL HOPE U GET UR SO CALLED “LOVE”…..
subha says:
Hey raj… thanks 4 the wonderful advice. This is exactly the same i did 2 yrs back. But my parents are not normal kinds. I mean they r very orthodox and violent in nature. For them word “understanding” or any good word means living for society n dieing for society. They have never done anything 4 themselves in their whole life which pisses me off. N even now they r not doin.
I stay calm. I ve told thm ill not be happy with any1 else other than him. Rest is upto u. N they r least bothered. I told them i die without him.. they told its ok.. i told ill not marry any1 else, they told get out of house.. n if i take his name in front of them, im welcomed by violence from both of them. nothin is working out. They r jus not ready to sit n talk like adults. All they kno is hitting me as soon i take his name. But i kno they love me n they care for me (but not more than society) thats y i don wanna hurt them n do somethin wrong.
Raj says:
V cant join 2 extreme poles..i thk u knw tat very well..I thk in this case i suggest to thk of u and u alone as its ur life..they hv lived their life as they wnt and its ur life, so u hv to live as u wish..this is movie which wil finish in 3 hrs which wil alw hv happy ending..this is real life so thgs may b gud alw..so i thk at this time its better to stick to ur priorities and decide based on happiness..tats wat i can suggest..but still if u feel tat u wnt to gud to ur parents all tat bla bla bla ..then its ur wish..
take wise decision
Nivedita says:
Subha..
I agree with Raj. That is what I would have done if I were in your situation. Just one thing.. your primary responsibility/duty is towards your parents- true. But you also have a duty towards that person who has trusted you to make a decision which will affect his happiness and his life. You are going to make a decision not just for yourself but for him as well.
Dezawoo,
Forget it. You deserve better. I know it is hard to think that way but you SHOULD.
And Raj,
I am really sorry for the earlier post. I hope you understand.
Raj says:
Hi Nivi..
Its fine Nivi…then wats happening in ur life..
Nivedita says:
Nothin much. The marriage is on sunday. I am hoping things will get better after that. I mean till it happens, I’ll be in denial mode so I just want it to get over. Hard to erase memories of six years, but I am trying. I am in my final year of studies.. trying to concentrate on my career..
Raj says:
Tats really a nice move Nivi..Conc on ur studies, that wil b of g8 help for u at this moment..I knw it wil b really hard for u to erase all ur past memories..I again wnt to mention the word PAST…and conc on ur future. thgs wil b fine for u..V all ther for u dont worry..
Nivedita says:
I just feel bad because he says he is helpless and that he will never be happy with another girl. He tried stopping it in so many ways but his parents and that girl’s parents did not relent. I feel helpless.. That is why I think so much about him.
Raj says:
I knw hw tough it wil b to lose ur loved ones, the most difficult thg in life is just lying on those shoulders knwing tat, tat shoulders is not meant for us…v dont wnt to take our face off the shoulder nor v wnt to lie on them..tats really really untolerable..buy wat to do life sometimes is really really cruel to us..sometimes v hv to b just a spectator watching our loved goes away frm us…
At the same time v cant to anythg abt the finished game..v hv to prepare for the future..so done is done and nw ur hv a fresh leaf of life to lead..which wil b full of fun and happiness…so just carry on with ur life and explore the fun and happiness its has for u..
Take care
Raj says:
I knw hw tough it wil b to lose ur loved ones, the most difficult thg in life is just lying on those shoulders knwing tat, tat shoulders is not meant for us…v dont wnt to take our face off the shoulder nor v wnt to lie on them..tats really really untolerable..but wat to do life sometimes is really really cruel to us..sometimes v hv to b just a spectator watching our loved goes away frm us…
At the same time v cant to anythg abt the finished game..v hv to prepare for the future..so done is done and nw ur hv a fresh leaf of life to lead..which wil b full of fun and happiness…so just carry on with ur life and explore the fun and happiness its has for u..
Take care
Nivedita says:
I’ll try
subha says:
Hi Raj/Nivi… i kno wot u told is true.. its very hard to take such desicions.. i love both.. him n parents equally.. its like choosing 1 eye out of 2… i dono wot’ll happen. anyways im praying for the best…
subha says:
hey dez/nivi… Sometimes things don work out.. im scared that wot if i ve to face the situation that u both are facing. Its very hard. I hope everything goes gud.
Nivi ill pray 4 some miracle to happen in ur life… i hope that marriage doesn happen and he comes to u 4ever..
subha says:
I wish our lives were like movies… hey nivi don mind pls.. i kno v r all in pain… i was jus wondering if it was a movie u cud have gone to that marriage hall on the D day and said ” RUKO YE SHADDI NAI HO SAKTI.. MAIN TUMHARE BACHE KI MA BANANE WALI HUN”
just kidding.. a way to stop marriage in our hindi movies 
Nivedita says:
Subha:) I could have done it.. I can still do it.. But I wont. And why do I need a child to cement my relationship.. It is not that weak.. I have given him everything that I could. If he is destined to be with me, if he wants to be with me, if he really loves me, he will not get married to someone else.. as simple as that.
Nivedita says:
Also.. what are you praying for? Without doing anything, if you just pray, is the situation going to change? You have to do something.. Are they looking for guys for you? Either you break up or tell your parents about your decision Subha, please.
Sorry if I sound rude but after having spoken to you for so many days, I am hoping I can take the liberty to say these things.
subha says:
Hey nivi.. thats okay… u can b rude.. im too scared to shout at them n say wot i really want. im very sober kinda person. never shouted in my whole life. I ve taken life as it came. but now i don want to. I want things my way but really don ve the guts to just open up lound n say. thou in a low tone i ve told my parents several times n taken thier beatings.
But 2day im really hating myself for being so gentle to every1 i kno. esp my parents. thou my dad loves me a lot 2day his love seem so artificial. 2day im hating every1. n feel so helpless.
subha says:
n yes they r seeing guys for me. last night my dad got 17 proposals and from past 2.5 yrs i ve rejected or rather i got myself rejected from more than 25 guys. life seems a hell.
subha says:
Hey nivi.. im reading this book.. 2 states.. but sometimes it sounds so filmy. My parents don even wanna c my guys face. but in this book gal’s parents seem so damn cool compared to real life parents. I wonder if such parents really exist. I ve not read full. Im on that scene where Krish goes in Auro ahram at pondi.
Nivedita says:
Subha..
I don’t know what to say… Hard as it may seem, it is true that time has come to make a decision. Instead of nurturing ill feelings in your heart, go out there and fight for your happiness. I am the kind of person who would go to any extent to honour my commitments and you are like my bf.. sober, quiet, calm… But you know what, you cannot afford to be like that all the time.. You have no choice but to face the challenge that life has thrown your way.. you have to. How long will you keep rejecting propsals, Subh? Your parents don’t seem like they will budge.
Remember, one thing.. if you are not happy, you cannot make anyone happy. You know how bitter things turn when someone feels ditched especially if that person was hoping that something would work out? Talk to Sumanth about this properly, about what is OKAY and what is not.
Its high time Subh. But don’t hate your parents. It is one of those few relationships, that no matter what happens between the people who are related as parents and children, their relationship does not change and they can never stop loving or caring for each other. You parents in their place are right. What I mean to say is that all of us grow with certain beliefs, values and principles… With time, those beliefs become so important to us that they grow as part of us. It is difficult to change such beliefs. Just like how we think it is really stupid to object to marriage because of caste, they think that it is essential. For the very reasons that we refuse to change our belief, they do too…
But that is irrelevant. The only point is that your life is in your hands. You have the liberty as well as the responsibility to make the right decisions for yourself, to keep yourself happy…
THINK.. If you can face the world with your love beside you, go for it.. Trust me, although it may be quite a struggle, your parents will be by your side someday..
subha says:
Hey Nivi.. yes i shall try to be strong.
Hey that 2 states is really filmy. Everythin is happening for gal n guy by itself.. the schene at Rajji mama’s daughter’s wedding is complete filmy. It seriuosly doen resemble reality. Don u think. But whenever i read that book i think of my love n feel even more strong t be with him.
Nivedita says:
Yeah, it isn’t very close to reality. That is what I also felt when I was reading certain parts of the book. But then again, there are also certain bits between Ananya and Krish, certain things that they say to each other that I can relate to so well.. The story does seem incredible at times but apparently it is greatly influenced by the author’s real-life struggle to get married to his love.
Also, Subha.. Can u call me Niv instead of Nivi? And.. which city are you in?
Raj says:
Hi NIvi/Subha
I thk u both r the very active members of this site..
so subha hw r thgs nw with u and ur famly..thk u r bit relaxed nw and i thk ur bit mentally prepared to take hw life has it comes..I can sense tat in ur recent posts..
So Nivi sorry Niv…wats happening with u..any g8 news..
Raj says:
Hi NIvi/Subha
I thk u both r the very active members of this site..
so subha hw r thgs nw with u and ur famly..thk u r bit relaxed nw and i thk ur bit mentally prepared to take life has it comes..I can sense tat in ur recent posts..
So Nivi sorry Niv…wats happening with u..any g8 news..
subha says:
Okay Niv… Im 4m Bangalore. Staying here from past 15 yrs now. Basically 4m delhi.. hw abt u
subha says:
Hey Raj.. things r horrible. Ya u write.. im kind of.. Actually i really donno wot mind set im into.
2day itself i had a big fight wid my so called parents. Not on this topic but somethin else.. Uff.. its getting messy
wer u 4m raj? n don mind pls.. jus guessing… u don seem to be in love are u..
Raj says:
Hi Subha
U made a wrong guess dear..
I was and I am in love..everybody wud hv been in love i dont thk majority of ppl wil apose tat..
As said b4 in my post, Some ppl wud b lucky enough to hv ther love around them for life but some wil b more lucky to hv ther love in ther heart.. I belong to the later category..Iam not lucky enough to hv my love with me for life but iam happier to be so as i alw hv her in my heart and in every though she wil b ther..
Love shud make u strong and mature enough to lead ur life further not vise versa..as doing the other way ur not only spoiling ur life but in turn putting ur love in a bad light and reason for ur saddness..
Love is such a wonderful thg which only brings happiness either if it is with u or its away frm u..
I wnt to cherish each and evry sec of my love only by thking all the positives v had together and dont wnt to ruin my life by thking which has not happened..
So thk abt all positives ur love has given u and cherish each and every second of tat phase and carry ur life futher with all the positive energy which ur love gave to u..so tat u nvr say urself nor allow others to say tat love has ruined ur life..
For me love is not give and take and I love u & u too love me all tat nonsense….Love is not business to bargain r alw look for benefits/profits its just pure emotion which only knws to care and share all the happiness..
Final words..Person in love r person who was in love shud only spread fun and happiness…Typical Mohabettein Shah Rukh Khan style Baby……
Nivedita says:
Hey Subha! I am also in Bangalore!! I’ve been here all my life, i.e. for 22 years. where are u in bangalore and Raj, where r u?
Nivedita says:
Hey Raj!
I understand all that you’ve written about being inspired to move on positively with the help of your love, but dont those very positive thoughts of the one you love make you really miss him/her. Doesn’t that hurt?
Raj says:
Hi Nivi…
Ofcourse it does..I do miss her a lot..and i knw hw it is in life to b w/o her..but more than tat i do knw tat she wil b happy if iam very successful in life and making my life count by doing all those gud thgs which brings happiness to many ppl rather being sad and spoiling my life by thking her..by doing tat i dont wnt to bring a bad name to my love who alw thought abt my happiness and my growth..
I wil b happy only if i knw tat she is happy and leading a gud life with whom ever it may b..if i come to knw tat she is not happy and ruining her life jst by thking me then i can nvr b happy even if i acheive somethg big in life and its vice versa frm her side tooo..
V loved and missed each other very much tat v both only know..but v both knw tat our love wil win only if both of us acheive somethg in life and make others happy..
some work came in so i cant cont..will continue later..
And Iam frm Hyderabad..
catch u later Nivi..
Nivedita says:
But Raj, if everything was good between the two of you and you loved each other so much, why did you have to separate?
Raj says:
Hi Nivi..
Love is not just joining of two hearts..its joining of 2 families da…hope u agree with it..
Nivedita says:
If the love between those two hearts is strong… it doesn’t take long for it to bring the 2 families also together. That is what I think.
Raj says:
IT may be in Film da..but not in real life..u also said tat u both r really strong and wer in luv for almost 6-7 yrs..wats up..u wnt to say tat ur guy is not genuine tat he was with u jst like tat for this 6 yrs..
everybody says tat with determination and love v can change everythg in life but wen its against ur own family members tat wont work..
V both tried wat all is possible but finally v hv decided to stay apart on behalf of the welfare and happiness of our families..v r not selfish to jst thk of us alone…Mature and pure love is not just uniting two hearts and seperating two families and living the rest of the life in guilt of seperating the families and making our parents sad..Love shud make all of us happy and by cing our parents happy v both r happy for wat v hv done..as this life wat v got is becoz of them and ther sacrifices..
Just rewind ur past and c what all sacrifices ur parents hv done for ur sake and jst to c u happy..and now its our turn to sacrifice..so I am doing tat nw..
I dont abt u..but iam, sorry v(myself and my love) r happy this way..
Raj says:
IT may be in Film da..but not in real life..u also said tat u both r really strong and wer in luv for almost 6-7 yrs..wats up..u wnt to say tat ur guy is not genuine tat he was with u jst like tat for this 6 yrs..
everybody says tat with determination and love v can change everythg in life but wen its against ur own family members tat wont work..
V both tried wat all is possible but finally v hv decided to stay apart on behalf of the welfare and happiness of our families..v r not selfish to jst thk of us alone…Mature and pure love is not just uniting two hearts and seperating two families and living the rest of the life in guilt of seperating the families and making our parents sad..Love shud make all of us happy and by cing our parents happy v both r happy for wat v hv done..as this life wat v got is becoz of them and ther sacrifices..
Just rewind ur past and c what all sacrifices ur parents hv done for ur sake and jst to c u happy..and now its our turn to sacrifice..so I am doing tat nw..
I dont knw abt u..but iam, sorry v(myself and my love) r happy this way..
subha says:
Hey Raj/Nivi.. hows u guys..
Hey Raj.. good to hear that.. thats all is my prob.. hw can i hurt my parents.. good u both decided this way… nt every1 will agree with wot u did.. but i understand.. sometimes hearts do break in this selfish world. Their’s no importance of this word called “love” des days. Its a pseudo world.
Whenever i c my parents praying to lord Radha n krishna.. i wonder y r they praying lovers.. wot r they gotta do with them.. R & K also loved each other met secretly.. they were jus lovers.. n i think a lot.. i don wanna tell now. they r long n deep thots
Im starting to hate the people in this selfish world.. all r heartless.. sometimes i also think that if our parents love us so much n so called sacrifised for us then y the hell society comes when our life is at stake. Real happiness for any human will be to b with the 1 u love. N that happiness is deprived by our parents jus coz of god damn society.
I wonder wots the caste of god… if Krishna n shiva are Northindia Hindu Gods then y southindias pray them. If Ganesha is a Maharashtra’s raja then y UP people pray him. There shud b caste bars for gods also (like nothindia, southy, etc) n our education shud not teach us that we are 1, india is 1.. NO.. v r divided bunch of people thats y we fall..
Sometimes i think i shud shun my parents n go ahead with my life.. coz v young blood will create a new future i guess with no cateisum..
I told u i think a lot.. this was jus trailor
Nivedita says:
Hi Raj!
With due respect to your beliefs, I dont agree with you at all. I would have, if your parents had objected to your love for a genuine and valid reason (assuming that the reason was caste).
Well in my case, my love is Gujarati. I have no idea or clue as to how things work in that community. He has told me that for the last five years he has tried to persuade his parents, especially his dad. I trust him with that. I know only so much of him and his family that he has told me about. I have never spoken to his parents or met them. Two and a half years back, I told him that it would really shatter me to see him with someone else and hence since we know that his parents will never agree, we should just separate. But you know, Raj… it just didnt work.
If his parents loved their only son would they not give him a chance atleast? Why didnt they never see me or talk to me? Why would they forcibly get him married to someone else? Why didnt they atleast let him be? Who is going to be happy now? Me? Him? That girl? No one.. coz you can force a marriage upon someone.. not love. I dont know if the marriage has happened but if it has, that girl has married him with the knowledge that he loves someone else..
I am sorry but this whole thing of sacrificing your love for your parents.. It is mere illusion. You are pretending to be happy, pretending that you’ve moved on…
I am sure no parent does anything for his/her child with the expectation that the child will pay back with another sacrifice.
I have serious issues with divide based on caste. I think it is absolutely baseless.
Anyways, I respect your decision because it is mutual. It just doesn’t complement my thoughts.
There is no question of choosing between your parents and your love. I do not believe in having to choose between two people who are incomparable, simply because one of them came first or that they gave me my life or because they made sacrifices for me.
I just think that the best way of making others happy, is by making yourself happy first.
Nivedita says:
And yeah.. to your question of what happened between us. It was his decision to go by his parents, not mine. He decided and I HAD to accept. There was never any prob from my side because I knew that I would be able to conveince my parents and that tehy will stand by me in whatever I do, just to see me happy. My parents didnt even know until a year ago. In fact, on the day he left, my dad spoke to him and told him that all he has to do is just say that he wants to get married to me. dad said that he will take care of the rest. But he said that he doesnt have a choice and that he HAS to get married, no matter what happens after that..
Also, tell me one thing what is the purpose of this mature and pure love that sacrifices everything? Are you really, genuinely happier than u would have been with her? Do your parents or anyone realise the value of your sacrifice? God forbid, if you are married/get married and you dont love your wife/you are not happy with her, can your parents change that?
Raj says:
Hi Nivi/Subha
I can understand ur stand Nivi, but certain thgs u wil understand only wen v face the samethg in life..so i thk u wil understand hw tough it wil b for the parents side wen in future ur son/daughter does b selfish and choose her life as she wnts not considering ur views…
U may say tat u wil nvr interfere in his/her decision wen it comes there marriage and i wil gel wit there decision all tat..but being practical i knw tat, tat wil not happen and obvioiusly every, atleast majority of parent wil not gel with their sons/daughters views..
How much u say tat ur practical and u dont wnt all this caste, religion all tat stuff and wat matters is only happiness in life ..but u wud hv enrolled urself in college under BC, OBC r wat ever it may b section..y didnt u oppose there itself..then y do u put ur caste in ur application form r any form for tat matter..u can blindly say tat ur r INdian and jst Indian and nothing else…..and y do u go and worship a particular religion god in ur life til nw, instead u can go to temple, mosque and church and pray all gods na..V r all humans v r tend to change..
U use ur caste wen it requires and throw it wen not require..
U blame ur parents not caring for ur happiness and jst thk they can also claim tat ur not carring for their happiness..so its jst from which point ur standing tat decides..there is no uniform rule tat which is gud and which is bad..v tend to go according to situations and according to the situation i had, i decided to seperate which was mutually decided..
I knw i cant forget my love neither she can forget me, neither v both wnt to forget each other..but v both wnt to each other as well as our parents to be happy..
Happiness is not depend on the other person ur with, its depends on ur own thought..U liked ur parents til u fall in love and u started to go away frm them wen they oppose for ur decision…keeping this in mind ..hw can u assure tat u wont go away frm ur love wen u both hv some misunderstanding in life..
If u love somebody truely u cant go against them..and v both love our parents truely..
subha says:
Hey Raj.. respect ur thots though they don gel. But im really sonfused reading this one line….
“I knw i cant forget my love neither she can forget me, neither v both wnt to forget each other..but v both wnt to each other as well as our parents to be happy..”
Hw can u keep ur partners happy wen u love each other n keep loving each other Or u mean that u loving 2 people at a time or u r jus goin to do ur duties by keeping ur partners n parents happy. Ur heart will be with sum1 else but u will be with sum1 else. I really din get ur point when u mention those lines.
subha says:
1 more thing.. on OBC etc.. that involves changing nation (including our dearest corrupted govt).. lets start with our own home 1st like changing our parents. N people who really don believe in castisum do visit all religion gods.. i do.. i love infant jeasus.. i pray to allah with my arms spread.. i visit gurudwara.. my bf’s best pal is a muslim.. he visits his house often n his father loves my bf just like his son.
Nivedita says:
Raj…
I never said that you should go away from ur parents for ur love. Read my last post.. I only said that this whole thing of choosing between parents and the one you are in love with is wrong… There is no comparison between them.
Also, since you mentioned reservation etc.. I think I should tell u that I have lost two things that were dearest to me, the only two dreams that I had… to caste. Firstly, my career.. I wanted to study in a particular college but I couldn’t because I am a general merit student. Although my marks in the entrance exams were more than that of OBC students, they got seats while I didnt. Second, as you know.. my love..
Like Subha, I too go to church.. I go to temples as well.. I only seek opportunities to grow spiritually, thats all. There have also been times when in pain I have wondered if God is really there and if he is, then why is he merely witnessing all the wrong things that are happening.
Also, i assure you that I will never interfere with the decisions that my children may make in the future. I know you will not believe me but its true. This is what I have learnt from my parents. They have never imposed any of their decisions on me and they will not do so ever. They guide me, advise me and leave the rest to me because they trust me to do what is good for myself. I am happy that I have not let them down so far. Honestly, why should I stop my children from doing what they want to? Why should I live their life? God has given me my own.. I believe in individualism. If children are selfish because they want to make decisions for their own lives, then what do you call imposing your decisions on your children simply because you do not want to stand up for your children before society? When you place your reputation before your child’s happiness, what is that called? Is that not being selfish? I would never want to put my children through the pain that I have gone through. NEVER.
I know you haven’t forgotten your love. That is why I asked you what is the purpose of it? Sorry Raj, but this is not being practical. Your parents objected to your love, right? Why don’t you forget her? Stop loving her.. That is when you would have moved on, in the true sense..
Nivedita says:
And Subha… where are you in blore?
Prerna says:
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH :
Whatever will be said here by me is less when it comes to evils of casteism in India.
Are we living in 20th century…really?????
I dont feel when teachers asks the surname of a kindergarden child in the capital city of Patna.I dont feel when an undergraduate student of a reputed engineering college is ragged severely and treated differently (like an outcaste) by his batchmates because he belongs to a scheduled caste.I dont feel when children of urban families with well educated parents do phylum (caste) party in the colleges . I dont feel when parents in Uttar Pradesh tell their grown ups “Never make friends with a SC or ST. They are bad people with less brains” I dont feel when society prefers to kill the couple if one of them belong to SC/ST and other the so called forward caste..I told whatever I will write here will be less to express the mental atrocities which thousands of families and their children are facing all over India( rural or urban-its more in rural India is a myth)without any fault of theirs. Who has given the right to man to treat differentially another human being because a human being made some regulations to seperate a section of people because their forefathers did menial job (noone has seen and even if they did so what?????). i am asking the casteism propagators “Do they bother that their great great grandfather was a drunkard??”, Do they bother that someone in their family long ago went to jail??” Do they bother that someone in their family did two marriages??. If not …..then who has given the right to you to seperate human beings on the basis of some menial jobs which their forfathers ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE BEEN DONE AT SOME POINT OF THEIR LIFE( though nobody has seen!!!!!!).If a guy belonging to marwari community has a shoe business of his forefathers , is it not good to outcaste him from the so called upper caste people and keep him in the category of cobbler community????
I want to ask the thousands of doctors,engineers,mangers, IAS officers of 21st century -”how are you tolerating this evil in the society??” You can talk of equality of people, conserving the environment, gender equality, poverty, hunger and illiteracy but not of eliminating “casteism”.What prevents you to raise your voice?????
Do you think casteism is good??
Do you think it should exist???
If your answer is “yes” ,I have no other advice to give except-
Make friends after asking his/her caste..
Take help from a stranger when you are dying after asking his/her caste…
Fall in love after asking caste…
Dont think I have ended my comments…I will write whenever I will feel that the “educated young generation of India” is deaf, dumb and blind!!!!!
Wake up guys!!!! its already too late….
subha says:
Hey Prerna thats the spirit.. i wish i cud circulate this page to those countless idiots who have propogated castisum. It really husrts me when v celebrate our independance day as so called INDIAN. Coz v r not indians.. v r so many caste.
These power hungry politicians are 75% responsible for provoking castisum in India. They were behind Babri (led to Hindu Muslic conflicts), Vadodhra, Kandhamal, and many many more.. I menationed them coz they were major.. there’s lot more to add on castisum but i wonder will it ever effect people.
Nivedita says:
Prerna, Subha…
In our country,if there is one voice against casteism, there are a hundred to muffle that one voice. We are a nation of cowards and until we choose to be like that, until we choose to be mute spectators to all the wrong things that are happening around us, we should expect no change…
balaji says:
hi megha
am 4m tamilnad..am lovin a girl 4 past 2yrs.v both studyin n same coll. now her parents came 2 kno our love somhow and they stopped her comin 2 college. they r plannin 4 her marriag now..they r tellin v wont do intercast marrge…my parents also not supportin me…my parents r afraid tat my lover’s parents would harm me…i dunno wat 2 do..plz help me
subha says:
Hey balaji… Megha is temporarily out of this site and she has given me the POA to run it
(Jus kidding)
Hey balaji.. this is jus initial stage when ur love has been reveled in front of ur parents (off course in not a favourable way).
First thing that u shud do is.. stop paniking. Relax. Did u get to talk to the gal after all dis or r u aware wots the situation at her house now.. If not.. i sugeest try to find out. ask some of ur common pals (a gal pal pls) to talk to ur gal n try finding out wots the situation.
Balaji.. any parents apart from caste also see the guys family.. as u ve told i guess u ve not yet started to earn.. but r u good in studies and are ur parents well setteled.. N in these love marriages convincing parents etc require lot of strength and understanding. U ve to be really mature when u talk. U also have to convince ur parents first before u convince gal’s parents.
Whenever u talk to ur parents u ve to talk with lot of confidence. U ve to give them a signal that I will marry only her and no one else.
But before really fighting with ur parents to convince them for ur marriage u ve to find out wot’s gal’s position at her house. Is she really interested to marry u come what may. U both have to sit and discuss the criticality b4 entering into anythin.
So all the best.. talk to gal first then ur parents.. its a big task ahead.
Raj says:
Hi Nivi/Subha
I was away from work so i cudnt able 2 reply u ppl for few days…
Then hw r thgs wit u both…no updates frm u ppl on ur personal front..do update wat is the status..
Hi Balaji
I knw thgs r little tough for u..i wud suggest u to talk to ur gal and chk wat u both actually thk abt ur future..then only u ppl can come to an conclusion abt wat has to be done nu..
If both of u r true to ur love then u shud go tat extra mile in order to stay together, its not easy wen u wnt to love marriage tat too wen its against the likes of ur parents..
So first u shud b bold enough to talk abt this to ur parents and convience them, then take them to ur gals house and talk to them and ask for some time as ur still in college and they may say somethg in regard to this..
So u shud b very clear in ur career goals in order to convince both ur parents and ur gals side..
All the very best…
subha says:
Hey Raj.. hwz u.. my perssonal life is still d same no improvements.. mom dad ve found another 4 matches for me.. god knows wot’ll happen..
Hey Nivi.. wots happening.. u also seem to be away.. did ur bf get married.. any news
Raj says:
Hi Subha
I am doing gud..its g8 man u hv lots of options to choose frm..
Dont worry da..wat ever happens jst thk tat it is for ur betterment…by saying this I am not discouraging u, I am jst suggesting tat give ur 100%, tats wat v can do aft tat jst take life as it comes..wat else v can do da..
balaji says:
thanx 4 ur advice guys…actually my parents accepted now n they also tried 2 talk wit her parents bt they r not at al listenin 2 my n my parents words..they r tellin caste s more important 4 us than their daughtr ’s life..but she s dam strong tat she l marry me 1ly..her parents called me n asked 2 tel her 2 marry her parents choice..i told i cant do tat…
Nivedita says:
Hi guys..
Sorry was away.. I guess he got married… When I spoke to him the last time, he said ” I know why you are talking to me, coz you cant live without me. Why are you wasting ur time on me?” I asked him if our relationship didnt make any difference to him. He said, ” Life has to move on. Change is the universal law. I am a HAPPILY MARRIED MAN. Keep loving me all your life, you will get nothing in return.”
Thats it guys.. what else do I say?
subha says:
Nivedita.. wot kinda guy was he.. thats awful. Anyways.. u ve wasted 6 yrs loving him. pls don waste more time. I wonder for how long will he be happy.
subha says:
Balaji.. dont worry.. if ur gal is strong and ur parents r on ur side then ur gal will be urs. Keep convincing gal’s parents.. they’ll agree im sure. Im happy that atleast ur parents r on ur side.
All d best!
subha says:
Hey Raj.. thanx for ur words.
Raj says:
Hi Subha/Nivi/Balaji..
Balaji…so thgs r bit ok wit u i thk…so jst carry on wit ur effort and everythg wil b in its place soon..jst c to tat both of u r strong enough to overcome this hurdle and definetly u ppl wil come out victorious..
Hi Nivi
Sorry to hear tat..but as i said b4 this s wat life s all abt…better take life as it comes and start a fresh life and one day r the other u wil get ur right guy who wil love u more than his life and ur life wil b full of happiness…so b positive and carry on wit ur life..all the best
Hi Subha
Wat can i say for u, its all said earlier..only time can say wat s it up to u in life nu..so jst pray god tat u get wat u wnted and keep fighting for ur life and love..take care
Nivedita says:
Subha,
Awful is not the word.. it is worse than that.. Can’t tell u in this forum what all has happened in the last 3 months especially, the last week.. You will be shocked. No one should go through what I am going through, thats all I can say..
Nivedita says:
Raj,
Is this really what life is all about? I mean, you also decided to separate from your love for your parents, but just tell me one thing, would you have ever spoken to her like this? Do I deserve this much hurt and pain simply because i loved someone? I do not know or believe that any human being can say such things to someone they love. It is just horrible..
Raj says:
Hi Nivi
I knw its tough to digest such words from ur loved ones..but u shud unders tat his intention is not to hurt u, but in turn he is trying to make u realise tat there is nothing left betw u both now..so its better to move on with each others life..
its not easy to say tat, he wud hv said tat in a friendly way..but i knw its does not work tat way in love..in our case v understood the situation and v knw tat nothg is going to happen, so ther is no reason blaming each other for tat. so v thought and decided mutually tat its better to seperate, but as the decision was mutual v r staying as friends, jst gud friends…but its a tough decision though but till now v r managing our friendship in a gud manner by cut shorting our communication as much as possible, as u knw its very very difficult to treat ur lover as jst friend…
Lets c wer our life takes us frm here..
so understand the situation and act accordingly..
Nivedita says:
Raj,
The point is just that there are ways and means of dealing with a situation. It is horrible to say things that you know will only make the wounds of the other person deeper. Whether his intention was to try to make me realise something or spmething else I think is not relevant. As i said, it is too difficult to explain the situation in detail on this forum. Anyways, I guess there is no point deliberating on this anymore.
Thanks for your advice Raj.
Megha says:
this is really nice to see that you guys are together in such time of your life … otherwise thr are people who are absolutly alone and dont understand what to do in such situation…
keep it up guys
sweetu says:
hi megha,
i m also suffering like ths. i m gujarati n my boyfriend is rajasthani. n we living in same colony. my parents n brother r living at usa n i m living vth my masi. my younger brother told me that if u want to marry vth him thn thr is no relation of us after ur marrige. n he wants my answer wt i wan to do? my brother told me tht i ll nt keeping any relation with u even mon n papa keep relation vth u? his parents r ready to accept us. plz gv me suggestion hw i convince them. …. plz help me………
Nivedita says:
Megha,
So good to hear from you after such a long time…
Thanks to you for starting this forum… I get a lot of strength when I read the posts.. Things would have been worse otherwise..
Thanks Megha.. and of course, Raj and Subha!:)
subha says:
Hi all.. so howz every1.. Hey megha.. nice to read ur scrap after long time.
Nivi.. start a brand new life. No words for freeks like d guy who betrayed u..
Sweetu.. sweet name sweetu… My parents n younger bro are telling me d same thing. U need to have lot of strength in all des cases sweetu. Give ur family some time and keep talking and convincing them. Have u spoken to ur masi abt this. Is she ready to support u. U can take her help if she’s willing to support. Try wht all u can to convince ur parents (u kno ur parents so only u can find ways of convincing them) If at some point of time u realise tht ur parents will never agree then u have to deside what u wanna do…
I suggest if such situation comes when u ve to choose bet ur parents n bf.. pls choose bf.. coz parents will come to u.. they love u.. all those words r just words of threaten… and if u cant hurt ur parents then live like hw i am living. Im dying every moment. whenever my dad talks on fone abt other proposals for me, i die. N just keep praying to God. Its been 3 yrs nw and im waiting for some miracle to happen, coz i ve tried all i can to convince my parents but nothing works. N i ve chosen not to hurt them n get married. So im waiting for God to hear my prayers n somehow gimme a solution to my probs.
All d best sweetu.. b calm, mature, think of all aspects b4 taking any steps. Pls dont panic or break down.. u have to have lot of strength and play it cool..
Nivedita says:
Hi Subha…
I am trying a lot… You know what, I have sooooooooo many cute memories of him, of ‘us’.. They sometimes make me smile and sometimes make me cry… And there are so many of them…
Dunno if he betrayed me or happiness betrayed us but I hope that wherever he is, however he is… he is happy and with the knowledge that he is always in someone’s thoughts and prayers..
I can’t tell anyone how painful this is.. what I am really going through….to think that he is with someone else is just terrible,… but I hope my love itself gives me the strength to cope with it.
I hope that u don’t have to ever be in such a situation… I’ll pray that something works out for you… Keep trying and keep smiling:)
Nivedita says:
And Raj… whats up with the silence? Where are you?
Raj says:
HI Nivi
I was in chennai for some personal work, tats y i was not able to reply for some of the posts..
So hw r thgs with u…by cing ur post i feel tat u hv convinced urself and taken ur life forward with lots of positives frm ur past relationship..
I feel happy for tat..jst carry on and life wil b gud to u, jst stay focussed..
Take care..
sweetu says:
hi subha,
its sweetu here. hw r u? yep its true tht its need to hv lots of strength. my masi is also nt redy for this mrg. they all r not want th i marry vth him coz he is by cast marvari n i tld my parents if i marry sm1 thn marry vth him other wise not. smtimes they tld me on phone tht if u want to marry vth him thn v r ready bt aftr mrg thr is no relation btvn us n aftr smtime they tlk very normally like nthinh hpnd. i dnt knw tht wt they want to do. i also nt want to hurt thm. bt why they dnt think 4 us. there r no1 in my side. smtimes i feelin alone bt nw i thnk u r being my friend. hw is ur life goin? ok byeeeeee……. keep in touch . n i pray to god tht sm miracle happn in ur life n ur parents r ready 4 ur mrg. all the best. tc.
subha says:
hey Nivi.. i understand ur situation.. anyways.. keep goin.. r u studying or working..
Hey raj.. hwz u..
Raj says:
Hi Subha
Thgs r fine with me..Iam working for a pharma company in Hyderabad..wat abt u..y dont v have a lively chat man..so tat v can knw each a little better..If interested let me knw so tat i come online..
Nivi the msg is for u toooooooo…
Catch u online..take care..
subha says:
Hey sweetu.. our parents r really strange.. im also suffering same situ.. ur bf is of a neighbouring state but me n my bf r north n south pole.
Sweetu.. if they say that they’ll get u married.. then let them.. all that stuff dat v’ll break r/s etc are all crap.. Don stress urself much like hw im suffering.. im really not able to come out of that fear my parents ve created. im really feeling miserable.
subha says:
Hey all.. i need strength… Im really goin thru tough time.. not able to concentrate in work.. n my parents goin to all kinds of pandits.. doing pooja.. homas.. n wot not.. im wearing 2 type of stones.. i was wearing lot of pooja stuff aroung my neck that i ve aparently removed.. im suppose to wear yellow clothes on thursday n friday.. im goin mad.. i had big fight at home 2day coz of all dis. im very tensed.. i got so wild that i alomst started to sweat..
My so called mom shows her lov 4m outside.. she doesn scold me in front of me.. but i hear her talking all bad abt me behind my back.. r des d parents we have.. r these people d one who claim to love us.. im really hating my life..
Raj says:
Hi Subha
Wat yaar..y r u talking like this..b mature dear…
I knw its tough wen ur in such situation but at the same time u hv to understand tat jst by thking r worring abt this is not going to help u out..so either u hv to plan a statergy to convince ur parents r to convince urself..
By jst scolding ur parents is not going to help and thking more abt it wil only take u to depression..so jst stay calm and thk wat u hv to do in order to bring ur life to normal..
If i hv to suggest, i wil jst tell u go according to wat ur heart says..and i knw it wil tell u to go with ur BF..if ur BF is strong in his views and settled in life then alone i suggest u to go with him and get married..if not so jst listen to wat ur parents say..
At times life may b tough but its teaches u a lot..its makes ur mature and strong within..so jst relax, sit alone and thk wat is better to u..wat s better to u, tat u can alone decide, so dont go with others suggestion including mine..jst listen to ur innerself and u decide wat s better for u at this point of time and also in the long run..
all the best..hope ur decide the right one for ur life..
sweetu says:
hi subha
sweetu says:
hi subha
Raj is too right tht hear only ur inner feeling. if ur bf is strong thn ready to go vth him. our parents only wants their so cld society n reputation. they dnt want our happiness. they only tld tht v thnk abt ur future thts why v tld no. bt u knw tht its nt true. i pray to god tht u gt wt u want. god bless u n be strong. tk care… ALL THE BEST……………..
Nivedita says:
Hey Raj and Subha…
Subha, how many times to tell you that THE ONLY SOLUTION is to make up your mind.. no point talking of your parents dear… understand!!! Please… I can completely relate to what you are going through and how frustrating it can be.. but you have to.. either go for it or give up! Please don’t get into this mode coz if you do, trust me, it is really difficult to get out of this. JUST BE CALM… Remember that the decision is in YOUR hands… Atleast you are not helpless… Stay calm.. have faith.. we are all with you…
Raj… Of course, I’d like to know you better, but I dont have your e-mail id.. You too Subha..
And guys.. moving on is tough… I miss him terribly… Part of that magical feeling called love, I guess. What say, Raj? How the hell did you manage when you broke up? This is really tough!
Nivedita says:
I am studying Subha… final year.. sem exams starting on the 12th… May not be able to catch up with u guys regularly till the 19th…
Raj says:
Hi Nivi
I knw its tough but life has to go on..as i said its a mutual decision, so v knw wat v r doing and wat the effect it wil hv on us in the future and v r very clear abt tat..even though v hv our difficulties, v also cared for each other happiness, the guts and self determination to overcome tat..i knw its easy to say but tough to follow..time wil heal r give strength to tackle all this..so stay focussed..
dont worry u wil also wil overcome all this..jst conc on ur studies and ur future wil take care of itself..
My mail Id is Mohunnraj@gmail.com
Take care
sweetu says:
Hi Nivi
all the best for exam
subha says:
Hey guys thanks for ur words. I donno hw far ill b able to decide. Coz my heart says i wanna marry with my parents blessings and i cant see any way to convince my highly stubborn parents
Anyways.. Nivi.. Do well in ur exams..
Nivi.. if u remember i told u that this guy is nt 1st in my life.. my 1st love was a failure. N i overcme that thou it took long time.. I cant tell u hw i overcame that in this open forum coz thats a complete gal’s talk
gimme ur mail id (only if u want to) n i shall rite to u.. im sure u’ll also feel motivated when u hear that 4m me..
hey nivi/raj/sweetu.. when’s ur bday..
Nivedita says:
thanks all…
Raj, u know how many times I’ve heard ‘Life has to move on’ from so many people in the last few days!!!:)
Subha, I want to give u my id but prob is that i dunno if it is secure to do that on this forum..
Nivedita says:
Guys…
PLEASE CALL ME NIV!!!!!!!
Raj says:
Hi Nivi..
Wat else u expect frm ppl here to say apart frm tat “LIfe has to move on” to ppl who r unable to cope up with their life and those who r really struggling to thk anythg other their than there love..
Life is not going to stop here alone..u didnt explore ur life fully..there r so many thgs in this world to explore, jst open ur eyes, tats the need of the hour..
So i suggest to all ppl here, dont give false suggestion and opinions which wil ruine ppl life..i sincerely request to take life seriously and its not movie where there wil alw b happy ending..its real life so ups and downs, success and failure, happiness and disappointments all r part of it..so jst learn to take each and every thg which life gives to u and go ahead wit ur life…
All the very best..I thk i didnt say anythg wrong here to hurt anybody..keep smiling and makes others smile if possible..
Raj…
subha says:
Hey Niv… Raj has given his id na.. so u rite to raj.. ill also rite to raj.. n he’ll give us each other’s mail id.. hws idea
Hey raj.. im sure its ok wid u..
Raj says:
Hi Subha
No issues ……….I wil do tat for u ppl…..Hv fun..
Nivedita says:
Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaajjjjj!!!!
Oh my god! When did I say that people shouldn’t say, ‘Life has to move on’??? I only said that everybody is saying that.. thats all… u chill:) I wont ruin my life.. I have taken your advice very seriously..
U know what.. this whole life has to move on thing.. the point really is that life moves on whether you want to or not:) time never stops for anyone…
The only thing is that certain things happen and the way in which they happen affects you forever… they teach you lessons.. you reflect on your mistakes.. sometimes u learn from it.. sometimes u dont but nevertheless.. life, obviously moves on..
As I have told u guys I was in this relationship for 6 years. If I am still studying, u can imagine how young I am and how young I was when it all started. I literally grew up with this relationship.. He was not just my lover.. He was my best friend, my guide.. I dont know what I meant to him or if I ever meant anything to him.. but my world certainly did revolve around him more because of the friendship…. I was in the habit of talking to him all the time and telling him every small thing… I trusted him like I probably wont trust anyone anymore…
On the one hand is the loss… the loss of a relationship that was very dear to me, very very close to my heart… on the other of course is the feeling that I gave it too much and got nothing other than hurt in return..I miss him.. I miss him very much very much, I miss him every moment with the knowledge that we are so apart from each other now that our paths are different. But that does not mean that life is stalled…
I guess the death of a relationship is like the death of anything else… you are shocked, you dont accept, you accept and you grieve and when you cant grieve anymore… life moves on… without whatever it is that you’ve lost…
You dont forget someone or something… You just get into the habit of being with or without that someone or something…
subha says:
Hey niv.. wot u ve expressed here is so damn true.. In past i ve also been thru somethin similar.. n im scared to face it again… i can really feel the pain that u must b goin thru.. But the bitter truth is life will move on and we have no other choice than to move with life n it depends on us hw v move with it or v dont…
Hey Raj.. u agree?… u better agree to dis
Raj says:
Hi Subha
Ofcourse i agree to wat u hv said subha…
Life has has move on, there is no use is jst sticking to the past, wen its of no use and worthless..
Fogiveness and forgetting, if this two thgs r not there, then life is miserable..
Nivedita says:
Forget.. I cant. I don’t think anyone can or does.. Forgive… In my situation, I don’t know who has to forgive whom..
You know what I think… Like they say, Time may heal the wounds.. but some wounds leave scars.. Scars don’t heal… They remain.. FOREVER..
I guess some experiences put life into perspective… They make you open your eyes to reality.. I think I had to go through this to know where I stand.. What I mean to the people around me.. who cares, who doesn’t.. who loves, who doesn’t..
Nevertheless, I know that I have to go through this alone.. because only I know what the absolute truth is.. only I stand in a position to see the light, because no matter how much I explain anything to anyone they obviously can’t put themselves in my shoes..
The biggest lesson I’ve learnt through all of this is that when you have blind faith in someone… and that someone betrays that faith in an unimaginable manner.. when that someone doesn’t even care.. when that someone treats you like you are no one.. it hurts and it is one of the worse things that can possibly happen to anyone and at times, you may not even believe that it has actually happened…
That is why, please all of you who are reading this, be careful before you trust a person. Trust yourself more than anyone… Use your head, even in matters of the heart, is all I can say:)
Nivedita says:
And Raj…
You never reply to my posts which are addressed to you. You are so mean!:)
Nivedita says:
Subha…
How are things going with you? Any progress?
Raj says:
Hi Nivi
I dont knw which of ur post I didnt reply tooo…
Anyhw I am sorry for tat….
I knw its really tough/Impossible to forget or forgive, but as u said time wil heal all ur pain…
But u knw by saying tat wat it means….by time u wil tend to concentrate on other thgs in life, and slowly u wont hv time to thk of ur past and ur focus wil b on thgs which makes u happy and strong and over time u wil knw its not worth thking of ppl who betrayed u and its better to carry on with life rather than thking abt them and spoiling ur life..and obviously this is wat i meant (forget and forgiveness)..hope u agree with me on this NIVI…..
Nivedita says:
Yes Raj… I agree.. It is stupid to think of people who betrayed you.. Just hoping life brings me happiness with the same force with which it has brought grief…
Hey I was just thinking that we are usurping Megha’s site by using it for communication:) Earlier, it was questions from people and answers from Megha… And now we are using this for talking almost on a day-to-day basis and Megha is not talking only:)
Subhs… where u? whats happening?
And Raj u were supposed to help Subha and me exchange ids remember?
Raj says:
Hi Nivi…
Ur rite Nivi..now a days v use this site for our communication..anyhw its nice to share our views and get feed back frm ppl and developing a nice friendship..
I have already said tat i hv no issues in helping u and subha..but i didnt get any msg frm subha…once i get her msg i wil forward tat to u…
THen Nivi hw u did ur exams…
subha says:
hey guys… I was bit held up wid work.. Im doin gr8.. no progress in my life thou
N sorry.. yes i ve to rite mail.. prob is; in office i cant access my personal mails n at home tensions stand at the door to welcome me.. I shall surely rite to u raj…
subha says:
Im glad i can access dis site atleast 4m office
Nivedita says:
Exams:) I wrote them… Thats all I know… The rest I’ll tell you when I get my results:)
Megha says:
Nivedita – Yes i dont reply .. but i do read you guys everyday .. after all you guys are at my home.. i have to take care of yours….
so…. i do read what you all write….
and i dont reply because –
1 – i have become bit busy with work … and
2 – i am liking seeing you guys being friends …
so i am just not coming in between…
anyways getting back to work now …
and wish you all Marry Christmas … i wish Santa brings all that you wish for ….. specially that lost Smile ….
anu says:
hi megha
it ws realy a very heart touching blog.all parents do the same thing but to their daughters mostly. u know i ws not having any affair bt my mom calle one of collegue to home (for my marriage’s proposal)as i used to praise him at home.That guy is kumhar nd we r brahmins.My mom asked him to tel lie to my father that he is brahmin/khatri so as to make my father ready for our marriage.but he told my mother that he wont say any lie.My mother asked me to convince my father as i also like him.she even said k tum dono papa ko bolo k we r in luv wid ech other but on other hand my mother started saying to my father to reject this proposal coz she she dont want to take any blame on her head.ab hum dono r serious abt our relationship and nw na to mom maan rahe hain nd na papa.
um not getting k agar mom ne ye game hi khelna tha to hamare sath aisa kyu kiyA? EK SAAL SE UPAR HO GYA IS BAAT KO SHURU HUYE….Nw mom is searching a guy for me….maa ye sab kare to bacha kis par trust kare yar…sab se close relationship hota hai mother and child ka….kya muje bhi time dena chaiye apne parents ko…?
Megha says:
Anu… this case is weird …
if you were not in any relation with this guy why did you say yes for marriage when your mom started this thing …. and why did that guy come at your place when you mom called him ? … you and this guy must have stopped this whole thing on the first day itself …
and how did it got dragged to 1 year ? .. if you both are just friends .. why are you worried about your parents not accepting him ? …
and if you like him and he does the same too … thn i feel you must speak to your father and tell him the whole thing about how your mom started this thing and now this is the situation ….
i am still wondering .. if you both never had any relation .. thn why did you let this thing go on and on .. and why are you worried ….. what for ?
Nivedita says:
Happy new year all:)
sweetu says:
wish u all very happy n prosporeus new year.
subha says:
Wish U all a very happy new year! Hope this year brings joy in all our lives.
Have a Gr8 Year ahead!!!!!!!!
Megha says:
Happy New Year guys …
Nivedita says:
Subha and Raj,
Where r you guys? Forgotten your new friends in the new year or what?:)
Raj says:
Hi Nivi and Subha
Happy New Year…Hope this year brings lots of joy to u and ur family…Hv a nice year ahead…take care
Sorry for wishing u ppl late..
Nivedita says:
Thanks Raj… Happy New Year to you too:) Have a wonderful year!
Raj says:
HI Nivi..
THen wats up..any spl news frm ur side…and u said u wil b coming online..jst put a comment here b4 u come online as i said i wil not b online, only aft ur comment in this blog i wil come online..k catch soonnnnnn
Nivedita says:
i am online now
subha says:
Hi Nivi/Raj.. Ver happy new year to both of u.
sorry I was very sad. Donno hw to solve my probs. Im goin insane. Raj i don find time to rite to u at home so ill mail u from my office id nw. N pls share Niv’s id wid me (as discussed
]
take care
subha says:
Raj i ve written u mail. do respond
Raj says:
Hi Nivi
sorry i cant come online wen u msged as i went for lunch..I thk this s the second sorry Iam saying u this year and wil c tat it wil b final one…catch u online..but do blog first..
Hi subha
I got ur mail wil mail u nivi ID ASAP….this new year wil bring all happiness to u dont worry..jst stick to ur thoughts everythg wil fall in its place soon…if possible u can also come online..it wil b easy for me to say nivi ID, as i cant mail u frm office..
Rohit says:
HI…Seriously why we are still surrounded with 1000 years old rules?? in 1st place in india why we have so many cast? cant we just be indians?? or Bhartiy?
My girl friend and me are living a silence relation for last 4 years..once her father came to know about it, and he stopped her education and meeting friends, after around an year they started her education by correspondence…but other wise she is still housearrested…it’s just when goes to class we get chance for 5 – 10mins…we meet only once in 2/3 months…intially it was even worse, we have been meeting once in 6-8 months….
this is happening for last 4 years, but now getting very difficult
we wanna get married, but dont knw how we will convice them…she feels they will get conviced…i want her faith to be true and support her till she is satisfied with her affort & succesfull
but now we feel 4 years is really a big time…
co- incidently even my name is ROHIT…AND SHE IS MY SWEETY..sweetest person i ever have met in my life..
i hope , ur rohit & sweety are married and happy now…
uma says:
hi ,nice blog megha…..i m suffering from the same situation .i m agrawal and the person to whom i want to marry is not of my cast …….well i don’t knw what will happen …my cousin sis had got marry to non-agrawal and my parents always cause her .. so i m bit scared now ….
i hope rohit and sweety get maaried and help to change samaj thinking against love marriage
Ashwini says:
Your Comment…
subha says:
Hi Niv/Raj.. wer u guys…
subha says:
Uma.. main bhi agarwal hun yaar.. mera tho bf south indian hai.. u r my friend.. tu kaha se hai.. main blore se hun
subha says:
Rohit/Uma.. if u guys read further.. u’ll get ur answers if rohit n sweety r married… They did get married..
subha says:
Uma apne agarwal log bahot zyada people oriented log hai yaar.. pata nai society se unhe kya milega jo hum nai de sakhte
Raj says:
Hi Subha..
hw r thgs for u..was little busy with my work..any spl thgs happening in ur life..
subha says:
Hi raj.. ya very spl.. my dad n mom r tensed thruout d day.. they keep running behind pandits and looking out for guys.. they manage to search min of 3 guys on daily basis. So im very tensed as usual.. i donno wot’ll happen wid this life of mine. I only hear bad news from all corners of the world arnd me..
Hw r u.. n u were suppose to gimme Niv’s mail id.. Im still waiting for dat
Raj says:
Hi Subha
Mails r blocked at my off yaar…i can use some social sites frm wer i can come online..tats wat i told Nivi also..so u mail me ur mail ID (gmail or yahoo) i wil send the Nivi ID to u via tat..is tat fine for both u and nivi…
Nivedita says:
Hi Subha!
I am fine… My story is over so nothing left to post. That is why I haven’t been posting:)
Raj says:
HI Nivi
Wats up..aft tat no msg..any issues..Open up…
subha says:
Hey Nivi.. dats wrong.. u cant stop posting jus coz ur issues r over.. help us
Ya raj fine wid me.. ill send u my personal mail id.. i seldom chk my personal id. yesterday i saw it after long and deleted some 5k+ unread mails
Raj says:
Hi Subha
As i said b4 i cant access mail frm my off so I will not send via mail …will be sending via messenger..so chk ur offline msgs ok..
Nivedita says:
Hey Subha!
I am always there for you.. to help you..
subha says:
Raj.. im nt tech savy.. wer will i find dis offline msg.. wt will i ve to do 4 dat
subha says:
Hey Nivi/Raj.. wer u guys.. raj im still waiting for Niv’s mail id
Raj says:
HI Subha
I told u 2 send ur personal mail ID to my mail Id so tat i can add u on my chat list then i can send u nivi’s mail ID via tat chat..
Thgs r fine with me..hw abt u..so wats up no info abt u either..
subha says:
oh yes.. ill send u rite away.. n nothing good’s happening in my life.. looks like i ve already been married to problems
donno wer life will take me.. nw i ve come to kno in India y r gals killed when as soon they r born or y child marriages take place.. i ve bcome a burden on my parents.. they don wanna let me go to my bf n i don wanna marry any1 else. They r seeing all my pals n neighbour’s daughters (be it elder or younger to me) have been married. Im d only 1 left.. so u cn imagine orthodox indian parents.. they r having hardest time of their lives..
Im facing the rage n fury of my so called parents.. i see their dead faces as soon i reach home till im out of home. they ve stopped smiling.. god.. wonder y god encourages all this stupidity.. im really hating the world im living in coz of this dirty n filthy society.
Raj says:
Hi Subha
Ther is nothg different btw u and others who fall in love and stay in luv, except tat they r even finding the solution to tackle ther issues..
Every one can fall in love but sustaining and being in luv for ever is wat the ultimate thg…hv the guts to face the real issue r else jst get away frm all this and do according to ur parents wish..
My advise is jst stay calm and let the thgs to settle down a bit…i knw its very easy to advise and hw tough to follow..but patience s the key nw..hv faith in ur love and ur parents..definetely thgs wil fall in its place soon…
Some thgs which r happening may hurt u and bring lots of pain..but do understand ther is no gain without pain..so all this pain r temporary and this phase is jst to chk u and ur luv..u wil definetely reach ur ultimate goal if u hv tat tolerability and patience..
take care..
subha says:
Hey thanks raj.. U r rite. Its jus that sometimes i get really impatient.. its been 3 yrs im in same pain.. n pain jus increases day by day.. im jus praying things fall in place. N i ve sent u my personal mail id.
u too tc..
Raj says:
Hi subha
I hv mailed u nivi’s mail ID…hope u got my mail frm my off ID..hv fun and njy life…
subha says:
Hey Raj.. on which id ve u sent.. coz i jus chked by personal id but i haven yet recvd it..
Raj says:
HI Subha
I have mailed to ur off ID as welll as via messenger…i hv mailed frm off ID…
subha says:
Hey ya i got it raj.. I ve also written to niv.
Hey Nivi.. im waiting for ur reply…
Raj says:
Hi Nivi…
Wats up…busy with ur academics s it..
Nivedita says:
Hey no! I was away.. didn’t have access to the internet. Whats up with all of you?
Raj says:
Hi Nivi, subha
Wats up..y no msg for long time..r u ppl really busy with ur day to day activities r u both hving conversation via ur personal mail IDs…
I was out of station yaar, tats y i was not able to msg u ppl…
VIVEK says:
VERY NICE BLOG ITS A VERY DEEP TOUCHING
BUT STILL REMIAN CHANGE IN THIS 21ST CENTURY.
gopi says:
even i am also a prey this caste crap….my girl is from a different state and so the caste……and i am really in a very bad situation because both of us r mad about each other and we just dont know how we r going to convince our parents and make it happen…my only aim is to come back one day and post a comment that “i have succeeded in marrying her”….hope it happens one day…i really love her more than my life…..